by Jayne Rylon
“It’s just my soap. Nothing fancy.”
“I like that too. But that’s not what I meant. I’ve never slept with a man before. Never woken up with one.” She traced the heated metal of his nipple piercing then several of the black and gray lines decorating his abdomen. “Do you feel okay?”
“Are you joking? I’m not the one who got high as a kite and entertained a dozen men last night. And now I’m cuddling with the woman I’ve been obsessed with for months after finding out reality is better than everything I’ve imagined. Doesn’t get much better. Why?”
“You’re burning up.” The bottom of her stomach dropped out. “You didn’t catch any Sex Offender when I opened the capsule did you?”
“Nah, I held my breath. I’m pretty sure this is how I always am.”
“Mmm. Like my own personal sun.”
“Snuggle up, Lily.” He drew her closer. “We have a lot to discuss.”
She burrowed into the furnace of his chest, allowing her lids to drift closed when comfort saturated her pores. In the heart of enemy territory, she felt safer than at any other time in her life.
Jeremy stroked her hair from the crown of her head to the swell of her ass. He petted her with lulling swirls of his fingertips as though he memorized the topography of her body’s landscape.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “This is nice. I could stay here, with you, forever.”
She hummed.
They lay on their sides, facing each other. Though he didn’t loom over her, she gladly relinquished control, allowing him to caress every inch he could reach. She smiled when he traced the shell of her ear.
Their legs entwined as they strained closer. One of her feet rubbed his furry calf, impressed by the muscles there. She’d never grow tired of him surrounding her. Finally, she understood women who’d dedicated their lives to one man—like Isabella with Razor.
Izzy. “How’s my sister?”
“She misses you.”
“She hardly knows me.”
“Enough to love you.” He nuzzled his lips into the crook of her neck and nibbled beneath her jaw. His light beard abraded her with a fuzzy scratch. “Once Izzy makes up her mind about someone, she’s loyal to a fault. She’ll always care for you. Welcome you into her life.”
“What about you, Jeremy?” The steady vibration of his chest against her lips soothed her, encouraging her to take a risk.
“You’re part of our family. An honorary member of the men in blue. Twice over. Because even if you had no tie to Izzy, you’d still belong to me.”
Lily shivered.
He hugged her tighter.
“All my life, I didn’t really give a shit about being poor. I sort of learned to like the rhythm of our street and the diversity of the people who drifted in and out of the neighborhood. Only one thing had the potential to make me bitter. My father used it against me. He knew what I needed. A real family. I used to watch sitcoms on the TV in the pawnshop window across the street. I couldn’t hear them or anything. I would imagine the actors were my relatives. That I could trust them to look out for me.”
“We’ll always be here for you, Lily. No matter what.” He smoothed her carefully arched brow. “If something happens to me, they’ll still have your back. If things go bad on this assignment—”
“Don’t say that.” She tensed in his hold.
He nodded. “Just remember. They care for you too. You know that right?”
“I’m starting to believe.” She kissed the side of his neck, as far up as she could reach without shifting her boneless body.
“You’ll never be alone again. I promise.”
With one oath, the damage caused by at least a handful of years she’d spend scrounging to survive scabbed over and began to heal. “You help me forget everything that’s come before. None of it matters when I’m with you.”
“Same goes, Lily.” He traced her smile, first with his fingertip then with his lips.
But did it? Or had she surfaced his long-buried pain?
Afraid to shatter the moment, she still couldn’t keep herself from wondering aloud. “Last night, in the tub… I wanted to say thank you. That had to be difficult for you.”
“It was what you needed.” He swallowed hard.
“Tell me what you were thinking. Tell me how it made you feel when you watched me panic the first time I went below the water. I’m familiar with the sacrifices a good top sometimes makes for their charges.” She grimaced. “Shit, sorry. It’s habit. I mean, I’m here…if you choose to share.”
