by Maya Banks
“That son of a bitch,” Cole hissed. “The little bastard. So he got his rocks off acting like an abusive asshole.”
Ren shrugged. “Basically, yeah. My fault. I mean, that I took it so long. I was at a crossroads and my problem wasn’t so much that I thought I wanted him. I knew I didn’t. My problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted and so I was afraid.”
He gathered her tightly in his arms and pressed his lips to her temple. “I’m so sorry you had to endure that. I’m glad you found Lucas. It sounds like he was a much better man.”
“He was—is,” she returned quietly. “In a lot of ways he saved me. From myself. He refused to let me settle.”
“It hurts me that someone hurt you. I’d like to kill the little son of a bitch. When a woman submits to a man, it’s the most precious gift she can give. Herself. Unreservedly. The man has to respect and honor that gift above all else. Even if he respects nothing else in the world, he must respect the woman in his care. It’s his sworn duty to protect, honor and cherish his submissive. To take care of her and provide a safe haven. Someone who would put his own needs above his woman’s is no man.”
She pushed herself up and rearranged herself so that she sat astride him on the couch, her knees resting on either side of him. She stared down into his eyes, touched beyond words at his vehement declaration.
“Do you know, when you say those things, I don’t believe they are just words,” she said. “You mean them.”
“Damn right I do,” he said with a frown.
For the first time, she looked to the next two weeks without a twinge of sadness and uncertainty. Anticipation licked through her veins, and more powerful than the anticipation, was yearning.
She didn’t just need what Cole would give her. She wanted it and him. She’d never stopped loving or wanting him. At times she’d thought that she was still caught up in a youthful fantasy and that the memories would never translate to reality.
But here he was in front of her. Strong. Demanding. Unyielding. Dominant, so very dominant. Hard and yet unbelievably tender.
He was everything she wanted and needed and everything she’d missed for the last ten years. Cole wasn’t as good as or the same as that young man she’d known when she was just a girl.
He was way better.
CHAPTER 19
T hey napped and lounged in the sunroom. At some point, two men carried in the boxes containing Ren’s writing and art supplies, but Cole motioned for them to be quiet. Ren still slept soundly on his chest and he had no desire to wake her and let go of the moment.
There weren’t words to describe his contentment. His absolute satisfaction in holding her in his arms. It overwhelmed him and brought back so much of the past years when he’d searched in vain for what he’d been missing from the moment he walked out of her life.
He was fortunate and so very grateful that she hadn’t chosen to walk away from him. That she’d decided to stay and give him—them—a chance.
When the men had finished unpacking the boxes to Cole’s satisfaction, he waved them away and then gently shook Ren awake.
Her eyes came open and she looked disoriented for the briefest of moments before she smiled and snuggled a little deeper into his arms.
“I have plans for us this afternoon if you’re up for going out.”
She raised her head and pushed away the heavy silk of her hair. “Of course. I’ve been lazy the entire day.”
He smiled and touched her cheek. “If you have then so have I. I quite enjoyed our day together so far. But you have need of clothing and I thought we could enjoy dinner with friends. I’d like you to meet them in a more relaxed setting.”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “Cole, I have more clothes than I know what to do with. Unless …Did Lucas not send anything over with my writing stuff?”
Cole took a measured breath. “He did. I sent them back.”
She cocked her head, obviously confused, but she didn’t question him. An action he approved of.
“You’re mine now, Ren,” he said in a soft voice. “It’s my responsibility to provide for you. To care for you. To ensure all your needs are met while you’re in my keeping. I won’t have another man do those things for you.”
She nodded her understanding.
“So I thought perhaps we could go shopping. I have a distinct desire to outfit you in clothing that complements your natural beauty. Then we’ll meet two couples that I’m friends with for dinner. You’ve met Damon and Serena already but you haven’t yet met Micah and his wife, Angelina.”
She pursed her lips and her eyes grew thoughtful for a moment. He could see the question hovering but she made no effort to voice it.
“Ask your question, Ren.”
