“Without minimal bloodshed,” I add quietly.
His eyes connect with mine, and he nods. “I wasn’t power hungry like the others, at least not in that way. Bloodshed gets shit done fast, but in the end, it doesn’t really eliminate future threats, because there’ll always be someone new. So I wanted to base the organization on loyalty, and instead of waging a bloody war, I wanted to strip my competitors of all that they were, and then let them crawl their way down to their own graves.” The smile he gives me brings goosebumps to my skin. “Some things are worse than death. Most men would rather go down fighting, not go down as a pathetic mongrel that lost everything.”
“So you prey on their insecurities,” I murmur.
He nods. “And it’s worked.”
“Until last night. My father seeks blood whereas you avoid it. The more you strip him of what he holds dear, the more he’s going to come for you—publicly if he has to.”
Nikolas grimaces. “You warned me.”
“Even I didn’t foresee that he would ambush a public location, Nikolas. Had I known or considered that it would be possible, I would have said something to you.”
He nods and says nothing.
My hand is still on his arm, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I’m so glad now that I’d gone on instinct to find him tonight. I’m beginning to understand him better, and the man that I’m slowly getting to know is a man that I admire. There’s so much more to him than the arrogant business side that he wears like a mask.
“I sent a team after your father,” he says, his voice cutting into my thoughts.
It’s obvious that it was his very last choice, one that he didn’t want to put into motion just yet, but his hands are tied now. If my father isn’t stopped, there’s going to be a lot more bloodshed.
“You did the right thing. The sooner he’s gone, the less people he can hurt,” I say softly.
Nikolas’s eyes connect with mine, and for a brief second, I think he might kiss me. Then, quite abruptly, he moves away and rises to his feet.
I’m a little surprised by the sudden distance, but I follow his lead and stand. I look at him, debating what to say. I’m so confused…
“I need a shower. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says curtly.
I’m not the type to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I can’t hide how hurt I am over his sudden dismissal of me. It’s as if he’d flipped a switch in the last ten seconds, and I’m not sure how to react.
Much to my surprise, his eyes soften as quickly as they’d hardened moments earlier. “I’m trying to do what’s right, Gatita,” he says quietly.
“With me?” I ask.
He nods as his jaw tightens. “You’re still grieving.”
I stare at him with dawning realization. He’s holding back because he knows I’m still mourning Zac. This is a man that is accustomed to taking what he wants when he wants it, but he’s holding himself back, because he’s putting my needs first. It’s admirable but also frustrating. I’m not sure what I want where Nikolas is concerned. There’s a strong chemistry between us, but yet I hold myself back because of Zac. I’m sure the signals I’ve been unconsciously giving have been all over the place.
“Good night, Gatita,” he says finally before he turns and walks across the weight room to the door that leads to the shower and sauna. The door closes, and I find myself all alone.
I blow out a frustrated breath and try to sort out my feelings. My body physically aches to go to him, but then my brain tells me it’s too soon and that I owe Zac more of my time. There’s so much turmoil inside me, and I turn over my right wrist and gaze at the scar. Not long ago, I couldn’t imagine myself living without Zac. And now, here I stand, aching for another man in ways that I never ached for Zac. Everything was so…easy with him. I always knew what he was feeling, and that he’d be there for me. I felt safe with him, content even.
Nikolas makes me feel so much more. There’s conflict, lust, doubt, but yet there’s this uncontrollable urge that makes me want to go to him when I know that I shouldn’t. I didn’t have that kind of connection with Zac, because he was just always…there.
There’s no way to sort out the mess in my mind. It’s simply there and will unravel with time, I guess. But in this moment, I need to decide if I’m going to follow my gut instinct, or if I’m going to let what I feel I owe Zac to control me.
Instinct is telling me to go to Nikolas.
So far, instinct had gotten me away from that horrid engagement fiasco in Philadelphia, it’s also led me here to Nikolas, and I’m not about to doubt it now.
I cross the weight room and open the door that he had disappeared behind. As like all the rooms in this place, it’s large. To the right is a door that leads into the sauna. To the left is an open room with a big, glassed in shower stall with two showerheads. Nikolas is beneath one, and the rest of the room fades away as my eyes lock on him through the glass.
The sight of his naked body slick with water brings a pool of liquid heat to my core. He hasn’t seen me yet, and my eyes linger on his bronzed, muscular back before falling to his tight ass.
Unable to look away from him, I slip off my shirt and pants. After sliding off my panties, I walk naked to the door of the shower and open it. Hot steam wafts towards me, and Nikolas immediately turns with surprise.
When he sees me, his eyes glint almost dangerously as they drop and devour my body. His dick quickly thickens as he watches me walk towards him.
There are no words to explain why I had felt so compelled to follow him, so I simply gaze back at him without saying anything. I pause in front of him, the look in his eyes raw and unbridled. I manage to suck in a quick breath before he reaches for my arm. He gently tugs me beneath the showerhead, and the warm water sluices down my body.
