“Will?”
Hearing Anne’s voice, he glanced up at the doorway, then raced to it. He jammed his hand through his disheveled hair. “How’s everything?”
She smiled. “Perfect. She’s beautiful.”
“A girl?”
“Yes.”
“Is it weird to want to call her my princess?”
“Absolutely not,” she said, smiling. “I’m going to head home to check on Nicky and get a little sleep. Follow me. Elaina is ready to see you.”
Will ran back to the chair and picked up the flowers he brought. Anne took his hand and guided him to Elaina’s room, then smiled and patted his arm before walking away. Moments later, he knocked and peeked in.
“Hey, sweetness.”
“Hey,” Elaina rasped. “Come on in.”
Smiling, he stepped through the doorway, holding the vase full of vibrant flowers. “I got my girls something.”
“They’re beautiful. Thanks.”
He set them on the table next to the bed, then leaned down, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Well…my lady parts are on fire. How’s that for an answer?”
When the corner of her mouth lifted, he laughed a little.
“How’s the baby?” He leaned over and pulled the blanket back. “Wow… She looks like a little doll.”
“She does.”
“What did you name her?”
“Charlotte. Anne said that was what she was going to name Henry if he were a girl…” She trailed off, the tears welling again.
“Oh no… Babe, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry. No matter how much I care for you, I’m still so sad he wasn’t here to see her birth and meet his daughter.”
“I completely understand.” He wrapped his arms around Elaina as best he could. “I love you and want to do everything I can to help you through this. I want to take care of you both and, of course, my main man, Nicky.” She gazed up at him. “I would be honored if you would allow me to…” He trailed off, fearing he went too far.
She nodded. “I would love that. Do you want to hold her?”
“Yeah.” He reached out for Charlotte.
“Just support her head.”
With a hand under the baby’s bottom and one at the back of her neck, Will held her away from his body, then pulled her close. “This is… She is… I don’t even know what to say.”
Elaina smiled. “You look good holding a baby.”
“This is probably the best moment in my life, Elaina. Thank you.” He clutched Charlotte closer.
“I’m happy to share it with you.”
“I love you and am already in love with this little princess.”
She reached out and touched Will’s hand. “I love you, too.” He settled down in the chair next to the bed, holding Charlotte so Elaina could get a little rest.
Chapter 45
-East End of London-
When Erik walked into my chamber, I was lounging on the bed, reading one of Roger’s journals. I shuddered in disgust over the meticulous details of how he carved up a recruit’s body before making Gunther carry each piece to the incinerator as punishment for leaving the facility without permission.
“Hey, mate.”
I slammed it shut and tossed it on the nightstand. “What’s going on?”
“Since you will be leaving soon, I decided you needed to see something.”
“I still have the suspended animation. I can’t leave until that’s done.
“I feel good about it.” He nodded toward the door. “Follow me.”
I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what he was up to. “Can I trust you?” I asked with a smile. He glared at me. “Okay, okay. Don’t get your shorts in a knot.”
I got out of bed and followed him out of the chamber to the foyer, then into the lab. We headed down the hall to the elevator.
“Where are we off to?”
“You’ll see.” Erik said, his purplish lips trembling as he smiled. He looked terrible, like a dead man walking.
He hit the call button, the door immediately sliding open. We stepped in and I watched as he punched the first floor button.
“Seriously, where are we going?”
“Patience.” He gave me another shaky smile.
It started to weird me the fuck out. A little paranoia and fear niggled in my mind, but I wasn’t about to let that take control. I had learned so many coping tools from PJ. If he saw me teetering on the edge of a crazed state, I knew he would want to either up my medication or my therapy sessions.
As the elevator came to a stop, I focused on my breathing, letting the anxiety go. Erik stepped out when the door opened. I didn’t follow, needing to do another round of square breathing.
“You okay, mate?”
I held up my finger, letting out the last breath to the count of four. “Yes.”
I stepped out of the elevator and we headed down the hall, passing the conference room, Roger’s office, the classrooms… So many thoughts spun.
“Where are we going?” I asked once more, a little more insistent.
We stopped in front of the heavy metal door with a keypad lock. Erik turned and faced me.
“I need your absolute promise you will not run and will follow me.”
“Yes, of course.”
He eyed me carefully. “Can I trust you?”
“I swear on my son.”
“Perfect.”
He turned his back to me and stood so close to the keypad, I couldn’t see what numbers he punched in, unlocking the door.
When Erik pushed against the bar, a chill ran over me. I wasn’t sure if it was from the air or the feeling something more sinister awaited.
We walked out of the building and around to the back entryway, which led to a set of stairs with a metal handrail. It reminded me a bit of the school we found Addy’s daughter in, but less bloody, less decaying sludge, fewer undeads.
Climbing three sets, I found myself a little winded. That was more bothersome than not knowing where the fuck Erik was taking me. I definitely needed to get more cardio in.
He stepped close to a second keypad, punching in another code. He opened the door and walked inside.