He scooped his arms beneath her then rolled to his back, pillowing her on his chest. “No, don’t apologize. You’re free to ask me anything you like. I may not answer. Even if I don’t, I’ll explain why. There’s a big difference between a submissive lover and a mindless robot. You know that. Maybe that was my problem all along. I needed someone who could endure the full extent of what I have to share. Someone who comprehends what it’s like. Someone who can handle all of me. Someone who’s not too delicate. Someone exactly like you.”
They shared the silence for so long Lily assumed he’d chosen to abandon the conversation. She focused on comforting him, letting him smother her with trembling arms while she rubbed his broad chest and counted the racing beats of his heart.
“How much do you know of the accident?” His gulp rang in her ears.
“Not a lot.” She bit her lip. “Probably almost nothing of the truth. By the time the story reached me it was passed through a bunch of people, an anecdote for what not to do.”
“Shit.” He scrunched his eyes closed.
“Sorry.” Lily propped herself on her hands, which didn’t come close to spanning his pecs. “I never believed the gory details. Honestly, I didn’t even think you were a real person.”
“I wished I wasn’t for a long time after that.” He clenched his hands on her ass, probably unaware of the bruises he’d leave there. “I’ll never forget how she looked when I found her. Surprised. Her fingers wrapped around the scarf at her throat. So…blue.”
“Jeremy—”
“No, I want to tell you, Lily. Please. I haven’t said this out loud to anyone. You’re right. In the past ten years it’s been like she didn’t exist. Me either. Not the old me. I’ve been hiding under some ridiculous computer whiz disguise as though I could make myself something I wasn’t.”
“I’m pretty sure you really are a geek at heart.” She tossed a pointed stare at the equipment scattered around the room, glad to see a faint smile dusting his full lips when she returned her focus. “A sexy, dominant nerd. I saw through your Clark Kent routine the first moment I met you.”
“You remind me of Karen in some ways.” He relaxed his grip on her, sliding his hands to her upper thighs. “She had an impeccable sense of timing. She could make me laugh even in the middle of an intense session. I guess I always assumed she’d gotten into BDSM because of me.”
“What do you mean? You can tell when a sub isn’t a natural fit.”
“I know. I analyzed it to death. We were young. Dated since middle school. No way could I have gotten that lucky—to find the right girl from the start. I convinced myself I was taking advantage of her.” He shook his head. “Gunther tried to explain I was being a moron. Like you said…he kept assuring me she could never have gone as far as we did just to stay together. I doubted her. I tried to send her away.”
“Oh Jeremy.” She kissed his cheek.
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I told her to go to college, find a decent guy to settle down with, someone who wouldn’t dream of hurting her like I did. When she flipped out, screaming and throwing things, I lost it. I pinned her to the wall and snarled my darkest fantasy right in her face. I told her I was a gasper. Into strangulation.”
“You tried to scare her off.” Lily could tell the lie had haunted him for a decade.
“Yeah.”
She rode the rise and fall of his bellowing chest, allowing him to vent the poison he’d held so long. She
dug deep into her training and forced herself to push him through the worst of the exorcism. “Finish it. Tell me.”
“Karen begged me to use her. To stop underestimating her devotion.” His eyes were bugged when they met hers. “I didn’t even tell her I loved her when I left. She crumpled onto the floor and cried. I heard her wails from outside her apartment building until I shut the door to my car.”
“Every couple fights, Jeremy.”
“Not like that.” He clutched her to his chest. “She swore she’d ask another Dom at Guther’s to train her. I forbade it. I gave her no choice. I stole any safe outlet for her curiosity. I drove her to experiment on her own and practically dared her to prove herself worthy of my command.”
“You didn’t intend to. Not if you really believed she submitted only for you.”
“How fucking arrogant was I?”
“You’ve paid a high enough price for one mistake, don’t you think?” She couldn’t stop herself from kissing him, showing him through her gentle caresses how much she wished she could absorb his pain.
