Then again, he understood. Living without the love of your life was not something he would wish on the truest of enemies. Everything became difficult, a burden. Breathing felt like a luxury.
Truth was, he couldn’t believe he had made it this far without Quinn. All Gunther knew was he persevered with the help of a woman who just wouldn’t quit on him. Something he needed in order to survive his harrowing tale.
He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before knocking, then heard Elaina’s weary voice.
“Come in.”
Opening the door, the total darkness startled Gunther. “Hey, love.”
“Hi.” She turned on the bedside lamp.
He stood staring at her, thinking of the description of her physical state Cora had given him. Spot on. It terrified him to see her so weak and frail.
She had a black leather journal clutched to her chest. Her bloodshot eyes and puffy lids, not to mention the frown that seemed engraved on her face, made him wonder if the book was Henry’s.
“Mind if I sit?” he asked, approaching the bed. She eyed him carefully. “I know we haven’t chatted in a bit.”
“Go ahead.” She scooted up toward the headboard to give him a little room at the edge.
He gazed around the room. Dust claimed most surfaces, balled up tissues littering the floor around the overflowing trashcan. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.”
“Elaina, I know exactly how you feel. I’m not going to get into all the shit with you, but I feel compelled to tell you that you need to start living again.”
When she began crying, he reached out and pulled her body to his. “I can’t imagine life without him. If I stay in our room, I don’t have to face anything. I can sleep and see him. I can’t do that if I’m up and about.”
“I understand. I do. I know how hard it is, love, but you have to live.”
“It’s so much harder than you could ever imagine.”
Gunther recoiled, feeling a rush of anger scorch his words. “What makes you think I don’t get it?”
Elaina pulled away, slipped her hand under the pillow, and handed him what she had been hiding from Anne.
“Is this what I think it is?” She nodded, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Oh god,” he whispered.
“How? How do I do it?”
“Well, let’s start with this. You need to eat properly. You’re far too thin. You need to take care of yourself and Nicky. Anne cannot be his mum and granny. She’s tired, Elaina. Take a good look at her.”
“I know, but every time I look at Nicky, all I see is death. I think of Henry, then I think about Nicky not having a daddy. And now… Henry will never meet this baby.”
Gunther grabbed her biceps, his fingers wrapping around with space to spare. “Elaina, listen to me. One day at a time. One step at a time. No one is saying you need to go outdoors or even past the living room. Just be open to making a move forward. We also need to get you to a doctor to be checked out.”
“I know.”
“This baby is a gift to you from Henry. That’s how I look at Everette. While I was out of my noggin to use Cora as I did, Quinn sent me our daughter. I will always believe that my little princess was given to us to soothe our pain.”
For a brief moment, a glimmer of hope tracked through Elaina’s sorrowful gaze. “Do you think that’s the same for me? That this child will bring me peace?”
“I do,” he said, smiling. “So what do you say? Let’s get up. I’ll help.”
Gunther stood and held out his hand. Elaina stared up at him before she took it. He pulled up her weak body and held her steady as she shuffled to the door. She reached for the knob, but stopped.
“You can do this. I have so much faith in you, Elaina. You are much stronger than you believe.”
Elaina touched the knob and turned it, the door creaking as she pulled it open. The smell of freshly baked cookies wafted up the stairs, making her stomach growl.
“Come on. I’ll keep you steady as you go down the stairs.”
Elaina took one step, then another as she descended.
“You’re doing great,” Gunther murmured. “Do you want to sit on the couch?”
“Family room,” she whispered.
Elaina shuffled along slowly, Gunther holding her. With every step, she seemed stronger and more stable. They went through the kitchen and past Anne, who grinned from ear-to-ear, then into the family room and the couch. He helped her settle, then turned to see Nicky and Kate dancing in front of the TV. Gunther laughed and clapped his hands. They spun around, Nicky squealing when he saw Elaina.
“Mumma!” He ran to her and jumped into her lap.
“Hey, monkey butt.” He wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her. “I love you.”
When he felt a soft touch on his back, Gunther turned. Anne wrapped an arm around his waist. “Thank you,” she whispered, watching Elaina love on her little boy.
Gunther wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I think we’re getting somewhere.”
“I hope so.”
Elaina looked up, seeing Anne and Gunther smiling at her. She struggled to get to her feet with Nicky, but she reached deep and found the strength. As she padded up to them, she said, “I need to tell you something, Anne.”
“I’m listening.”
“First, I apologize for my behavior.”
While Anne appreciated it, she passively waved her hand in the air. “Oh, no need to apologize.”
“No, I need to. I just need to tell you that…” Elaina’s eyes watered. “I know you lost your son. I’ve been selfish with my mourning, especially by dropping Nicky on you as I have. As of this moment, I can tell you I will step up. I have to…with another baby coming.”
Anne stared at her blankly. Then she furrowed her brows. “Wait… Did you say another baby?”
Elaina nodded. “The night before he left us, we were together.” Elaina placed her hand over her mouth as tears cascaded down her drawn cheeks.
