"Okay," Ryan agreed, deciding to let the matter drop, even though she didn’t agree with Jamie’s assessment. "Today’s little episode was from a homophobe, and it was directed at you, and you have every reason to feel hurt by it."
"Yeah…" Jamie was staring at the pavement, walking carefully because of her cargo. "I was hurt. It really got in…do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I do," Ryan said. "Sometimes things like that just surprise you so badly that they get past your defenses."
Jamie looked up at her with a completely quizzical expression. "I don’t think I have defenses."
"Sure you do," Ryan assured her. "I’ve seen your whole personality change when you’re interacting with men."
"Huh?"
"You put a damper on your openness, your friendliness. When you’re around guys you don’t know, you don’t show all of your most adorable qualities. I assume that’s so guys don’t get the wrong idea and start hitting on you, right?"
"I…I don’t think I do that consciously," she mumbled, not refuting that she did tone her personality down when she was in the company of available men.
"I don’t put up my defenses consciously either," Ryan said. "They just come up when I’m in public, or with people that I don’t know well. You’ve seen my defenses up full force around Jack and Cassie."
Jamie thought of the few times she was with Ryan and Jack. "Yeah…I guess I see what you mean. You were very reserved around him. I thought you were just shy."
"Nope. I haven’t been shy since I was a kid. I just knew that he had an issue with me, and I tried to give him as little ammunition as possible."
"Do I have to do that with people about us?" Jamie was heartbroken to think of having to hide her love for the wonderful woman who was so gently holding her hand.
"No, Honey," Ryan assured her. "You will figure out what you’re comfortable with. I’m willing to put up with some harassment from strangers—so I act pretty normally around you in public. But when I’m in a situation where I could be physically harmed…I pull back and try not to give off any lesbian signals at all."
"Have you always been like that?"
Ryan’s face grew dark as a flash of pain crossed her face. "I got much more careful after I was gay bashed last year," she admitted. "I haven’t been to the bars or clubs in the marginal neighborhoods since then. Some very violent guys know there are gay and lesbian clubs there, and they sometimes go looking for victims."
A shiver ran down Jamie’s spine as her mind automatically created a mental image of her partner lying on the street in a pool of blood. They hadn’t spoken about the incident since Ryan had first mentioned it, and judging from the look on her lover’s face, it was best left alone for the moment.
Trying to lighten the mood, Jamie adopted her fiercest look and muttered, "Nobody will mess with you now, Babe. They’d have to get through me first."
The smile returned to Ryan’s face as she paused to assess her protector. Sunny, open features, a wide smile and dancing green eyes were topped by a jumble of fine blonde hair and one giggling baby. "I wouldn’t mess with you two," Ryan said in a somber tone. "You could cute a person to death!"
"I’ll show you cute!" Jamie leaned over just enough to allow Caitlin to reach Ryan’s eye level. "Get her, partner!" Amazingly, Caitlin seemed to understand the attack command perfectly. She slapped her tiny hands at Ryan’s face, while the tall woman playfully bit at each little pink hand.
"I give! I give! You win, Cait. I know when I’m up against a born fighter."
Jamie straightened and patted the champ’s little leg. "Ya did good, Rocky."
Caitlin seemed to agree, and her joyful laugh echoed off the cozy little Victorian houses lining the streets of the Noe Valley.
As they reached the front walk of the Lilliputian house that Tommy and Annie rented, Ryan cast a quizzical glance at her partner, noticing a large number of voices coming from inside the house. "Who else is coming?" she asked, hefting Caitlin from Jamie’s shoulders.
"Search me." Jamie shrugged her shoulders, partly in reply and partly to loosen them up after carrying her burden.
The door was locked, which in itself was strange, and the women shot another puzzled glance at each other when the house grew quiet as soon as Ryan banged on the door.
Seconds later the decibel level grew beyond the previous high when the assembled crowd saw them enter. "Surprise!" they all called out in unison. All of the cousins and aunts and uncles were jammed into the small living room around a very beautifully decorated cake that read, 'Congratulations, Jamie and Ryan'. Colorful balloons and streamers flew around the ceiling, and the table was laden with cards addressed to them.