“I’m not sure it’ll ever be enough.” His story turned raspy. “I went straight to Gunther, who talked me off the ledge not only as my mentor but also as my friend. He told me to bring Karen to the club so he could moderate a session for us. Whatever she needed. I spent the whole night getting my shit straight and planning out my apology when I should have raced to her, the hell with fancy promises and proposals. I went to see her the next morning with three dozen roses.”
“Oh God.” No wonder he’d cut himself off for so long. An honorable man like him could never condone failing someone they’d sworn to protect.
“I’ll always remember the petals scattered over her pale, stiff body. I didn’t know what to do. I called Gunther. I tried CPR. He had to rip me off her when he arrived on the scene. I think I might have still had those fucking flowers in my hand. I don’t know. I’ve tried so hard to forget.”
“No more, Jeremy.” She clung to him as tight as he did to her. “She doesn’t have to live in the shadows of your memory anymore. And neither do you. Don’t disrespect her. Don’t make the lesson be learned for nothing. Stay true to yourself. Your needs and mine. I’ll know if you take things light on me. I can handle anything you have to give.”
“I know you can.” He stared straight into her eyes. “I won’t let you down.”
She leaned into the hand cupping her cheek. “I have one little problem…”
“What’s that?” He held his breath.
“I think your old boss is kind of pissed at me.”
“You know Gunther?”
“Yeah, sort of. He scouted me from Black Lily. For a new club he’s opening in the city.” She chuckled at his wide eyes. “You hadn’t heard?”
“I don’t keep my ear to the ground on the kink front much anymore.”
“More like you avoided it so you weren’t tempted.”
He smacked her ass with a glancing swing that resulted in more sound than sting.
“Gunther attended several of my sessions, offering me a slot in his organization after every one. He’s pretty convincing. I accepted a position at his club to escape my father, the whole situation, once I realized the bastard had used me. And then I discovered the women being sold. I had to renege on my contract. I couldn’t walk away from that. If we could settle this once and for all… Well, will you smooth things over?”
“Even though Black Lily is all yours? You’d still leave?”
“I’m considering a merger. Combined, we’d rock the market. To be honest, the Lily holds too many ghosts these days.”
His fingers clenched on her waist.
Jeremy grinned. “That old softie is going to love you. He sends me a birthday card every year. I think I’ll use you to shield me from a serious beating. He’ll be so happy to have you maybe he’ll forget about all I’ve fucked up. Especially if I tell him about how much you enjoy sex with more than one guy at once. Would you like me to share you with the boss man?”
Lily shivered. “There’s something about him. I might be willing to sacrifice for you.”
“Yeah, he kicks ass.” Jeremy sighed. “I miss him.”
“I’m sure he’ll be glad to have you home. Even if for a visit.”
“I hope you’re right.” Jeremy flipped them, settling between her thighs. “It’s time to reclaim what’s mine. Time to be the man I was destined to be.”
“Show me,” she begged.
And he did.
Matt banged on the door at the top of the open-backed staircase. He grimaced when the cracked wood bowed and paint flakes fluttered to the ground, two stories below. Hell, the railing rattled with each of his blows. Probably the piece of shit would give. He and Clint would land on the potholed blacktop below, impaled on the rusty metal.
“Easy,” Clint growled. “Are you trying to scare the shit out of Jambi? It’s the dead of the night. Normal people are sleeping.”
“We can’t hang out up here. Anyone could see us, completely exposed.” He snarled at his partner. “Besides, you know her schedule as well as I do. She probably got off shift less than an hour ago.”
Sure enough, the warm orange glow of a dying incandescent bulb spilled from the corner of the window nearby as Jambrea peeked from behind her frilly curtains. The rattle of chains and locks flipping came a moment later. At least she took precautions.
Too bad the shitty door would disintegrate with one swift kick.
“We’ll put in a steel one next day off.” Clint must have caught his mumbled curses.
He nodded.
“Uh…” Jambrea tugged down the thin cotton of her oversized nightshirt, which featured some ridiculous cartoon character. Her close-cropped hair was damp as though she’d finished showering not long ago. She pressed her glasses higher up her nose with one finger on the crossbar above her bridge. “Hi.”