“It’s really none of my business,” she said ruefully. “Just a thought that occurred and I’m not even certain why I want to know.”
“Ask it.”
“These women. Serena and Angelina. You spoke of being attracted to and of being …intimate …with women that belonged to other men. Are they …” She took a deep breath. “Are they the women you spoke of?”
Cole went soft at how small her voice sounded. She was trying so hard to pretend only a passing interest but he remembered what Lucas had told him of her previous relationship and the promise he’d exacted from Cole about having other women. As if he could even bring himself to look at another woman with Ren at his side.
“Look at me,” he said in a tender voice. “First, you’re it for me, Ren. All I want. The only woman I need. I have no desire—feel no desire—for another woman when I have perfection staring me in the face.”
“Oh,” she breathed, her eyes rounding and then sparkling with delight.
“Now to answer your question because I’ll never be anything but honest with you. I have touched Serena. Intimately. But not in the way you’d think. Damon is very, very possessive of her. He doesn’t share. He trusts me and I spend a lot of time at his club, and so he would often have me prepare Serena. For him. For his attentions. It was part of his process. He’s very methodical in all things. That’s as far as things ever went with Serena. And I never had any desire to take things further. They are dear friends. She and Damon both.”
Ren nodded her understanding, relief lightening her eyes.
He touched her and then shifted so he could sit up to hold her because he considered that the next might not be as easy to hear.
“Angelina …she was different and in order to tell you the difference, I need to go back and tell you of my role at The House. A role that I basically made for myself and one I was content with.”
She nodded again but the frown was back.
Unable to resist, he leaned forward and pulled her down into a long, heated kiss. She melted instantly, so sweet and unresisting. He could honestly spend all day doing nothing more than touching her. The next two weeks were going to be hard because all he wanted to do was lock himself in a room with her and make love to her until neither of them could take anymore.
But what he had to do was show her his life. How her life with him could be. He couldn’t afford a single misstep. Not when his entire future rode on convincing her that he could be the man she needed.
“Now, about Angelina. She belongs to Micah. Completely and utterly belongs to him. He’s so crazy in love with her. He’d do anything and everything to make her happy.”
Ren sighed. “That so wonderful.”
He could hear the wistful note in her voice and he wanted so badly to tell her that she could have that. She could have it and more because if she stayed with him, not a day would go by that he wouldn’t show her how very precious she was to him. Had always been.
“Micah is also …hard. Darker I guess you could say. Angelina fits him well because her desires and needs are every bit as dark as his. He’s fierce and demanding but he loves her so damn much.”
“He likes her to be with other men,” Ren guessed.
“Yes and no. You see, it’s kind of complicated,
his and Angelina’s past, which is why he fought her for so long. He was once married to a woman he loved very much but he shared her with Angelina’s brother, his best friend. They both loved her. She was with them both.”
Ren frowned and cocked her head. “Then how?”
“I know. It all sounds like some kind of soap opera, right? Hannah, his wife, and David, his best friend, were killed in a car accident. Only it wasn’t really an accident. They were murdered by a man who was obsessed with Angelina, who at the time was far too young and David was extremely protective of her.”
“Oh my God. That’s horrible!”
Cole nodded. “So Micah leaves Miami, comes here. He’s grief-stricken. It took him a good while to get over what happened. And then comes Angelina who had been in love with him the entire time. So you can imagine all the conflicting emotions that Micah was feeling when confronted by this gorgeous, now grown-up, Latina bombshell.”
“He didn’t take it well, I’m guessing,” Ren murmured.
She leaned forward now, seemingly absorbed by the somewhat twisted story. Okay so it was a lot twisted looking back.
“He pushed her pretty hard,” Cole said. “He didn’t believe that she knew what it was he really needed and wanted. He didn’t believe that she knew what she was getting into.”
Ren snorted. “Typical know-it-all male. Always knows better than the female what she wants or needs.”
He eyed her balefully. “Anyway, if I can continue, I’ll get to my point.”
