“I don’t want this,” I whispered.
I was sure she didn’t hear me. She closed her eyes pushing a fresh batch of tears down her cheeks.
“Why are you here, Blaine? Did you come to finish the job? Are you trying to kill me?” Her voice was strained and broken as she pressed her fist to her chest.
I had no idea what she was talking about. I was the one who’d been wronged, not her. I was in New York first and not because of her. I was there because I had nowhere else to go. I only had my grandma and Maddie.
“You?” Anger began to build. “Am I trying to kill you? You’re fucking joking right now, right?” I ran my hands through my hair tugging on the ends in insanity. “You’re the one killing me, Chelsey. You’re the only person in the world with the ability to destroy me and here you are, doing it all over again.”
She looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had. Who the fuck knew?
All I knew was I felt crazy. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of insanity and she was the thing pushing me over.
Her face paled like she was seconds away from getting sick all over the front yard.
“Just let me take you home,” I begged. “Where do you live?”
Again, she didn’t answer. Instead, she swayed and wilted. I caught her in my arms, her body hanging limp and her mouth dropping open. She’d passed out.
I lifted her, cradling her in my arms as I carried her to my car. I sat her in the front seat and buckled her in. Her head flopped to the side and her brown hair fell into her face. Using my finger, I tucked the hair behind her ear and out of her face.
She looked so sweet with her mouth hanging open and her cheeks flushed. I leaned into my car and softly pressed a kiss to her forehead. I hadn’t forgotten the reason I’d left her a year ago. Every time I saw her, the old feelings, which I was sure never really left me, came back with full force.
But tonight I saw my old Chelsey. I saw the girl I fell in love with and technically never stopped loving. She was embedded in me. She was a part of my soul and blood. When my heart pumped it pushed her into my veins and ran her through my body. I’d never get her out of my system, and that pissed me off even more. Still, seeing her fold the way she had affected me. It shouldn’t have, but it definitely did.
Her cheek was soft beneath my callused fingers, and it was nice to look at her without her knowing. I took her in. I breathed her in deep as she laid there passed out. I missed her so fucking much. There was once a time when I needed her more than my next breath and even now, I still felt that need.
I didn’t know where she lived. So once I was in my car, there was only once place I could take her. I called Tommy and let him know I wasn’t going to make it to work at the club, and I took Chelsey to my house.
I carried her in my arms to my front door. Grandma and Maddie were already asleep, so I crept through the house kicking Maggie off my leg the entire time. Once I was in my room, I softly shut the door behind us and laid Chelsey in my bed to remove her shoes.
She moaned in her sleep and began whispering into the darkness around us. A pain struck me deep in my core when I made out exactly what she was saying over and over again.
“Blaine, don’t leave me,” she whispered in her sleep.
What did that mean?
Was she upset that I left her? Did she really want me to stay? Was I wrong about everything?
I couldn’t handle the questions anymore. Leaning in closer to her, I pushed the hair from her face. She was so beautiful—so innocent—so sweet. At least I used to think she was, but she’d hardened over the year and I couldn’t decide how that made me feel.
Covering her with my blanket, I went to my dresser, pulled out a pair of sweats, and left for the bathroom. After I was done getting ready for bed, I crept back into my room and shut the door behind me.
The room was dark, so I stubbed my toe on my dresser on the way to the bed. I knew it was probably a better idea to sleep on the couch rather than with Chelsey, but I didn’t want her to freak out when she woke up in a strange place. Not to mention, she looked so sweet and warm, and honestly, I wanted to sleep beside her the way I used to.
Climbing into bed, I settled on my side and laid there with my eyes open listening to her breathe. And then she turned, snuggling to my side and wrapping her legs around my thighs. Instantly, my cock hardened, but I tried not to think about it. Instead, I put my arm around her and fell into a peaceful sleep.
31
CHELSEY
I WAS WARM. SO VERY WARM.
My bed suddenly felt more comfortable than ever before. I turned and cuddled down in my blanket, but then a nasty wave of nausea hit me. My eyes flew open and even though the room was dim, my eyes hurt like the sun was shining in them. My head began to pound, and my mouth felt dry and gross.
I sat up. Laying a hand on my beating forehead, I turned to climb from the bed to go to the bathroom, but instead of the edge of my bed, my hands met warm, hard flesh. The guy let out a manly moan when I touched him, and I jumped back to the side of the bed I woke up on.
Suddenly, the room around me came into focus and I knew I wasn’t home. The room was small, no bigger than a large closet. The bed took up the entire space with just enough room for a small dresser. There were no pictures on the walls, and no personal items except for a few clothes strewn across the floor.
Running the events of the night before through my head, I couldn’t remember most of it. I remembered going to the party. I remembered a few drinks and some fun with Riley and the girls, but nothing after that.
What had I done?
Did I go home with someone? If I did, it was all Blaine’s fault. The only reason I even went to the party was to prove to him I wasn’t stuck-up or boring.
Blaine.
I suddenly had a memory of him in front of me. He was pressing me up against a wall and getting so close to my lips I could taste him.
