by Clark, Lucy
He plunged his fingers into the long, silky locks, moaning with delight at the sensations she was evoking in him. Now that his son was improving and out of danger, all he had been able to think about was how perfect Sunainah had looked holding his son. It had already become abundantly clear to him that Joshua and Daphne thought the world of her but seeing her cradling his sick son, smiling at him with a mother’s love, had stirred something deep and primal within Elliot.
He knew she’d told him she was married but that hadn’t stopped him from following through on his need to haul her close and kiss her. He didn’t care what the truth of the situation was; the realisation that she belonged with him was something he was willing to fight for. Whoever her husband was, wherever he was, Elliot would do whatever he could to ensure Sunainah was freed from the relationship she clearly wasn’t attached to, so the two of them could be together.
The fact that she had instantly kissed him back the moment his mouth had touched hers gave him confidence that she was as smitten with him as he was with her. She was intoxicating him to the point where logical and rational thought were irrelevant.
What mattered was the taste of her lips, the sweet scent of her skin, the silkiness of her hair, the gorgeous curves of her body. The woman fitted perfectly in his arms and as he continued to run his fingers through her hair Elliot knew he should make some sort of attempt to slow things down, to ensure he didn’t scare her. She deserved to be cherished.
He’d already guessed Sunainah wasn’t very experienced when it came to men, that she was shy and reserved, but with the way her mouth was matching the urgency of his, the same burning desire coursing through her, perhaps he had been mistaken. How could she be married and still give the sense that she was an innocent?
Her hands had automatically gone around his waist, her fingers rubbing tantalising circles on his back. It was a small action but one that was driving him even more insane with longing and need. How could it be possible that this woman who fitted so perfectly into his arms, who kissed him back with what felt like all the passion in her soul, who could pierce his soul with one simple look, could be married to someone else?
‘Sunainah.’ Elliot’s mouth broke away from hers as suddenly as he had captured it. His breathing was harsh and uneven, which made her feel a little better as she gasped for air. How was it possible she had failed to show restraint a second time? What must he think of her? Did it lower his opinion of her, that she would kiss him back in such a wanton way when she had already confessed to not being free to do such a thing?
‘Sunainah.’ He breathed her name again as he put his hands on her shoulders, making sure there was at least an arm’s distance between them. He stared at her, looking at her for the first time with her long, black hair floating gloriously around her shoulders and down her back. He gasped and slowly shook his head from side to side.
‘Do you have any idea just how stunning you are? How you can tie me in knots with just one look?’ His words were deep yet soft and a fresh wave of desperate need and longing flooded through her. ‘You are so incredibly beautiful and elegant and kiss like a dream, but you have to explain to me how you came to be married? I just don’t understand.’
She continued to stare into his eyes, waiting for her breathing to slowly return to normal, but it was doing no such thing. ‘You think I am beautiful?’
He laughed with disbelief. ‘How can you not know how gorgeous you are?’
‘Because no one has ever really told me.’
‘Not even this husband of yours?’
She shook her head, closing her eyes at the mention of the man who had effectively wrecked her life. She knew she owed Elliot an explanation, especially after the heart-thumping kiss they had just shared.
‘No. He—’ She broke off and turned away from him before opening her eyes. She walked over to the window and stared out unseeingly into the darkness of the night.
He crossed to her side and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her to face him. ‘I know this is probably very difficult for you but I need to know.’
‘Of...of course.’ She looked directly at his mouth as she spoke, unable to stop the way her mind did not want to focus on anything other than having him repeat that glorious kiss over and over again. She licked her lips and he groaned, and her gaze immediately flicked up to meet his.
‘Don’t look at me like that.’
‘I cannot help it,’ she confessed, tipping her head forward, momentarily pleased he had released her hair from its bonds as it now provided the perfect shield for her. It seemed pointless to deny just how wonderful he made her feel, how incredible it had been to be held so closely to him, to feel cherished and wanted and...loved?
No. It could not be possible that Elliot loved her. She was not the sort of woman men fell in love with. They appreciated her, perhaps they even admired her from time to time, but men did not fall in love with a forty-year-old workaholic who had spent most of her adult life working hard to complete her studies while caring for her sick parents.
Elliot groaned again and dropped his hands from her shoulders, shoving an unsteady hand through his hair. ‘I’m at the stage where I’m not sleeping properly because all I can think about is you.’ He shook his head.
‘I am sorry, Elliot.’
‘Don’t be sorry, Sunainah.’ He looked at her, his gaze tender. ‘Don’t ever be sorry for the way you make me feel because I haven’t felt this way in a very long time.’ He was by her side in an instant, brushing his knuckles gently down her cheek. ‘I came here for a fresh start, not only for the children but for myself. I thought perhaps one day I might meet someone new.’ A slow smile spread across his lips. ‘I never thought it would be so soon.’
‘Elliot.’ She closed her eyes, as though even just saying his name was causing her deep consternation and pain. ‘Please do not say things like that.’ She shook her head. ‘I do not deserve someone like you.’
