by Amy Noelle
“Because I more or less stalked you and interrupted a . . .” He shrugged. “Whatever that was with that guy. I wasn’t sorry at the time, but I thought about it and realized it was pretty rude of me.”
I kind of adored that he admitted he didn’t care at the time. He made me laugh, damn it, which was something I’d always liked in a man. “It wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t into that guy anyway.”
He muttered something under his breath before smiling at me. “I’m glad to hear it.”
Of course he was. Just like I was glad he hadn’t spent his weekend with one of the other million single women in Chicago who weren’t me. But it didn’t matter. “And if you hadn’t done that, Jen wouldn’t have met Ryan, so it was a good thing in the end.”
He shook his head. “Yeah, that was pretty amazing, the way he responded to her. He’s been divorced for about two years, and Jen’s the first girl he’s been interested in.”
“Divorced?” Clearly there were some things we hadn’t discussed on Saturday night.
He must not have liked my tone, because he flinched. “Yes. He married his high school sweetheart. She couldn’t deal with his job, and it ended.” He leaned forward. “He let Jen know, I swear it. They were on the phone for hours last night.”
Right. I felt myself relaxing a little. We’d all had relationships before. “Sorry. She’s just been hurt before, and I don’t want to see it happen again.”
He held up his hands. “Ryan’s a great guy, I promise you that. And he really likes Jen. He hasn’t stopped talking about her all weekend.” His dimples flashed with his sexy smile. “I could barely get in a word in edgewise.”
“I know what you mean,” I said, though I’d been relieved when Jen had distracted Kim and took the heat off me. I owed her one.
“Yeah? Did you have things to talk about?” He leaned back in his chair, and he tried to use those hypnotic eyes to see into my brain again. It was unnerving. If he knew what was in there, he’d probably run far away from my crazy. So maybe I should let him in.
I shrugged. “Not really.”
He smirked. “No? Nothing about a pushy coworker who encroached on your night?”
“You give yourself too much credit,” I said.
“Come on. You had fun, I know you did.”
That was an understatement. But it didn’t matter. “I enjoyed getting to know Ryan.” He raised an eyebrow, so I sighed and gave him more. “And it was good to learn more about you, I suppose. Since we’re working together and all.” It was important for both of us to remember that very vital fact.
“Yeah, I had fun hearing all about you. Who would have known you were such a troublemaker?”
I pouted. “I was not. My RA deserved it. I should have been able to drink on my birthday, even if I’d been underage. She didn’t have to report me. She could have given me a warning and said ‘happy birthday’ like a normal person would.” As revenge, I dressed all slutty and flirted and gave out her name and number to every guy at the Sig Ep bash. She’d gotten calls at all hours of the day and night for weeks.
He laughed. “This reiterates my plan never to cross you.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I do have the entire company’s e-mail addresses at the touch of my fingertips. Who knows what I could spread around about you?” I grinned.
A part of me wanted to send out an e-mail that he was gay to all the women he did, or would ever, work with, but I wouldn’t do it. I should tell Lisa, though, just to see the look on her face.
He smiled back. “I shudder to think about it, honestly.”
“As well you should. Maybe that’ll stop you next time you want to show up uninvited wherever I am.” Maybe threatening him was a good idea so I could nip this in the bud.
“Probably not,” he muttered, focused anywhere but on me.
“Josh . . .” I wasn’t really sure what I should say. When he looked up, I saw the intensity in his eyes, and it left me at a loss for words.
“I’m not sorry about what I told you. I think we should talk about it.”
Shit. My fingers itched to grab my phone and type CODE RED and fire it off to the girls. One of them would call and I could fake an emergency and get the hell out of here. But it would only delay the inevitable. Plus, they’d just yell at me and tell me to go for it, and I really wasn’t in the mood to hear that again.
“It’s not a good idea,” I said. There was desperation in my voice.
“What’s not? Talking about it or doing something about it?” he asked patiently.
