by Sylvia Ryan
Ben called out, “See ya later, Oreo.” It was yet another of what he considered genius nicknames. He started up with Oreo just that morning, because, he announced, Oreos were his favorite dessert. But she had a sneaking suspicion that he was referring to something else.
It was the first time Julia had been alone in the house for over a week, and she was happy to be left alone with her thoughts. She really had no idea what day of the year it was, but she guessed it had to be at least mid- to late-February. She silently searched through her mind. It was fifty, maybe sixty days since the men had returned from the raid. That was also the last time she’d had her period. She still had all ten of the tampons that she had been so happy to discover when the guys got back. She hadn’t told her men when her birth control pills had run out. It had been dishonest of her. A lie of omission. But then again, they never asked. They had to know that, at some point, birth control was going to be an issue.
Julia’s stomach twirled inside of her like a gymnast making a tumbling pass. She had to consciously try to slow her breathing and calm herself.
She had always wanted to be a mom, so for her, it was a good thing, despite her quick pangs of fear when thinking about delivering a child in the farmhouse. But it would be different for Ben and Arden. They wouldn’t know whose child it was, at least not at first. Maybe, as it grew, the baby’s appearance would give away whose swimmer made it to the egg. But she was almost certain that, if they could easily tell whose child it was, it wouldn’t be right away. She wouldn’t be able to tell her child who their father was.
Fear and panic welled up inside but only for a moment. Then, like a heat lamp being turned on inside her chest, she felt the warm glow of love and trust. She trusted Arden and Ben and knew, just as surely as the sun would come up tomorrow, that they would love and embrace the baby that was growing inside her.
When Arden and Ben hadn’t returned for most of the day, she was sure that they had gotten their deer. Their habit now was to partially butcher the deer that they shot in the field where they dropped it because the animals were too large to carry home and butcher there. So, tonight they would have meat. Ughh, the thought of them butchering and her eating the meat began giving her the heaves. If there was any doubt that she was pregnant, this clinched it.
As predicted, the men returned with deer steak, and the rest of the animal was in a secured cooler buried in the snow so it would keep as long as the weather held. She wanted to tell them about the baby as soon as they walked in through the door, but it didn’t feel right to just ambush them with the information. Then her stomach started flipping again. The gymnast was taking another pass across the mats.
By the time the deer steaks and polenta had been cooked, Julia had deteriorated into an emotional mess.
This sudden urge to cry had to be a hormone thing.
She kept her head down so the men wouldn’t notice the blubbering mess she was becoming, but it was hard to escape Ben’s scrutiny.
“You’re not eating, Oreo, what’s up?” he said with a shit-eating grin, still proud of the new moniker. Julia kept looking at her plate, swallowing the lump in her throat over and over.
It’s now or never, Julia, tell them.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out just as a tear escaped from overtop of an overfilled eyelid. The kitchen stilled for a heartbeat. She could feel the men meet each other’s gaze and knew their minds were whizzing through the same things she had thought about earlier.
Arden broke the silence first. “Baby, why are you crying?” he asked as he stood up and pulled her out of her seat.
Ben also stood and circled around the table toward them. “This is great news, Julia, don’t be upset.” They both hugged her, one in front and one behind like they always did.
“I’m not upset. I’m just feeling…emotional.”
“Oh, emotional. That’s Arden’s department.” Ben chuckled.
“Ben, you’re such a moron,” Julia said with a half cry, half giggle.
They both held her until she was shooing them away from her. “Considering my predicament, I think I’ve had enough skin-on-skin contact with you two. Sit down and finish your dinner. In fact, finish mine too. This food is making me gag.”
“Uh, Oreo?”
“Would you stop calling me that, you idiot!” Julia snapped.
“Just how long do we have to look forward to this”—Ben air quoted with his two hands—“feeling emotional stuff.”
She laughed again. “Hey, Ben, how’d you like Oreo to perform her first vasectomy on you tonight while you’re sleeping?”
Arden burst out laughing.
“Okay, okay, I’ll be good.”
The men started eating again, and Julia shoved her plate in front of Ben like she always did. It was her unspoken way of saying, “here, garbage disposal, it’s all yours”.
But this time, Ben pushed the plate back toward her. “Don’t think so. You need to eat.” Then he lifted his eyes to meet hers with a “don’t give me any shit” look.
“All right, I’ll do my best,” she said as she rolled her eyes at him.
They spent the rest of the night carefully skirting around the elephant in the room. Nobody brought up the topic of the baby’s paternity or who was going to deliver this baby when the time came. For the moment they were all content to fill the night with new hopes for their future.
Chapter 17
The frozen outdoors began its thaw, and planting discussion and plans started soon after. They took stock of the seeds they had collected from the previous year, but there were several vegetables that Arden didn’t have in his garden last year that Julia would have liked to plant, specifically eggplant and several varieties of peppers.
Julia wanted to take a jog and visit Ann to see about bartering for some seeds and maybe feeling her out about getting help with the delivery of the baby when it came time. But both Ben and Arden were adamant that it was not safe, which was just as well, because she wasn’t sure she should do any running now that she was pregnant anyway.