“Ah yes, what was the point of this conversation? I’ve quite forgotten.”
He smacked the side of her ass. “Disrespectful baggage. I’ll have to punish you for that later.”
The shiver that stole over her body delighted him. And stirred his blood like crazy. He couldn’t wait to have her spread out before him. Helpless. Dependent solely on him and his mercy. Provided he had any.
“Now, the thing is, back to my role at The House, because this kind of ties in. I did a lot of preparing. I touched. But mostly observed. I never had actual intercourse with the women there. I was tempted a few times but it wasn’t the right situation. I liked being at the club. I enjoyed the lifestyle. But mostly I was an outsider looking in. Until Angelina.”
Ren battled her frown. She tried not to allow him to see her reaction. She went still and he could feel the battle she waged with herself. It was obvious she still carried the scars from her previous relationship and it pissed him the fuck off that some bastard had actually cheated on her. Her! Who the hell in their right mind would even look at another woman when they had Ren at their feet. A willing submissive. Eager to do his bidding, to please him. She was so beautiful inside and out and he hated this son of a bitch for making her doubt that inner beauty.
That this asshole had paraded these women in front of Ren—hell he’d probably fucked them in front of her—all the while sending her the message that she wasn’t good enough, that nothing she could do would please him.
If he did nothing else in these two weeks, he’d show her that no other woman existed for him except her. She would know without a doubt that while she may submit to him and give him the most precious gift a woman can give to a man, in reality, she wielded absolute power over him.
“So you had sex with Angelina. Was she your first? I mean, from The House?” Ren asked.
“Well, yes and no. Micah invited me over. He trusted me. There were things he wanted that he didn’t feel comfortable doing himself.”
Ren’s eyebrows raised and he could see the interest gleam in her eyes.
“Hot wax,” Cole explained. “He didn’t want to hurt Angelina and I have experience with the practice. Micah did not. He may have tested her limits and maybe even tried to push her away and to prove that she couldn’t take what he would demand from her, but he would have died before hurting her.”
Ren donned a thoughtful, musing look. “I think I might like this Angelina. Except the part about her having sex with you.”
He chuckled. “There were other men present. Two others, to be exact.”
Her eyes widened again. “So she had sex with all of you?”
Cole studied her reaction closely. She seemed intrigued and he wasn’t sure how to take that. He wasn’t big on sharing. It was one thing he had in common with Damon. Before Angelina, he’d never even participated in a threesome. He was too damn possessive to share a woman he cared about with another man. But he could understand the appeal better now.
He finally nodded. “Yes, it was something that turned her on. We made sure she enjoyed herself. There was one other time, and perhaps I enjoyed this encounter more. It was more …intimate.”
Ren shifted her position so she could lean back against the couch with her feet over his belly and dangling off the couch. “This is a fascinating conversation. I’m so intrigued by all of it. So there was another time. With just you, Micah and Angelina?”
He nodded. “Yes. Micah invited me to The House. At the time he and Angelina were staying there. She had some asshole stalking her and Micah wanted to keep her safe. For the first time, I understood the appeal in sharing a woman with another man. The first encounter, with the other men, was more clinical for me. I was there to perform certain services. This time he wanted to watch. He wanted to watch me dominate his woman. His possession. I’d never considered how arousing it would be.”
“So the other night when Lucas …when he intervened. Did you like it then?”
He grimaced. “Yes and no. I hated that he inserted himself. But then I understood why. And well, if I’m honest, it was fucking hot. I loved seeing you between us. I can’t even begin to explain why. Maybe it’s best if I don’t analyze it. All I know is that it was a hell of a turn on.”
“It’s the first time he’s ever shared me with someone else,” she admitted softly.
“Did it upset you?”
She sighed and pulled her hair behind her head and held it there in a ponytail before letting it go again. He watched her closely because he sensed …It wasn’t disappointment exactly. But he’d seen the curiosity and even perhaps desire that had flashed when he’d spoken of Angelina having had sex with multiple men. If he had to guess, it was a desire that perhaps Ren had entertained but that Lucas had never provided for her.
