I flopped over onto my back and slung my arm over my head. My eyes settled on the ceiling fan above my bed, and I couldn’t help but feel like the constant turn of the fan was somehow signifying how crazy my life was turning out to be.
I’d never been so embarrassed of my mother and the things she said. Her uppity ways and her snobbish treatment of those she considered beneath us sickened me. I strived to never be like my parents when it came to the way they treated people. As far as I was concerned, everyone was on the same playing field. It was how you decided to play your game that really mattered.
Still, her argument continued to rush through my mind—the terrible things she said making me flinch. I wasn’t sure if Blaine heard her obnoxious words, but my gut told me he had. It infuriated me that her ignorance probably only made him believe his asinine comments even more.
I made an irritated sound and pounded the bed with my fist. I’d never been someone prone to aggression, but I wanted to hit something and my overly soft, expensive mattress wasn’t doing the trick.
I knew there was only one way I was going to feel better about the situation. I’d find Blaine at school, I’d apologize for my mother, and then I’d set him straight. Once I was done with that, I’d stay as far away from Blaine Wesley as I could.
He was bad for me. Not because of our night together or because of the vicious things my mother said, but because he was the kind of boy who could flip my world upside down. Something told me if I didn’t keep my distance, Blaine Wesley would do just that. I couldn’t decide if having my world flipped upside down sounded terrible, or like the most exciting thing that could ever happen to me. That in itself scared me.
**********
I DIDN’T SEE BLAINE ALL DAY. It wasn’t until I was leaving my final class that I saw him tossing his books into a locker down the hall a bit from me.
Steeling my shoulders, I pushed through the crowded hallway with purpose. I was going to say exactly what I was thinking. I was going to set him straight and move on. Period. At least that’s what I wanted to do. But the minute he turned those soft, blue eyes my way, my resolve faded.
“What a surprise,” he said sarcastically, turning his attention back to the inside of his locker.
I swallowed hard. “We need to talk.”
My words came out a little too harsh.
“Then talk.”
It angered me that he couldn’t even turn my way. I wanted his eyes on me when I said what I needed to say. I wanted to see the expression on his face.
Would I see relief?
Would I see sadness?
His expression mattered and it really shouldn’t have.
“First of all, I’m sorry about my mother,” I started.
He nodded. “Just forget about it. I have.”
He was being so indifferent toward me. I hated it.
“And about our date.” My voice cracked and I had to clear my throat. “Maybe it’s better if we just try to be friends,” I offered.
He turned his attention on me and his lack of expression frustrated me. There was nothing. No sign at all of whether or not my words affected him. I wanted him to be affected. I was affected and it was only fair.
And then he turned away and chuckled softly to himself as if he couldn’t care less about whether or not we were even friends.
“That’s funny. I was almost thinking the same thing.” He slammed his locker shut and I jumped.
His words burned in my chest.
“Almost?” I hid my hurt from him.
I secretly hoped he was going to disagree with me and insist we try again. I kind of wanted to try again—have another exciting night out with Blaine, if not more, but he didn’t even hesitate. He was totally okay with nothing else happening between us. Because of that, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing I was upset—of knowing I wanted more. Especially not when I was the one who started our conversation out so adamant about us just being friends.
“Yeah. Almost. Except I was thinking that we should just call it quits now. There’s no point in pretending this is something it’s not or ever going to be. Neither of us do the whole dating thing. And I’m pretty sure you’re not up for the only thing I’m offering.”
Confusion moved over me. “And what exactly are you offering?”
His eyes widened at my ignorance before he took a step closer to me. His icy eyes devoured me, leaving me feeling naked in a hallway full of students.
“If you have to ask, then you’re definitely not up for it.” His smirk was scornful—rude and condescending.
And then I understood.
I swallowed hard as images of Blaine naked flashed in my mind. I could only imagine how hard his body would be—the way his muscles would feel flexing beneath my fingers—the sounds he’d make in a moment of passion. The images rushed through brain forcing a blush that moved to the roots of my hair.
His eyes moved over my flushed skin and his smirk turned into a knowing grin I had to turn away from.
He chuckled sarcastically. “Yeah. I didn’t think so.” He reached out and ran a finger down my heated cheek, making me close my eyes to the sensation. And then he shattered the moment of sweetness with his words. “Some might think your flushed cheeks are sweet, but I make it a rule to never fuck girls who blush just thinking about sex. I need a girl who knows what she’s doing, Chelsey—a girl who can handle me.”
His words pushed pain into my chest and angered me. I wanted to retaliate. I wanted to wound him the way he was wounding me. There was no way I’d give him the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Instead, I mirrored his smirk with a sneer of my own and lifted my chin slightly.
“You know what, Blaine, you’re right. I’m definitely not your type. And I think it’s safe to say you’re not mine, either. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I shook my head and tightened my lips. “Besides, high school will be over before you know it and we’ll be going our separate ways anyway. I don’t have time for any unnecessary distractions.”
I kept my guard up, hiding the discomfort of the pain and nerves in my stomach.
