Nick reached across the table and patted my forearm. “You don’t have to continue.”
“I do,” I croaked and sucked in a deep breath. “This one is for Nick, your uncle, your mum’s brother.”
He tilted his head, looking a little confused. “Mom said he was sick.”
“I got him sick, then had to pull the trigger.” Nick looked away, sitting back in the chair. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. Clearing my throat, I continued. “The last black band is for everyone who died on our wedding day in 2012.”
“How about the red one?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
I stood and put my bowl in the dishwasher, flitting around the kitchen for a few moments, wishing I could take back the last few minutes, pretend they never existed.
“Pops, who was the red one?” Nick asked a little louder.
Leaning onto the counter, I wrapped my hands around the edge of the sink, my knuckles going white from the strain. “My father. He was an evil man, and I would piss on his grave if he had one.”
“Jesus, Pops. Tell me how you really feel.”
“You have no idea all the atrocities he committed. What you know is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“I don’t understand why you would get a band tattooed for him.”
“It’s not for him. It’s for me. A reminder of the pain he caused me and how much I’ve overcome. How much I’ve changed as a man.” I turned and faced him.
Nick stood and came right up to me. I wasn’t sure if he was going fist bump or dick punch me. I felt relieved when he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a bro hug.
He stepped back, tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Pops. I don’t know how you live with all that in your head. It must be…I don’t know…so brutal on your memories, probably even taking over the good ones.”
“For a while, I drank to drown out the voices and images playing on repeat.” I shook my head. “I went a bit batty, doing horrible things to the people I loved. It’s nothing I’m proud of.”
“Are you proud of the man you’ve become, in spite of the things you’ve done and endured?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I still don’t always make the right decisions, but I’m much calmer than ever before.” I dragged my hand through my hair. “Listen… I’m going to go take a quick shower. Once you’re ready, we can head out for the day. Think about what you want to do. Explore the city, lounge here to watch films and get takeaway, help out in the store. Doesn’t matter to me. I just want to spend time with you.”
He smiled. “I want to spend as much time as possible with you, too.”
“Good.” I patted him on the shoulder and headed to the bathroom.
As we walked into the café, Nick said, “Pops, that car is sick as fuck.”
“Do me a favor and don’t tell Michelle I drove it like that. She would hide my keys and sell it before I could get back in it again.”
“Mom said you used to have a bike.”
“Yeah.” I shoved my hand through my hair. “I almost bought another here, but that bird of mine said if I did, she would never… Well, never mind. You probably don’t want to know. Anyway, in order to keep my manhood happy, I opted for no bike.”
He cringed. “Secret is safe with me.”
We walked up to the counter and gazed at all the sweets like wanton sugar sluts, the sticky goodness tantalizing us. “Cheat day?” I asked, turning to him.
“Hell yeah.” He pointed to the glazed croissants and patted his belly. “Those look so good. Tomorrow, though, I’ll need to see your gym.”
I ordered us coffee and six of the best-looking pastries they had…and maybe a dozen cookies for the ride home…and more pastries for dessert. I debated on whether to tell Michelle about them or just sneak them into my flat.
We sat at the table, pulled everything out of the bags, and went to town.
After five minutes of quiet eating, I looked up at my son. “Tell me about Charlotte…or Charli.”
He smiled. “She’s a great kid. We’re pretty close.”
“I’m glad to hear that. What does she look like? Do you have a picture?”
As the silence stretched on, the quiet clink of the fork as he set it on the table seemed deafening. He stared out the window, watching pedestrians walk by. Just above a whisper, he said, “She has some problems.”
His low tone told me something, maybe a memory, was painful. I leaned forward slightly, concern etching lines around my eyes and into my forehead. “Oh? Like what? Is there anything I can do? Is she sick?”
“I think it would be best to wait to dish out all the info.” He glanced at me, icing me over. I knew that gaze. It was one his mother used many times. “This trip is about me trying to figure you out.”
Nodding, I said, “I get what you’re saying. You want to make sure I’m worthy enough to bring into your lives.”
“It sounds so cruel that way, but I don’t feel terrible for thinking it.”
“I get it. It’s cool, mate. You’re protecting your little sister. Admirable in my book.”
He stared at me for a moment. Judging by his hard-set jaw, the muscle ticking as he clenched and unclenched it, he contemplated asking me something else. “I’d like you to seriously consider going home with me.”
“For a visit?”
“More than that.”
“I can’t move there. I have responsi—” I shut my eyes, knowing I had already done damage.
“And you didn’t have responsibilities in New York?” he asked, rolling his eyes.
“Nick.” I reached for his arm, but he pulled away, crossing them over his chest. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful about what comes out of my mouth.”
“I’m still angry—”
“And you have every right to be,” I said, talking over him.
“—that you left us. No matter how cool I’m playing it right now, it still hurts, Pops. It’s only right you make a point of coming to visit on a regular basis. And that includes us visiting you.”
“I will do the best I can.”