“Lucas …Well, here’s the thing with Lucas. He’s hard. I’m sure you know this, and well, I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t providing me exactly what I need in a relationship. He’s unapologetic. Don’t get me wrong. I know without a doubt he’d never do anything at all that would harm me. But I belong to him. Not just in a sense of being his. Even for a dominant submissive relationship, he’s hardcore. I’m his. I’m his property. He does what he damn well wants with me when he wants unless it would cause me physical harm or emotional distress.”
Cole nodded. “I get that.”
“So, one of his kinks, like you said about Micah, is that he enjoys watching another man dominate, and I mean completely dominate, his woman. Sometimes he just likes to watch while another man completely owns his woman. Other times he likes to direct. And by that I mean he watches but he orchestrates every thing that happens. He tells the man what to do, how to do it, how hard to spank or flog, how hard to fuck. Whether to fuck her ass, her pussy or her mouth. I know he enjoys this and has practiced it with his other submissives.”
“But not with you,” Cole guessed.
She shook her head. “I’ve expected it. And maybe a part of me has even anticipated it. I think it’s the unknown and that it’s all kinds of forbidden and edgy.” Then she laughed. “Okay, that sounds ridiculous. Like having a threesome is edgier than the absolute lifestyle I live with Lucas …and now with you,” she added softly.
“I’ve wondered if it would be something I would enjoy, and then the other night when he took me to his club—”
She broke off and her cheeks colored slightly. Cole raised his eyebrows. “What happened at the club?”
“Well, he’s always so posse
ssive of me. Like, look but don’t touch. That sort of thing. He’s very picky about who he allows near me. Especially at the club. But he sent me off to dance with these three guys, which was surprising enough. But then he comes out and dances with me, and, well, it was different. He’s not much of an exhibitionist, but he was fake fucking my mouth, he had me bent over like he was fucking me from behind. And then …”
“Oh you can’t stop now,” Cole said dryly. “Not when it’s getting good.”
“He allowed one of the men to touch me. With his mouth. He sucked at my breasts. And then he touched me. He slid his fingers inside me.”
“Did you like it?”
“Yeah,” she breathed. “It was hot. Exciting. I felt so naughty and wicked. And now I think maybe it was just a precursor or a warm-up because he knew he was going to give me to you.”
Cole frowned. He didn’t like the idea of Lucas letting random guys feel her up just to get her ready for him.
“So last night, when Lucas and I both were inside you. Was that the first time you experienced that?”
Her pupils dilated and she nodded. Her skin had flushed and she was warmer than she had been just a moment ago.
“You liked it.”
He knew she had, but he wanted to hear it from her.
“Yes, I did,” she whispered. “I can’t even explain it. It was so …powerful. Completely different than the night in the club. I didn’t know that other man. And while it had this edgy, forbidden feel to it, I still clung to Lucas because I felt safe with him. Last night, I was between two men I trust. I felt completely safe with both of you. I knew neither of you would ever hurt me. It was …freeing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more powerful and yet I was completely and utterly powerless and vulnerable. I loved it.”
He pulled her down to kiss her again, as he’d done so frequently over the last hours. He simply couldn’t get enough of her. He loved reminding himself that she was here, in his arms. She was his.
“You’ll always be safe with me, Ren. Even when I’m pushing you. When I’m hard and demanding, and I can be both, no doubt. I love that you’re open with me about what you like. What turns you on. And what makes you feel safe. I’ll never willingly or purposely do anything that ever makes you feel afraid, insecure or inferior. And I’ll damn sure never do anything to humiliate you. If you don’t feel comfortable going to dinner with Angelina because she’s someone I’ve fucked, then we’ll absolutely stay home. But know this: I fucked her. Did I like her? Did I respect her? Absolutely. I’m not an asshole. But I fucked her because it felt good, it turned me on and it was what she and Micah wanted. I didn’t make love to her and therein lies the difference.”