They were both staggered by the welcome, and Brendan came over to swoop the baby from Ryan’s arms. He leaned over and kissed her, then leaned farther and gave a kiss to Jamie. A big smile played across his face as he needlessly asked, "Are you surprised?"
They both nodded, still in shock over the outpouring of affection from the clan. Jamie resorted to her normal reaction and tears began to flow down her cheeks. Ryan quirked a grin in her direction as she slid her arm around her shoulders and hugged her firmly. "You're really a member of the family now, Sweetie. You've gotten your first cake!"
One by one the various members of the family came over to hug and kiss each of the still startled women. A few bottles of champagne were produced, and everyone held up their filled glasses as Martin proposed a toast. "To my most precious daughter and her beloved Jamie. May your love bring you joy and peace and sustenance all the days of your lives. We love you both, girls. And we couldn't be happier for you."
As the glasses were raised in a group cheer, Jamie looked up at her lover, the tears still glistening in her eyes. "I love you, and I love your family," she said sincerely.
"Our family, Jamie," she corrected her as she placed a delicate kiss on her trembling lips. "It's ours now."
The party was a rousing success by any standard. Caitlin, of course, was certain that she was the guest of honor, being of the belief that every part of every day revolved around her. Ryan and Jamie did their best to make her believe that such was the case, even letting her cut the first piece of cake, with their assistance, of course. After everyone had at least one piece of cake, the confines of the small house got to be too much for both Ryan and Caitlin, so they decided to go out to the postage-stamp sized back yard and let Caitlin practice her walking.
The baby still needed the security of a hand or a leg or a piece of furniture in order to feel confident in her ramblings, and her babysitters were only too happy to aid her quest. They both delighted in her determined face as she scrunched up her little brow in concentration and began to scamper toward whatever object took her fancy. She walked with a stiff legged gait, with most of her weight over her toes. She kept her arms at her sides, not yet understanding that they could be helpful in maintaining her balance. She didn't fall often, but when she did, they just helped her up and sent her on her way again. She took her little tumbles in stride, barely stopping after each one, but around seven o'clock she took a relatively minor fall and stayed down. She lay face down on the grass and cried pitifully until Ryan picked her up and cuddled her, cooing into her tiny ear until the sobs subsided. Jamie went to get a bottle as Ryan did a quick diaper change, and after a bit she settled down in Ryan’s arms to enjoy her dinner.
The early evening sun provided a warm cloak as Ryan relaxed in a spring chair, rocking the baby slightly as she ate. Jamie went back in once more to grab some tidbits to tide the big baby over, and when she returned, a mildly struggling Caitlin was being held firmly by her big cousin. Ryan was smiling at her and quietly singing a song which eventually got her attention. She stopped her struggles and lay quietly in Ryan's embrace, looking up at her with a look of pure adoration. "That's just how I feel when you hold me," Jamie said quietly from over her lover's shoulder.
Ryan beamed up at her and blushed a tiny bit at the compliment. "Are you ha
ving as nice a day as I am?" she asked as Jamie sat down next to her.
"I don't think I've had a bad day since I realized I was in love with you." Her blissful smile was testimony to the sincerity of her words, and she leaned over to kiss the still-pink cheek before she sat down. "I’d say that this has been a particularly lovely day, Sweetie."
"They really do love you, Jamie," Ryan said as she nodded her head toward her gathered family. "You believe that, don't you?"
"Knowing your family, they'd try to make me feel welcome even if they didn't like me," she said with a grin. "But I really do feel their love, Sweetheart. They all make me feel like I've known them for years. It's so hard to believe that it's only been seven or eight months since I met them."
"You understand how hard it's going to be for me to leave here, don't you?" Ryan’s eyes filled with tears as she considered their move to Berkeley.
Jamie immediately got up and squatted on the ground next to her partner. "Ryan, if there is any part of you that doesn't want to live in my house, I want you to tell me. If you want to stay here, I'll call my father and tell him to sell it."