When Samuel and Ann pulled up with their buggy several weeks later, Julia was relieved to see her. Samuel had brought four baby chicks with him. It was a generous gift. In return, Arden gave him a large bag of corn seed for their garden, and they set off together talking about other possible seed trades and coop construction for the chickens.
Ann and Julia sat on the back porch swing with the warm spring sun slanting in on them.
“I made the nicest scarf with the skein of yarn you gave me. We used it practically every day,” Julia said.
“I would give you more, but we’re out of the store-bought stuff. Papa is going to try to barter with an alpaca farmer that lives about ten miles down the road from our farm. Alpacas give good, clean wool, and my mother knows how to process and spin it into usable yarn.”
“If you could spare some, I’ll ask Ben and Arden what we could barter to get some for me.”
Ann nodded. “That shouldn’t be a problem. It will be a while though. It’s a long process, and there’s lots of work around the farm. In the spring, planting takes priority.”
They sat in comfortable quiet for a moment while Julia tried to figure out a way to ask for help in her delivery. She was uncomfortable asking Ann after only meeting her twice. The words came out in a rush, as if said faster they’d be easier to say and to hear.
“Ann? Uh, I was wondering if you or your mom might be able to help me. I’m going to have a baby sometime in the fall. If things haven’t changed by then, which I don’t think they will, Arden and Ben aren’t going to know what to do.”
“Do you know how far along you are?” Ann asked, still looking out toward the fields. She looked wistful and a little sad and seemed to purposely avoid eye contact with Julia.
“I think three months, but I don’t even know what date it is.”
“It’s April second today. That would place your delivery date around…the beginning of September. Next time, Julia,” Ann sa
id with a smile, “try not to get pregnant around the beginning of the year because the baby comes at harvest time, and it’s hard to get everything done if you have a newborn to take care of.”
Julia thought back to the previous fall. She was busy mostly canning and drying food, and Ann was right. She was going to be very busy.
“We deliver all of our babies at home, so we can help you when the time comes.”
Julia let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, Ann, thank you so much. You don’t know what a relief that is for me.”
Looking over toward the men standing at the edge of the field, she reassured Julia. “Don’t worry. We’re not going to leave you with two corn farmers to deliver that child. By the way, who is the father? If you don’t mind me asking.”
It had been so long since Julia had to worry about what other people’s opinion of her was, but apparently the anxiety associated with being judged never went away. She felt…she didn‘t know. Embarrassed? Ashamed? “I don’t know who the father is,” she said, looking at her lap and waiting to be condemned by this, no doubt, sinless woman.
Ann was quiet for a long time. “Don’t worry, Julia. It’s not my place to judge. But it would probably be best if I came without my mother for the birth. That way you’ll not be scrutinized during a time when you have other things to worry about.”
Julia smiled, relieved. “Thank you, Ann, for everything.”
Samuel was on his way toward the back porch. “Ya ready, Ann?”
Ann said her good-bye to Julia and gave her a hug. “I’ll be back to visit soon, probably after all the planting is done. We’ll make arrangements for the birth then.”
Julia, Arden, and Ben walked them back to the buggy and waved good-bye, listening to the clip-clop of horses hooves fade as they made their way in the direction they had come.
“So, we’ve got chickens now,” Arden said, “but sorry, Julia, no eggplant seeds.”
“Beggars can’t be choosers,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, I talked with Ann about what I really needed. She said that she would come when it was time to deliver the baby.”
“Good,” Ben said. “I might have gotten traumatized having to be on the catching end of that situation.”
“Well, nobody wants you to get traumatized, Ben,” Arden said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
“Hey,” Arden called over his shoulder, “why don’t you guys go for a walk and enjoy what’s left of this nice weather? I’ll get some dinner going.”
* * * *
Ben was more than happy to stroll with Julia on the path that skirted the back of the farm, soaking up the warm sun and breathing in the fresh scents of spring.
He caught her hand in his and brought it up to his lips. “I love you,” he breathed before brushing his lips softly on her hand. “You have made me so happy. Our life together, my relationship with you, it’s more than I could have ever asked for.”
He pulled her close. “You’re so beautiful with your tiny little round belly. I can’t wait to see you as big as a house. I can’t wait for our baby.”
“I thought Arden was supposed to be the sensitive one,” Julia teased.
He tilted her chin up so that he could meet her eyes. “You know I like to ruffle your feathers, nibble nugget,” he said with a smile. “To keep things fun. But I want you to know, with no doubts, how I feel about you. How I feel about the baby you’re carrying. I love you both. Period. It doesn’t matter to me who the father is. It will never make any difference to me, and I could never love the two of you any more than I already do.”
He leaned over and kissed her. “I just wanted you to know that.” Ben pulled her close. He ran his hands from the nape of her neck slowly down to the small of her back.
As he kissed her again, his erection grew between them.
“I want you, Julia, now. Just us.”
Julia clung to him in response. They easily found a grassy area that was bathed in the afternoon sunlight. Ben led Julia there, and they lay down next to each other, face to face. He tenderly waved a strand of hair away from her face.
