What had Ben gone through in his life, Merry wondered, to make him think he needed to convince the world he didn’t give a crap about anything?
In the stall, Java seemed to have worn himself out a bit. He kicked at the door, but it was half the strength and force of his previous loud protests. Ben glanced at his patient and flexed his long, dexterous fingers.
“I have to be unaffected,” he explained. “Horses are prey animals—their instincts make them sensitive to the slightest hint of danger. If I go in there angry and upset, Java will feel threatened … and with an animal like this, that could be very dangerous.”
“I get it,” Merry said around the lump in her throat. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”
“I’m sorry you have to talk to your mom about all this by yourself. If you wait, I’ll go with you.” He grimaced. “But I can’t swear I’ll be much help. I don’t do well with big emotional conversations.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think you’re doing okay.” Merry smiled at the look on Ben’s handsome face. Surprised and pleased—it suited him.
Giving an amused Sam Brennan a good-bye wave, Merry marched down the hall to beard her mother in her den, feeling more confident than ever that she was making the right decision.
Maybe a life with Ben wouldn’t always be easy or smooth—but it would certainly be interesting.
Chapter Eight
When she entered her mother’s office, the first thing Merry’s eyes went to was her baby’s playpen next to the battered old desk.
Alex lay on his back surrounded by plush toys, kicking his little legs—and as she watched, he gave a mighty wriggle and rolled over onto his stomach. She rushed across the room to get an up-close view of even more kicking, and some funny swimming motions his chubby arms made as they waved through the air.
“Look at my big boy! Did you see that, Mom? He rolled over on his own.”
Jo stood up from her desk and leaned over the playpen, a wide smile lighting her face. “What do you know! He’ll be crawling before we know it, and then we’ll have to watch out.”
Jo paused. “Or … I suppose not ‘we,’ but you and Ben will have to watch out.”
Merry swallowed. “Mom. I’m sorry you found out like that. I wanted to tell you, but it just happened, literally a few hours ago, and when you called with an emergency…”
“No, I get it,” Jo said, holding up her hands. “Don’t apologize. I was only surprised because … well, honestly, I didn’t think you and Ben had figured out that you like each other yet.”
Merry blinked. “What do you mean?”
Laughing a little, Jo sank back down into the swivel chair behind her desk. “You two have struck sparks off each other since the moment you met—but I was sure you were resisting the attraction.”
“Attraction!”
Jo frowned. “Yes,” she said slowly. “I … aren’t you attracted to him? You must be, to have agreed to marry him.”
“Well.” Merry palmed the back of her neck, not sure at all how to deal with this. “Look, there are lots of reasons people get married—love and romance and … attraction. That’s not all there is.”
Jo, who’d been married and divorced once, and was currently in an on-again, off-again long-term relationship with a man who desperately wanted to marry her, snorted softly. “Believe me, I know. Marriage is complicated. But honey, help me understand. What exactly is going on between you and Ben? I didn’t even know you were seeing each other, outside of his barn visits.”
“We weren’t,” Merry admitted, dropping into the rocking chair they’d set up in the corner for when Alex needed soothing during the day. Merry pushed off with her feet and listened for the rhythmic creak of the runners against the hardwood floor. Maybe she was the one who found it soothing. “But we’ve gotten to know each other a bit, and I think we want the same things for the future. Is it the romance of the ages? Not at all—but I don’t want that, and neither does he.”
Jo arched a brow. “Are you sure about that?”
“Very.” Merry was firm on this point. “I was totally clear with him. He knows I’m not in love with him, and he’s fine with that. And obviously he’s not in love with me, either.”
Jo had a weird look on her face, like she was suppressing a sneeze. Was she mad? Was she going to try to talk Merry out of it?
But as she filled her mother in on the rest of the details of the marriage negotiation, Merry remembered all the reasons she’d agreed to it in the first place. Riding the surge of confidence that she was doing the right thing, she finished with, “And the bottom line is that I believe Ben will be a good father to Alex. They’ve had a connection from the very first moment of Alex’s life—that has to mean something.”
