Maybe this isn’t the best time to approach him, or am I the reason for his foul mood? He’s usually so calm and collected, but the man on the other side of the door sounds anything but. If this is how Nikolas has been lately, I can now understand why Santos felt the need to reach out to me.
I pull myself together for the second time and reach for the door knob. I open the door and step inside, only to find myself on the receiving end of Nikolas’s thunderous expression. When he sees that it’s me, he blinks and then looks confused.
“Hi,” I say, closing the door behind me before crossing the room to his desk.
“What…are you doing here? Your flight…” he seems to be at a loss for words.
My presence has rattled him, and for once, I appreciate being the one who has their composure in place. I brush aside some papers and perch on the corner of his desk as he looks up at me. His expression tells me he’s wondering if this is real, and if I’m correct, there’s a hint of hope deep within his gaze.
“I think we need to revisit our last conversation,” I tell him.
Nikolas has quickly pulled himself together, and he leans back in his chair, scooting backwards a few inches so he can fully face me. “Is that so?”
“You suggested I stay, correct?” I prod.
His jaw tenses, probably recalling my rejection. “I did,” he says levelly.
“I didn’t ask what would happen if I stayed. Between us,” I clarify.
Instead of responding, he falls completely silent. Thank God Santos told me he’s certain that Nikolas is falling for me, because otherwise, I’d be doubting myself here.
His expression is completely guarded. “That would be up to you,” he says carefully, giving me nothing.
Damn it. Being the first to confess anything is getting damned old. “Would it be just casual sex? Or would it be a monogamous relationship? Is there a possibility of a future? Those are the things I am asking you,” I say bluntly.
Something begins to stir in his gaze. “There is absolutely nothing casual about my feelings for you. You wouldn’t ever have to worry about my fidelity, Gatita.”
Finally!! About damned time. I keep my thoughts off my face as I hold his gaze. “Do you see yourself settling down one day?”
As each second passes, his eyes are softening and filling with warmth. “With a wife and kids? Wife, yes. Children is certainly an option, but it hasn’t been on my mind and won’t be for a while.”
“I don’t know where this could go, but there’s a lot to decide if you want to see where it leads,” I say tentatively.
He scoots the chair closer so that he can place his arms on either side of my hips as he looks up at me. “I’m willing to do everything I can to make this work,” he says seriously, and his blue eyes promise that he means every word.
A genuine smile curves my lips as I reach for his hair, running my fingers through it. “I think as long as we try, we’re off to a good start.”
Desire stirs in his gaze. “Truthfully, I can’t think of anything right now other than you in my arms. I want to bury myself inside you for hours, and then we can talk to your heart’s content.”
“Deal.”
Thirty
Nikolas
This is the first time Catalina’s shared my bed, and she looks like she belongs here. I’ve been awake for quite some time while she sleeps. We’d spent the evening in bed, unable to get enough of each other. I think I pleasured her into exhaustion, and the thought brings a satisfied smile to my face.
I’m lying on my side, head propped on my hand as I watch her sleep. She’s sprawled on her back, one arm strewn over her head while the other rests across her stomach. The black sheets are twisted around her hips, leaving her breasts bared to me.
I’ll never grow tired of the sight of her delectable body.
My eyes lift to her relaxed face. Her long lashes rest high on her cheeks, and her pink lips are parted ever so slightly in her sleep. I could never tire of her face, or the spark in those fiery hazel eyes. I think this is it, she’s the one that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.
Slowly, my mind shifts to more serious issues. Catalina had been dealt a shit deal when it came to her parents, and after everything Herrera did to her, I’m concerned how she’s going to view my position with the cartel. Being with me means giving up the dream of living a normal life.
It just blows my mind that she’s willing to give that up for me. I never thought I’d enjoy a woman caring so much for me, but it feels so damned good. The way she makes me feel, it’s better than I could have ever imagined.
So naturally, I want to give her everything she wants. The problem with that is that she isn’t going to be a fan of the cartel life. She’s obviously willing to find some sort of compromise, but I want to make her happy. However, I’m not willing to give up my control over the cartel. This is who I am. So how the hell are we going to find common ground? I foresee tough times ahead, and as I watch her sleep, I know I’ll do everything possible to make certain she feels safe with me.
Her independence is going to be another issue entirely. I don’t want to take that from her, but my lifestyle is going to demand protection regardless of whether she wants it or not.
Fuck.
She’s going to be a target, and she’s going to hate that.
The thoughts kicking up inside my head are making me restless, so I carefully ease off the bed and stand. Thankfully, she doesn’t so much as twitch in her sleep. It brings a slight smile to my face before I grab my pants where I’d left them and walk to the door. I don’t want to leave her, but I can’t be still while I sort out the mess inside my head.
As silently as I can, I slip out of the room and walk down the hall towards my office. The door is already open, the room still cloaked in darkness. I frown and step further into the room. In the moonlight coming from the window, I spy Santos sprawled in the chair across from my desk. He has a bottle of my best bourbon, and when he sees me, he salutes me with it.
