SPIDER'S WEB

by Dani Matthews

  The thought of nursing a broken heart once more leaves me frightened. Zac’s death completely shattered me. What would happen if I fall in love with Nikolas, and he doesn’t return it? I don’t want to revisit that dark path of depression and self-destruction.

  Twenty-eight

  Nikolas

  Going to the gun range wasn’t part of my schedule today, but I made time and rescheduled a meeting. After what had gone down with Mario Herrera, I should have gone ahead with the meeting, but my head just isn’t into cartel business right now.

  The only things that seems to help me regain focus is when I work out to the point of exhaustion, or I go to the indoor gun range that I like to frequent. In my line of work, it’s imperative that I keep up on my shooting skills. Since Catalina is on the estate, working out in the gym is out of the question.

  So here I am.

  Just the thought of her has my teeth grinding as I aim the gun at the target on the opposite end of the lane. I’d asked her to stay, and she’d turned me down. As a child and teenager, I was once familiar with rejection and the emotional upheaval it inevitably brought. But then I became older, and Santos and I gained power and respect. It’s been a long, damned time since I’ve felt this way, and Catalina’s the reason it.

  I fire the gun, shooting three rounds into the center of the target.

  As much as I resent her for making me feel this way, I still can’t help but worry over her. Once she’s on a flight overseas, she’s on her own. All I can do is make certain she’s not leaving any trails behind, and then the rest is up to her. It’s tempting to keep a tail on her for my peace of mind. I could easily do it. But if I do, and get regular updates, she’ll still be in my life. That certainly won’t help me forget about her. There’s also the possibility that she might meet someone and fall in love. If that happens, I sure as fuck don’t want to know about it.

  I don’t know what the hell to do, and it’s pissing me off.

  After a while, I become bored and pack up my belongings. Callum is with me today, and he follows me out of the building and opens the limo door. I slide in and frown when I find Santos apparently waiting on me. He wasn’t with me when we’d arrived.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask as Callum closes the door and goes to sit up front with Sergio. A minute later, I feel the limo pulling away from the building.

  Santos is reclined in the opposite seat, and he gives me a long look. “You’ve been a sour bastard all morning,” he comments.

  I set the gun case on the seat beside me and adjust my shirt. “How would you know?” I say coolly. I haven’t seen him all day. Though I hadn’t really given him a chance to track me down. After Catalina went back to her room, I’d gone to my own and managed to get about an hour of sleep before waking early and heading out.

  “You think the others haven’t noticed?” Santos quirks an eyebrow. “You give off vibes that you’ll tear someone’s head off with your bare hands if they so much as look at you wrong.”

  His statement brings a scowl to my face. “Who the fuck is keeping tabs on my mood and checking in with you?” I don’t need to be babysat. They work for me, not Santos.

  Santos just stares me down.

  “Santos,” I growl.

  “That tone stopped working on me a long time ago,” he says with a smirk.

  I can feel a muscle throbbing in my jaw as my temper rises to his bait. “Don’t push me,” I warn.

  “Or what? You’ll have me thrown out?” He eases forward and sits upright in the seat, adjusting his injured leg. “No one else has the balls to call you out, so you need me.” His eyes hold mine. “We’re brothers,” he says steadily.

  That one word soothes the anger within me, and it deflates like a shrinking balloon. Fuck. I have been a bear this morning, but I don’t want to discuss the source behind my foul mood. It stings too much.

  “Catalina fucking Herrera,” Santos announces bitterly.

  I give him a sharp look, not appreciating the way he’d stated her name.

  He shakes his head, looking disgusted. “I knew it.”

  “Santos…”

  He glares at me. “I knew you had feelings for her, but this mood you’re in today reveals a whole hell of a lot more than I wanted to acknowledge. You’re in deep man, and I can’t do a damn thing about it but watch you unravel over a woman that doesn’t deserve you.”

  “You don’t know anything about Catalina,” I say levelly.

