by Lane, Soraya
“Seriously, is everything okay, or is there something going on?”
“Asks the guy who’s probably broken more hearts than I can count.” She wished she’d kept the thought to herself, because when her brother leveled his gaze on her, she knew he was going into overprotective mode. She’d kept her family in the dark for weeks but now that she’d been to Sam’s house, she wasn’t interested in protecting him or lying to her family about what had happened.
“Some asshole hurt you?” he glowered. “Who? That horse guy?”
She shrugged. “Not his fault entirely. He told me he didn’t want anything serious, that it was no strings, and I stupidly thought it had turned into something more.”
Tanner looked pissed. His jaw was clenched tight and there was a weird vein standing out from his forehead. “He ended it?”
“More like he walked out my door and went back to his wife’s bed. But yeah, I guess you could say he ended it.”
“Motherfucker,” Tanner swore, looking like a kettle about to boil over. “I see him, I’ll kill him.”
She took a tentative step forward, waiting to see how dizzy she felt, but the wave of nausea seemed to have passed. She took the reins, happy to deal with her own horse. They had another round coming up after the clear round, and later in the day she’d be competing on one of her young horses. She lay one hand to her brother’s broad chest, smiling up at him.
“No, you won’t,” she said. “Look, I thought what we had was something more, I was the stupid one. It’s not something you haven’t done to countless women before, so don’t go pretending like he’s the only villain in the world, okay?”
“Yeah, well, we’re talking about you,” he grunted. “And for the record, I’ve never been married and if I did ever make a commitment like that? I’d never cheat.”
Tanner pushed her away and kept hold of the reins and she let him, feeling a little queasy again. If she was going to keep to her schedule for the day, she was going to have to admit that she needed her brother’s help.
“Thanks for today,” she said.
He shrugged. “Just get better so we can go out for beer and pizza tonight. If I’m your groom for the day, you’ll damn well owe me.”
Mia laughed and ducked back into the truck to get a bottle of water. She walked into the kitchen area and opened the fridge. And then she froze. It had been just over three weeks since she’d last seen Sam, and they’d been together for a few weeks. When had she last had her period? Mia set down the water she was holding, reaching for the table and slowly sitting down.
She had to have it wrong. They’d been careful, there hadn’t been … ohmygod. She’d been sick. There had been that one night when she’d been sick. Had it made her pill ineffective? Had it … holy shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. She’d missed it that night, and the next when she’d still been feeling sick. When she’d still been running to the toilet and not holding any food down.
Mia instinctively looked down at her stomach. Could she be pregnant?
“You coming?” Tanner called out.
She took a deep, shuddering breath and picked up her water bottle again. On second thought she grabbed one for her brother too, and a protein bar they could share. Perhaps she wouldn’t be having beer with her pizza tonight.
“You alright?” Tanner asked, no doubt noticing the fact all color had drained from her cheeks.
“Yep, great,” she lied, passing him the water, feeling her hands shaking, butterflies coming to life in her stomach.
If she was pregnant, she’d deal with it. She loved kids and she had plenty of money. She was in a better position financially than so many single women who might find themselves in the same position. She gulped, palms sweaty. If she was pregnant, everything would be okay. But it sure as hell wasn’t going to stop her from riding or jumping or doing what she loved. And as far as she was concerned, Sam would never find out. He didn’t need to.
“You sure you’re up for the next round?” he asked, eyebrows pulled together.
She smiled wryly at him, going to touch her stomach again but resisting.
“Fords don’t quit,” she said. “Isn’t that why there’s never been a bull you haven’t said yes to riding?” There was no way she was about to confess her worries to her brother though, which meant putting any pregnancy fears aside until she was on her own.
Tanner grinned. “Damn right. Now get your ass up in the saddle then and don’t go turning green again.”
She was glad Tanner was with her. He could be a jackass sometimes, but most of the time he was the perfect mix of over-protective big brother and whip cracker, never letting her get away with anything.
Baby on board or not, she was going to win today, and no one and nothing was going to stop her.
* * *
Mia’s hand was shaking when she reached for the stick. She’d peed on it and carefully put the little cover back over the end of it, and for the past two minutes she’d been fidgeting and pacing around the bathroom. She even had her door locked, despite the fact that there was no chance of anyone walking in on her.
Pregnant. The word may as well have jumped out and smacked her in the face, it hit her with so much force.
Mia stared at it, unbelieving, and quickly dropped it into the garbage bin. She took a deep breath and ripped the other test from the packet. She forced herself to go again, doing the same thing with this stick, only this time when she put the little cover back on it she fled the scene.
Her kitchen was bathed in sunshine and she quickly poured herself a glass of water, hand shaking as she lifted it to her lips and took a slow, steady sip.
“Hey, gorgeous!”
The glass slipped from Mia’s hand, shattering on the bench, water cascading to the floor.
“Tanner!”
She’d just about jumped out of her skin, his voice taking her by surprise. She’d been in a complete, silent, world of her own.
“What’s got you all jumpy?”