“That’s not good enough for me. And definitely not good enough for Charli. It’s either ‘Yes, I will’ or ‘No, so sorry’. It’s either black or white. There is no room for gray in this situation.”
“You’re too right, son. Yes. I will visit on the regular.”
“Then come home with me when I leave.”
“Before I give you an answer, I need to talk to Michelle and figure out the store situation.”
Nick smirked. “I can deal with that.”
The corner of my mouth twitched and lifted. Scolded by my own son. Rightly deserved. “We’ll talk over dinner.”
“Sounds good.”
He picked up his fork and dug back into his pastry. I watched him in awe, impressed by his confidence and pure determination. He was everything I hoped he would become.
Chapter 58
I watched the cab drive down the street. It really sucked. Nick and I had a great week together, and I had so much pride for him and his enthusiasm for life. His upbeat attitude was refreshing.
After figuring out details, I planned to go to New York and spend a little time there to try and mend relationships I screwed up. The most important thing was I wanted to get to know my daughter.
I felt a gentle touch on the small of my back. Looking to my left, I saw Michelle gazing up at me, her brows furrowed, lips pursed. “You okay?” She reached up and touched my cheek.
I shrugged. “I miss him already.”
“Me, too. He’s a really good kid.”
Bummed out, we headed into the store. After developing a bond with him, I wanted to see Nick every day. Be there for every question, every hardship, every heartbreak.
“Do you think this is the right decision?” I asked.
“Going to New York for a bit?”
“Yeah,” I said, walking behind the counter to shut down my laptop. I shoved my hand through my hair. “I know there won’t be much of a welcome
reception, but I want to explain things, apologize, get to know my daughter, see my mum.”
She leaned a hip against the counter. “This is what you have to do. It’s not about making the right choice. I encouraged you to go before and try to figure things out because I knew you weren’t fully with me,” she said, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Your heart is split in two. The only way to mend it is to make peace with your past. Only then can you fully live your life.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right, as usual.” I looked at her and smiled.
“Well, duh, Luke. You know I’m always right.” She walked around the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “I just want you to feel whole, complete. By going to New York, you can work on that. Whether they accept you is another story, but at least you’ll be able say you made an attempt, even if it is two decades later.”
“Better late than never.” I leaned down and brushed my lips across hers. “Thank you for supporting me. You’ve been my rock.”
“I’m here for you…always.” She pressed a small kiss to my cheek. “With all that being said… I’m nervous.”
Confused, I turned my head slightly and narrowed my gaze. “About?”
“Well, number one, you coming back. You don’t have exactly the best travel record.”
“True, but no worries. I want to be here. I want to be with you.”
“That’s my other issue. What if you get to New York, nostalgia kicks in, and your feelings soar? Or you’re reminded of your past and you want to get that back?”
I shook my head. “Please, don’t worry about that.”
“Luke, I’m not dumb. I know you still have a little love for her, even after all this time.” I looked away. “It’s okay, though,” she said, running her fingertips through my beard.
“I can’t help it. We went through a lot together. She’s the mother of my kids. She got me sober. We survived together. I killed people for her.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry if this hurts you.”
“It doesn’t. I understand. As much as I want you all to myself, I know that’s not possible. But do know this…” She grabbed my face with both hands, making me look at her. “I love you so much. I’ll do anything I can to help you through whatever happens.”
“I don’t say it often enough, but I do love you.”
“I know. Your actions speak louder than words.”
“That is very cliché of you, ’Chelle.” I smiled, making her laugh.
“Come on. Let’s go upstairs and get you packed. Then maybe I can give you a proper goodbye.”
“Oh? A proper goodbye, did you say? Intriguing. Does that involve a lot of sex? If so, I’d like a proper goodbye every night, morning, lunch hour, late-day, in the middle of the night…” I grabbed onto her ass and squeezed.
“I suppose you will have to find out.” She pulled from my grip and headed through the store to the entrance of our flats.
Gazing down at her, worry swept through me. I enjoyed the blissful routine of my life, but going to New York would drastically change everything. I would never give up my life with Michelle and our perfectly quaint, yet popular bookstore, but it worried me that she feared I would walk away.
“Luke?” She reached up and pushed her hand through my hair. “Did I lose you for a second?”
“Yeah…” I shook my head. “Sorry.”
“We can stop and talk if you need to.”
“No, I’m fine. I just had a fleeting thought. You’re an exceptional woman to be so accepting of me and my life, regardless of all the bullshit I’ve put people through. One of a kind, ’Chelle. I truly believe that.”
“You have a good heart. Deep down inside, I know your intention is to be the best man you can be.” She smiled, then brushed her lips across mine. “Now, get back to fucking me.”
I let out a low chuckle, then moaned as I slid into her eager body. “God, ’Chelle. You feel so good.” I pushed my arms under her back and rolled us over, settling her on top of me. She rested her hands on my chest and rode me like a champ. Slapping my hands over my face, I tipped my head back. “Oh, fuck…”
When her breathing quickened, I knew she was close. Unsure of how much longer I could last, I grabbed her hips and held her still, shifting my hips just enough to give her that pressure she loved.