“Maybe,” Jo conceded. Worry lines bracketed her mouth. “But Merry, what about your connection with Ben? Because I agree that not every relationship needs to be about attraction and romance—but sweetheart, I want that for you. You deserve that kind of happiness.”
Merry shook her head, rocking faster in instinctive denial. “That’s not what I’m looking for. In fact, that’s part of why I said yes to Ben. After all the men I’ve been with, all the failed relationships and terrible, stupid choices I’ve made when I was thinking with my body and my heart and not with my head—Ben is perfect for me. He’s safe. Because I’ve learned my lesson about letting my hormones rule my life. I’m going into this for the right reasons.”
“I understand where you’re coming from.” Jo appeared to be picking her words carefully, like one of the wild horses finding a path through the soft, squishy salt marsh. “And I don’t want to imply that you don’t know what’s best for you and Alex.”
“But?” Irritation sparked through Merry’s chest.
“But … honey, I’ve seen you with Ben. You didn’t flirt with him in an obvious way, but I always thought you felt more for him than you were letting on.”
“Well, I don’t. There’s nothing there except mutual respect and a shared desire to give Alex the best life possible. And that’s good enough for me.”
Even as she made her declaration, Merry was aware of a slight tickle of doubt. It was true that ever since giving birth to Alex, Merry’s thoughts hadn’t exactly been on sex. She’d even wondered if being a mother meant that she was simply over that kind of desire—and heaven knew, Merry was ready to move past that part of her life, which had never brought her anything but grief and pain … and Alex.
But in the back of her mind, a quiet voice reminded her of the wash of heat and jangling nerves when she looked at Ben, when their bodies brushed in the confines of his truck, or he bent close to tell her something. The way she felt about Ben wasn’t exactly safe. On some level—the deepest, most physical level, Merry did want him.
And Ben hadn’t exactly said he didn’t care about sex.
He’d said he wouldn’t push her. And then he’d challenged her to resist him. Then he’d leaned in, almost close enough for a kiss. And if their lips had touched right then, Merry was honest enough with herself to admit that she would have been lost in a haze of desire. Even now, her mouth tingled, almost aching for the feel of Ben’s kiss, and everything low in her body tightened in a rush of lust as sharp and undeniable as it was dangerous.
What if Dr. Ben Fairfax wasn’t as safe a choice as he seemed?
*
“Is this your first rescue exam?”
Ben slanted a glance at Sam Brennan’s calm, inquisitive expression. Nothing much seemed to ruffle the guy.
“We don’t see a lot of mistreatment of animals on the island,” Ben said. “It’s too small and close-knit a community.”
“Self-selected for horse lovers, too,” Sam observed. “Since everyone who lives here either grew up around wild horses or moved here knowing that the island doubles as a horse preserve.”
“True.” Ben certainly had. The island’s warm embrace and protective stance toward the bands of wild horses who roamed its shores had appealed stro
ngly to Ben. He’d needed that, when he first moved here with his grief and his failures still throbbing like open wounds. “I guess it’s not like that everywhere in the world.”
“Sanctuary Island is the exception to every rule,” Sam agreed, with a fond chuckle.
Ben noticed that Sam’s deep, resonant voice appeared to calm the stallion. Every time Sam spoke, Java’s long ears flicked in his direction. “You seem to know an awful lot about it, for someone who doesn’t live here,” Ben said, to keep the guy talking while he started his visual exam.
“I mentioned my cousin Penny. She moved here a while ago with her son. I’m sure you’ve met her—she waits tables at the Firefly Café.”
A vague picture of a sweet-faced young woman with masses of soft chestnut hair floated to the forefront of Ben’s brain. He pictured her in the sea-green cotton dress that was the waitress uniform at the Firefly Café, and it looked right. Familiar. “Sure,” he murmured, most of his brain focused on cataloguing the shivering stallion’s many symptoms. “Good pancakes.”
Intent on investigating the deep sway of Java’s back, the thick line of his spine pushing up against his hide, Ben moved slowly and carefully into the stall. Java hung his head and shuddered, worn out by his earlier tantrum.