“Both,” I said before I could stop myself. “If we talk about it, it’s real, and we can’t take it back. If we do something about it, well, then we’re both stupid.”
“Why?” He sat forward again. That gorgeous face of his was so close. It would be so easy to just take what I wanted, but I couldn’t.
“Because we work together!” Shit, I yelled that. I lowered my voice and said, “Because you know it’s a bad idea to get involved with a coworker. Because you live in New York and you’re only here temporarily. Take your pick.”
“Okay,” he said calmly.
“Okay?” Okay? I spew out very good reasons for not being with him, and he says “Okay”? Like it’s no big deal? “Why in the hell would you say that?”
He smiled and turned back to his computer. “I said ‘okay’ because those are valid reasons, and I’m not going to push you if you want to pretend this pull between us isn’t there.”
“Oh.”
There he was, typing away as if we hadn’t just mutually agreed nothing was going to happen between us. He was backing off like I wanted. That was a good thing. So why did it make me feel so sick to hear him say it? I shouldn’t be pissed off that he was willing to give up so easily.
Fine, then. I responded to a few more work e-mails and glanced his way. He wasn’t looking at me. He sort of half smiled as he looked at his computer monitor. Was he talking to some other girl already? Had he scratched me off the list and moved on to the next person? He was making me crazy, and I hated him. I hated myself. I hated work. I should quit and move back to my hometown. I could marry Tim Hopkins who’d always had a crush on me. I’d work in his parents’ grocery store. Life would be easy. And I would be bored and hate it.
I picked up my phone, which usually earned some kind of snarky comment from him, but he didn’t say a word. Bastard. I fired off a text to my friends.
Code Red no longer needed. My reasons for not being with him are valid and he doesn’t care.
I mean, he could have at least tried to talk me into going out or making out with him or something, to see if the pull was just attraction or something more, right? I wouldn’t have done it, but he could have made the effort and not shrugged me off without a care.
My phone dinged with an incoming text from Kim.
What in the hell did you do to discourage him so thoroughly?
Me? All I’d done was voice two objections, and he’d walked away without a thought. Why was I getting blamed? Obviously he wasn’t as into me as I was him. It was all some dalliance, some diversion to keep him busy until he went home to his real life.
He wanted to talk about it. I told him my concerns. He said “Okay!” Didn’t even try to talk me out of them.
Mandy’s incoming text consisted of one word.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.
I didn’t even answer her.
Ashley’s was rude.
Good. Are we done hearing about him, then?
Obviously. Since he wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t answer her either.
Bullshit. I saw how he looked at you. Talk to him.
Jen, of course, made me feel marginally better.
I did. He said my concerns made sense and went back to work like it was nothing. What in the hell?
Nobody confused me the way Joshua Daniels did. I was going to call him Joshua now, because as far as I was concerned, he was in trouble.
I don’t know. I do know he’s
into you. Maybe he saw how determined you were to be an idiot about it, so he’s leaving it alone, protecting his heart like you do yours.
That was possible, I supposed. But he could have at least said his piece. He’d never even told me what he thought but just accepted my opinion and moved on.
He still hadn’t looked my way, and I needed to get out of the room before I started screaming at him. I pushed away from my desk. “I’m going to get some water.” And I was going down the street to do it. I needed time. “Do you need anything?” I had to ask, since he brought me hot chocolate all the time.
“No, thanks,” he said absently, not sparing me a glance. I gritted my teeth and stood before grabbing my coat and purse and heading toward the door.
“Oh, Nicole?”
I turned and got pinned in his gaze again. “My parents met at work. My mom worked for my grandfather’s construction company. Dad took one look at her and knew he had to have her. They’ve been married for thirty-one years.”
I blinked, stunned.
“I like Chicago,” he said, “and it wouldn’t be hard to transfer here, if things worked out. Maybe you’d like to chew on that for a while and see where it takes you. Don’t worry. I won’t bring it up again. To use an analogy I think you might appreciate, you’re up to bat.”
