by Tessa Afshar
Through the fog of my thoughts I heard Darius’s clipped voice, louder than usual, bark, “Careful!”
Before I had time to react, Arash’s solid little body crashed into my side as he ran past in some private game. He caught me unawares and I lost my balance, falling against Darius. He wrapped his arms around me in an instinctive gesture to steady me. Instead of letting me go as I regained my equilibrium, his arms tightened about me and pulled me all the way around until I was resting close against his chest. I looked up to find him staring at me with melting intensity. His hand trailed up my back. Slowly, he bent his head.
“What are you doing?” Arash asked, pulling on my skirt.
Darius dropped his arms. His mouth tipped up on one side. “Nothing to do with you, little brat. Go find your nursemaid.”
Arash sniffed, but obeyed.
“If that child were my father’s son, he would have learned better manners by now,” Darius said dryly and resumed walking.
I forced my feet to work again. I half expected my legs to tie into a knot, dropping me in front of my husband in a tangle of stumbling limbs. To my relief, everything seemed in normal working order. Even my brain. I said, “If he were your father’s son, he wouldn’t even see him for two more years.” It was a custom among Persian nobility not to present their sons to their fathers until the age of five. The idea was that should the child sicken or die, the father would be too heartbroken.
“My father does not believe in that particular custom. He insisted on seeing me the day I was born, and every day after, when he was not traveling. Even when I went to the palace for my formal training, he would sneak my mother in to visit me at least once a week.”
“Your family sounds wonderful. You must have been very close.”
“Yours wasn’t?”
“My mother died when I was seven. I think we were happy until then. But after that,” I said, shrugging. “My father didn’t know what to do with a girl child.”
“I’m sorry.” He threw me a sidelong glance. “We don’t know very much about each other, do we?”
“It’s not usually a requirement for marriage.”
He turned his head away. “I had hoped for something different.”
I wanted to ask him what he had hoped for. I wanted to apologize for ruining his dreams. I wanted to tell him that I too had wished for more. But before I had time to form any words, he changed the subject.
“I met with the man the king recommended. He shall do well as the new steward. I sent him ahead to Persepolis already.”
I tried to hide my disappointment and gave a polite nod.
“Before he left, I showed him Mandana’s receipts as well as the accounts belonging to Teispes’s brother. He confirmed all you said. I have sent the records to the royal judge for his consideration. Teispes’s fate bodes ill. If he had only committed one crime, he might find himself exiled or imprisoned. But he is guilty of too many infractions of the law. Theft, corruption, attempted murder. He shall lose his life for his crimes.”
“He is guilty of much wrong. Still, I cannot help but pity him.”
Darius nodded, then slowed his steps until we came to a halt. “Damaspia tells me that there was a time when you helped her, also. She says you saved her from a dangerous plot to ruin her reputation and bring enmity between her and the queen mother. I understand you went to Amestris herself and convinced her of Damaspia’s innocence. That must have been an unforgettable experience.”
“Let’s just say Teispes is a bunny rabbit compared to Amestris.”
“Yes, but you were in his clutches longer, and he had more power over you. This is my fault, Sarah. I ask your pardon.”
I swallowed past the knot in my throat. “No pardon needed. I confess, before your return, I thought you negligent of your duties. But after I saw how much you cared for your servants, and how Teispes had deceived you, I stopped holding you responsible. You did not know.”
“And that’s the point. Whereas you did find out, and helped my people where you could.” He pulled a hand through his dark hair. “Damaspia tells me that is why she arranged our marriage—to thank you for your service. She assures me that you were not the instigator of our nuptials, and neither was your cousin, the cupbearer, but that she herself was behind it from the start. Why did you never tell me? I would have believed you if I had known the circumstances.”
I made a point of studying my shoe. “It was not my affair to discuss. It was Her Majesty’s business.”
“Damaspia said you were circumspect. Our wedding—that was your plot to break off the marriage? You thought that seeing you, I would renege on the contract?”
