“Letting her see me, the real me, all of the real me,” Cody said.
“And why does that scare you?” Lyric asked.
“Because no one has ever seen that.” Lyric nodded slowly. “There’s a lot in your past that you really haven’t dealt with, Code,” she said, her voice soft. “But are you talking about emotionally, sexually or both?”
“Both, I guess,” Cody said.
Lyric narrowed her eyes. “In terms of sexually, what are we talking about here, specifically?”
Cody chewed on the inside of her cheek, shifting in her chair again.
“I know this is tough,” Lyric said. “But I need to understand, Cody, or I can’t be of any help at all.”
Cody nodded, drawing in a deep breath.
“I know you have sex, Code,” Lyric said, grinning. “’Cause your mom and I hear it most of the time… Or… Are we talking like all the mushy stuff, spooning, and whatnot or…?” Her voice trailed off, her tone questioning.
“Well, I don’t do any of that either,” Cody said matter-of-factly.
“Either?” Lyric asked.
“I don’t usually... You know…” Cody said.
“Finish?” Lyric asked.
“Yeah,” Cody said, grateful that Lyric was helping her navigate this extremely uncomfortable conversation. She couldn’t even begin to imagine talking to Savanna about this kind of thing.
Lyric blinked a couple of times. “So the reason we only hear them screaming is because you don’t… finish?”
“Right,” Cody said.
Lyric looked back at her for a long moment, then blew her breath out shaking her head. “You’ve got to have nerves of steel…” she said, her tone astounded.
“What do you mean?” Cody asked, looking perplexed by the comment.
“Well, it might be a little bit of TMI, but when Savanna goes over, it usually puts me over too.”
Cody looked considering. “Well, I’m not saying that their screaming and stuff never does anything for me,” she clarified. “But… just never there totally.”
“You’re probably killing egos all over the city,” Lyric muttered, grinning in spite of herself. “Do they ever try to… help?” Lyric asked, trying to put things as delicately as possible.
“I don’t let them.” Cody said.
“Why?” Lyric asked, sensing that they were getting to the heart of the matter now.
Cody hesitated, fully aware that what she was about to say was really screwed up and jaded, which was why she rarely even thought about it, let alone said it out loud.
“I don’t want anyone to see that part of me.”
Lyric’s chin came up slightly as she considered the ramifications of what her daughter was saying. Intimacy issues were always a factor in sexually abused women. Lyric had wanted to believe that Cody didn’t have any of those, because she was so prolific with women. She realized in that moment she’d been sorely mistaken.
“And you think you might want to let this woman, what is her name?” Lyric asked, feeling strange about calling her ‘this woman’ when she obviously held such an attraction for her daughter.
“McKenna,” Cody supplied.
“So you think you want McKenna to see that?” she asked.
“Something inside me thinks so,” Cody said.
“Is that something your libido, or your heart?” Lyric asked.
Cody looked back at her, then blew her breath out, shaking her head. “I don’t have any idea.”
Lyric nodded, seeing the problem. And there was even more to the problem than just whether or not Cody simply wanted to lay the girl or love the girl.
“You do realize,” Lyric said, her look bleak, “that when she finds out who you really are and that you’ve been…”
“Playing her,” Cody supplied.
“Yeah,” Lyric said, nodding. “That she might hate the very thought of you.”
Cody grimaced. “Yeah.”
“And that’s where the problem is, isn’t it?” Lyric asked.
Cody nodded, looking mournful.
Lyric shook her head. “Babe, the very best that you can do is not to put her in the position of breaking the law with you. And the next best thing you can do is clear her as a suspect. Then you just gotta pray that she’s willing to listen to your side of it when everything is said and done.” Then another thought occurred. “Or do you want off the case?”
Cody looked back at her for a long moment, never having considered the last question. She thought about it for a few long minutes, then she shook her head, looking resigned.
“No, anybody else may not care about her, and might just railroad her to make the case; I don’t want to have that happen,” Cody said, her voice full of conviction.