This is unexpected.
I cross to my desk, not bothering with the lights. The moonlight is casting just enough light to see by. I sit down and look at him. “You look like you’ve been at that for a while,” I comment, nodding at the half-empty bottle.
“And I figured your dick wouldn’t come up for air until morning,” he grunts.
A drunk Santos is never fun.
I scrub my hands over my face, regretting my need to stretch my legs. “I think we should have this conversation when you’re sober.”
“How ‘bout we not have it at all,” he says sourly.
“She’s here to stay, so there’s going to be a lot to sort out.”
“Yeah. I figured,” he grumbles.
“You don’t have to like her, Santos. I’m not asking you to. Just play nice when you’re around her.”
He salutes me with the bottle again.
I sigh. “I’m going to leave you to it,” I tell him, rising to my feet. If I stay, things might get heated, because Santos isn’t one to hold back sober, so it’s much worse when he’s drunk.
Thankfully, the shitfaced bastard keeps his mouth shut and lets the conversation end in peace.
Thirty-one
Catalina
When I wake the following morning, I feel better than I have in a long time, and I savor the feeling. I’m not certain what the day will bring, but I’m hoping it’ll end as it’s beginning. My eyes open, and I carefully turn onto my side to peer at Nikolas. He’s on his back, still sleeping.
While he’s unaware of my perusal, I shamelessly ogle him. His hair is messy from our lovemaking, and whiskers line his strong jaw. He’s certainly a delicious sight to wake up to. All that naked, bronzed skin… Unfortunately, the sheet is covering his hips so I’m not getting the entire eyeful that I was hoping for.
“Like what you see?” Nikolas asks, his voice all rumbly.
I smirk as his eyes slowly open to focus on mine. “It wouldn’t be fair
to give my opinion when half the package is hidden from view,” I tease.
He chuckles and reaches over, brushing a strand of my hair away from my cheek. “You can see my package any time you want.”
“Remember that when I slip into your office, or shower, or wherever you are when prying eyes aren’t present,” I say playfully.
He shifts on the mattress and grabs me, pulling me to him as he holds me tightly to him. “Mmmmm. You’re feisty this morning. I like it.”
Before I can respond, my stomach growls loudly. I think we skipped eating last night. Actually, I skipped lunch, too.
Nikolas chuckles as his breath tickles my neck. “And hungry.” He eases away from me and sits up.
I look at him with surprise. “Where are you going?”
He rises from the bed, and turns to me, his semi-erection eye level from where I’m still lying on the bed. “Killing two birds with one stone. My package is available for the viewing, and I’m going to go grab us breakfast. Don’t move,” he warns before he moves away and picks up his pants.
I watch as he smoothly slides them on, and I’m disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to enjoy his nakedness longer.
Nikolas zips up his pants and arches an eyebrow. “Any requests?”
“Anything is fine,” I say easily.
A second later, he leaves the bedroom, and I roll onto my stomach and stretch before pulling his pillow towards me and pressing my cheek into it. It smells like him. Actually, I smell like him. A smile forms across my lips. I’m going to enjoy this moment until we have to face the day and sort out where we go from here.
Nikolas returns five minutes later, and I sit up with the sheet clutched to my chest as I look to see what he’s brought. He holds up a bowl filled with fresh fruit. “Hope this is okay, but I aimed for simple.”
“I like simple.”
He climbs back into bed with me, with his pants on, and sets the bowl between us. He picks up a grape and pops it into his mouth as he moves onto his side, propping his head on his hand as he chews, his eyes focused on me.
I reach for a strawberry and take a bite, knowing that playtime is over. We need to seriously consider what happens next.
“What made you change your mind?” he asks curiously.
I finish chewing the strawberry before responding. “About staying?” I ask.
He nods.
I shrug and push my long hair over my shoulder before reaching for a watermelon slice. “You’ll never believe it, but it was Santos.”
This earns me a look of disbelief. “Explain,” he says immediately.
I tell him about how Santos was waiting for me in the limo and about our conversation on the way to the airport.
He looks blown away, and an odd expression comes across his face. “So that explains last night.”
I look at him questioningly.
“It doesn’t matter, I just need to make it a point to track him down later.”
“He’s a good man. He still hates me, but I’ll keep working on him,” I muse.
“Someday, he’ll see what I see,” he assures. Then, he switches the topic back to us. “I have only one request.”
I look at him and wait.
His eyes are serious now. “I want to wake up with you and go to bed with you. We’ve already been living under the same roof, so I’m assuming the next step would be for you to stay here, with me. In this room,” he adds.
I’d expected this, and I smile. “No protests on my end.”
A gleam appears in his eye. “No? I would have worked very, very hard to persuade you to move into my lair.”
An unladylike snort escapes me. “That was lame, Nikolas.” I’m enjoying his playful mood, something I’ve never really witnessed before, so I pluck a grape from the bowl and flick it at him.
It hits him in the forehead before dropping to the mattress. His eyes narrow on me. “I feel like my manhood just wilted a little.”