Mia didn’t answer, just quietly bent to collect the larger shards of glass. One cut her palm, but she didn’t care. Tanner appeared with a plastic bag and bent beside her, nudging her, laughing, until she raised her face to him and he saw her tears. “Mia, what’s wrong?”
She just shook her head, wishing he hadn’t come over, wishing she wasn’t faced with telling her brother what was going on.
“Mia?” he set the bag down and took the glass from her hands, eyes full of concern. Tanner wasn’t usually the sensitive one in the family, hell, he was a brute most of the time, but right now, she could see he was feeling her pain and it cut her up even more inside.
She went to open her mouth, went to say something, but nothing came out and all she could think about was the test that she’d left in the bathroom. She walked past the glass and padded back, retracing her steps. It had been minutes, and if it was positive again …
She was pregnant. Mia was smart enough to know that two tests weren’t going to be wrong.
She heard a noise, turned and walked out, her fingers clenched tightly around the plastic stick.
“Mia, what’s going on with you?” Tanner asked, standing in her hallway.
Mia held up the test, moving toward him, waiting for his eyes to drop from hers to the result. The moment he read it and clicked, his eyes returned to hers.
“Mia,” he said, shaking his head. “Oh hell,” he muttered, stepping forward and opening his arms.
She ran into them, crying softly against her brother’s chest, holding him tight. She wanted to be happy. She didn’t want the tiny baby growing inside of her to feel her pain and think he or she wasn’t wanted. And the last thing she wanted was for Tanner to feel sorry for her. But damn, it felt good to share it and let him hold her instead of shouldering it alone.
When she finally pulled back, Tanner couldn’t have been further from pitying her, she could tell from the look he gave her.
“I’d say let’s have a beer, but maybe we should try something else,” he s
aid with a chuckle.
Tanner put his arm around her shoulders and they walked back out to the kitchen. He’d cleaned up the glass and when he made a move to the fridge, she gratefully sank down into a chair at the table.
“I don’t want to be insensitive here, but have you thought about what you want to do?” he asked.
She nodded. “Yeah,” Mia touched her stomach, already feeling protective. “I can’t do anything other than love what’s been given to me.”
Tanner smiled. “I figured as much. Is it—”
“Sam’s,” she said for him. “Yup, the one and only.”
They stood, staring at one another, Tanner looking like he didn’t want to open his mouth and say the wrong thing, and her trying to figure the whole thing out in her head.
“You want to keep this to yourself for a while?” Tanner asked.
Mia let go the breath she was holding. “Yeah. I think so.”
Tanner nodded. “I know I haven’t had the best track record keeping your secrets, but this,” he said, his smile kind, “this is a secret you can trust me with. This is yours to share. I’m not going to be picking up the phone to Ange or Cody, you have my word.”
Mia stepped into her brother and hugged him, laughing when he wrapped his arms around her and bear hugged her, swinging her around.
“You’re going to be one hell of an uncle,” she said with a giggle.
“Don’t I know it!”
Any other time she’d have slapped him for being so damn arrogant, but today it was kind of comforting.
“Want me to make you an iced tea?” he asked.
Mia went to laugh then bit the inside of her lip, deciding not to make fun of him. Tanner had never, ever offered to make her anything in her life, let alone tea. She didn’t even know he was capable of making iced tea. “That’d be nice, thanks.”
She went and curled up on the sofa, tucking her legs up as she stared out the window. It was raining, the soft pitter-patter on the roof making her smile. It was the perfect type of day to be holed up inside, and it wasn’t often she lazed a day away instead of keeping busy outside.
Since Sam had walked out, she’d tried to keep herself busy, working Tex and slowly gaining his trust. But it was progress, and her father hadn’t said anything about putting him down. He’d mumbled about the exorbitant amount of money the stallion now owed them, but he hadn’t said anything else and she was certain he was proud of how she was dealing with the previously untameable horse, even if she couldn’t take credit for the transformation.
Sam could. It was Sam who deserved all the credit for Tex, and as much as she hated him, despised everything he’d done to her, she had two things to be grateful for now. Saving a stallion destined for death, and the baby she suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about.
A shudder tickled down her spine, made her cringe. A baby who was never going to know her father. A baby who was one day going to ask her why all the other children had daddies and he or she didn’t.
She’d be lying if she didn’t wish that it had happened differently, that the Sam she’d known and fallen for had felt the same, that no one else had been involved, that he’d been with her when she realized that something wasn’t right, that there was a life growing inside of her.
“Everything’s gonna be fine, sis,” Tanner said, passing her the tea. She didn’t tell him that he’d put it in the wrong glass, just smiled back at him, not so sure but hoping he was right.
“I know. Everything happens for a reason, I need to keep telling myself that.”
“Just because this asshole—”
“Stop,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t, Tan. I want to hate him so bad, but…” she sighed. “I’d rather just try to forget he ever existed.” Mia knew how silly that sounded, given the huge reminder she was going to have in her life, but she didn’t want to become bitter and twisted.
“Fine,” he said, grunting. “But don’t you expect me to throw my arms around him and sing Kumbaya.”
Mia laughed. “Hey, I said I didn’t want to hate him, I didn’t say you couldn’t.”