Ryan smiled down at her lover, and ran a hand through her tousled hair. "No, no. I really do think it's best for us to have some time alone. I just don't think I realized how much it's going to affect me until today. I hope you can be patient with me while I adjust to the change," she said.
"Sweetheart, I want you to promise me that if you get homesick, you will let me know," she said as she placed her hand on Ryan's knee. "I've actually been thinking about when we might like to buy a house over here," she said casually, surprising Ryan completely. "As much as I love my house, I would much prefer to live in a place that you and I pick out together. I really don't see any reason that we won't make the Noe Valley our home." She looked down at Caitlin's half-closed eyes, as she gently touched her head. "There's no way I want to miss seeing this little one grow up."
Ryan's eyes filled with tears again as she choked out, "I’d really like that, Babe." She rested her dark head against Jamie’s and revealed the real reason behind her emotional display. "I'm just so used to seeing Caitlin two or three times a week, it's really going to be hard to just see her on the weekends. I can't express how much she means to me, Jamie. I know she's just my cousin, but I feel a bond with her that's…" She shook her head, unable to come up with words to express her love for the child.
"She feels it with you too, Ryan." Jamie’s earnest face and tone of voice showed just how much she understood Ryan’s pain. "The look on her face when she first sees you is one of pure joy. She looks like I feel when I see you after we've been apart for a few hours. I know it’s hard, Honey, but please don't let this bother you today. If it doesn't work out, we'll come back. That's a promise."
"Thanks for understanding, Jamie," she said softly, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "I can't tell you how important it is to me that you really understand my feelings for my family."
"I've only known them a few months, and I'm not sure I can stand to be away from them either, Honey," she said with a smile. "Let's go inside and soak up some O'Flaherty magic, okay?"
Ryan gave her another appreciative smile and stood up with her now sleeping bundle. Jamie wrapped her arm around the lithe waist, and they walked into the party together.
They didn't return home until nearly eleven. They had planned on spending some of the evening packing up for Berkeley, but they were both too tired to do so.
Ryan flopped down on the bed and let out a groan of pure exhaustion. "One good thing about being in Berkeley during the week," she moaned. "I might be able to get a little rest. As much as I love my family, they sure do take a lot of energy out of ya."
Jamie knew her partner was mostly teasing, but she had to admit that the sentiment was accurate. The O’Flahertys were closer than any family she had ever encountered, but that closeness came with a price--the almost total loss of privacy. They had nearly no boundaries—and it was unthinkable to say "no" to a request that you were able to fulfill.
The cousins were currently helping Niall renovate a small house that he had purchased in the Sunset District, and nearly every male member of the family had devoted at least one full day of each week for the last three months towards the renovation. Ryan had already been making noises about joining in, and as Jamie considered the eleven other single men in the family, she hoped that the rest would not decide to buy homes for many, many years. The only chance I have of having time alone with Ryan is if we’re in Berkeley. We’ve got to make the most of our time alone this year, ‘cause when we move back here our privacy will be shot! She laughed to herself as she thought of the fact that the O’Flahertys did not lock their doors during the day, and that no one knocked before entering. That’s one area where I’m putting my foot down! I’ll not have the cousins walking in on what I hope will be near-constant lovemaking!
Joining her partner on the bed, Jamie began a light scratching of her belly. "Do you honestly think that I’m gonna go easier on you than your family does?" She continued to tease Ryan’s skin as the dark woman rolled onto her side to provide new territory.
"I hadn’t considered that," Ryan mused sleepily. "Maybe I should get my own apartment so I can get a few hours' rest."
"I’d track you down, Tiger. You’re mine now, and I’m gonna exploit every one of your luscious natural resources."
"How do you know all of my resources are natural?" Ryan teased, rolling onto her back once again. She hefted one of her breasts and gave it a squeeze. "These might be augmented, you know."
"God, I hope not," Jamie murmured as she pulled the purple T-shirt from Ryan’s shorts. "’Cause I’m gonna give ‘em such a workout, there’s a good chance an implant would burst!" She dove in with gusto, catching Ryan by surprise. But after a few moments, she relaxed and let her partner fulfill her wishes.
