by Amy Noelle
“What?”
He laughed at my no-doubt dumbfounded expression. “I had to find out right away if I’d be breaking any rules by pursuing you. And if you were taken. Chris was pretty surprised, but he told me, as far he knew, you were single, and as long as I conducted myself appropriately in the office, he didn’t have a problem with it.”
Bless Chris. I needed to get him a present, too. What was a tasteful “thank you for letting me screw my coworker” gift?
Josh waited for me to say something and when I didn’t, he continued. “I spent all week just trying to get to know you, to see if it was just physical attraction or if we had anything in common.” He smiled. “I knew you were into me because you jumped about a mile every time I touched you.”
Of course he noticed his effect on me. How had I missed mine on him? “Jerk. You could have just told me,” I said, scowling at him.
“And sent you running like you did this week? No, I wasn’t about to do that. Instead, I overheard your plans for that Saturday and told Ryan we were following you. He’s taken great joy out of giving me shit over my interest in you, by the way.”
I laughed. “That’s what friends are for. You should hear the stuff my friends have been saying.”
“I hope to,” he said and smiled as he played with my fingers. “When I saw you with that guy at the bar, well, I had to get rid of him. And then we had fun, right? We had our talk, and it felt like maybe we were on the same page.”
“It was fun. I was just scared.” It was my turn now. “When you more or less put it on the line on Monday, I panicked. I’m not good at this, you know?”
“Good at what?” He put his hand on my knee, and I tried to focus and not will him to move it north.
“Dating, men. I don’t do it.”
He stared at me like I’d announced I was going to shave my head and move to the moon. “You don’t date? How is that possible?”
Oh, God. “Cards on the table, right?” He nodded. His hand was so warm on my leg. I would much rather explore his touch than talk about my issues, but I knew I had to. Fair was fair. “I haven’t truly dated anyone since I was nineteen and in college. I told you a little bit about him at the bar, remember?”
“What did he do to you?” His eyes narrowed and he clenched his hand on my knee.
I patted it. “It’s fine. He didn’t hurt me physically or anything. He was gorgeous.” Josh looked displeased, and I laughed. “Nearly as handsome as you are, and I guess you could say he swept me off my feet. Damian was from Greece, and you combine the accent with the looks and the fact that I was just a kid who’d only had one boyfriend in high school I’d known all my life . . . I was a goner, you know?”
“I guess.”
“I gave him everything I had and thought we were something special.” I grimaced as I remembered running into him as he’d exited Mandy’s room. “Apparently he had something special with lots of girls, including one I’m very good friends with now. We bonded over his lies and betrayal.”
“That sucks, Nic. I’m sorry he hurt you.” He sounded so sweet, so sincere.
“It’s not your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s but his. I blamed myself for being stupid.” He opened his mouth, and I held up a hand. “The signs were there, I just didn’t see them. And instead of doing what a normal girl would do—suck it up and move on, or at least have a tasteful lesbian experience . . .” I laughed as he choked on his sip of beer. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“You’re mean,” he said.
“Yes. You already knew that from your stalking.” That got me a withering look, but I kind of loved it. “As I was saying, instead of just screwing him out of my system, I put up a wall so nobody could get in. And in the seven years that have passed, nobody’s come close to breaching it until you came along.” I twined our fingers together again. I loved the way our hands looked. “It terrified me, the way I wanted you.”
“I get that. I could tell there was something keeping you from me, I just didn’t know what. But, really? You haven’t dated anybody since that guy?”
He probably thought I was a born-again virgin. I glanced around, nervous that lightning might strike me down just for having that thought. “I haven’t dated like a normal person, no.” This was humiliating. But we’d said “cards on the table.” That meant all of them, even the crappy, useless jokers. I’d had lots of those in my life. “I would go out and hook up with nerdy guys who didn’t stand a chance of hurting me,” I said, looking at my lap so I wouldn’t see the disgust in his face.
“So that guy I saw you with at the bar . . .” I looked up, and he shook his head. “Really? You would have gotten together with him?”
“Before I met you, yeah, probably. That night? No. I’d hoped to drive you out of my mind, but there you were.”
He smiled. “I’m really glad I showed up, then.”
I had to do it. I pushed away that lock of hair that always fell into his eyes. It was as soft as it looked. I wanted to bury my face in it. “I wouldn’t have gone with him, even if you hadn’t shown up. You were there even when you weren’t.”
He smiled. “I need a haircut, I know.”
“Don’t you dare. I’ve been dying to get my hands on that piece of hair since the moment I saw you.”
“We should have laid our cards on the table earlier.”
“Maybe. But you know, that wall of mine, it’s not easy to scale. I needed time to wrap my head around the way you made me feel. It really does scare me.”
“I understand,” he said. “And I won’t push you. We can take our time and figure this out. Just don’t run away from me again.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Just don’t accept dates for me again.”
He held a hand to his heart. “Scout’s honor.”
“Were you one?” He could have been the poster boy for Boy Scouts.