“Their flats,” I whispered.
“Yes,” Erik said, holding the door open. “You coming?”
“Yeah.” I stepped through the door and looked down the hall.
White walls, four black doors, numbers next to the frames…
We walked down to the door marked number one. Immediately, I knew whose flat it was.
“Is this where you’re staying?”
“No. Do you know whose flat this was?”
“Roger’s.”
He grabbed the knob, turning it, but didn’t open the door.
“I talked to PJ about putting you through a situation that could lead to added stress, affecting your stability. He agreed we could attempt something, but you were to see him right afterward.”
“I can agree to that.”
“Good. Once we go in, I want you to keep something in mind.”
“What’s that?”
“He’s dead and cannot harm you or anyone you love ever again.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. When he opened the door, I shut my eyes, unable to decide if I should go in or run in the opposite direction.
Erik rested a palm on my shoulder. “Come on. I’ll stay with you.”
“Yeah,” I croaked, opening my eyes.
I stepped into the dark room, Erik blinding me when he flicked on the light.
“Looks like the OCD gene came from him,” I said once my eyes adjusted, gazing around the room. Every nook and cranny looked as if it came out of a design and décor magazine. It was a showcase of eclectic items, each having their own individual space, but it all worked together somehow.
I walked over to the bookcase, wanting to get an idea of what he liked to read. It wasn’t shocking to see books about heads of totalitar
ian and communist governments, as well as fictional novels about world wars, apocalypses, and twisted horror tales. In a way, it made me feel as if he lived in a fantasy world where only he would prevail.
“See anything you like?” Erik asked.
“Fuck no.”
I yanked a book from the shelf and tossed it to the floor. I spun around, my gaze slowly traveling over every perfect line. Each piece of furniture lined up with the next. Even the art on the stark white walls looked to be spaced evenly.
The long and narrow side table next to the kitchen doorway held a stack of magazines, all perfectly aligned. I walked up to them and moved each one just a little to throw off the visual balance.
In the galley kitchen, the open shelving design secured the perfect look. Every dish was white, all stacked according to size. I grabbed a dinner plate and dropped it to the floor, shattering it into little pieces.
“Feel better?” Erik asked, smirking.
“A little, yes. It feels liberating to throw off all the perfect lines and angles.”
He chuckled, then pointed at the door on the opposite side of the kitchen. “There’s the hall that leads to the loo and bedroom.”
I stood completely still, no muscle ticks or twitches. Hell, I didn’t even breathe as I stared at the doorway, wondering if I should go through.
When I took a step, the tremble began in the pit of my stomach. I glanced to my right, noting where the sink was…just in case. I didn’t want to walk forward. Seeing where he used to rape my mother might set my recovery back a few years. PJ would have his work cut out for him after this.
I feared the demons and the ridicule that came right along with them. Not to mention the worry of losing this new life I had begun building almost a year ago. Would I ever be able to face the tragic circumstances of my life?
Who the fuck knew, but I knew I had to face this. I would regret it if I didn’t.
I walked forward, turning left, pausing at the first door. I reached in and flicked on the light. Every surface, from toilet to shower to sink, looked showroom clean. Admittedly, for sanitary reasons, that was also how I liked things.
Opening the mirrored cabinet above the sink, a shudder went through my body.
“You okay, mate?” Erik asked.
I glanced over my shoulder and nodded. “Did he use prescription drugs on her?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
I swung the mirror out, exposing a couple small bottles of a variety of alcohol, much like you would find in a mini-bar in a hotel room.
I furrowed my brows. “Morning ritual, I suppose.”
I shook my head and slammed the door shut. The mirror shattered, shards of glass falling into the sink and to the floor.
“You messing with him in the afterlife?”
I snorted, chuckling. “Afterlife, my ass. He burned up at the gates of hell. I’m pretty sure the devil didn’t need competition, seeing who could outdo the other.”
“Very true.” He pointed at the closed door down the hall. “That’s the bedroom. I will warn you. There are some things in there that will take hold of your emotions.”
“Yeah.” I let out a loud breath. “Can I go in on my own? I think I need some privacy.”
“Certainly. I’ll wait out in the living room.”
“I’ll come out when I’m ready.”
“Sounds good. If you need anything, yell.” He turned and walked back through the kitchen.
I watched. His steps seemed stilted, almost as if weary of the next one. He ran his fingers along the wall, like he needed the security in case he started to fall. I shook my head, knowing he was sick. I would be surprised if he ever told me what was wrong.
Turning to the door, I clenched my fists at my sides. I had an overwhelming urge to punch something, but knew if I did, it would have been the start of my unraveling.
“You can do this… You can do this… You can do this…,” I whispered. Rubbing my hands together in front of my mouth, I worked on my breathing, hoping I could keep it tight.
In one swift move, I opened the door, stepped in, and slammed it behind me. The darkness seemed ominous, enveloping me in the pitch-black room, leaving me feeling an apprehensiveness only my mother could understand.