Chapter 21
“LET me get this straight,” Nate said, brows furrowed as he gave Sam a hard stare. “You walked out on her and yet you’re the one all fucked up over it? What the hell did she do to you?”
Sam glowered. He didn’t want to be having this conversation. Faith had been at him, unrelenting, and now she’d officially released her attack dog on him. Nate was going to be like a dog with a goddamn bone.
“I’ve told Faith and now I’ll tell you, I don’t want to talk about it. What’s with you two tag-teaming me to try to get me to open up?”
Nate had the nerve to laugh. “No one likes admitting they’re a dickhead, but sometimes it has to be done. That’s why I’m here.”
Sam got up and walked away, not about to listen to Nate carrying on like he could walk the moral high ground.
“Hey, wait up!”
Sam didn’t. He walked fast, storming away from Nate, knowing he was so close to exploding and losing his temper, and his friend didn’t need to be on the other side of that.
“Sam!” He heard Nate breathing heavily, knew that even if he started to run he’d never manage to get away from him.
“Look,” Sam said, spinning around. “Do you have a horse you need me to look at, or was it all a ruse to get me here?”
He could tell from the way Nate hesitated that he was right, and of all the things Nate had done to him over the years, lying wasn’t one of them. He knew why his friend was staying silent.
“I goddamn knew it.”
“Hey, hold up,” Nate said, hand landing on his shoulder, his grip firm. Sam lashed out when Nate’s fingers dug into him, slamming his arm away and backing up a step. He didn’t want to fight him, but he’d goddamn punch him if he had to.
“Let me go, Nate,” Sam growled.
“You haven’t seen your sister since she stayed over, and the girls are missing you,” Nate said, holding up his hands, showing that he didn’t want to fight. Sam felt some of his tension drain away, the moment his sister and nieces were mentioned. “We just wanted to see you.”
“They’re not old enough to miss me and you know it,” Sam shot back.
Nate shrugged. “So what. Hell, I miss you, and if I have to pretend like there’s an out of control mustang on the property just to get you here, then I’ll do it.”
Sam stared back at Nate, knew that he was just trying to help him. He was starting to get good at pushing away people that cared about him.
“I don’t want to talk about her, Nate. I can’t,” Sam said, forcing the words out. “So stop asking me, alright?”
Nate indicated with his head and started to walk, and Sam followed, falling into step beside him.
“Something I never told you, hell, I can’t even believe I am now, but,” Nate said, his voice low and gravelly as he paused, “when I was falling for Faith, the hardest part was knowing I couldn’t talk to you about it, that I had to deal with it on my own.”
Sam grunted. “Yeah, I just about ripped your head off for looking at her, huh?” He’d never meant to be so protective of his sister, but he’d also never believed Nate could change so much, had been so certain that he’d hurt her and leave her crushed.
“My brothers gave me so much shit about her, but you wouldn’t have, not if it had been any other girl I’d fallen for,” Nate said. “You would have listened to me and made me see reason.”
“You’re telling me I need to talk to you?” Sam asked. “Because you haven’t exactly convinced me with your sob story.”
“Look, I was there, Sam. I was there for you when you came back from Iraq, I lived under the same roof as you and listened to the nights you woke up howling in your sleep from whatever the hell you were still dealing with,” Nate said, stopping, hands shoved into his pockets as he leveled his gaze on him. Sam stood tall, stared straight back at his friend. “And I was there for you when Kelly ripped your
damn heart out and you know it.”
Sam felt his jaw tighten, the familiar tick plaguing him when he clenched his teeth together.
“Look, she did something terrible to you, and I get that. But I did terrible things, too. I slept with married women and I broke hearts, but when I met Faith?”
Sam hated talking about his sister like that with Nate, but he was right. He had changed. “Yeah, I know, you changed,” Sam admitted. “But I can’t forget what she did to me,” he said, talking about his ex.
“You can and you will,” Nate insisted.
Sam stared into the distance, wished to hell he wasn’t about to say what he had to say. “Kelly was pregnant.” He spoke so low he wondered if Nate even heard him. “We’d talked about kids, and we found out she was pregnant. I was going to tell you, but she wanted to wait until three months or something, and then I found her in bed with him.”
He looked at Nate, saw the unflinching look on his face. “Hold up, she was…”
Sam swallowed as Nate’s words trailed off. “She had an abortion without telling me. I was all excited about becoming a dad, and she’d already terminated it, pretended like she’d lost the baby until my lawyer pressed for information and she laughed at the mediation and told us she’d gotten rid of it. Like it didn’t mean a fucking thing to her.”
This time when Nate’s hand closed over his shoulder, he didn’t move.
“I’m sorry,” Nate said.
“Yeah, well, so am I.” Sam breathed deep, knowing he’d done the right thing in finally sharing what had happened instead of holding it deep inside and letting it fester. “It hurt like hell back then and it still does now. I’ll never forget her laughing like it was nothing.”
“Come on, let’s get a beer.”
Sam walked alongside Nate and when they finally reached his place, he settled into an outside chair and waited for Nate to bring out their drinks. He knew Faith was out and he was grateful for some time to process before having to pretend like everything was fine.