My eyes deliberately lower to his waist. “I hope not.”
His lips twitch. “I’m trying to be serious, and you’re making it very difficult.”
“If we can’t find a little humor here or there, life becomes more of a hardship than a journey,” I murmur.
“Very true,” he concedes. He shifts and sits up, drawing up a knee and resting his elbow on it as he gazes at me with serious eyes. “How do we make this work, Gatita?”
Here we go.
Time to sort everything out.
There’s so much that needs to be said, so I shift so I’m sitting more comfortably, still holding the sheet to my chest. I’m certain that if I don’t remain covered, it’ll become a distraction. Of course, that wouldn’t be all that bad, but I will feel better once we’ve discussed what our options are.
Nikolas automatically sets the bowl of fruit aside. “Talk to me. Be honest with everything that you need,” he tells me, his eyes expectant.
I nod. “It’s important that I finish my degree,” I say determinedly. “I had less than a semester left when everything fell apart. I’m going to need to focus on something, because I don’t want to be your side piece when you’re not busy. I’m not the type to wait around for attention, Nikolas.”
His eyes burn mine fiercely. “I never thought you were. And I would never think of you in that way or in those terms. You came to me with expectations, so I’m going into this knowing full well that you have plans that need to be fulfilled. But I also want you to realize that I’m not a man that is going to be led around by anyone. I respect you, and I will do everything I can to make you happy, but I make no promises beyond that,” he warns.
“That’s fair.”
“As for your schooling, I’m not surprised. It may be a little problematic at times, because I’m sure you’ve realized by now that being with me comes with a price. For your safety, I will be assigning you guards, but I’ll make certain they don’t stand out. No one will ever know,” he assures.
I hate the idea of having guards, but I can understand why he feels I need them. We’re going to have to compromise in some areas, and this is one of those times that I know I’m going to have to relent. “Okay,” I agree. He looks relieved, and it makes me smile. “You thought that was going to be a tough sell, didn’t you?”
“I did,” he admits.
“You were so annoyingly arrogant in the beginning that I was compelled to challenge you every chance I had. But now we’re working towards making a life together, and that’s more important than winning an argument.”
He looks at me intently. “We still have a lot to learn about each other, don’t we.”
“We do.”
“We’ll get you enrolled in classes so you can get your degree. What else?”
“I don’t want to live in your shadow, Nikolas,” I say softly.
His brows furrow as he scans my face. “Pardon?”
“I don’t want to be on your arm at social functions unless I can carry on real conversations and be myself. I can’t pretend to be okay with being seen and not heard. It’s just so ridiculous that it makes me sick.”
He’s already shaking his head, and he lowers his knee and moves closer to me, taking my hand. “I wouldn’t expect that of you, Catalina. Things are different now.”
“How different?” I challenge. I want to hear from him how different things will be.
His eyes search mine. “I know you had no intention of ever being involved with another organization, so I have to ask, how involved do you want to be? I won’t give it up, it’s who I am and where I want to be. If you don’t want any involvement, I’ll respect that. If you want to be aware of everything that’s going on, I’m fine with that, too.”
I look away, not quite certain how to respond to that.
“Hey, what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?” Nikolas asks as he touches my chin and turns my face back to his.
My lips are suddenly dry, and I dampen them briefly with my tongue. “When I saw my father…”
He watches me intently, his eyes encouraging me to continue.
“I didn’t want to kill him, but I did enjoy the power I had over him,” I confess.
Nikolas nods with understanding. “I’m not surprised. He stripped you of your independence and made you feel weaker than him. It’s okay to feel that way,” he says gently.
I exhale softly and gaze at him. “I’m confused, Nikolas. Part of me wants absolutely nothing to do with the cartel. But yet there’s this other side that wants to be with you even when you’re doing cartel business. I don’t want just half your time. If you’re all in, I almost think I need to be as well, because that’s your life. Your life becomes mine and vice versa.”
His brows furrow. “I don’t want you to feel that you need to be a part of it.”
“Like I said, I’m confused. You said you’d accept a woman into the business as long as she could play with the big boys. What if I decide I want to play?” I dare to ask.
A slow, predatory smile spreads across his face. “Then I look forward to watching everyone squirm while you prove that you can be a part of the organization.”
“You really mean that?”
His eyes hold mine. “Yes. But only if that’s what you want.”
I give him a weary smile. “I don’t know what I want.”
“You don’t have to make that decision right now, Gatita. We can take this one day at time and go from there. There’s no rush.”
I gaze at him. “We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are.” His eyes hold a wealth of promise. “I’ll do my damnedest to make sure you have no regrets. From here on out, you’re my first priority above all else.”
Epilogue
I carefully slip the diamond earring into the tiny hole in my earlobe and secure the back. Then, I stand back and look myself over in the mirror’s reflection.
My hair is down, because I’ve never enjoyed having it pulled back. I know it would make me look more professional, but I’m not out to impress the others. They will learn to accept me as I am, and I am not going to cater to their expectations.
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