“I’m more of a waffle man, myself,” Sam said, as low and soothing as if he understood the part his voice was playing in this exam.
He kept talking, a smooth patter of words Ben tuned out completely—some nonsense about his cousin getting married and how much his nephew had shot up in height over the summer—while Ben immersed himself in the cool, challenging world of diagnostics.
Dull coat, but that could be lack of attention and unwillingness to stand still for a hosing down. Ribs, spine, and hip bones all prominent, indicating malnutrition, but subject is potbellied, pointing to parasitic infection. Tapeworm possible, evidence fungal infection on hooves due to standing in wet, marshy pasture. Result? Deworming protocols necessary, including quarantine during treatment …
Ben was so involved in following the clues, he forgot that he was working on a severely traumatized animal that outweighed him by hundreds of pounds. Until the large doors at the end of the barn slid on their rollers and banged open, startling Java out of his exhausted stupor.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The slam of the door had Java jerking his hoof out of Ben’s hands. Ben, crouched low to get a close look at the state of the animal’s feet, moved to straighten up. But before he could, the hoof he’d been examining hurtled toward his face.
At the last second, he managed to turn his head. Pain exploded through his left temple in a sickening rush, the air all around him torn with screams of equine fury and shouts of warning—then the world went black and silent.
Ben came to as he was being dragged out of the stall, hands hooked under his arms and his heels scraping through loose hay and sawdust. Above him, Sam Brennan’s fiercely determined face swam through Ben’s field of vision as pounding feet and loud voices pierced the fog of pain clogging his brain.
He blinked, and when he opened his eyes once more, it wasn’t Brennan’s beard he encountered, but a confusingly upside-down view of Merry’s pale cheeks and wide, frightened eyes.
“Ben! You’re awake.”
“Of course I’m awake,” he grumbled, making a concerted effort to lift his head. Not a good idea. Ben let gravity have its way, only realizing his head was cradled in Merry’s lap when she pushed tentative fingers through his hair to find the bright, shocking center of pain beside his left eye.
“It’s okay, lie still. Mom is calling down to the dock to get an emergency water taxi to take you to Harbor General.”
Ben groaned, stomach flopping at the very idea of going out on one of the small powerboats locals used for quick trips back and forth to the mainland. “No, I don’t need it. I’m fine.”
This time when he moved to sit up, Merry helped him. “You got kicked in the head by a horse! You’re not fine.”
“It was a glancing blow,” Ben told her, blinking to focus his gaze on the circle of people standing around them. “I feel like Dorothy waking up after her dream of Oz. How long was I out?”
“Only a few minutes,” Merry admitted. “But you were fully unconscious. You need to go to the hospital.” Worry tightened her voice to a thin thread, and Ben felt something warm and precious uncurl in his belly.
“No hospital, no ferry, no water taxi.” Ben was as definitive as he could be, considering the fact that he was pretty sure he couldn’t stand under his own power yet.
“Why are you being so pigheaded about this?” Merry gave an exasperated huff.
“Oh, Benji specializes in pigheaded,” Jo said with a smirk that somehow managed to look fond. “He’s never taken a day off since he got to Sanctuary. Rain, snow, hurricane, a bad case of walking pneumonia—nothing stops Dr. Fairfax from making his rounds.”
“Somebody has to keep Sanctuary going. It’s not like there’s a long line of people clamoring for the job. Trust me, the minute we get another vet on the island to take care of the housepets, I’ll start taking time off.” Ben grimaced, subtly flexing his leg muscles to check how shaky they were. “And don’t call me Benji.”
“Well, if you won’t go to the hospital,” Merry said, standing up and dusting herself off, “I’ll just have to take care of you.”
Ben glanced up at her in alarm. “What, right now?”
She arched a brow and crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t worry, I won’t judge you for leaving your porn out or having stacks of empty beer cans around the place. I know it’s your bachelor pad.”
“Was my bachelor pad,” he corrected, just to see the disconcerted smile tip up the corners of her pink mouth. “And I’m not worried about you seeing my house. It’s perfectly presentable.”