  “You’ve fucked her, called her your Gatita, and you were willing to give away everything we worked so fucking hard for so that she could have her closure with her father,” he spats.

  The anger that had been rising to the surface with each word out of his mouth begins to dissipate. Santos is right. We paved this path together, and I made the decision to offer Catalina her closure without asking Santos his thoughts. I’m so accustomed to ordering my men around and getting what I want, that sometimes I become oblivious to his needs. I’m such a shit friend.

  I rub my jaw, knowing I owe him an apology. “I fucked up,” I quietly agree. “And I’m sorry,” I add.

  Santos sighs and settles back into his seat so that he’s comfortable. “I’m over it. Sort of,” he mutters. “Doesn’t matter anyway, my point is you’re all twisted up over Catalina, and she needs to go. She’s messing with your head.”

  “She’s not messing with my head, I’m the one messing it up,” I tell him dryly.

  Santos’s brows snap together. “What do you mean?”

  I give him a humorous laugh. “You’re right. I fell for her, harder than I thought. I even asked her to stay. She said no.”

  The frown turns into a stare. “You asked her to stay?” he asks slowly as if in disbelief.

  That’s about as much as he’s going to get out of me regarding Catalina. It’s bad enough I feel this way, I don’t need to unload everything onto Santos so he can see me look the fool.

  For once, Santos has nothing to say as he watches me with a strange expression on his face.

  I can’t decipher it, and so help me, if he’s pitying me, I’m going to skin him alive. “I want her gone by noon tomorrow,” I say flatly.

  Santos studies me. “If that’s what you want,” he says in a neutral tone.

  “It is,” I say firmly.

  The sooner she’s off the estate, the faster I can get her out of my head.

  Twenty-nine

  Catalina

  I stand in the foyer beside my suitcases and try not to show how crestfallen I am. I hadn’t seen Nikolas at all yesterday, and now early this morning, Tomàs had informed me that I’d be leaving at nine to catch the first flight of many.

  Instead of feeling excited, my heart had sunk. I’d foolishly asked him to tell Nikolas that I would like to say goodbye before I leave. Tomàs had assured me that he had indeed informed him of my wishes, but Nikolas had told him that he’d be tied up in business meetings all morning and afternoon.

  He doesn’t want to see me.

  I’ve replayed our last conversation over and over in my mind, but I can’t imagine it going any other way than how it had. He’d asked me to stay, and I’d said no.

  My throat thickens as I look down at my hands. He’d once told me that intimacy was casual for him, and that he kept himself at a distance from women. He let me in, and now I feel like I’ve betrayed him in some way.

  “Miss Herrera? We must leave,” Tomàs reminds me, his tone kind but firm.

  Nikolas isn’t coming.

  I draw in a slow breath and nod at Tomàs, giving him a polite smile. “Okay.” I reach for one of the suitcases, but Tomàs brushes my hand away and picks them both up. We step outside the front doors, and the limousine is waiting. Sergio stands beside the back door of the vehicle, eyes expectant.

  As I approach, he promptly opens the back door, and I climb into the nearest seat. When I see Santos sitting across from me on the far side of the limo, I start with surprise.

  Tomàs is in the mids
t of climbing into the limo when he too spies Santos. He blinks and frowns. “You weren’t assigned to Miss Herrera today.”

  “Ride up front,” Santos tells him in a brisk tone.

  Tomàs hesitates, glancing between myself and Santos. Then, he exits the limousine and closes the door to give us privacy.

  Meanwhile, I’m staring at Santos with confusion. Why would Nikolas send him? This man, he can’t stand me. He probably hates me even more so after Nikolas handed me my father’s fate. The atmosphere becomes strained, and I feel the limousine begin moving as Sergio maneuvers it so that he can direct it down the driveway.

  Santos studies me, his expression giving nothing away.

  I’m not going to buckle under his scrutiny, so I steadily return his gaze.