‘How can you say that?’ Elliot cupped her face, and she reluctantly opened her eyes and stared into his. ‘Sunainah? Please tell me. Tell me about your marriage.’
She held his gaze, knowing there was no way for her to move forward with her life without confessing to Elliot the particulars of her past. She knew once Elliot realised her predicament, he would leave her alone. He would find another woman who would no doubt help to fill the void in his life, to be there for him on a day-to-day basis, to help him raise his wonderful children. The thought caused pain to rip through her, to dig its claws deep into her heart and begin the process of dismantling her hope.
He bent his head and brushed a soft and tantalising kiss across her lips. ‘For courage,’ he murmured, that gorgeous, small smile touching his mouth in the way she would often dream about.
‘I do not know...how to tell you.’ Either way she was going to lose him. She closed her eyes for a moment, needing to gather her thoughts, and she could not do that when he was looking at her with such intense encouragement.
Elliot dropped his hands from her face but where she thought he might walk away, putting more distance between them, she discovered she was wrong as he linked his hands with hers, giving her fingers a little squeeze of encouragement. ‘Would it help if I asked you questions?’
She opened her eyes but this time could not look at him, hanging her head a little as the pain of the situation she tried so hard to forget, to push aside, began to impact on her mind. ‘Perhaps.’
‘OK.’ He reached out a hand and tenderly pushed her hair behind her ear so he could see her face more clearly. ‘Where is your husband?’
‘I do not know.’ As she spoke the words, shame began to wash over her.
‘Wh—? How is that possible?’ He was stunned for a moment then asked, ‘When did you last see your husband?’
‘Twenty-six years ago.’
‘I’m sorry
—what?’ Elliot dropped her hands and took a few steps back, looking at her as though she had gone quite crazy. There was nothing for her to do now but to tell him her sorrow-filled story, but she also knew, as soon as he knew the truth about her past, it would change everything between them.
Sunainah’s heart yearned to live in this moment, for time to stand still, for hope to burn brightly between her and Elliot, the hope that they would forget everything and move forward with making a new life together. She already loved his children very much and perhaps, if she was very fortunate, he would allow her still to spend time with them.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded, gesturing to the chair on the other side of her desk. ‘Would you like to sit down?’
Elliot turned his head sharply, staring at the chair as though he hadn’t realised it was there.
‘Trying to put some physical distance between us?’
She shrugged one shoulder. ‘Perhaps.’
Elliot nodded once and walked to the chair, but to her surprise he picked it up and carried it around to her side of the desk, putting it directly opposite her own chair. ‘I don’t like barriers, Sunainah. I’ve had to hurdle and navigate my way around them quite a bit over the past few years. I don’t like them and I refuse to have them erected between the two of us. Not now. Not after that amazing kiss.’ He sat on the chair and looked up at her. ‘Ready when you are.’
Sunainah lowered herself onto her own chair and calmly folded her hands in her lap. She would play it his way for now but she knew what would happen. It had happened before with Raj. When he had discovered the truth about her marriage, he had been disgusted, calling her ‘damaged goods’. Well, she had survived one rejection. She could survive another.
Squaring her shoulders, Sunainah forced herself to meet Elliot’s eyes. She did not want to see the moment he recoiled from her but she knew she had to so that she could start to heal her heart and eventually move forward with her life.
‘When I was a teenager my mother became very ill. She was in and out of hospital a lot. My father was a university lecturer and he took time off work to nurse her, to be by her side. We moved towns so she could get better treatment but during this process I started to miss a lot of school and sometimes, when my mother was hospitalised, my father would stay there, leaving me alone to fend for myself. I do not blame him,’ she said quickly. ‘He simply lost track of time and he was always most apologetic when he finally came home.
‘Because my mother was ill, my father had made contact with her estranged family. They had cut her off as dead when she had defied my grandfather and chosen to marry an Englishman, rather than the marriage they had arranged.’
‘But they were happy? Your parents?’
Sunainah smiled. ‘Very. Still, much to my father’s surprise, my grandfather was very concerned and even visited my mother in hospital. He was very traditional and to forgive her was a huge step for him. Both my parents were delighted with this reconciliation so when my grandfather offered to have me come and stay at his family home so I was not left alone, they immediately accepted.’
Elliot raised an eyebrow. ‘You went to stay with them?’
She closed her eyes and nodded. ‘For six months.’
‘What?’
She opened her eyes again, desperate for him to understand. ‘My mother was very ill and my father needed to be by her side, to care for her. Surely you can understand that.’
Elliot hung his head and nodded. ‘I do, but six months?’
‘I was a teenager, not a little girl like Daphne. My father would send me weekly letters, giving me updates on my mother’s progress, and I would write back, telling them about my life at Grandfather’s house.’
Sunainah paused for a moment, trying to ignore the racing of her heart, the dryness in her mouth as she forced herself to relive the darkest part of her life. She owed Elliot that much at least.