Okay, not the complete truth. Ben was worried—but he was also not fool enough to pass up this golden opportunity to move his plans forward.
“Then it’s settled.” Merry sounded a little nervous, but the smile she sent her mother’s way didn’t show it at all. “Mom, my car is over at Ben’s office, and I guess I’ll need to pack a quick overnight bag, plus some things for Alex.”
Ben let his attention drift while Merry and her mother hashed out the details—who’d drive, how to pick up Merry’s car from the vet office, blah blah blah. He studied the other people who’d gathered around to gawk at the spectacle of Dr. Ben Fairfax laid out on his back with the beginnings of what promised to be a truly spectacular black eye.
Sam Brennan raised his brows in a silent acknowledgment of Ben’s good luck in landing a woman like Merry. Considering Sam’s heroic rescue efforts, and the fact that Merry was currently arguing with her mother about how long she’d be staying at Ben’s house, Ben felt magnanimous enough to nod a silent thanks up at the big guy.
Beside him was a tall kid who looked vaguely familiar, like everyone who lived on Sanctuary was familiar even if he’d never bothered to speak to them. From the way the kid looked up at Sam Brennan with hero worship in his eyes, and the similarity in their coloring, Ben deduced that this was the cousin’s son Brennan talked about earlier.
And beside the kid was Taylor McNamara, Jo’s right-hand helper at the barn. She was watching Brennan’s young relative with a naked interest that Ben was pretty sure would humiliate the crap out of her if he held up a mirror.
“Oh, wait. Merry, you and Alex can’t go stay at Ben’s house!” Jo said suddenly, jolting Ben out of his contemplation. “In all the excitement, I completely forgot. Your sister is coming home tonight!”
Ben’s heart sank. There went his plan to use this visit to ease Merry and Alex into living out at his farm. But Merry and her sister were crazy close; he’d seen the wistful look on Merry’s face when she got off the phone with Ella. There was no way Merry would want to miss Ella’s homecoming.
Damn it. If there was anyone alive who could talk Merry out of this whole modern-marriage-of-convenien
ce caper, it was her big sister.
Ben gritted his teeth and got his feet under him. He set his jaw against the sick, swirling pain in his head and stood up. “No worries. We’ll all hang out and welcome Ella and Grady back to the island together. I’ll bring the beer.”
Merry was there beside him in a flash, her slender arm sliding around his waist and steadying him. When he inhaled, he could smell the clean green-apple scent of her hair. “Careful,” she cautioned. “And also, don’t be crazy. We can see Ella and Grady tomorrow! You need to go home and rest.”
“Maybe Grady could stay with you,” Jo suggested, clearly still hung up on the idea of having both her girls under one roof again. Not that Ben could blame her. “That’s a best friend’s job, right, Ben?”
“No. That’s a fiancée’s job,” Merry said, and relief flooded through Ben. “I know Ella will understand that I can’t make it tonight. Tell her I’ll talk to her tomorrow?”
Hmm. Maybe Merry didn’t want to hear what her sister would have to say about this engagement, either.
Feeling more hopeful than he had in a long time, Ben allowed Merry to help him gather up his medical kit and write out prescriptions for Java’s care in a slightly shaky hand.
Merry and Alex were coming home with him. In spite of the ache in his head, nothing had ever felt more right.
Chapter Nine
It took way longer to actually get Ben moving toward home and rest than Merry wanted. First he insisted on being driven back to his office to call in his orders for the antibiotics and ointments he needed for Java’s treatment. Then there was the trip to Jo’s house to pack Alex’s diaper bag, his toy bag, and, oh yeah, a few changes of clothes for Merry.
Now they were finally all strapped into her car and trundling way out to the far end of Shoreline Drive. Her precious baby boy was bundled into his Snap ’N Go car seat behind Ben. Silent, stern-faced, sharp-tongued Ben Fairfax … the man she was going to marry.
Nerves prickled at her, but she shoved them down with the ease of many years of practice. She’d made her choice, and there was no point worrying about it now.
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