“Oh, Elaina. It’s going to be okay.” Stepping away from Gunther, Anne pulled her and Nicky into a brief hug. “I bet he’s smiling down on you right now, pleased as punch knowing he delivered this gift to you.”
“I hope so, but it’s going to be difficult.”
Cupping Elaina’s face, Anne smiled. “It’s time to start living again.”
“It is. Thank you both.” She kissed Anne on the cheek, then Gunther. “You are the most amazing family anyone could have. I owe you all so much for everything you’ve done.” Elaina set Nicky down and dropped her hands to her sides. “Well, I’m going to take a shower, then I need to make an appointment with the doctor.”
“Off you go then,” Gunther said, smiling. Elaina walked past, making her way to the stairs. He turned and faced Anne.
“Thanks again,” she said.
“You are very welcome.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Keep Cora and I posted about the appointment. I have to run. My to-do list seems to grow by the minute.” He waved to Kate. “Come on, lass.”
Anne watched Gunther and Kate leave. For the first time in two months, she felt like she could breathe.
Chapter 25
-East End of London-
Life in the death chamber sucked. I had zero privacy, and my tolerance for everything had dwindled at a drastic pace. It were as if my life hung by a single frayed thread.
I was miserable and everyone knew it.
PJ came in once a day for about an hour. I knew I’d made strides in my mental health, but I couldn’t let go of the overwhelming urge to destroy something. Maybe it was the constant chipper attitude of Michelle, who did her best to try and get me to smile.
Poor bird.
Today was no different from the last. I lay in bed, jealously watching her run on the treadmill. She said she would wait to do it until I was sleeping if that made me feel better. It would haunt me either way.
Michelle shut down the machine and wiped her forehead with a small towel. When s
he realized I stared at her, she smiled. “How are you feeling?”
I shrugged. “Pretty lame. Jealous. Irritable. Do you mind asking Erik to pick me up a thesaurus so I can give you every synonym?” She giggled. I wish I had the strength to smile. “I could probably win the gold medal for amount of time lying in a bed.”
She walked over and took my hand. As I stared up at her, sadness took over my usual anger. Noting my emotions, she ran her free hand through my hair, brushing it from my forehead.
“Luke…you are doing so well.”
“I’m a lame horse.”
“You’re getting better. The last scan proved that.”
“It was a blip on the screen. It could’ve been some sort of flaw.”
“No. There were clear patches of blue and yellow. That is solid evidence of progress. Not to mention all the strides you’ve made with PJ.”
I sighed. “I just want to live again. I’m tired of this.” I threw my hands down at my sides.
“Besides going home, you tell me what you would like to do and I will do what I can to make it happen.”
“It’s Christmastime.”
“It is.”
“Can we have a small celebration? I mean…” I trailed off and shut my eyes for a moment, thinking about how excited Nicky was to open his gifts last year. “I don’t mean gifts or even a true celebration, but just something out of my ordinary day-to-day bullshit.”
“I will see what I can do.” She smiled, then took a glance at her watch. “PJ will be here in about two minutes.”
A tap on the observation window drew our attention. “Speak of the devil,” I murmured.
Michelle gave him a thumbs up. “I’m going to take off and get cleaned up while you and PJ have your session.”
When he walked in, she headed out, ensuring my twenty-four-hour supervision continued.
Michelle left the chamber and headed into the lab, seeing Tess and Erik in the midst of a heated discussion.
“Be nice you two. It’s the holidays.”
Tess snorted. “Then you get this tosspot not to agree to up the dosage.”
Michelle dropped her head into her hand. “Not this again.” She looked up at Erik.
“He’s made progress. I want to up it marginally.” He held his hand out, thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart.
“But what will that do to him?” Michelle asked.
“The usual,” Erik said. “We’ll up the anti-nausea meds and do our best to keep him comfortable.”
“Well, as you know, I know nothing about all this…” She waved her hand around, “stuff, but one thing I will let you know is that he needs some time. A little change. Fun, if you will.”
“Fun?” Erik and Tess asked in unison.
“It’s the holidays. Let’s have a small celebration. There doesn’t have to be gifts. Just a nice meal or a sweet treat for him. People who are there for something other than medical reasons.”
“That may be good for us all,” Erik said, nodding.
“We could all use the break, that’s for fucking sure,” Tess added.
The corner of Michelle’s mouth lifted into a smile. She clapped her hands together. “Excellent! I will need someone to cover my absence while I go to the shops.”
Tess and Erik stole glances at one another before he asked, “We can change off?”
“Deal.”
“Perfect. This will be great fun!” Michelle walked away, humming a holiday tune.
“How can she be so bloody cheerful all the fucking time?” Tess muttered. “I mean, really… How is it possible?”
Erik said nothing, laughing.
Freshly showered, a wool coat over her work clothes, Michelle walked down the sidewalk, carrying a bag brimming with holiday décor. She paused at a shop window. Beyond the festive display, something caught her eye.
Bells chimed when she opened the door, smiling as she gazed around. The owners had made use of every bit of the small space.
“Wow…,” Michelle whispered, unbuttoning her coat, taking in the warm and eclectic atmosphere.