Lyric looked relieved. “That’s my girl…” she said, very proud of her daughter in that moment.
Cody stared back at the man, knowing there was no way out. Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes and just waited for it to be over. In her head, she sang the words to Linkin Park’s “Crawling” wincing as pain shot through her body, but refusing to open her eyes. She would not look at his face. She would not see that horrible contorted mask that came over their faces when they finished what they were doing to her. She would not have another image of that contorted face burned into her head. She pictured Lyric’s face when she smiled at her, wishing she was there, wishing she was anywhere but this cold, dirty hotel room.
After it was over, Cody curled up into a ball, pulling her knees up to her chest but refusing to cry. She wouldn’t give them that kind of satisfaction. Monsters, they were all monsters… She was caught in a spider’s web of fear and threats of violence. They didn’t know who Lyric was, but they’d told her that they’d slit her throat and let Cody watch her die if she ever told her about this “game.” Cody couldn’t take that chance, not with Lyric. Lyric and Savanna were the only people in the world that seemed to care about her at all. She wouldn’t put them in any danger. She could take whatever they did to her, as long as she had Lyric and Savanna as her friends.
One of the lesser gang members shoved at her a while later.
“Get up!” he snapped. “Get out of here, co᷉no!” he said, laughing raucously calling her a “cunt” in Spanish.
Cody got up off the filthy mattress and moved to straighten her clothes as she hastened out of the room. She didn’t make eye contact with anyone, lest they change their minds about her leaving at that point. Rushing out to the street she took gasping breaths to try to remain calm until she was away from there. She walked quickly down the street, feeling the sickening slick feeling between her legs and wanting to throw up. Knowing she couldn’t take the time to wipe away the filth, she forced her mind somewhere else. She reached into the ripped lining of her cheap jacket and touched her iPod and headphones, holding onto them until she knew it was safe for her to pull them out. Putting the headphones in her ears, she found the song she wanted, hit play and cranked the sound all the way up. Linkin Park’s “Crawling” blasted in her ears and she sang the words silently as she continued down the street.
By the time she reached the backyard of the group home, she felt calm enough to take the chance of running into anyone inside. Had to act normal, like she’d just been breaking the rules, not doing anything horrible and shameful… She climbed up the backstairs, moving to stand on the railing and pulling herself up onto the low eves of the roof. Standing on the roof, she looked down, thinking if she fell maybe she wouldn’t have to think about any of this anymore. She shook her head firmly at herself. No, Lyric told her that she needed to have goals. She had them, she would get through this and she would find a way to get back at these people who’d hurt her so much… That was her goal… She’d get them all…
Her bedroom window was still open slightly. She wasn’t sure it still would be after three days, was that all it had been? Pushing it open, she climbed quietly inside. Taking off her clothes and doing her best to clean up, she put on the DOJ t-shirt Ly
ric had given her and her threadbare sweatpants, crawled in bed, turned her iPod on again and fell asleep with Mike Shinoda screaming in her ears and tears on her cheeks.
In another part of the house, Lyric was doing everything she could to try to calm Savanna down. It was difficult to do, since she was freaking out herself. Cody had left the house three days before and had disappeared. She’d done it before, and Lyric told herself that the girl would come back, like she always did, but there was always that fear, that worry… What if she got the call about a body found, and they’d connected the body to her, and could she come down to make an identification…
“You’re worried too,” Savanna said, her look knowing.
“I’m worried,” Lyric said, nodding. “But she always comes back, we know this.”
Savanna shook her head, tears in her eyes. “What if she doesn’t this time? What if she can’t this time? Oh God, Lyric…” she said, her voice breaking as she reached for Lyric.
Lyric took Savanna in her arms, closing her eyes as she did her best to hold back her own tears. Part of her knowing that no matter how many times she told Savanna that Cody would be back, she didn’t know if it was true. She’d seen it too many times, way too many times. It made her sick to think of what could have happened to the girl.
