by Ann, Natalie
There weren’t appearances to keep up with Phil. He knew her as Kaitlin’s best friend. But as time went by, she looked at him as more than Kaitlin’s brother. And by then, he knew her for who she was and he liked that person. Or so she’d always believed.
He’d made her feel things she never felt with another man before. Freedom, freedom to not have to pretend to be someone else, to not care that she was herself. And that freedom had turned to love somewhere along the line.
“Phil, I’m so happy for you.” Sophia was drawn out of her thoughts with the appearance of Phil’s ex-girlfriend, Linda, approaching the table smiling brightly, tears in her eyes. “I always knew you and Alec would be successful. How have you been?” She inched in and hugged him, never giving him a chance to stand up, then placed a kiss on his lips.
“Linda,” Phil said, sounding rather terse. “I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight.”
“Once I saw that you were getting the award I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” She stopped to look around the table at Phil’s parents and Kaitlin, her smile never faltering, then her eyes landed on Sophia next to Phil, and a look of contempt crossed her face. “Sophia,” she said pleasantly, through a mask of hatred. “Are you visiting?”
“It’s nice to see you again, Linda. No, I relocated to the area last month for work.” Sophia could be nice…when she wanted to be. She really didn’t want to be right now, but this wasn’t about her.
“That’s wonderful,” Linda said politely, if rather coolly, then turned her attention to Kaitlin. “Kaitlin,” she all but screeched in excitement. “Congratulations on your pregnancy. I was so surprised when I heard. You must be thrilled.” She stretched forward and ran a hand over Kaitlin’s belly and Sophia fought back the urge to chuckle over Kaitlin’s cringe and forced look of happiness.
“Thank you. Ryan and I are thrilled to be parents,” Kaitlin said nicely, then turned her gaze to her mother who was watching with her own fake smile.
“Isabel,” Linda said next. “You must be so happy to finally become a grandmother. I know how much you wanted Phil and me to have children.” She waved her hand away before anyone had a chance to comment, but Sophia didn’t miss the red flush that came to Phil’s face. “I’ve missed everyone so much.” She blinked back a few more tears. “You have been like a second mother to me over the years.”
Isabel patted her hand, and said, “We’ve been good.” Sophia noticed how Isabel refused to say she had missed Linda, or acknowledge the grandchildren comment. Saying they’ve been good was more likely a double meaning, if the look Isabel was sending Phil was any indication.
Linda seemed clueless to the tension around the table and turned her eyes back to Phil. “I’ve missed you so much, honey. I know you’ve been busy lately and that’s why you haven’t returned my calls.”
Sophia’s eyebrow rose over that information. Phil caught her look but ignored her and addressed Linda instead. “I’ve been busy. But we’ve talked about this, Linda. Now isn’t the time either.”
More tears gathered and she grabbed his hand. “Is there somewhere we can go and talk, please?” she begged him.
“No. We’ve already talked enough, Linda. And now isn’t the time or the place,” he said more firmly. Sophia saw he was holding on to his frustration by a thread. Frankly, she couldn’t blame him either.
“Please, Phil.” More tears gathered, a few started to fall, causing a scene that everyone wanted to avoid. “I really need to talk to you.”
With his face set in stone, he stood up and threw his napkin down. “Excuse me. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He grabbed Linda’s arm and ushered her into the hall.
Sophia looked around the table at the mixture of reactions, her own heart pounding. Embarrassment for Phil and for the scene that Linda was causing. And regret, mixed with dread. Looked like she was going to be holding out longer than she suspected.
More Than You Think
Phil returned to the table less than two minutes later. Whatever he had to say had been short. His face was set, but he forced a smile, then addressed everyone at the table. “I’m sorry about that. It doesn’t seem to end.”
“Don’t worry about it,” William told his son. “We understand. You handled it well. You know we’re here if you need anything.”
“I’ve got it covered. It’s fine,” Phil said solemnly.
Sophia could see the embarrassment on his face, and she felt for him. She’d seen enough of her mother’s groveling in her life when Victoria wasn’t the one to end a relationship. It was pathetic.
Under the table, reaching over, she clasped his hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze. He looked at her briefly and she offered him a heartfelt glance. He returned her look, squeezed her hand and turned to Alec. “So now it’s your turn for an ex to make her way over and put on a show.”
Alec laughed. “Nah, I’ve never had a girlfriend long enough to worry about her missing me like that,” he said, causing everyone at the table to laugh.
Sophia excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. She needed a breath of air. Watching Phil deal with that awkward situation was very uncomfortable on more than one level for her.
Coming in contact with his ex after having slept with Phil was unpleasant. Not that anyone was aware that she and Phil had been together. But Sophia knew and she felt guilty over it just the same. She didn’t have anything to feel guilty about, she knew, since they were both single when it happened.