“So beautiful,” he said, smiling. “Turn onto your back. I want to touch your belly.” As Julia turned, Ben’s large hand found the barely-there, soft mound underneath her shirt. It lay there for a long time. “I keep wanting to feel the baby move.”
“Soon.”
He began caressing her gently, whispering his love for her in her ear. His caresses lowered until he slipped his hand under the waistband of her sweats.
When his hand cupped between her legs, he felt her slick greeting for him and groaned his approval. He massaged and explored then dipped into her with one, then two fingers, putting pressure on her clit with the heel of his hand. With a shaky breath, he withdrew his hand and undressed Julia adoringly, then himself.
Nudging her knees open so he could kneel between them, he looked her up and down. “Perfect.” With her sensual look, slightly parted, moist lips, and erect nipples, Ben thought she was absolutely perfect. He lay over her, placing his left palm under her head while carrying his own weight on his elbow and forearm. He ran his other hand slowly up and down her body, stopping gently at a nipple or curve to give it special attention.
His hardness was bumping up against her, right where it needed to be. But he was in no hurry. He was savoring her. He had her all to himself, and he was cherishing every loving look, panted breath, and curve of her body. When he was satisfied that he’d touched, licked or bitten every important part, he entered her slowly, enjoying the slow advance of his penetration. They were connected.
“Mmm, you feel good,” Julia whispered. She looked at him with pure love in her eyes. This woman melted him. He had no defenses. She was his weakness.
He made love to her lazily. No rush. This time he had her to himself, and he was going to cherish every instant.
Ben saw Julia’s pleasure from his steady, long strokes begin to build immediately. He paused ever so slightly when he was completely inside her so that he could change direction, brushing the base of his cock upward to rub her clit before retreating again. The sensations were devastating. Her body was open to every inch of him. The tautness of their bodies grew as anticipation of their nearing orgasms increased.
* * * *
Ben’s smoldering gaze never left hers. It was good. She didn’t want it to. Julia felt like she was no longer feeling him, but more like experiencing him. His eyes continued their physical connection with her. They weren’t burning with desire, eating her up like they sometimes did. Instead, she saw his soul. Tender. Loving. Hers.
His strokes grew faster and more urgent with Julia on the edge of orgasm for several strokes, building and building. She arched and writhed toward him. It was agony and ecstasy at the same time.
“Come with me,” he murmured. His eyes still locked with hers, his hot breath wisped over her skin.
Finally, an all-consuming orgasm hit her body like a tidal wave. She yelled out his name. Her muscles clamped down hard on his cock as she lost herself in her own gratification. Ben coaxed every second of orgasm out of her while he released inside of her, hot jets stroking her insides.
There were no jokes, smart comments, or stupid nicknames. It seemed to her that, for Ben, this was more than just making love. This was about his giving, and her acceptance of, his proclamation of love and devotion to her and the baby.
The sun was starting to set when Ben and Julia returned to the house.
Arden met them with a smile. “Food’s ready.”
Julia didn’t feel bad about the intimate moments she’d just had with Ben. She knew that Arden would come to her before long.
Chapter 18
Spring had broken, and John was out patrolling, sometimes doing check, stack, and bury duty, other times just maintaining a presence in a specific area that might have trouble. The few people that lived through the winter seemed to trust the military uniforms. They always came out, offered water, and asked for news. John didn’t really have n
ews to give them. Even nine months after the EMP, communication was nonexistent.
Since the weather had turned nice, and it was late enough in the year that a freak snowstorm wouldn’t blow through and surprise him, John decided it was time to find Julia. Technically, he would be AWOL when he walked away from his assignment. But there was really no choice. He had to go and make sure she was all right. He would deal with any consequences of leaving when he returned.
He prepared to leave the following morning. He had mapped the most direct route to Holmes County. It was over three hundred miles away. John hoped that he would be able to hitch rides with the Amish from time to time, but he knew he’d probably be walking most of it.
The irony of this expedition was that Julia may have more food and water availability than he could offer her if he brought her back with him. But he had to make sure.
Packed up with his weapon, canteen, and survival kit, he walked away from his patrol and set off to find Julia.
* * * *
The planting was finished, and spring rapidly bloomed into summer. They had filled an acre with every variety of seed they had and another acre with corn in hopes they could barter with the Amish for wheat or other supplies.
Now, they were in the midst of a lull of activity.
Julia enjoyed the shade of the porch and watched Arden and Ben talk with each other at the edge of the field. Their conversation was animated, not laid back as per their usual conversations. Actually, Ben looked livid. A string of his red-faced curses closed the distance between Julia and the men. She wondered what had Ben’s panties in such a bunch.
Don’t get him too mad, Arden. He’s going to pull that pistol out of his waistband and shoot your ass.
After what looked like Ben giving in to Arden’s side of the conversation, the men walked toward the house. Ben walked past Julia, laughing. He patted her belly. “Hey, baby’s mama.” Then he continued inside. Arden sat with Julia on the swing.