He smiled and stared at me for a few more moments before turning back to his monitor. I pushed open the door and hurried out of the office while keeping my head down until I got outside. After taking a few great big gulps of air and trying to clear my head, I set my jaw and stormed down the block.
Chapter 13
To say the rest of the workday was awkward would be an understatement. At least from my point of view. Joshua went on blithely as if he hadn’t more or less just thrown down the gauntlet. He continued to explain each step of the Comet and showed me patiently, time and again, when I failed to understand. He never reacted to the not-so-accidental touch of our fingertips other than with a smile and, sometimes, a shrug thrown in for good measure. I was completely on edge and I wanted to both kiss and kick him by the time four o’clock rolled around.
We always wrapped around that time. Together, we’d do another read-through before I e-mailed the document to him. Then we’d sit and chat about nothing for about half an hour before he went to his desk and fired off the e-mail to Chris, his boss, and the Starfire people.
That didn’t happen today, though. As soon as we finished, he went back to his desk and left me to proof alone. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t even glance my way. I read alone and sent him the e-mail, which he acknowledged with a quick Got it, thanks.
I still had nearly an hour before work ended, and I had nothing to say or do since Joshua was being a jerk and giving me space, or whatever he was doing. Had I asked for space? No, I had not. All I’d done was tell him it wouldn’t work, and then he threw stuff about his parents and moving to Chicago at me. Was I supposed to just throw caution to the wind because it worked for them? We weren’t them. I wasn’t his mom. She was like Mrs. Perfect from what he’d said—the happy homemaker who’d successfully raised three children, been married for a billion years, and had dinner on the table every night at six thirty. That wasn’t me. I was Lean Cuisine and Hershey bars, and she was chicken cordon bleu and Black Forest cherry cake.
And now I wanted Black Forest cherry cake. The man was tying me up in knots and making me crave chocolate. I was going to be huge by the time he went back to New York, no longer wanting me because of my size and all the zits I’d acquired from my bad eating habits. Which was another shitty thing. Why did I get more pimples now than I did when I was an adolescent? Everything sucked when you got older. Why in the hell should I be in a hurry to be a real grown-up?
When you grew up, men like Joshua Daniels were there to tempt you at every turn. At one time I’d thought that was a good thing. Then Damian the demon came along and ruined me, well, pre-ruined me so Joshua could ruin me all the way.
What was he doing over there? He was focused on his monitor as his long fingers moved over the keys instead of caressing my hand, or my arm, or wherever he wanted to touch me.
Sighing, I took out my phone and fired off a mass text.
I hate men.
That about summed it up. Men did nothing but complicate my world. Even my male cats disrupted my life and acted up when they didn’t get their way.
Why’d you wait until I found a maybe guy before you came to that conclusion? I could have made that move on you like I’ve been dreaming about since the first time I saw you in your ratty Cardinals T-shirt.
Jen for the win. She made me smile, at least.
I looked sexy in that shirt, so you cannot be blamed. How’s your day?
I hoped it was better than mine. I was very much looking forward to getting the hell out of here. Forty minutes to go.
Not bad. Ryan called me on my lunch break.
Good for her. I was glad she was happy. Even if Ryan had bad taste in best friends, he clearly had good taste in women, except for his ex-wife I suppose.
Couldn’t wait until he got home? That’s a good sign.
I had a text waiting from Kim when I sent Jen’s off.
Yes, he’s such an ass for respecting your boundaries. Call HR and get him fired.
Sarcasm was so ugly when other people used it. I knew I shouldn’t have e-mailed them what he’d said about his parents. Of course it was being used against me.
And now I hate you, too. Stop being logical when I’m having a shitty day.
Clock check. Thirty minutes to go. I could smell him, even now, and I really wanted to go over to his desk, bury my nose in his neck, and burn his sexy scent into my memory.
My phone beeped with a message from Mandy. I hesitated before reading it. Would she piss me off again?
I hate men, too. How about we trade?