“Come on, love. Give it to me,” I whispered, then sat up, wrapping my arms around her, her magnificent tits right in my face. I ran my tongue around her nipple, biting down, tugging as she writhed on my cock.
She let out a raw, gritty moan before screaming as the sensations flooded her body—trembling limbs, gooseflesh, nipples taut. Perfectly beautiful, she collapsed, arms dangling over my shoulders.
It was my turn. I pushed her off me and shoved her down, belly on the bed. Grabbing her hips, I yanked her to the edge and slid off, standing behind her, pushing myself back into her slick heat. A few hard thrusts later, she came apart once more, me following right behind her.
Panting, I climbed back onto the bed and pulled her to me, wrapping my body around hers. I groaned as she snuggled into me.
Moments later, I heard a sniffle.
Then another.
And another.
“’Chelle?” She choked out a sob, turning over, curling into my chest. “What’s wrong?”
For the longest time, she cried, no words coming out. It worried me.
“’Chelle, talk to me…please.”
“I’m af-fraid.”
“Of what?”
“You’ll w-want her back. I can’t help th-this fear. I tried to ignore it, but I can’t.”
I closed my eyes, feeling her anxiety deep in my chest. “She has her own life, and I have mine. With you. With our store. We’ve been together longer than she and I were. Don’t be afraid. I need to meet my daughter, and I owe it to Elaina to tell her what happened and why I did the things I did. She needs to know it had nothing to do with her.”
“Just the fact that you still have love for her… I was okay with it when you were here. But the more I think about, it’s scary.”
“I will always have a little love for her, ’Chelle. You know that. It’s much different than my love for you, though.”
“I just… I don’t want to lose you.”
“I swear, you won’t lose me. I may start traveling to see my kids, but I am here with you. This is my life. You, me, and the store. Okay?” She nodded into my chest.
I felt a little blindsided by her insecurity. It was never my intention. In a way, it made me understand how much we needed one another. I needed to find a better way to show her my love was true and forever, but it would have to wait until I came back.
I pulled the blanket over us and snuggled in for a few hours of sleep before I had to be at the airport.
Chapter 59
-Gamebridge, New York-
Weary and exhausted from his trip to London, Nick walked into the house, suitcase in hand, the scent of a fresh coffee slapping him in the face.
“Mmm… Yeah, baby. That’s what I need. Coffee. Gonna need a whole pot to cure this blasted jetlag.”
For the entire flight back and the drive home, Nick tried to figure out what he would say to his mother about his father being alive and well. Luke turned out to be mellow, and he had a great time with him and his girlfriend; however, Nick wasn’t so sure his mother would take things as well as he had. Then there was Will. He’d probably flip his lid.
Oh, and let us not forget the surprising news of Luke coming to New York the following day.
Anne came out of the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand. “Nick! So glad you’re home.”
“Hey, Granny.” He dropped the suitcase and embraced her. Stepping away, he looked her over. “Are you okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine. I haven’t slept very well after your call.”
“Right. You didn’t say anything to Mom or Will, did you?”
“No. I’ve kept my word, lad. Lips zipped.”
“Thanks. How’s Gramp
s?”
“He’s doing okay.” She held up the mug, smiling. “I’m bringing him his coffee.”
“Cool. Is Mom home?”
“I believe she’s upstairs. Last I saw her, she was walking into Charlotte’s room, basket of laundry in hand.”
Nick let out a sigh and rubbed at his beard growth. “Granny, how do I tell her?”
“I’m so sorry this responsibility has been placed on your shoulders. While I’m thrilled he’s alive, I’m angry over his choices.” She paused to gauge Nick’s emotions. Resting a hand on his cheek, she said, “To be honest, I would be blunt with your mum. Just get it done and out of the way.”
“He has a very good explanation as to why, but it’s not my place to say. You can hear it for yourself…when he flies in tomorrow.”
Her face lifted into a big smile, all her features glowing. “That’s wonderful. I can’t wait to see him again.”
“I kind of talked him into it. I had leverage.”
Anne patted her grandson on the arm. “Always a good lad.”
“Well, not always, Granny,” he whispered.
“Okay, sometimes you’re a good lad,” she said, winking.
Moments later, Elaina came down the stairs and rushed to Nick, wrapping her arms around him. “I missed my boy. How was Paris?”
“Definitely an adventure.” Anne lifted a brow and nodded before smiling again. He shoved his hand through his hair. “Mom, can we talk? I have something to tell you.”
Elaina’s brow furrowed in concern. “Of course. Is everything okay? Did something happen on your trip?”
“Yeah, actually. But first, I’m desperate for coffee to kill this jetlag.”
“You’re in luck. Granny just made a pot.”
“Perfect.”
They headed into the kitchen, Anne walking upstairs.
Elaina pulled a mug from the cabinet and poured Nick a cup. Handing it to him, she asked, “What’s going on?”
Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five) Page 40