My head jerked up. “You royals must all undergo the same training. That is exactly what Damaspia accused me of at first, and it’s not true!”
Darius straightened until his back grew rigid. Through tight lips he said, “Sarah, we have a chance for a new start. Let us begin with honesty. I have failed you; I own it. I accept responsibility for my part in this disaster. Do the same. Confess your wrong, and I shall forgive you as you forgave me. Let us have truth between us since we have so little else.”
Here we were again. He believed half my story, at least. But the other half still stuck in his throat, and he could not swallow it. I blew my cheeks. “I do confess my wrong, my lord. That night, in my misery, I thought only of myself.”
He nodded his head, encouraging me to go on. I didn’t have much more to tell. I couldn’t lie merely to please him.
“Because of my selfishness, I gave no thought to you or anyone else as I prepared. It never occurred to me how my actions would harm you. I did not design to demean you on purpose, my lord, in order to be released of our contract. But I was so focused on my own feelings that I forgot about God and about everyone else. And I sought no help when I should have.”
Darius clenched his teeth. Softly he said, “Still, you lie? As you did to the queen’s maidservants when they came to prepare you for your wedding? You look me in the eye and lie?”
I could feel myself turning scarlet. “I did lie that day. But I’m telling you the truth now.”
“I tell you, I understand why you did it. Confess it, and I will forgive you. Can’t you see that if you lie about one thing, then I must assume that you will lie about others? I’ll never be able to fully trust you.”
What a web of irony he wove about me. In order to make him believe that I did not lie, I had to lie. I shook my head, dumb with misery. My husband turned his back and began to stride toward the palace. I waited a few moments before following him at a plodding pace. Would this chasm of misunderstanding and lack of trust between us never be bridged?
The king had invited Darius to spend the evening at his table. By the time I arrived at our apartment, he had disappeared into the palace bathhouse and must have left for the king’s quarters directly from there, for I saw no sign of him. Having no invitations of my own, I spent another evening alone.
Since I had traveled to Ecbatana on horseback, I had been able to bring no more than three outfits in addition to my riding clothes. The rest of my garments clattered in a cart somewhere on the king’s highway between Ecbatana and Persepolis. Our baggage train would not arrive for several days. I decided to count having so few engagements as a blessing. At least there was no one to remark on the limitedness of my wardrobe. Or the coldness of my husband.
I missed Caspian and felt lonely for my friends. It had been twelve days since I saw them. Eight more days, and I would at least have Pari with me.
The next morning I awoke to an invitation from the queen to go riding with her and her retinue. I donned my riding habit, and dispatched a palace servant to have Kidaris saddled. To my relief, I found I had not forgotten Darius’s riding instructions. My body, now recovered from the grueling journey, settled in the saddle with ease. I joined Damaspia and her ladies and found she intended to ride into the hilly countryside surrounding Ecbatana. We were to picnic in the lush woods beyond the city gates.<
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Most of Damaspia’s ladies already knew each other and spent the early part of our journey chatting pleasantly as they navigated the dusty roads two abreast. Content to ride in silence, I was taken aback when Damaspia led her horse to join me. She signaled for us to slow down. When we were some distance from the others, she said, “Your husband has requested separate rooms from you for the remainder of his stay at Ecbatana.”
“I see.”
“I thought you were dealing well together.”
“He is convinced, once again, that I’m lying to him and says he cannot trust me.”
The queen frowned. “I refused his requisition. And the king won’t give him permission to move out of the palace.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to let him go, Your Majesty? He’s only liable to grow more riled if you force him to stay with me.”
“Perhaps you’re right. I shall give him time to calm himself, and if he does not change his mind, then I will move you to the women’s quarters.”