Ash was in some kind of meeting, so I didn’t expect to hear back from her.
Kim sent another message.
One of us needs to be logical. Jen’s head is in the clouds. Mandy’s too busy salivating over the guy that’s driving you nuts, and Ashley’s probably turned off her phone by now. You need me. And you love me. And I must love you because I keep talking to you even though you’re more than slightly insane.
Kim was right, I needed her. She was honest and, even if I wasn’t ready to deal with it, I needed to hear it. Though it would be nice if she’d just surprise me and be completely supportive, even if I was slightly insane. That wasn’t too much to ask.
Twenty minutes left, but I was done. I had a headache, Joshua wasn’t talking to me, and the day was almost over anyway. I sent a quick e-mail to Chris telling him I wasn’t feeling well, and a minute later he responded that I should go home and that our work today was great as always.
I stood and gathered my things, and Joshua finally deigned to look at me. “Leaving already?”
Like he didn’t know why. “Yes. I have a headache. A big one.” It was about six foot three and had hypnotic blue eyes and silky dark hair.
“I’m sorry.” He actually had the nerve to sound like he was. “I hope you feel better.”
“Yeah, thanks. Have a good night, Joshua.”
He didn’t fail to notice that as he flashed a grin. I turned my back before I ruined everything and smiled at his pompous self. “You, too, Nicole.”
I grunted and pushed open the door. Angela looked up, looked at the clock, and raised an eyebrow at me. I tried to smile. “Headache.”
“Poor thing.” She opened her handbag and came out with some aspirin. I took it and the bottle of water she thrust at me.
“Your eyes probably hurt from looking at that hot man all day,” Lisa said. I shot her a withering look without saying anything.
“Thanks, Angela. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Go home and lie down. You’ll feel better soon,” she said.
Yeah right. In about two months, or whenever Joshua took his leave and life coul
d get back to normal. That’s when I’d feel better. I waved at the gang and headed out the main office door. Just as I stepped into the hall, the door to the office across from ours opened and out stepped Derek. Great. He was the second-to-last person I wanted to see right now.
I usually avoided him at all costs, just to dodge the awkwardness of having to turn him down, but I’d come into work today with some thought as to seeing if Derek wanted to finally go out. I’d figured that since he was attractive—blond, six feet tall, with ice-blue eyes that edged into gray—maybe he’d succeed in driving Joshua out of my mind. Of course, that was before Joshua had driven me mad and confused me all day. Now I didn’t want to talk to Derek or Joshua or anyone with a penis, really.
“Nicole! It’s good to see you.” He smiled warmly, and I hid my impatience. Even if I didn’t want him today, I might want to try him out later, so I had to play nice.
“Hi, Derek, how are you?”
He leaned against the wall and beamed at me. “I’m good, now that you’re here.”
Oh yeah, that was another reason I didn’t go out with him. He was cheesy. And probably too nice for me. And boring. Did insurance agents go out and party? It didn’t seem likely.
I laughed weakly. “Well, I’m always here.”
“But I never see you,” he said, all smiles and good nature.
There was a reason for that, and I was reminded of it more every second I spent with him. I knew I was being a bitch. He’d done nothing wrong, other than being a man and not being the man that had gotten under my skin.
“Big project,” I said. “I’ve been holed up in a little office lately.”
“That’s too bad.” Not really. Only some of the time, like when my partner was punishing me, or whatever he’d done earlier.
“Well, it passes the time,” I said, all smiles and clichés.
“I hear that. We’ve been having a lot of meetings lately on some tweaks to the life insurance policy we’re pushing, and there are days when I wish I could hide in my office.”
Even hearing about his meetings bored me. At least they bored him, maybe. If I did go out with him, would he try to sell me life insurance over dinner? What if I choked on an olive and he had to use the Heimlich maneuver? Would he lecture me while he drove his fist into my chest and then try to sell me some overpriced package to counteract my carelessness? These were the things one had to consider when it came to speaking with insurance agents outside of the office.