  “If he’s not in love with you, he’s pretty damned close,” he grimly states, breaking the silence.

  I was expecting many things, but not that. My mouth falls open as I’m momentarily caught off guard before I quickly close it. “Nikolas?” I dumbly ask.

  “Certainly not me,” he says dryly.

  The shock of his statement is wearing off. Santos is playing some sort of game with me, he has to be. It’s not funny, and I glare. “Why are you really here?”

  He simply studies me, his expression hard and impenetrable. “Has he said anything about how he feels?”

  What if this isn’t a game? Santos seems quite serious, begrudgingly I might say, but serious nonetheless. “No…” I say slowly.

  An unknown emotion crosses his face. “I’ve known Nikolas forever, and not once has he ever allowed a woman close to him. Somehow, you’ve gotten past all the walls he had up.”

  “That doesn’t mean he loves me,” I feel the need to point out.

  “True,” he agrees. “He may not, but I think he’s well on his way. Did he ask you to stay?”

  I hesitate. “He did, but he never said anything that would make me think he was looking for anything other than a casual affair.”

  Santos gives me a look. “Have you?”

  “Have I what?”

  He looks like he’s gathering patience and having a difficult time of it. “Given him the idea that you want something real with him,” he says with a hint of exasperation.

  I can’t believe I am discussing Nikolas with Santos. I can sense that this is going somewhere, so I’m willing to continue the conversation. “I told him that I’ll miss him.”

  Santos releases a sigh. “That’s certainly not going to pull a declaration out of him. He doesn’t do vulnerable, I never thought he was capable of it—until now.”

  “You…really believe there’s something there, don’t you?” I ask slowly as I process everything he’s said.

  His lips press into a grim line before he says, “If there were any doubt, I wouldn’t be here.”

  I look at him searchingly. “Why are you telling me this? You can’t stand me, so I would think you’d want me as far from him as possible.”

  “You’re right,” he says bluntly. “I don’t like you, and if I could choose someone for him, it definitely wouldn’t be you. But I also love him like a brother, and I’d rather see him happy than see you go.”

  I’m momentarily left speechless. How is this even happening? And what in the world made Santos climb inside this limo? Had Nikolas said something to him?

  “Why did you come see me when I was injured?” he asks, cutting into my thoughts.

  “You put your life on the line for Nikolas’s. I was curious about you, and since Nikolas cares so much for you…I wanted to see what he saw,” I say truthfully.

  “Then you know why I’m sitting here. I may not like you, but he sure as hell does. Do you love him?” he asks steadily.

  “I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I think I’m getting there.”

  He looks at me with a frown. “Then if you’re both falling for each other, why are you leaving?”

  “I want out.”

  “Of the cartels?”

  I nod.

  “You’ll be able to live without ever seeing Nikolas again?” he presses as he watches me intently.

  My heart clenches. “I…”

  Santos’s eyes remain on mine, waiting for me to finish.

  I can’t, and I fall silent.

  “Nikolas isn’t your father, Catalina. His organization is considered family. We don’t turn on each other,” he firmly assures.

  I’m already shaking my head even though I badly want to give in and run back to Nikolas. “I just got the Herrera Cartel off my back. Staying will only put a new one on me.”

  He shakes his head. “You’ll be well-protected. Nikolas runs this entire territory. He has allies that will back him if a war should ever begin. His allies were out for blood after the attack at the cocktail lounge, but he made them stand down. He’s a powerful man, Catalina, and violence has been minimal through the years because there are always other solutions.”

  “It’s not just that, Santos. I can’t live as Nikolas’s shadow,” I insist. “I don’t want to just be there for him when he happens to be home. I want to be in his life, not on the sidelines. The way women are treated…I can’t do that.”

  “Those were never his rules,” he calmly replies. “You can’t base your opinion off the others’ decisions. Nikolas controls the cartel, but not their personal lives. This is something you should discuss with him. He’s a fair man.”