Except watching the frustration and underlying sadness in Phil bothered her more than she cared to say. She didn’t know what had happened between them. Whatever it was, Linda wasn’t letting go and Phil was hurting on some level. She hoped he wasn’t still in love with Linda. She didn’t think he was but couldn’t be positive.
“Hi.” She turned to find Phil standing in the hall when she walked out of the ladies’ room. “You okay?” he asked.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“That was a bit uncomfortable, to say the least. Not just for me, I’m assuming.”
She hated how he suspected the way she felt. Again, she wasn’t good about putting up walls or acts around him. She would have to remember that in the future. No walls left her vulnerable. “Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry she put a damper on your night.”
He extended a hand out toward her and dropped it down without touching her. “I’m not surprised. Or I should say I stopped being surprised at where she would show up.”
“Is she stalking you?” Sophia asked, alarmed.
“No. Not like that. It doesn’t matter. I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“I’m fine, Phil,” she said reassuring him. “I’m more concerned about the fact that you don’t look fine.”
He shrugged. “What are you going to do? She’ll move on eventually.”
“Will she?”
“She has to.” He shook his head as if to clear it. “I’ll walk you back.”
“If you need to talk, Phil, I’ve been told I’m a good listener,” she offered.
“I want to do more than talk with you, Sophia,” he said, holding her gaze.
“Phil…” She started to warn him, but he cut her off.
“No, not tonight. I’m not in the mood to argue with you.”
She grabbed his hand again, held onto it loosely, and said, “No arguing. Because you would lose, and I don’t want to have you get knocked down again tonight.” There was a teasing light in her eyes, a twitch of her lips, and he smiled in return, exactly what she was hoping for.
“Let me take you home tonight,” he said.
There went the playfulness. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s best to keep—”
He cut her off. “It’s too late to keep things separate. Don’t even try to pull that on me.”
She tilted her head to the side. She had never seen this side of him before. Bullheaded stubborn, and oddly enough, she found it attractive. A major no-no for someone she was tryi
ng to keep her distance from. She raised her eyebrows. “Really?” Too late she realized she issued a challenge.
“I don’t care about making a scene and dragging you out of here,” he said, a dangerous glint coming into his eyes, causing her blood to rush through her body like a freight train.
“I care though. And your parents are in the other room. Phil, we need to talk about this more.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.” She held her hand up when he started to speak. “I need space to process everything. And everything that happened tonight.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“More than you think,” she said and walked back to the table alone.
***
Phil let himself in his front door, shut and locked it behind him, and dropped his keys on the coffee table. Sitting down heavily on the couch, he ran his hands over his face.
When will it ever end, he wondered. Would he ever get what he longed for? What he’d wanted for so long?
Five years of his life wasted.
No, that wasn’t true, four years. That first year with Linda was good. Or so he thought. He had been close to thirty and was longing to settle down. He never let on he was itching for it, not at all. Especially when so many women were angling for the same thing.
But he wanted what his parents had, and he wasn’t settling for anything less.
Linda had appeared perfect for him at first. They had so much in common. They liked the same things, and she gave him space to be with his family and time alone—saying she enjoyed time with her friends just as much. Everything was going so well. Then a light bulb switched off after they’d been together for a year.
She began pressuring him to move into his house, and suddenly he had doubts. Maybe she wasn’t the one. If she was, why wasn’t he agreeing? He didn’t know why, but something held him back. That nagging feeling in the back of his brain telling him, “Not yet, don’t settle, there’s more out there.”
So he held off. And just like that, Linda started to change. She started to cling, started to give him less and less space. Her moods changed. She changed. She had always been so accommodating and so happy, but suddenly, if she didn’t get her way, she would snap. Get nasty. Not only to him, but to others around them.
The first occasion she snapped at him for not giving in and taking her on a vacation she so desperately wanted, he was shocked. Thought for sure he was imaging it all, but no, she wouldn’t stop. Next thing he knew, she was telling him he wasn’t paying enough attention to her and then accused him of seeing someone else. It was so unlike the person he had been with for a year. He was furious at the time and walked out the door.
The next day she called him before his alarm even went off that morning. He ignored it, like he had the next ten calls she made that hour. He needed to think, to clear his mind, and he wasn’t ready to talk to her. Fearful he would say something he would later regret.
Finally, sometime after the third voicemail message she left crying and pleading, begging him to forgive her, saying she was stressed at work and she didn’t mean it and it would never happen again, he finally called her back.
He listened to what she had to say and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then another chance, and things got better. For a short period. Until it started up again. The clinging and the accusations. Every time he backed away or stormed out, she’d call pleading with him.
He finally had enough and refused to fall back in the same trap again. He’d tried the gentle way with her. He’d tried to explain what was going on and what his issues were and the things that needed to change for him to stay. Each and every time she would change, for a short period, then lapse back.
So he broke it off with her in the middle of their second year. Only she told him she couldn’t live without him.
She threatened to harm herself and begged him again not to leave her. He couldn’t live with the guilt that he might have caused her to do something drastic like that.