Running her hand through Jamie’s fine blonde hair, Ryan bit back a gasp as the voracious touch grew fiercer. "Honey, honey," she soothed. "I don’t think they’re guaranteed against puncture."
An embarrassed smile covered Jamie’s flushed face as she looked up and met her partner’s loving gaze. "Sorry. I got carried away."
"Hey…nothing to be sorry for, Love. I was just teasing you. I like it when you threaten to consume me bodily." A sexy smile combined with impishly twinkling blue eyes as Ryan suggested, "Let’s put ‘em to the torture test."
"We’ll start our own twisted version of Consumer Reports," the blonde giggled as she bent to her pleasurable task.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!! She cursed herself for showing her hand too early and taking out only one of the toughs.
Two of the men…boys really, she thought with disgust, grabbed her by her wrists and applied pressure to her elbows from behind. The pain was excruciating, but she couldn’t fight back, since they could easily dislocate her elbows. Kelly lay at her feet, moaning continuously—a keening, low tone that set Ryan’s teeth on edge. As the stocky young man approached her he gave her a sickeningly evil smile, saying conversationally, "You’re gonna regret the day you were born, bitch." Then he hit her—a dull thud to the ribs with a heavy length of lead pipe. Every molecule of air flew from her lungs—leaving her unable to even cry out.
As he unleashed another brutal blow, her mind turned to her teacher, the gentle but lethal soul who had often warned, "Never reveal your abilities if you cannot completely disable your attacker." I screwed up, big time, she thought as the pipe whistled through the air, aimed for her head. If I live through this, I swear I will never make that mistake again.
Am I in a strait jacket? This must be the hospital…oh shit! I can’t move my arms!!! She struggled roughly, thrashing about frantically as she tried to assess her injuries.
"Honey…Ryan, wake up…Come on, Honey…It’s okay."
Warm, comforting arms enveloped her, and she sucked in a deep breath of relief. At least Jamie’s here. Her heart calmed its racing beat as she considered how that was possible. Wit
h a start, she sat up as her head flew from side to side, amazed to find that she was in her own bed. "Jamie?" Her scratchy voice was higher than normal, reflecting the fear that she had been gripped with just seconds before.
"I’m right here, Love," her partner soothed, brushing her hair from her damp forehead.
Ryan glanced down to find her purple, long-sleeved T-shirt wrapped around her elbows like a tourniquet. Her sports bra was shoved up over her breasts, restricting her ability to take a deep breath. Looking down her body, she saw that her underwear and khaki shorts both clung to one ankle, socks and shoes still laced up tight. "What in the holy hell?" She roughly kicked her clothing from her foot and yanked her shirt and bra off, rubbing her arms to restore feeling to them. "Jesus Christ, Jamie, we’ve gotta stop doing this!"
Finally meeting her partner’s eyes, she saw the flicker of hurt that her sharp words had caused. She fell back onto the bed and draped her arm across her eyes, trying to sort out her tumultuous feelings.
A soft hand trailed down her ribs, stroking her belly softly while she composed herself. "I’m sorry, Baby," Ryan finally said. "I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just…I was having a nightmare, and being trapped by my clothes made me think…" She shook her head roughly, not wanting to go into the dream. Her voice softened, and she removed her arm so that she could look into her partner’s eyes. "I’m sorry."
"It’s okay, Ryan, don’t worry about it. You were half asleep, Baby."
Trusting green eyes calmly gazed at her, and Ryan suddenly felt even worse. She had been quite awake, and she knew that she was just venting her fear at her partner. "That’s no excuse, Jamie. I really do apologize."
"You wanna talk about it?" Jamie’s tone was soft and somewhat tentative, but her eyes held Ryan’s firmly.
"No. I really don’t." Long, bare legs slid off the bed, and as Ryan stood she glanced down at her feet and shot her partner a half-smile. "Since I’ve already got my shoes on, I might as well go do my run."
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