I wondered if he kept the room dark while he did unspeakable things to her, or did he have the light on because the fear on her face amused him?
I reached out, hunting for the light switch on the wall. Once I found it, I held it between my fingers for a moment, closed my eyes, and flipped it on.
Taking a deep breath, I opened them. The first thing I saw was the bed—white linens perfectly tucked, military-style. As I looked around the bed, something seemed out of place.
“What the fuck?” I walked over and picked up what looked like a leather cuff attached to the headboard by chains. “No…” I trailed off, dropping it. I walked around the bed, finding one attached to each corner.
Horrified was the only way to describe how I felt. How long did he keep her chained to the bed? Did he allow her to use the loo? Did he feed her? I couldn’t bear to ask when I saw her again…if I saw her again. Despite my newfound healthy state, I still had lingering doubts poking at my mind.
I reached out, snatched the linens, and yanked them off the bed. My world quaked when I saw all the bloodstains on the mattress.
“Fucking hell…”
Tears trickled from my eyes. I knew he was physically abusive, but the reality now set in. I hurriedly grabbed the linens and threw them back over the mattress. There was no way I could be in that room with all the blood whispering atrocities.
Rage coursing through my veins, I spun around and saw a chest of drawers. I grabbed the side and, with a grunt, tossed it over on its side, drawers sliding out and crashing to the floor. Black tee’s and cargoes went everywhere.
A little out of breath, I stole a glance at the closet door. My mother told me he locked her in there, as well.
I didn’t want to go inside.
I didn’t want to see what she saw.
I didn’t want to feel what she felt.
But I was drawn to it, almost out of a sick curiosity. I needed to find out if I could handle such a blow to my quieted mind.
As I opened the closet door, feelings of remorse trickled in.
It was dark, but with the swath of light from the recessed lighting across the bedroom, I could see a little of the destitute situation in which my mother had lived. Hell, I felt it as I stared at the tiny space.
On the right, I saw a couple small blankets spread out, a thin, lumpy pillow on top. Next to it was a two-drawer unit, presumably to hold all her possessions…if she had any. I touched it with the toe of my trainers, easily sliding it, as if it were empty.
I narrowed my gaze at the portion of wall exposed after moving the unit. “What the…?” I knelt, my knees popping. As if it moved on its own, my hand shot out, touching the words carved into the sheetrock. “Oh god…” My throat constricted, making it difficult to breathe. I fell back, my ass hitting the blankets, my leg kicking out, hitting something metal. “Mum…”
Scrawled into the wall were words similar to the ones I had often said to myself.
I want to die.
I’m so sorry.
I love you, Luke.
It hit me hard. So hard, I began to weep.
However, I wasn’t sad. I was happy. So fucking happy.
I saved her from the monster lurking, taking what wasn’t his. I made her life have meaning again. I gave her time, a family, somewhere to feel safe. I was responsible for her happiness and the hope she had for her life…and mine.
When the realization hit, I slumped over and rested my head against the unit.
“I destroyed everything I gave her,” I whispered. “Just like my father.”
Looking off to the side, I noticed what seemed to be a chamber pot and dinnerware. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to hold back my emotion. I needed to get out of there before I lost all
control.
Standing, I turned to the door. Erik stood there quietly, holding the edge of it, staring, watching, worry holding him still. His sallow complexion looked worse than ever. It took all the strength he had to say, “Let’s go back down.”
“I’d like to stop at the cafeteria for a coffee first.”
“Absolutely.”
“I just…” I scrubbed my face, pushing both my hands through my hair. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“I’m here.”
“I don’t want to talk about what’s in here or what I’ve done.” I motioned to the dresser overturned on the floor.
“Understood.”
I gazed at him, taking in his sickly look once more as we walked to the front door. “What’s going on with you?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Stop playing stupid. Your health. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Everything’s just fine.” He gave me a small smile.
“No… Something’s wrong, Erik. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your pale skin, dark circles under your eyes, the bruising on your arms…” I stopped in the hall. “It’s just you and me here, yeah?”
He nodded, looking away from my stare. “We’re pretty sure I have leukemia.”
I felt like a knife had been plunged into my chest. “Is Dr. Barter treating you?”
“No.”
“What?! Why not?”
He looked at me. “I wanted to get you well and get you out of here first. That was the deal.”
“But—”
He held up his hand. “That’s how it will go. You are not to say anything to anyone. I trust you with this personal information.”
I spent a moment trying to decide if I should speak to Dr. Barter, but it was Erik’s body and his choice. “Absolutely. Is there anything I can do?”
He smiled. “Pass the suspension test tomorrow.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
He smiled, patting me on the shoulder. “Let’s go have that cup of coffee.”
Chapter 46
When the elevator door slid open, Tess tapped Erik on the shoulder. “Umm… This isn’t where we are supposed to be going.”
“I know,” he said. “I want to grab something first.”
Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five) Page 34