Then she told him he wasn’t giving her a chance. That he had changed on her. Changed the rules and she was trying to catch up, but it was hard.
Uncertain why he fell for it, he gave her another chance. Things were good for another year and then once again, the problems started. Every time she accused him of not giving her a chance, he felt guilty. Guilty because maybe he wasn’t giving her everything he should.
Maybe his mind—and possibly his heart—was thinking of someone else farther away. Someone he wasn’t sure he could ever have but desperately craved.
His shame over those thoughts always forced him to give Linda another shot, no matter how much he told himself not to do it. He was a sucker and he knew it. He had no one to blame but himself.
No one knew what his relationship was like. Not even Alec, who knew everything about him. He couldn’t let anyone know what a fool he was and he couldn’t figure a way out of the vicious circle he was stuck in.
The mood swings, the accusations, and the lies continued. The lies were the worst.
Time just seemed to fly by. Maybe he was content, or maybe he was too absorbed in building Harper Construction with Alec—which was another guilt he had—taking time away from her. Either way, somehow it was four years later and he couldn’t do it anymore. It needed to stop.
So he told her he was done, it wasn’t working, and he needed to move on. Only this time her lie was bigger than ever before. And he couldn’t take the chance she wasn’t lying, because at that moment he really believed she was telling the truth—until he found out differently.
By this time, he’d lost too much of himself. Refusing to lose anymore, he finally cut his ties. He wasn’t going to let what happened before become another issue. There was nothing she could do to drag him back again. He finally learned his lesson and took a stand. It was over. Forever.
The last six months had been hard though, since he had ended things. She wouldn’t give up. Called him nonstop that first month, showed up at his office at odd times, saying she needed to see him, that she missed him. But he held firm. He wasn’t falling for it anymore. He couldn’t do it.
He was ready to move on with his life. She had played him all along and he’d been stupid for longer than he should have been. Longer than he cared to admit.
His family was worried. She would stop them occasionally, almost like she was following them places, and she would ask about him, ask about them. Give that false sense of sincerity that she really cared about him and his family. Trying to find her way back.
She’d never cared about anyone but herself though. Thankfully, no one in his family believed her, and for the millionth time he questioned why he’d been so stupid as to fall for her in the beginning.
Slowly the calls stopped, the text messages were fewer and fewer, and she seemed to get the message and move on. He hadn’t seen or heard a peep from her in two months, and he was happy. Finally truly happy. Planning and ready to move on with someone else. Somehow.
Sophia. She was going to make him work for it. He knew and was looking forward to it. But he hadn’t missed her concern tonight, pity almost. He didn’t want anyone’s pity, least of all hers.
And what did she mean by that statement at the end. What did Linda’s appearance have to do with her?
Laying his head on the back of the couch, he cursed his rotten luck. For five years he couldn’t have the woman he wanted because of Linda. Now Sophia was giving him cryptic messages leading him to believe that even though Linda was gone he still wouldn’t have her.
Sophia had a rude awaking if she actually believed that.
He told her he was done waiting and he meant it. She better be ready for him.
All of Me
Settling down on her couch and crossing her bare feet in front of her on the coffee table, Sophia breathed a sigh of relief. Tax season was officially over. Well, at least the deadline had passed over a week ago, but in her mind that week after the deadline was still considered tax season. Th
ere was still work to do, but the mad rush had stopped.
Content to relax, she was ready to catch up on the rest of her life that she lost during those first few months of every year. Starting with a glass of wine.
Taking a sip and savoring the taste on the tip of her tongue, then swallowing, she immediately took another. This was the best part of tax season for her. The end.
The loud bang caused her to sit upright, spilling half her glass on her jeans. Before she could stand up, more thumping followed.
“Crap,” she screeched, placed the glass down—losing more of the wine in the process—and took off running for the laundry room. Grabbing the glass lid of the washing machine, she went to lift it up, only to find it locked shut. The machine was clanging even louder and shifting on the floor.
Frantically she searched for the button, found the right one and pressed it. The thumping stopped, and once her towels stopped spinning, the lid unlocked.
Lifting it up, she reached in and found all the towels had somehow bunched up on one side, causing the machine to be off balance. Struggling, she pulled up the heavy cotton pieces, trying to separate them as best she could, and rearranged them evenly.
Positive she had done a good enough job, she put the lid back down, hit the start button again and watched the machine start to spin, then congratulated herself.
The minute she picked up her glass of wine, the thumping started again, only this time louder than before.
Dashing back to the laundry room, she saw the machine had moved a good three inches away from the wall. Swiftly, she pushed the button again—she knew where it was now—and watched the machine slow down and the lid unlock.
Seeing no way out of it, she pulled every single dripping wet towel out, dropped them in the basket—cursing at the sheer number there were—then one by one put them in as best she could to allow an equal weight distribution.
Once satisfied, she put the lid back down, pressed the button and stood there to make sure it wouldn’t start thumping again. After a minute or two, the machine was back to spinning quietly.