Nikolas moves in behind me, cupping my breasts with his hands as his lips press against my bare shoulder. I feel his tongue flick along my skin, licking away the droplets of water as his fingers play with the tips of my breasts. As I arch my back, closing my eyes as I savor his touch, I can feel his erection fully distended against the small of my back.
When one of his hands slides down between my legs, his fingers come into contact with my wet folds. He groans against my shoulder. “I want to take my time with you, but when I touch you, I lose all patience.”
I’m aching almost painfully between my legs, and I boldly part them. “I don’t have much patience, either,” I say over my shoulder. As much as I would like to explore him, I ache too much and need him inside me.
“There’s something about you…I just can’t get enough,” he says thickly before his hand leaves my folds. “Against the wall,” he orders as he touches my waist, urging me to do as he asks.
I typically hate being ordered around, but during a moment like this, I’ll play along. I cross the shower and press my hands flat against the wall, part my legs, and arch my back.
Nikolas mutters an expletive behind me as his hands grip my hips. “I want to fuck you into oblivion, but I don’t want to hurt you,” he growls.
I look at him from over my shoulder. “Hurt me?”
“Your shoulder.”
I’d completely forgotten about my healing wounds. “It’s fine, I’ll let you know if I can’t handle it.”
His hardness probes me from behind, and his eyes darken as they remain on mine. “Bend over more,” he commands thickly.
I turn to face the wall and arch my hips further so that he has easier access, and then his steely length pushes inside me. My breath quickens, and I shift my legs so that I am braced against the shower wall more comfortably. His hips momentarily pause against my ass, and I bite my lip.
“Ready?” he grits.
Instead of replying, I push my ass back to push him in deeper. His fingers immediately tighten on my hips, and then he pulls himself out and sinks back into me. Then, he begins an unrelenting pace. Each time, I meet his thrusts as they become more and more forceful. He pistons into me, over and over as the
pleasure builds.
My arms are trembling against the wall, and I’m gasping for air as his body continues to work against mine. The strain of bracing myself against the wall is causing my shoulder to burn, but it’s easy to ignore as I concentrate on my building pleasure.
“Gatita,” he grits out from behind.
He must be close, but from this position, it’s not as easy for me to come.
Nikolas, sensing my problem, slows his pace and reaches around me to find my clit. I gasp as his fingers rub the bundle of nerves while his hips return back to the earlier pace.
“Come,” he growls, his teeth dragging against the delicate skin of my shoulder.
My body tenses, and I arch into him before releasing a throaty scream as my core pulses with my orgasm.
Nikolas continues to manipulate my clit while thrusting from behind, allowing me to ride out my pleasure. When my body begins to calm, his hand falls away from my folds. With both hands now gripping my hips, he drives into me forcefully, and I brace myself against the wall. My entire body is trembling from strain by the time he surges into me one last time with a long, masculine groan of satisfaction.
While he catches his breath, I try to keep myself upright as my arms shake uncontrollably. Nikolas, realizing I’m about to fall, quickly pulls out of me and wraps his arms around my waist, taking my weight.
I lean back in his arms, feeling limp.
“Still with me?” he murmurs with a hint of bemusement.
“Barely,” I mumble.
He chuckles. “Stay put,” he says as he moves away to turn off the shower.
I stand there and watch as he exits the shower, retrieves a handful of towels, and returns. He hands me a towel, and I wrap it around my body as we leave the steamy shower. I reach up and pull my long hair over my shoulder, trying to squeeze the excess water from it.
Out of nowhere, Nikolas produces another towel and uses it to soak up some of the water in my hair. My hand drops, and I let him run the towel over my hair until it’s no longer dripping.
“Better?” he asks.
“Much.”
We both stand there, facing each other. Twice now we’ve had sex. This is going to complicate things.
Nikolas moves closer and leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Go on up to bed,” he murmurs.
“See you tomorrow,” I return in a light tone.
His lip quirks, and then he walks away and disappears through a door that must lead to a changing room.
* * *
It’s time to pay Santos another visit. Maybe I’m a glutton for rejection, but I know he must be bored being restricted to the guest room, and I thought I’d see how he’s doing.
Now that I know how much Santos means to Nikolas and why they’re so close, I can feel myself softening towards him. I can also understand why Santos probably disliked me even before I’d burst into his office. My father killed people he cared about, so it makes sense that he would be suspicious of me. Now I regret walking into his office uninvited and making demands, but I can’t go back in time and change it. We’d started off on the wrong foot, and I’d like to fix it if I can.
When I enter Santos’s room, he’s propped up in bed—awake and alert. The moment his eyes rest on me, they narrow to slits as he glowers at me.
I’m very much an unwelcome guest, but I push through the uncomfortable moment and walk over to the chair beside his bed. I sit down and meet his gaze, trying to ignore that he’s bare chested except for a white bandage on his right shoulder. “I don’t blame you for hating me,” I say bluntly.
“I feel nothing for you,” he says with emphasis.
“He killed someone I loved too,” I say softly. “He died in my arms, and there was nothing I could do but hold him. The Herrera name is cursed, and I’m hoping someday I’ll be free of it.” I want Santos to know that I’m not going through some rebellious faze where my father is concerned. There is no forgiveness in my heart, not for him. Never for him.