  I’m silent as I think over everything he’s laid out for me. He’s made a lot of valid points.

  The limo comes to a stop, and I look out the window to see that we’ve arrived at the airport.

  Santos looks at me expectantly. “Are you staying or going?” he asks deliberately.

  He can’t be serious. “This isn’t something I can just decide that quickly,” I exclaim.

  “Why not?” he challenges. “If you care for him as much as you say you do, there should be no hesitation.”

  “It’s not that easy,” I say with exasperation. There’s so much to consider…

  “It can be,” he counters back.

  The door beside me opens, and Tomàs stands there. “Ready?” he asks me.

  My throat has turned dry, and I can’t move. The pounding of my heart throbs inside me as I realize it really is going to come down to my very next decision. Can I find a way to embrace Nikolas’s lifestyle? What do I really have to lose?

  “Miss Herrera?” Tomàs asks with concern.

  I clear my throat but can’t speak.

  Santos gives me a hard look. “If you’re not willing to try, don’t bother staying. Get on that flight and never look back.”

  His hazel eyes hold mine prisoner. Somehow, his intense stare is all I need for all the confusion to settle into place so that I can make my decision. I turn to Tomàs. “I’ve changed my mind and would like to return to the estate,” I calmly tell him.

  Tomàs looks surprised, but nods and closes the door. A second later, the limo pulls away from the curb.

  I’m actually going to do this.

  God, I pray that I’m not making a mistake.

  I draw in a few deep breaths and adjust one of the cuff bracelets on my wrist before looking at Santos. “Where is he?” I ask, referring to Nikolas.

  “In his office.”

  He’s been in his office all morning? I stare at him, unable to hide the hurt I feel over learning that. “Tomàs mentioned meetings…” I say thickly.

  “That’s what Nikolas likely wanted you to think.”

  Damn. That stings.

  Santos gives me a look. “He’s hurting too, you know.”

  * * *

  After I’d arrived back on the estate, I’d secluded myself inside the guest room so I could get my bearings. Santos had assured me that no one would alert Nikolas of my presence. When I was ready, I could go on up to his office.

  So here I stand, just outside his office door as I brace myself for the most important conversation of my life. I have mixed emotions over the future a
nd what I’m about to do. I’m not doubting my feelings for Nikolas, those are deeply rooted inside me. I think I probably have fallen in love with him, but I’m not ready to go as far as saying it out loud. Too much has to be sorted before I’m willing to peel away the rest of my layers so he can see me without my walls up. I need more from him before I can lay myself bare, so to speak.

  It’s his cartel that’s bringing me the most tribulation. Once I’d learned the truth of who my father was and why my life was cruelly shattered, I’d sworn that I would get out. This isn’t the life I’d wanted for myself, but yet here I am, about to choose a man that brings a ton of baggage, and a cartel with him.

  How the hell did I end up here?

  Slowly, I draw in a deep breath and exhale.

  I got here by listening to my instinct. And right now, it’s telling me to trust what I’m feeling, and to trust Nikolas to listen to my concerns. Heck, this might not even go very far. Two weeks down the road, we might realize we’re wrong for each other after all. There really is that possibility, but I’m not giving it too much thought. I’ve been in love before, but what I feel for Nikolas has surpassed anything I’ve ever experienced. I think I’m in it for the long haul, wherever that may lead.

  Unfortunately, I have no control over Nikolas’s feelings, and that’s terrifying. I might adjust my life to his, and then have the rug pulled out from under me because he’s not as invested.

  Shit.

  I’m worrying about what if’s, and I’ve been down that dark road before and it leads to nothing but bad things.

  One step at a time, I tell myself.

  Here goes nothing.

  I knock on the door and know there’s no going back.

  “I said not to interrupt me!” Nikolas barks from the other side of the door, causing me to jump. I actually take an instinctive step back from the force of his tone.