Where the fuck was she? Why didn’t she call? Why didn’t she just come back? What the fuck was going on? Lyric gritted her teeth. No matter how close she’d gotten to the teen, she still hadn’t been able to get to that part of her, to find out where she disappeared to every so often. She staunchly refused to talk about it, becoming absolutely petrified with fear whenever Lyric tried to push her. It would force Lyric to back off, lest the girl runaway completely.
“Miss Savanna?” A girl queried from the doorway to the sitting room.
“What is it Sara?” Savanna asked, turning and reaching up to wipe at her tears as she did.
“She’s back,” Sara said.
“What!” Savanna asked, turning to look at Lyric who just shrugged, shaking her head.
They both stood and followed Sara who took them to Cody’s door. Opening the door, Savanna looked into Cody’s room and there she was, asleep with her headphones in her ears and her DOJ t-shirt on, something she wore almost constantly in the house. Savanna blew her breath out, weak with relief.
“Thank you, Sara,” Savanna said, hugging the girl.
“No prob,” Sara said, glad she could help Miss Savanna.
Sara walked away then, and Savanna and Lyric looked at each other. Lyric dropped her head, blowing her breath out loudly.
“Uh-huh,” Savanna said, nodding. “So confident, huh Agent Falco? Come on,” she said, heading back down the hallway.
At the office door, Savanna pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. Inside, she unlocked a cabinet, reached in and pulled out a bottle of tequila and two glasses. Going past another room, Savanna stuck her head in looking at her second-in-command, Jenna.
“I’m done for the night,” she told Jenna. “Cody is back. Keep an ear and eye open, okay?” she said.
“Yes, ma’am,” Jenna said, nodding.
Savanna led Lyric down to the staircase at the back of the house, and headed up to the attic area, where she had her bedroom. Lyric followed her up. Savanna walked over to her bed, sat down, and leaned against the headboard. Lyric grinned as she opened the full bottle of tequila and poured some into each of the glasses. She held one glass out to Lyric, waving it back and forth like a lure. Lyric walked over, moving to sit on the bed facing Savanna and took the glass.
“We’ve earned this over the last three days,” Savanna said, holding up her glass.
“Yes, we have,” Lyric said, nodding, touching her glass to Savanna’s.
They both drained the contents of their glasses, and Savanna obligingly refilled them.
“So how did your date go last week?” Savanna asked Lyric at one point as she was refilling their glasses.
Lyric looked back at her, grinning, and then shrugged. “Same shit, different guy,” she said.
“What does that mean, exactly?” Savanna asked, because Lyric tended to use it a lot to describe the men she dated.
From what Savanna gathered, Lyric dated a lot of men, moving from one to the next, never finding exactly what she was looking for. Some of them were too overbearing, some of them were too wussy. Then there were the ones that smelled bad, or the ones that smelled way too much. Then there was the lousy sex.
Only when Savanna specifically asked for details, did Lyric tell her where some of the men had shortcomings in that department. Some of them quite literally had shortcomings, some of them didn’t bother with foreplay, others seemed to think that foreplay was talking like pigs before sex… It went on and on and Savanna found it quite telling that Lyric couldn’t find a man that she wanted to be with for more than a date or two.
Lyric grinned at Savanna’s question. “It basically means that this one, while a lot of talk about how good he was in bed… Yeah… not so much,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“What was this guy’s problem?” Savanna asked, feeling the tequila in her veins and it making her braver by the minute.
“Where do I start?” Lyric said, rolling her eyes. She moved onto her back, lying across the bed sideways, her glass on her stomach, one knee bent, her foot on the bed. She’d already kicked off her boots.
“Well, you could start with the sex,” Savanna said, grinning as she put her foot out to nudge at Lyric’s butt. “’Cause we both know that’s the part that usually really sucks, but I digress… Tell me where it started to go off the rails…”
“Okay, I think you need to have less of this,” Lyric said, reaching to take the half a bottle of tequila out of Savanna’s hands. “You’re getting awfully mouthy,” she said, winking at her.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Savanna said, rolling her eyes, and taking the bottle back to pour more tequila into their glasses. “Talk!”