His eyes moved over my face like he was waiting for me to crack. And then he shrugged.
“Okay, then it’s settled. We’re not going to waste each other’s time.”
I swallowed the hurt and nodded. “Yep.” I agreed. “And thanks again, Blaine.”
His eyes narrowed and confusion set in his brows. “For what?”
“For making it perfectly clear who you really are.”
I turned on my heel leaving him there with my parting words. After our conversation I was even more confident I made the right decision. If I never had to see, talk to, or be alone with Blaine Wesley again, I’d be happy.
9
CHELSEY
ONE MONTH LATER
“THIS HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF MISTAKE,” I shrilled.
The test paper in my hand felt like a block of cement. The red writing across the top was like a stab to the gut. I’d never held something so heartbreaking in all my life.
I turned to look at Lynn like she had some kind of explanation for me. She didn’t. Instead she shrugged her shoulders.
“I’m sure it is, Chelsey. You’ve never made a bad grade. I wouldn’t stress it.”
While I knew she was trying to comfort me, her words brought little relief.
I dropped my head against my desk and closed my eyes, keeping the tears from spilling over. The top of my desk felt cool against my fevered skin so I flipped my head resting my other hot cheek against the coolness.
When I opened my eyes again, my tears pushed past my lashes blurring the big, red D on my paper. Just looking at it made me feel sick to my stomach, and I had to take small gulps of air to keep from losing my lunch.
Failing a test was unthinkable. High school was almost over. That meant I had no room left for distractions or D’s. Bad grades was foreign territory for me. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I received anything less than a B
in any class. And the one time I did get a B I went into a dark depression. That was seventh grade. It was a hormonal time.
My parents were going to freak, and I wasn’t in the mood to listen to them lecture me again. For the past month they found it necessary to preach to me until they were blue in the face about my future and how important everything I was working toward was.
Newsflash, parental units! I know the importance of my future. I’ve only been planning it for my entire life!
They acted like I wasn’t aware of the real reason behind their sudden sermons—like I wasn’t aware of how anti-Blaine they were. Instead, they pretended it was because the end of year was coming and they wanted to make sure I stayed focused. And by focused they meant less boys and more books—they meant no more Blaine Wesley.
My heart skipped a beat at the simple thought of his name. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day in the hall almost a month ago to the day. Not that I was counting or anything. Not that I was marking the calendar, scratching out the days I didn’t see him in school with disdain.
I totally wasn’t. At least that’s what I’d say if anyone asked.
Although, I could admit to myself that a small part of me missed him. Which was weird considering he was never a massive part of my life. One night of pure excitement and the best kiss of my life so far was all he gave me. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I felt like an idiot for missing him. I didn’t want to. In fact, I tried hard to never think of him. But no matter what, he was always in the back of my mind. My only distraction, and also the reason behind the big, red D on my test paper.
The really crappy part was I’d heard through the grapevine that he was slammed with a ton of community service for his breaking and entering charges. Meanwhile, nothing at all happened to me. Well, nothing other than a few more rules at home to deal with.
I guess who you knew really mattered. Money talked and bullshit walked. Everyone with money knew that rule, and I was slowly realizing that my parents did a lot of talking with their bank accounts.
I guess community service was better than jail time. Blaine was eighteen, there would be no more juvenile detention for him, and there would be no more slaps on the wrist. From here on out, everything went on his record and prison was a very real possibility. Hopefully, he realized that.
Knowing our night together wasn’t the first time he’d broken into the old library didn’t matter. I still felt like crap knowing he was being punished for doing something ridiculously sweet for me. An old abandoned library—he couldn’t have chosen a better place. It truly was beautiful.
“Hello? Earth to Chelsey!” Lynn poked my side with her pencil.
I felt the sting of her pencil before I heard Lynn’s voice break through my thoughts. I blinked and lifted my head.
“I’m sorry. What?” I asked.
“Did you just take a nap?” She giggled.
I pinched my lips and narrowed my eyes. “No, Lynn. Not everyone sleeps through all their classes,” I snapped.
It was wrong to be so snippy with her, but I’d been that way for the last month and he was to blame. He was the jerk I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about. Basically, he sucked. A lot.
I gathered my papers and textbook and shoved them into my bag. I’d moved on from denial and reached the angry stage. I couldn’t settle for a D. I’d go down fighting for my GPA.
“I have to talk to, Mr. Liam. There has to be something I can do to make up this grade.” The second the words left my mouth I held up my finger to ward off the perverted comment on Lynn’s lips. “Don’t even say it.”
I knew Lynn’s sick mind. Therefore, I knew her way of thinking. Sexual favors for good grades. She was thinking it. Plus, I knew for a fact she thought Mr. Liam was a sexy, older man. Yeah, Lynn was that girl.
She hid her grin as she pinched her lips together. That was all the verification I needed that she was thinking exactly what I thought she was. Her mind was always in the gutter. No, her mind lived there—had the gutter fully furnished with scented candles.