Either hanging from the ceiling or placed in a display case, odd bits and trinkets sparkled in the morning light. Trunks lay open, packed with treasures. Dated pieces of furniture from every era, all still in usable condition, felt cozy with blankets draped over them and decorative pillows tossed haphazardly. The art covering the papered walls drew as much interest—paintings of animals wearing clothes, mixed media pieces made from found objects, and the occasional print of a person from a forgotten time who had a haunted look in their eyes.
The whole place made her smile, and she regretted not stopping in before now.
Michelle turned and headed toward the left side of the store to check out what had caught her eye from outside.
Bookcases lined the entire left wall, stocked to the ceiling with all types of books. The selection was just as varied as every other item in the store. She ran her fingers over the spines as she walked down the seemingly endless rows of literature.
Photography, biographies, history… Novels from every possible genre. To Michelle, the best part was that someone had already loved each book. She could spend hours there, reading and connecting with each story. There was something about a good book, making her want to surround herself with them.
“These are all from my family’s collection.” Michelle spun around, hand to her chest. The man smiled impishly as he tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I apologize for alarming you, Ms…?”
“Michelle. That’s okay.” She gazed at the man, his eyes a deep chocolate brown, his shaggy hair matching in color.
Pulling a hand from his pocket, he waved at her scrubs. “Do you work around here? There isn’t a hospital or medical facility nearby.”
Her eyes widened. Of course, someone local would question her scrubs. Unprepared, she blurted, “I provide home health care for the bedridden.”
“Oh, right. An honorable profession.” He smiled. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”
“Well…” She spun back around, facing the shelves. “My patient loves to read. He isn’t particular, as long as it’s on paper and not digital.”
The man laughed. “I hear that often. Take your time. It’s not too organized.”
“Thanks.”
Unsure of what to get, Michelle spent about thirty minutes deciding on a wide variety—classics, beat reads, non-fictions, mysteries, and just for fun, or even maybe for herself, a few fluff titles with sexy covers.
She struggled with the stack, managing to get to the register without dropping a single title. Letting out a breath, random strands of hair fluttering up from her forehead, she set them on the counter and waited until the owner came back.
“My apologies,” he smiled, rounding the corner. “I was stocking more items.”
“That’s quite all right.”
He picked up each of the books, punching in the price printed on the stickers. She found it unusually amusing, possibly fitting, for this man of no more than thirty-five to be using an archaic method with an ancient machine.
He gazed up at her. “What’s got you all smiley?”
“This.” She waved her hand at the register.
“Shhh…” He leaned forward. “She’s sensitive. If she hears you giggling, she may stop working for me.”
Michelle nodded, smirking. “Oh, okay.”
He pressed the number five key, which stuck. His head dropped.
“Oh no! Did I break it?” she asked, stifling a giggle.
“You may have.” He reached under the counter. “But I do have a very special trick.”
“Oh?” Michelle craned her neck, trying to get a peek at what he was doing.
He brought up a rubber mallet, then slammed it against the side of the register. Covering her mouth, she let out a shout and another giggle.
“See!” he said. “Number five is back in working order.” He winked and finished ringing up the sale, putting the books i
n reusable canvas totes.
As she handed him her credit card, his fingers stroked the back of her hand. Michelle pulled away quickly.
“I’m sorry. I thought… Never mind.” He ran her card through the small credit card machine.
“It’s okay,” she said, looking up. “I…I just…” She shrugged.
“Listen, do you want to grab a coffee sometime? Get away from your sick patient for a few minutes?”
While his lusty gaze made her feel beautiful, she had to decline. “I’m sorry. I’m seeing someone,” she lied.
“Oh, right. Okay.”
His look of disappointment was not lost on her. She found him attractive, but she couldn’t date anyone. How would that even work? Besides, she couldn’t make anyone compete with her eighty-four-hour work week.
It made her sad, hitting her right in the gut. She had left a rocky relationship to work for Erik, which was for the best, but the loneliness would eventually take its toll.
That’s what she figured anyway.
Luke had been a great distraction for Michelle. At this stage, she felt confident enough to say they were good friends, but that was as far as she would allow herself to go.
She definitely found him easy on the eyes, but his goal was to get back to his family. She would never interfere with that.
When the receipt printed, he handed it to Michelle to sign. She quickly scribbled her signature, then pulled the bags off the counter.
“Thank you,” he said. “I hope you have a nice holiday.”
“Same to you,” she replied, trying not to make eye contact.
Michelle headed out, quickly walking back to the facility.
Chapter 26
-Gamebridge, New York-
When the timer chimed, Elaina walked into the kitchen, humming a chipper holiday tune. She pulled a pumpkin pie from the oven, setting it on a trivet to cool. Her stomach growled from the spicy aroma.
Nicky ran into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Elaina’s leg.
“Oh, look at you, little monkey! You look spiffy.” She tugged at his shirt collar popping up from under the blue snowflake-covered sweater. “Are you excited to go over to Mr. Gunther’s and Ms. Cora’s to see your friends?”
Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five) Page 20