Lyric sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “Well, let’s see… He talked endlessly about himself… How awesome he is, how every girl he meets thinks he’s hot… Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda… Apparently the concept of opening doors for women is beyond him… Oh, and picking up the check seems to be far too blasé for this guy too…”
“Seriously?” Savanna said, her look telling Lyric she thought she was just messing with her now.
“Oh, no, it gets better,” Lyric said, grinning. “I put up with all this shit, because he’s got a damned nice body, right? And I’m thinking at least I’m gonna get off with this guy…” she said, glancing over at Savanna. “Oh, sorry… too much?” she asked, wincing, thinking that the tequila was loosening her tongue far too well.
“Pfft!” Savanna said, giving her a wry look. “I know what you’re looking for with these guys, Lyric, you don’t have to candy coat it…”
Lyric looked back at her. “What am I looking for with these guys?” she asked her, curious what she thought.
“You said it yourself, you’re looking to get off,” Savanna said, her tone a little softer.
Lyric pursed her lips slightly, wondering if that was the vibe she put off to the men too. Maybe that’s why they just wanted to get to it every time.
“Okay, stop thinking and tell me the rest…” Savanna said, seeing that Lyric was trying to puzzle out her love life suddenly.
Lyric grinned; Savanna definitely knew how to tell her to get to the point. “So we’re back at his place… Total bachelor pad, gag…” she said, rolling her eyes. “So fuckin’ obvious, I’m surprised he didn’t have mirrors on the ceiling… Anyway!” she said, seeing Savanna shake her head. “He puts on the moves… I’ve seen them before, its Top Gun meets Ghost… Again, gag… Finally, we’re down to it… and… wham bam, and he’s done!”
“What?” Savanna said, stunned. “He came without you?”
“He finished the race before I even got my shoes on…” Lyric said, shaking her head ruefully.
�
��Man…” Savanna said, shaking her head. “You just aren’t having any luck these days…”
“I will admit that my luck is definitely in the suckage department these days,” Lyric agreed.
Savanna gave her a direct look then. “Maybe you need to change it,” she said.
“My luck?” Lyric asked, one eyebrow raised. “If it’s that easy…” she started to say, then caught the look on Savanna’s face. “Oh,” she said then, sighing. “You meant I need to change teams.” This wasn’t first time Savanna had suggested it, so it didn’t surprise her.
What did surprise Lyric, however, was when Savanna set aside her drink and straddled her, looking directly into her eyes, she felt her pulse quicken. But she shook her head, almost trying to shake the feeling away.
“Savanna,” she said, her voice sounding almost normal, at least to her anyway. “I’m not gay.”
“Uh-huh,” Savanna said, shifting slightly to press a little more directly on Lyric’s pelvic area and hearing Lyric’s quick intake of breath. “Tell me again,” she said, her voice somewhat husky suddenly, her eyes staring directly down into Lyric’s.
“I’m not gay,” Lyric said, her voice a little more ragged this time.
Savanna moved to lean down, pressing her body closer to Lyric’s, and putting her lips a breath’s width from Lyric’s lips. “Tell me again,” she said whispered seductively, her eyes still on Lyric’s.
“Savanna…” Lyric said breathlessly, her eyes searching Savanna’s almost frantically.
“I know,” Savanna said, her lips brushing against Lyric’s as she spoke. “You’re not gay.”
She could feel Lyric’s heart pounding, and she could feel the tension in Lyric’s body as she fought to resist what was happening.
“No…” Lyric said, her voice rasping.
Savanna moved back slightly, putting her hand on Lyric’s chest. “Then why is your heart beating so fast?” she asked, her eyes searching Lyric’s.
Lyric didn’t answer; she simply looked back at Savanna, still not willing to give in.
Vendetta (WeHo Book 7) Page 5