His eyes sharpen. “He told you?”
“About Manny? Yes.”
His nostrils flare as he glares at me without blinking. He doesn’t bother hiding the dark glint in his eyes that say he’d like to hurt or kill me. I’m assuming the latter.
Damn. All I wanted was to extend an olive branch and somehow make things right before this all ends. “I don’t have any ulterior motives, Santos,” I say sincerely. “I just want to be free of my father.”
“You fucking Nikolas?” he asks in a biting tone.
I’m taken aback by his rude question, but instead of being offended, I look at him levelly. “That’s not quite the word I would use, but yes, we’ve had sex. Not that it’s really any of your business,” I add.
“And yet you answered the question,” he mocks.
“I answered it, because I’m not ashamed.”
“What happens when this ends?” he asks bluntly.
“Nikolas keeps his end of the deal, and I start over somewhere else,” I say without hesitation. Though somewhere, deep inside, a place is beginning to ache uncomfortably at the thought.
“You think it’ll be that easy?” he asks derisively.
It takes me a moment to follow the conversation. I’d known this wasn’t going to be easy, but it’s harder than I’d thought. And Santos isn’t giving me an inch to work with.
He speaks before I can reply to his question. “When you start over, you can’t have any contact with Nikolas, not ever. His protection doesn’t reach overseas,” he reminds, a savage smile lurking in the corners of his lips.
“We both know you want me gone,” I say dryly.
“You can’t leave fast enough for my liking,” he practically growls.
“Then what’s your point?”
He just stares back at me, his expression cold. “Just making sure that you understand the situation.”
What he isn’t saying is that I’m leaving soon, and that I shouldn’t be sleeping with Nikolas or things will turn messy.
I think things already turned messy.
There isn’t much else to say, so I leave his room and return back to mine. There’s a small, white bag on my bed, and it’s a reminder that once again, Nikolas and I had neglected to use protection last night.
This situation is more than messy.
* * *
It begins to rain after the sun sets that evening, and like last time, I find myself feeling drawn to it. It isn’t all that late, so I’m not worried that I’ll set off any alarms. There are still security men walking around the estate, and I’d seen Tomàs earlier as I’d passed by him.
It isn’t enough to stand inside the patio door and watch the rain, so I ease it open and step outside, carefully closing it behind me. It’s a gentle rain this evening with no thunder or lightening. It’s peaceful, and it brings a small smile to my face as I cross the patio and sit on a lounger by the pool.
I stare at the city’s skyline, taking in the beauty of the view as the rain turns to a gentle mist. An odd contentedness has come over me, and I wonder if Zac is somehow telling me that it’s okay to move on. The pain has lessened with each day that has passed, and I’m beginning to focus on Nikolas more and more. The curiosity I feel when I’m around him, that need to learn more, it’s stronger than the guilt.
I’d thought that I’d mourn Zac for years, but instead, I find myself letting him go far sooner than I’d ever expected. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him. I’ll always miss him, but I need to focus on the future and stop dwelling on the past and what I can’t change. I can’t continue holding onto Zac just because I feel I owe it to him. He wouldn’t want that, I know he wouldn’t.
Twenty-four
Nikolas
Catalina’s out in the rain again.
I’d happened to pass by my office window, and I’d spied her down below, sitting on a lounge chair. She looks relaxed as the gentle, falling mist surrounds her.
Meanwhile, my gut twists at the sight.
I’m tempted to go out to her again. I want to tell her that Zac can’t ever comfort her like I can. That he’s dead, and he’ll never be coming back. I’m the one who’s here on Earth, living and breathing. Why can’t she feel for me what she feels for a man that is no longer here?
Everything within me stills.
Shit.
It was supposed to be just sex, but I’m realizing that I want more from Catalina than I’d ever thought I could. In the process of seeking revenge, I’d left myself vulnerable to her.
Fucking hell.
Not wanting her to see me standing by the window, I move away and sit down behind my desk, reaching for my glass of scotch. Resentment is beginning to stir deep within me. Nothing bothers me more than a situation I can’t control.
I should be concentrating on the fact that I’d sent a team to take out the Herrera Cartel and bring back the man himself. That should be the center of my focus, but instead, I find myself thoroughly distracted with Santos and his slow recovery, and now Catalina.
The real kicker in all this is that she’ll be leaving once Herrera is dead. She wants to go overseas and never look back, not that I blame her. She’s gone through a lot thanks to a man that was supposed to protect her, and instead, he’d exploited her for his own benefits. I can understand why she’d want a new identity so that she can start over where the cartels can’t reach her.
I need to honor that.
But I’m also aware that I’m going to miss the little spitfire. She’d brought color back into my life when all I was seeing were muted colors. It’ll be difficult returning to my everyday routine knowing there isn’t anyone there to challenge it.
I could easily begin dating, that might cure the emptiness I’d been feeling long before Catalina arrived. But most women I meet are so damned predictable right from the very beginning. I’ve never met a woman that stirs more inside me than just temporary lust.
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