‘My grandfather’s house was a busy place, with my mother’s two sisters, their husbands and young children living there as well. He owned a farm and his good friend, Amir, owned the farm next to his. My grandfather had unfortunately had a bad year with his crops but Amir had done well.’
Sunainah squeezed her hands tighter together, needing to keep her voice calm and controlled as she spoke the next words. ‘Amir offered to assist my grandfather but there were...conditions.’ She paused again, desperate to control the rising emotion that was threatening to choke her, to stop her talking, but she forced the words calmly past her lips.
‘You see, my mother had been promised in marriage to Amir many years before and when she defied my grandfather, there was friction between the two men.’
Elliot’s eyes widened with dawning realisation. ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘No. Don’t say that they—’
‘My grandfather arranged for me to be wed to Amir.’
‘When you were fourteen!’
‘The marriage would save my grandfather’s farm and Amir would finally get the wife my grandfather had promised him.’
‘But you were fourteen!’
‘Life is different in some parts of India, Elliot. Many girls are wed at such an age.’
‘How old was Amir?’
‘Thirty-five.’
‘What!’ Elliot stood and turned away from her, pacing around the room as he digested this news. Sunainah closed her eyes and raised a trembling hand to her lips. She had expected a reaction like this. The disbelief, the disgrace, the disgust. Elliot’s reaction was the same as Raj’s had been.
‘The marriage was never consummated,’ she offered quickly, desperation in her tone, eager to have him understand that she was not really damaged goods. ‘It was a condition of the arrangement that I was not to become Amir’s wife in every sense of the word until I was sixteen and legally a woman.’
Elliot spun back to face her. ‘And your father permitted this?’
‘I did write to him. I told him everything but, I discovered later, my grandfather had not been posting my letters. My father’s letters became more sporadic as well and whenever I asked if my grandmother had any new news on my mother’s health, she would simply tell me that there had been no change.’
‘How long did you live with Amir?’
‘Seven weeks—but nothing romantic happened between us.’ She shook her head, her eyes imploring him to believe her. ‘I did the cooking and the cleaning and the washing. Looked after the house and did farm chores. That is all. I promise.’
‘So how did you...get out? How did you leave?’ Elliot’s hands were clenched into fists, his words spoken between gritted teeth. Sunainah tried to hold back her tears, wishing she had been stronger, that she had been less trusting, that she had been more like her mother, who had not only stood up to her domineering father but had defied him by marrying the man of her own choosing.
‘My father came. He just turned up one evening as I was finishing the dishes. He burst into Amir’s house and punched him in the face. His eyes were blazing with a fire I had never seen before. He was very angry. He told me to get into the car and as soon as I was safe inside, he drove away. I did not know where we were going or what my grandfather might think or anything. My father did not speak to me and when we arrived back at the hospital, where my mother was very much improved in health, they both held me and just...cried.’
Silent tears ran down Sunainah’s cheeks as she looked blankly in front of her, her words recalling the scene as though she was speaking of someone else’s life. ‘Ten days later, we were on our way to England. We never went back to India.’
‘Good.’ There was great vehemence in the word. ‘Why didn’t your father seek an annulment of the marriage?’ Elliot’s tone was brisk and businesslike, not at all tender and comforting, as it had been before. Sunainah tried to control the pain in her heart, feeling him distance himself from her already.
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Sunainah brushed the tears from her cheeks. ‘I thought he had. He told me he would take care of it.’
Elliot frowned, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘How did you find out he hadn’t?’
Sunainah looked away from him, down to her lap. She had come this far. It seemed ridiculous not to continue. ‘About five years ago I met a man—Rajesh. I was living in Sydney, completing my paediatric training, and he was a brilliant young Indian neurosurgeon. We started dating and soon we were engaged to be married. His mother approved of the match and I truly thought Raj loved me.’
Elliot nodded slowly, his clever mind computing the next bit of information. ‘You couldn’t find the document stating you were divorced.’
‘No.’ She shook her head, her hair swishing around her shoulders. ‘After I had told Raj of...of what my grandfather had organised, he was naturally surprised but told me he would look into things. I had assured him the marriage had not been consummated and at the time he told me he believed me.’
‘And later?’
‘He called the wedding off. He told me I should have stayed with Amir, that I had been legally wed to the man in a traditional arrangement and it needed to be honoured.’
‘That’s...’ He shook his head. ‘How could...?’ He closed his mouth, as though trying to comprehend everything she was telling him.
She continued, ‘At that time, my father’s dementia had become worse and while Raj was very traditional in many respects, when it came to having a sick father-in-law living with us after our marriage, he was very modern, insisting my father be put into a nursing home.’
‘What?’ Elliot stared at her from across the room, his arms spread wide. ‘What is it with the men in your life? Did none of them take care of you?’
Sunainah stood from her chair at his words, a flash of fire burning through her. ‘I can take care of myself now. When Raj left, I decided it was time I took control over my life. My father and I moved here from Sydney at my instigation. The sunshine was better for his health and there were new treatments for dementia being trialled. My friends were here for support when I needed it and now I have the position of head of the paediatric ward at a busy teaching hospital.’