She stood and slipped her backpack over her slim shoulders, before covering my shoulder with a reassuring hand. Her smile was soft when I looked up at her, letting me know she was going into serious mode.
“All joking aside, Chelsey. It’s not the end of the world. You’ve busted your ass over the years. I’ve watched as you committed social suicide and became practically invisible to everyone but me and Blaine Wesley.”
His name triggered a spark up my spine, and I looked away from her with a frown. I didn’t want her to see how badly his name stung. “I told you that was nothing. We agreed it was better if we just—”
“Yeah. I get it.” Her knowing eyes moved over my face and she chuckled. She shook her head and sighed in aggravation. “Well, while you’ve been busy ignoring him and drowning yourself with assignments, he’s been busy watching your every move.”
Her words shocked me. I hadn’t seen much of him, and every time I did, he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at every other girl. His eyes stayed on the ones who drooled over him and screwed him with their eyes when they passed him in the halls. He wanted the girls who dressed in sexy clothes and wore too much makeup. Those were the kind of girls who were good for Blaine. Those were the kind he needed. Not me. It was as if he didn’t know I existed anymore.
“Yeah right,” I said.
“I’m serious, Chels. I don’t think either of you are really committed to leaving the other alone.” She nodded at my tainted test paper. “And that D tells me exactly where your brain’s been lately.”
I shook my head.
She didn’t know what she was talking about. She wasn’t there when we had our last conversation. She didn’t see the serious look in his eyes when we agreed to leave each other alone. I did. I saw it and I felt it. The burning sensation still flared to life when I saw his face. It was real. It happened.
“I don’t have time for boy drama, Lynn. Blaine Wesley’s nothing but drama.”
She sighed. “Maybe a little Blaine Wesley drama is exactly what you need. I’ll see you later.”
I didn’t bother to respond as she turned and walked away. There was nothing really for me to say when I knew my argument lacked one major thing… the truth. The truth was going to be the death of me, and I wasn’t sure I could keep hiding it behind my books and casual expressions much longer.
Later, I found myself stalking the teacher’s lounge for Mr. Liam on my lunch period. Students passed me in the hall without even noticing me. It was as if I blended in with the neutral, cinderblock walls. Parts of me were sick to death of blending, but I also knew how much I hated attention. I couldn’t change who I was. Not for myself and especially not for a guy.
After standing outside the door for what felt like hours, my feet were starting to hurt and my backpack was killing my back. I couldn’t describe the relief I felt when Mr. Liam finally emerged from the teacher’s lounge. It was almost as strong as the relief I felt when he promised to give me an extra credit assignment and asked me to meet him in his classroom later in the day for instructions.
10
BLAINE
MR. LIAM SIGHED when I crossed my arms behind my head and stretched, pushing my chair back and lifting my legs to rest my feet on the desk in front of me. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to hear his lectures. Not to mention, I had the last bit of my community service to finish up. I was wasting valuable time.
Still, I couldn’t find it in myself to blow Mr. Liam off. There weren’t a lot of teachers who saw through my bullshit. Most of them were lazy or just didn’t care enough to take their job seriously. But he wasn’t one of those teachers. He had no problem putting my ass in line when he thought I needed it.
He stood from his desk and walked around to where I sat. Hovering above me, he shook his head and plastered on his disappointed expression before pushing my feet off the desk.
I didn’t expect it and I nearly lost my
balance when my chair lunged forward and I was thrown into the desk.
“Don’t give me that look,” he said, leaning a hip against the edge of his desk. “This is your senior year, Blaine. You’re barely getting by with C’s and D’s. Don’t you want to go to college? Become something of yourself? What do you want to do with your life, Blaine?”
His line of questions made me shift uncomfortably in my seat and avoid his demanding stare.
“I’m sorry to break this to you, Mr. Liam, but I don’t see myself getting into any college.”
“Do you want to go to college?”
I shrugged.
The truth was I never thought about my future all that much. It wasn’t until I met Chelsey that I even considered a plan for after high school.
“I don’t know,” I responded.
“Well, I suggest you figure it out.” Mr. Liam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in aggravation. “It’s time to get serious, Blaine. These are all questions you should know the answers to. Graduation will be here before you know it, and you’re going to wish you hadn’t spent all of high school dicking around.”
I looked up at him, surprised by his choice of words. “Are teachers allowed to talk to students like that?”
“Nope,” he said, pushing up into a standing position. “But I know you’re no rat.”
I grinned.
The fucker was right. I wouldn’t do that to him. I wasn’t one to tell on anyone. Never had been. I wasn’t about to start doing it now.
I picked at my nail as I tried to put my words together.
“The thing is, Mr. Liam, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.” I thought about Chelsey and her goals. I thought about how hard she pushed herself to do well in school. She made it look so easy. “I never thought about college or career choices. I didn’t think all that was in the cards for me.”
Mr. Liam’s face softened before he grabbed my shoulder and gave me a shake. “It’s not too late, Blaine. I can help you if you want. We’ll take it one step at a time. Getting your grades up is our first step.”
Jack Hammer Page 6