“Hell, no,” he said, laughing. “But I’ll still uphold the honor and the pledge. It won’t be hard. Knowing you were out with Derek tonight nearly killed me.”
I pulled him to me, which made us both tumble onto the bed. His body was half on mine, and I was sorely tempted to rub myself against him like a bitch in heat. I was one, especially now that I had him so close.
“I know it sounds bad, and it makes me out to be a total bitch, but you were on my mind the whole time. I was jealous that Jen was going to see you and I wasn’t. Then I worried maybe you’d go out to a bar where you’d find some girl who wasn’t crazy like I am, and you’d get with her instead.”
He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. “I don’t want a non-crazy girl. I want you.”
Those simple words were beautiful. “And I don’t want a cat-hating, Cubs-liking, TV-judging insurance guy. I want you.”
He kissed me on the lips this time, and the heat, the longing, blasted through me. It would be so easy. He could have me out of this dress in about twenty seconds.
“Did he really judge your TV habits?” he asked when we broke apart.
“Yeah. He was less than impressed when I told him about my Friday-night habit.” I felt myself getting pissed off all over again.
“Well, I’m glad he turned out to be the opposite of what you wanted. I was torturing myself over what might be happening, when your text came.”
“And then?” I asked and brushed my fingers through his hair again.
“And then I felt good for the first time since Monday. I wanted to ask where you were and just bring you to me, where you belonged.”
“Here I am.”
He smiled and tightened his arms around me. “Here you are, and I’m so glad.”
“Me, too.” I pulled him down to me and kissed him again. I looked into his eyes as his tongue slipped into my mouth. He tasted like salt and man and just heaven. I couldn’t take it any more, and I closed my eyes and clung to him. I hooked my right leg around his perfect ass, and he groaned as I pulled him tighter against me.
“You’re making it really, really difficult to b
e a gentleman now,” he said when we parted.
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” I’d issued enough fake apologies today to last a lifetime.
“Me neither.” He gave me one last kiss before pushing away from me and sitting up. “If we’re going to do this right, then we really should go out and watch the movie with Ryan and Jen. I don’t think I can control myself if we stay in here.”
“I don’t mind if you lose control.” God, that sounded eager. But I was all worked up by his lips, and I wanted them on other parts of my body. Every part of my body.
He laughed and pulled me up. “I have every intention of losing control with you after we do this right.”
“What does that mean?” It felt good to be able to ask him instead of wondering over it for hours or days.
“It means that you, Nicole Magette, are going to find out what it’s like to actually date someone. That someone being me, of course. I want to take you out, eat with you, dance with you, kiss you goodnight at your door, and waste hours on the phone with you when we’re not together. All the stuff that comes with dating.”
My heart was pounding from the image he painted. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. “What if I suck at it?”
“I’ll help you learn.” He stood and pulled me to my feet.
“Sex is part of dating,” I said, and glanced at the bed again. He laughed.
“Yes, it is. One of the best parts. So is the anticipation, though. We’ll get there. After I show you what you’ve been missing.”
“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?” I asked as I buried my head in his chest and he wrapped me in a hug. It felt so good.
“I hope not. I’m a long way from being done with you. It’ll be worth the wait. I promise you that.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I don’t doubt it.” I pulled back so I could look up at him. “I really am sorry I hurt you, and I hope to God we don’t hurt each other. I don’t know if I could bear it.”
Josh smiled and cupped the back of my neck. “I can’t promise we won’t, but I can assure you I’m going to do my best not to. We both have to take a chance if we want this to work.”
Taking chances wasn’t my best thing, but he very well could be worth it. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
He kissed my forehead. “Yes. Let’s start this whole dating thing by pretending to watch a movie while we make out on the couch. I may even cop a feel or two.”
One could hope. I laughed. “I might like dating, after all.”
He grinned as he took my hand and led me out of the room. “I intend to make sure you do.” This was going to be fun. Scary, but fun.
Chapter 17
“You’re a dirty, dirty whore!”
I loved my friends. “I am not! I didn’t sleep with either one of them.”
“But you would have,” Ashley said.
Well, that was true. “Not Derek.”
“Yeah, but only because he was a Cubs fan,” Mandy said. I wished she was on video chat so I could flip her off like she deserved.
“No way. He made fun of my Supernatural obsession and said he wasn’t a cat person in that voice that indicated he hated them.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t punch him in the junk before you left him high and dry, then,” Kim said and giggled. “I guess ignoring him and humiliating him was payment enough.”
I felt a twinge of guilt over my behavior. I couldn’t have helped it, though. When I’d heard Josh was upset and that he might actually care I was out on a date, I’d had to reach out. And when he’d responded, he’d been all I could think about. Hell, he’d been all I could think about before that, but it was about a billion times worse when I knew I still had a shot with him.
“Derek told me to go.” It was a small point, but still.
“I guess you don’t have to worry about turning him down ever again,” Mandy said.
Oh crap. I was going to have to look out before I entered our hallway from now on. This was why I didn’t date men who worked in the same building. And now I was dating one who worked in the same room.