The guy in the bed next to me turned on his side with a groan, and I was met with Blaine’s face. I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of relief. At least if I went home and slept with someone it was the only guy I’d ever been with.
Checking myself, I was still in the clothes from the night before. Not even my socks had been taken off. That made me feel a little better about the possibility I hadn’t slept with Blaine. If we had, I doubt I would’ve taken the time to get fully dressed before going to sleep.
I let my eyes move over his naked chest, the tattoos and his nipple piercings were new. He really was such a beautiful specimen of the male form. Reaching out, I let my fingers slide up his side, trying to figure out what his tattoo said.
“That feels amazing, Little Doe,” he whispered in his sleep.
I pulled my hand back as if he tried to bite me, and the tips of my fingers tingled. Looking at him in a peaceful sleep, softly whispering the name he used to call me, I could almost forget he’d ripped my heart out. I could almost forget he left me at a vital moment in my life… a moment when I needed him the most.
I started to slide down the bed. I needed to get away from him. I needed to get my butt up, get my shoes on, and get back to my apartment ASAP. But just as I started to slide away, Blaine laid a heavy arm across me and pulled me into him.
He nuzzled the side of my neck before placing a soft kiss against my skin effectively shattering me. I hissed at the sensation of his warm lips against me and he kissed my neck again. Only this time his mouth opened and he sucked at the soft flesh behind my ear.
My body went up in flames and a tiny moan escaped my lips.
“Mmmmm, yeah. You taste so good,” he whispered against my neck.
I pulled back, aware he was awake. He rolled over onto his back with his hands behind his head and a sleepy grin on his face.
“Good morning, naughty girl,” he rasped.
I pushed at his side and narrowed my eyes at him. “Shut it.” I began to slide down the bed again to get away from him.
“Damn, I was hoping
you’d climb across me.”
I looked back at him to see a tall tent in his sweats. He reached down and rubbed it as he bit into his bottom lip and a tiny growl escaped him.
He was so sexy. Every part of my body screamed for me to do exactly as he wanted. My thighs clenched at the thought of climbing on top of him, at feeling his hardness between my legs. I sat on the bottom of his bed, my feet barely touching the ground, and took a few deep breaths to calm my raging hormones.
“Chelsey,” he moaned from behind me. “Come here, baby.”
My jaw clenched and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to lay with him, let him make me high the way he always could. I was fully aware of what Blaine was capable of. I knew what he could do to the female body, and my body had already started to cry for his attention.
But I also remembered what he was capable of doing to my heart. The memory of lying on the bathroom floor crying for him. The memory of the acrid smell of my own blood as it spread across the tile beneath me. I needed him. I needed him so badly and he wasn’t there.
With a strong resolve, I stood and bit into my bottom lip. I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t look at the face that was able to break me every time. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself.
“Thank you for taking care of me last night,” I said to his closed bedroom door. “As you know, that’s not who I am. I let the drinking get out of hand. It won’t happen again.”
I reached down for my shoes and left his room. There was no one else in the house. It was still early, but then again, maybe he lived alone. Although, the décor around the house said otherwise.
There was a crocheted blanket on the back of the couch and so many porcelain knick-knacks that I was unable to see the furniture beneath them. An old, fluffy dog came running at me, jumping up my legs as I made my way across the house in search of the front door.
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my cell ready to call a cab, but before I could put in a number, Blaine was there again.
He was fully dressed in his usual rugged jeans and a T-shirt that showed off his chest and abs when he slid his jacket over his arms.
“I’ll take you home,” he said without making eye contact.
“No. I’ll call a cab.” I reached for the doorknob and he pulled my hand away.
“Forget it. I said I’m taking you home, Chelsey. It’s not safe around here.”
“Since when do you care about my safety?” I shot back.
He ran his hands through his hair in aggravation, making it stand on end and giving him that just fucked look.
“I’m taking you home.” He pulled his keys from his pocket.
“No,” I said adamantly.
We stood there, glaring daggers at each other, and then a tiny voice reached up and shook us both from our ire.
“Blaine?”
I looked down into the blue pools of a little girl, an exact match of Blaine’s beautiful cerulean eyes. She was wearing a princess nightgown and her tiny toes peeked out from the bottom. She rubbed at her sleepy eyes and frowned up at us.
His little sister, Maddie. He’d told me all about her before, but it was the first time I’d ever seen her. She was just as beautiful as he’d described her.
“It’s okay, baby girl. Get some cereal. I’m going to take my friend home and I’ll be right back.”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the door. Rather than continue to argue in front of Maddie, I let him pull me from the house.
Questions filled my mind, but I didn’t ask any as I followed him out to his car. I gasped when I saw that he was still driving his Camaro—the same car we spent so many nights in—the place where I gave myself to him for the very first time.
I stopped in my tracks, so suddenly he was forced to stop with me. He paused beside me as I stared at the car, letting the memories of his body against mine—his lips and his touch—rush over me. My face heated.