We rode through the seven gates of Ecbatana at a sedate pace, the queen’s guards following us from a respectful distance. Damaspia’s revelation weighed on my mind. With depressed certainty I came to the conclusion that Darius would abandon me in one of his residences and lead his life apart from me. Then I remembered how far I had come from the girl at court whose world fell apart because she had lost her post. I had many resources now, to see me through this heartbreak. I had the Lord. I had my friends. I had the truth. I would survive.
When we crossed the last gate, Damaspia picked up the pace of the ride, and with good-natured laughter, her ladies began a haphazard race. I followed at a more sedate pace, not in the humor for their laughter or for chasing after the wind. At the edge of the road I caught sight of a boy. I turned to study him and was surprised when he waved at me to stop.
He was nine or ten, a dark-eyed boy with tousled hair and dirty hands. He was clearly a peasant child, out on some errand. I brought Kidaris to a gentle stop near him.
“My lady, there’s a man what wishes to see you. He’s back there.” He pointed with his thumb into the woods.
“Who is it?”
“He didn’t say, lady. He just pointed at you and told me to fetch you to him.”
I narrowed my eyes against the sun as I looked toward the trees. It occurred to me that perhaps it was Darius. What other man did I know in Ecbatana? Although I could not fathom why my aggrieved husband would want to meet with me in the woods when he had easy access to me in our rooms, I figured he would explain himself when he saw me.
The boy, having delivered his message, moved on down the road, back toward the palace. I realized that by lingering behind, I had put a substantial distance between my companions and me. Loathe to keep Darius waiting, I ignored the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, and led Kidaris into the woods.
“My lord?” I called out, as I entered a shaded glade.
With disconcerting speed a man jumped before me. I recognized the dark hair, now wild and dirty, the narrowed eyes, the long jaw. “Teispes!”
He grabbed Kidaris’s reins before I could react. I tried to jerk them out of his hold and kicked the horse’s side, signaling her to gallop away. Just as Kidaris bolted, a strong hand grasped the back of my tunic and pulled me down. I fell on the ground with a heavy thud. My head hit a stone jutting out of the moss-covered forest bed. Its hard impact made me dizzy and nauseated so that I could not move for some moments. Before I had full command of my senses, Teispes pulled me roughly to my feet.
I lifted a trembling hand to the side of my head. My fingers came away wet with blood. I tried to clear my mind. “What are you doing here?” I croaked, disbelief and pain making my voice tremble. I thought of screaming, but the queen and her guard would be far from hearing distance by now.
His grip tightened viciously on my arm. “Why, I came for you. You ruined my life, so I thought I would return the favor.” I gasped and began to fight him. He slammed me against a tree. The rough bark must have scraped off half the skin from my back. I went limp in his arms.
I realized that I was too weak to stand a chance against his rage by means of physical struggle. Dizzy from my fall and loss of blood, I could hardly think straight, let alone overcome a wily criminal. Yet my one chance of surviving this nightmare was to best Teispes with my wits.
Before I could think of anything resembling a plan, Teispes pressed me into the tree so hard, the breath was knocked out of me. My knees began to buckle.
“Please,” I croaked. “Stop!”
“What? Does that hurt? How thoughtless of me.” He stepped away enough to allow me a moment of recovery. I realized that he had enjoyed my pleading and wondered if I could use that against him.
Gulping, I asked, “How did you get away?”
His smile was self-satisfied. “Not every man in Persia is above a good bribe. When I escaped, I went to Aspasia first. But she had left, thanks to you. You drove her away from me. Then I came to Ecbatana to find my brother, only to discover your dear husband had him confined in chains. All my riches are gone. Everything I had worked so hard for disappeared because of you. So I decided to pay you a visit before I moved on to a more pleasant part of the empire.”
“It was clever of you to find me.”
“I knew you were in Ecbatana. But I didn’t think it wise to enter the city. Your husband will have heard of my escape by now, and will be on his guard. So I decided to camp in the woods, knowing sooner or later you would rouse yourself out of the palace. I am a patient man. And justice was on my side, for no sooner had I spied you in the queen’s train, than the peasant boy happened to walk by, and for a piece of bread, agreed to fetch you to me. You were so obliging to loll behind the others, out of earshot and the help of the palace guards.”