“Can we come in?” Clint asked over his partner’s shoulder when it became apparent Matt couldn’t yank his tongue inside his mouth fast enough to do the job.
“Yeah, sure. It’s kind of a mess in here, though. I’ve been getting organized. Haven’t made it to the kitchen yet.”
“Couldn’t be worse than Clint’s apartment.” Matt swallowed hard as he willed himself to stop staring at the outline of her hard nipples. Clint’s fist to the middle of his back aided his efforts. Matt flung a glare over his shoulder. Clint smiled sweetly as though he hadn’t left a bruise the size of an orange.
“Shut up, asshole,” Clint hissed between his curved lips.
When Jambrea turned and led them inside her home, both of them hurried after her. Matt felt like a giant in her cozy living room. He easily occupied half of the free space. Hunching his shoulders helped a little. Not a heck of a lot.
“Cute.” Clint surveyed the eclectic mix of line drawings, trinkets and military paraphernalia dotted around the room. “It suits you. What’s with the Air Force stuff?”
“I was in the service for a few years right out of school. I trained as a medic before deciding to pursue nursing.”
“No shit.”
Matt let his partner do the talking. He merely observed, cataloging every detail of the woman who’d intrigued him with her disparate shy and saucy sides.
“Who’s this little guy?” Clint wiggled his finger on the glass of a ten-gallon aquarium filled with neon pink rocks and a silly plastic scuba diver blowing bubbles. A googly-eyed goldfish swam over to investigate.
“Guys, meet Parker.” Jambrea laughed when the fish smacked the surface, splashing Clint through the crack in the glass top. “He’s a fatty. Give him some flakes and he’ll be your pal for life.”
“Cool.” Clint shook some of the red, green and yellow food into the tank. Parker gobbled it up then retreated to his outrageous ceramic castle.
“So, not that I mind you stopping by before the ass-crack of dawn or anything…”
“Ah, shit.” Matt scrubbed his hand over his face. How could he have forg
otten about their assignment so fast? “Sorry, we’re here on business.”
Did he imagine the flicker of disappointment in her pretty hazel eyes?
“Of course. I figured.” She wandered toward the kitchen. “Let me put some coffee on.”
“Don’t go to any trouble for us.” Clint waved her off.
“It’s for me, not you.” Jambrea stifled a yawn behind her hand. “I worked a double. Was about to crash.”
“Shit. Sorry, Jambi.” Clint deflected her toward the couch. “Take a load off. Matt will make you something to drink.”
Bastard. Matt ignored his partner’s arm around Jambrea’s lush curves as the jerk steered her onto the comfy-looking sofa. As if Matt had a clue how to brew coffee. Though he drank about a gallon of the stuff on their late-night duties, it always came from the station’s crusty pot or some gas station along their patrol route.
How hard could it be?
Matt rummaged around on the counter until he came up with a stainless-steel container of grounds and a box of filters. He dumped a pile of the black granules straight from the tin then flipped on the faucet a little too hard.
The handle popped off.
“Oh, shit!” He jammed it back on before anyone noticed. Once the pot filled with tap water, he tipped it over the coffee. It ran out onto the counter.
“Are you finding everything okay?” He looked up from mopping the spillage with a wad of paper towels in time to catch Clint tugging her down to the microfiber cushion once more.
“Yeah, yeah. Fine.” Matt poked around the back of the coffee pot until he found a flap on the top. Hopefully putting the water in there wouldn’t break the machine. He crossed his fingers and poured.
Nothing happened.
Nice. He hit the on switch and stared long enough to be satisfied the hisses and pops sounded normal before rejoining the duo—he refused to think of them as a couple—in the other room. When Jambi tasted his coffee she’d forget all about the way Clint’s hand massaged the back of her neck while they waited for him to finish.
His partner sprawled on the couch, pushing Jambrea past the middle of the sofa. He refused to surrender so easily. Awkward and not giving a damn, Matt squeezed into the space remaining. Not his problem the move left Jambrea practically sitting in his lap.