“No, I’m pretty sure he won’t be asking me out again.” I certainly wasn’t upset about that.
“Enough about him! I want to hear all about this make-out session with Josh,” Mandy said.
Of course she did. And they called me the dirty whore. She’d totally do him if given half a chance.
“It wasn’t a make-out session,” I said. Jen laughed. “What?”
“I beg to differ. They were so adorable, you guys. I know she didn’t see more than five minutes of the movie, and that was only to be polite to me and Ryan.”
I couldn’t dispute that. “We weren’t kissing the whole time.” For a lot of it he was just holding me and running a hand up and down my arm, making goose bumps appear.
“No, the rest of the time you were making the googly eyes at each other.”
“We were not!” Were we? That was mortifying. I mean, maybe I couldn’t stop looking at him, but who could blame me? Mandy would back me up on that one.
“You were, and it was cute. Stop getting worked up about it. I’m just glad you listened to me and reached out to him.”
“I can’t thank you enough, Jen.”
She laughed. “Please. You and Josh are the reason I met Ryan, so helping you both get your heads out of your asses was the least I could do.”
That was a valid point.
“I want to know how he convinced you to give this whole dating thing a try. Do you even know how to date?” Kim asked.
Like she had to ask? “You guys know I don’t. He claims he’s going to show me how it’s done, and we’re going to take our time before we get to the good stuff.”
“The ‘good stuff’ being you screwing his brains out? We have to wait for that?” Mandy’s frustration was palpable.
“We aren’t waiting for anything. I am. And it’s already killing me. Do you know what his kisses are like?” I raised my arms in frustration.
“Of course I don’t. That’s why I’m asking for details!” she said. “And so far you’re really doing a shitty job of it.”
I rolled my eyes and lay sideways on the couch. Win hopped up and snuggled into my stomach. I petted him as I tried to think of how to answer in a way that didn’t make me sound like a lovesick teenager. Fuck it, I was already acting like one.
“When we kiss, it feels like my entire body is connected to our lips, and everything is on fire.”
“Fuck me,” Mandy said. “I may faint now.”
“Stop perving on my maybe boyfriend. I told him you wanted him, by the way.”
“What!” she shrieked. “How could you do that? How am I supposed to be around him now?”
I laughed. “You’re not. He’s mine.”
“Thanks to all of us not going along with your stupid Code Red,” she said. It sure sounded like she was pouting.
“Come on, Mandy, you know I love you for that. I love you all for listening to my crazy ass and telling me not to give up on him.”
“You do indeed, and we’ll collect at our next group outing. It’ll be on you,” Kim said. I wasn’t going to fight that one. I owed them.
“Fair enough. Especially since I’m sure I’ll drive you all crazy as I attempt to figure this dating thing out. I mean, how long do you have to date before you sleep together?” Ashley was right. I was a dirty, dirty whore.
“Skank,” Ashley said, echoing my thoughts.
“Yes, I admit it. So how do you know? When do you know?”
“Oh, Lord. There’s not a set timetable, even though some TV shows would have you believe that.” Kim was laughing. Why would television lie to me? We had a very longstanding monogamous relationship, and I didn’t appreciate the idea that Sex and the City did not give me a proper barometer on when to get naked with a man. “Just follow his lead,” she said.
I didn’t know how to do that. It wasn’t in my nature. “How?”
“Try being
the girl in your relationship for once,” Kim suggested, and I scowled.
“I am a girl. I’ve always been a girl.”
“But you’ve acted like a man when it comes to sex.”
“I’m practical when it comes to sex. When I want it, I go out and get it with no expectations or obligations required. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Which is a guy’s way of thinking.”
“Or a slut’s way,” Ashley said in her usual helpful manner.
I made a grunting noise and buried my face in Win’s soft fur. His purr against my cheek comforted me.
“Look, we’re not saying you were in the wrong for doing that,” Kim said.
At the same time, Mandy yelled “Ha!” Bitch.
“It’s just that you can’t do that now if you’re going to actually date the guy,” Kim said.
“I know.” It would be really easy to jump into bed with him. Probably too easy, and I’d likely screw it up if I did. I didn’t want that at all. “We’re going to the game next weekend.”
“Good. That’s the perfect atmosphere for you, and you can’t jump him at Wrigley.”
I could probably find a way, but not without causing a scene. “Well, maybe not there, but what about after? It’s a day game, so we’d have the whole night ahead of us if we wanted.” Would he want that? Maybe he’d want some space after being locked in an office with me for a week. There was too much to think about.
“Well, knowing you, you’ll gorge yourself on hot dogs and beer,” Kim said. That was true enough.
“And nachos.” Cheesy goodness, yes please.
“Right. So I doubt you’ll want to have dinner, though if you do, you could grab something light somewhere. I would suggest watching a movie, but since we know you won’t keep your hands off each other, maybe that’s not the best idea.”
This would be difficult. Another week of charged interactions in the office would have us both on edge, I imagined.