Gaging my reaction, he grinned.
“She’s still going strong,” he said with pride. And then his expression softened. “I thought about selling it so many times, but I just can’t.”
My eyes moved over his face as I tried to figure out what his words meant. Secretly, I hoped he couldn’t sell it because of the memories of me, but I knew in the back of my mind that wasn’t the case. There was no telling how many girls had given him exactly what I had in his car.
I shook the thoughts from my head and went to the car. I climbed into the passenger’s seat and looked at all the editions he added. The leather seats were no longer ripped, the dashboard no longer cracked. When he started the engine, the familiar purr vibrated me and took me back to a time when I felt so much love in my life. It hurt knowing that was no longer the case.
I had no idea where we were. I didn’t venture away from my apartment or school much, but the neighborhood was nice and quiet even if the houses were small and older.
The silence in the car was deafening.
“So, you still live with your parents?” I asked.
A dark shadow moved across his face and I watched as he shut down. “No.”
He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t push. Some things changed and some things stayed the same. I knew what his expression meant and I also knew no matter how hard I pried, I wasn’t going to get any more information about that subject out of him.
The ride to my apartment was quiet except for the few times he asked where to turn and I answered. When we pulled up to my building, I unhooked my seatbelt and finally looked over at him. His eyes touched every square inch of my face as if he was memorizing me.
“Thanks again,” I said.
I climbed from his car and shut door behind me. Before I entered the building, I heard him call out my name. I turned to see him standing outside his car with the door still open.
“Yeah?” I called back.
He shut his door and moved around the car toward me. The stern look on his face made me uncomfortable. He took the steps to where I was standing two at a time, and then he was in front of me, looming over me with his tall height.
I tilted my head back to look at him, and I was shocked by the change in his expression. His face was soft and unsure, and his cocky smile was erased as his brows pinched down in confusion. His eyes moved from my eyes and to my lips, and I wondered if he was thinking about kissing me.
And then just as quickly as his expression was there, it was gone. He backed away from me and shook his head.
“Be careful when you go out partying from now on, wild girl.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a friendly grin, before he turned and left to go back to his car. His engine roared as he pulled away from the curb, leaving black rubber on the road outside my place. It wasn’t until he was out of sight that I remembered I’d left my car at the party the night before.
32
CHELSEY
HE WAS DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
How was that even possible? How could I let him slip into my conscious so easily after everything I’d gone through because of him?
He was invading my life again, and because of him I felt like everything I’d worked for was collapsing around me. Already Columbia and my classes were taking the back burner to Blaine. I couldn’t let him do this to me again. I couldn’t let him ruin my life for a second time.
It was going on two weeks since I’d woken up in Blaine’s bed, in his arms, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him to save my life. Correction, to save my schoolwork. Studying was taking ten times more effort than normal. I almost didn’t finish my last timed test and four times was the amount of times I was late to my morning classes.
“Chelsey, could you stay behind for a minute please?” Mr. Woods asked.
He was my favorite professor and taught psychology, which was also my favorite class so far.
I waited at my desk as the room cleared, before I went to the front of the room to where Mr. Wood’s desk was.
“I hate to pry, Chelsey, but w
hat’s going on with you lately?” he asked.
His dark eyes filled with concern behind his thick-rimmed glasses.
“What do you mean? I asked.
“Well, I read over your paper about the oedipal complex and it was all over the place. Freud would not have been proud. It wasn’t your best work.” He cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind my saying so, but you seem very distracted lately.”
Blaine’s face flashed in my mind, and I knew he was the distraction Mr. Woods was referring to. The last two weeks had been hell for me and my assignments.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Woods. I’ll try to pull myself together,” I responded.
The desire to punch Blaine and then kiss him was thick in my stomach.
“You do that.” He smiled. “Don’t get overwhelmed. You’re a smart girl, Chelsey. The smartest in this class. These assignments should be a walk in the park for you.”
I left Mr. Wood’s classroom with a new resolve. I vowed to get back on my normal schedule and forget all about Blaine Wesley. I didn’t need the drama and chaos he created. I didn’t want the emotions and feelings that forced their way into my heart whenever I even thought his name.
The following Saturday, I got up extra early and walked around the track to clear my head. It was when I hit the one mile marker that my brilliant forget-Blaine-Wesley-all-over-again plan emerged. There was a saying Lynn once told me. If you can’t get over one, get under another.
Her saying was completely disgusting. The thought of sleeping with another man made me nauseated, but maybe if I started dating it would help. I hadn’t been on a date since Blaine. Technically, Blaine was the only person I’d ever gone on a date with. Maybe going out and getting to know some of the guys around school was a good idea.
With fresh momentum and a game plan, I went back to my apartment, cleaned every square inch of it, showered, ate something, and left to spend the rest of the day at the library.
I spent a lot of my free time at the library. It was a calming place with familiar smells full of the things I loved the most… books. Deep down I had a feeling my love for the library had more to do with Blaine and less to do with the books, but I was too afraid to replay the memories we’d made in the library back home.
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