“You always were a step ahead of me.”
“How kind of you to notice. If it weren’t for Darius coming home so precipitously, I would have rid myself of you and your meddling.”
I thought of Caspian and ground my teeth. Trying to keep all emotion out of my voice, I asked, “Where do you plan to go now?”
He laughed. His teeth were dirty, like the rest of him. “Do you think to win me over with friendly conversation? You should have tried that in Persepolis. It’s too late now.” He pulled out a knife from its leather sheath at his side and pointed the blade at my face. “My only regret is that in killing you, I will be doing Darius a favor.”
“Allow me to disabuse you of that notion.”
Darius! Both Teispes and I turned toward him in shock. He was on foot, which explained why neither of us had heard his approach, and stood facing us from the other side of the glade. In one hand he held a bow, a black-tipped arrow already notched, pointed at the ground. “Let my wife go, Teispes.”
With a vicious move, Teispes pulled me in front of him like a shield. He pointed his knife dead against my heart. “Move if you want her dead.”
“If you put one scratch on her, I will tear you apart,” Darius said. The hair on my arms stood at the menace that dripped from his voice. “Let her go. This is between us.”
Teispes pushed the knife harder into my chest. I grit my teeth as its point pierced my flesh. “So you really do care for her.” His smile was twisted. “That’s good.” He looked about him wildly. “I’m going to get on my horse now and I’m taking her with me. If you want her alive, you will give your word not to follow. She’ll come with me to ensure you keep your promise. At the first sight of pursuit, I will kill her, and with pleasure.”
Darius seemed as immobile as a statue to me. I could see his hand clenched on the notched arrow, held steady at his side. “My wife isn’t going anywhere with you, Teispes. Let her go.”
“So you can kill me? I don’t think so.”
The knife at my breast kept pressing harder. I bit my lip to keep from screaming, worried that I might distract Darius. Without warning, Teispes began walking backward, dragging me with him, still held before him like a shie
ld. From the corner of my eye, I saw his horse, tied to a tree.
For a moment, he loosened the knife away from my chest in order to pull us up on the horse, but as soon as he was settled in the saddle with me pressed against him, he shoved the point of his knife into my skin again until the fabric of my riding tunic was stained red with blood. It was a superficial wound, but it stung like a hundred bee stings. I tried to gulp down the panic that bubbled just beneath the surface of my mind. I knew if he managed to ride out of there with me, I would be dead within the hour. He was too filled with hatred to let me live.
“Sarah, hold still,” Darius said. His voice was calm. I remembered the day he had killed the lion, how true his aim was, and how by remaining immobile, my life had been spared. I held my body rigid. With a motion so fast I almost missed it, he raised his bow, took aim, and released the arrow.
Teispes screamed, his voice loud in my ear. I tried not to flinch as Darius’s arrow flew straight toward me. For once, being short was an advantage, for Teispes towered over me in the saddle. Desperately, he threw himself to the side, with me still clenched hard in his arms, but the arrow was too swift, and it caught him in the neck. His body continued in its sideway motion, pulling me with him. I flailed as I saw the ground coming toward me, trying to grasp hold of the horse’s mane. But Teispes’s weight pulled me down and for the second time that day I was toppled off a horse.
Time grew unnaturally slow; I became aware of Darius yelling my name and running toward us. I saw the thin blades of grass rushing up toward me. I noticed the black tip of Darius’s arrow protruding out of the side of Teispes’s neck, his face a frozen mask of horror. And then I hit the ground. I remember Teispes landing on top of me—remember the pressure of his body as he pressed upon me, his weight overwhelming in death. I became aware that his hand had become trapped under me, his knife still grasped in frozen fingers. My face was in the dirt. I could not move, but I could feel the knife, now buried in my flesh.