by Lara Frater
“I’ll try not to.”
“We have a car, do you want us to drive you somewhere. Maybe a nice secure house?”
Keith didn’t say anything. He looked at all of us.
“Can I trust you?”
“You have to trust someone sometime,” I said. “Can we trust you?”
“I hope so.”
I didn’t like Keith’s ambiguity.
“Keith, why do you think you can hurt us?”
“I bring trouble.”
I softened. I understood. “People have died around you, haven’t they? You think that you killed them.”
Keith didn’t reply. I thought I was right but it was hard to read his face.
“Come on, son,” Mike said. “Pack your bags and we’ll take you to a nice secure house nearby. You can even come back and get supplies if you need them. There’s no reason you should stay here. It’s going to be cold soon.” Not to mention zombies could easily get into the store.
“Can I come with you?” he asked, his face brightened. “I won’t be a bother.”
Mike didn’t respond. I looked around to see the faces of the other. Grace was blank because she barely cared and Jim looked sympathetic.
“We can ask Tanya,” Jim suggested. Jim would take any stray in.
Mike still didn’t say anything. He looked peeved. It wasn’t like Keith could get on the boat if we decided to leave him behind.
“Okay,” he said, relenting, “Let’s let Tanya decide.”
“Who’s Tanya?” Keith asked.
“Our leader,” I said. “She’s tough but very fair.”
Keith didn’t volunteer more information as we rode to the dock. Everyone in the backseat was buried under the three heavy sleeping bags from the store. At least I was warm. I never had a chance to go to Lane Bryant. So much for being fashionable.
Mike drove, Grace sat in the shotgun seat keeping a watchful eye for zombies. We only deal with the stragglers. Looking out my window I saw nothing but decaying roads, houses, and strip malls. I made a game of how many strip malls were missing roofs. I lost interest after five.
It was getting cold. Most of November had been in the mid 40’s to the low 50’s. December proved to be colder and often rainy. The sky was overcast even now, but no rain so far.
Keith sat between Jim and me. I felt his thigh against mine.
“Keith, did you meet up with anyone from a government camp in Northport?”
He didn’t respond right away. Maybe he was startled at the sudden break in silence.
“Keith?”
“I was there for a little while,” he finally said. “I didn’t like the smell.”
I didn’t blame him. I remembered the stink being overwhelming, used to keep the zombs away. No one liked leaving Aisha, but her mother was too comfortable to move out. Of course I could smell Keith in the car and it was a mix of body odor and cologne. He must have used it to cover his scent. The rest of us didn’t smell sweet but we got to shower two or three times a week. I don’t know when Keith showered last.
“Have you seen anyone from there recently? We’re looking for a friend we left there.”
“Why’d she stay?”
“To be with her mother and sister.”
“It wasn’t a good place.”
Jim tried telling that to Lynne, Aisha’s mother but she was scared to leave.
“I don’t want to go back.”
“They camp was abandoned and they left a message they were going to Montauk. We’ve been trying to find them.”
Keith didn’t respond. It was hard to see him over the sleeping bags. He was a weird kid but I thought about Simon and how traumatized he still was. Keith may get better with people and a sense of safety. He didn’t pull a weapon on us, so I guess that was okay. He allowed Mike to pat him down, and only came up with a steak knife.
I didn’t press. I looked at more scenery. The roads were beginning to decay and smaller ones had been broken up by potholes caused by storms and nature. The major highways were in better shape because they were meant to withstand more traffic but they had a lot of broken down wrecks. Roads had been eaten by grass, ivy and trees. Car rides became regularly bumpy and slow.
I didn’t want to go back to the boat. I loved the freedom of walking around the outlet mall even with the potential of a zombie lurking in every corner.
The air was mercilessly cold with an icy sea breeze as Mike and I took the first wave of supplies to the boat. I wished for the coat Jim got me but it was tied up in one of the giant garbage bags used to keep the supplies dry. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be going on any more supply runs. Mike rowed to Renewal and I held on to the supplies from the gusty sea winds. The dinghy had a motor and fuel but we only used it for emergencies and this wasn’t one.
Keith didn’t question why we pulled the car to a dock. He looked on the horizon and saw our yacht. Originally white with a blue trim, it had gotten dirty because we didn’t have a pressure hose to clean it. Now it was off-white.
The sailing yacht had originally been called A Million Delights, which probably reflected the price. Grace said it was probably worth about 2-3 mil. Not worth anything now but to us it was priceless.
We had limited electricity. Henry couldn’t convert the engine to biodiesel because he needed a kit. We only used the motor for a hard port. We stole what fuel we could from other gas stations, boats or trucks. We conserved and rationed as much as we could because oil wasn’t coming out of the ground anymore. I remembered the time before. Americans were never willing to ration, it was a god given right to have excess. Now we would learn to work with less, at least for gas and food. I could steal 100 tablets but they wouldn’t be worth a thing.
The boat wasn’t far. The bay had a fifteen foot drop twenty feet in, and the boat was anchored thirty feet from that.
When we pulled out, Dave, who was on look out, waved and tossed a ladder down. Dave barely tolerated me because even as the town slut I never gave him a pity fuck. I never liked him. He called people names behind their back.
Tanya doesn’t think anyone knows but everyone does, that she sometimes shares her bed with him and visa-versa. I know because Olive, Dave’s dog, barks when he’s not with her.
Mike began grabbing bags and tossed them to him, while I kept the boat steady. When he was finished, I tied up the dinghy and climbed aboard.
It was a little warmer on the boat but still bitterly cold. Dave seemed surprised when we both came on board since one of us had to shore to get the others.
“What’s going on?” he asked with concern in his voice.
“Everyone’s okay. We need to talk to Tanya.” Dave didn’t reply. I shivered while walking across the deck passed dirty lounge chairs and storage lockers. I opened the sliding doors that lead down to the salon. I felt relief at the warmness, even if it was only slightly warmer than outside.
Tanya sat at the table reading an Idiot’s Guide to Boating and Sailing she got from the Montauk Public Library. No fines anymore. Tanya had dark brown skin and short nearly shaved black hair. Grace and I were the only women that kept our hair long but I kept it shoulder length. Grace loved her long blond hair that reached to the middle of her back, despite that it being something a zombie could grab on to.
Tanya acted older but she was young. She never mentioned her age but I knew it was the early 20’s, maybe even as young as 20. Not the best thing to have all this responsibility, but she lived a harsh life and grew up fast. Grace was Tanya’s age as well. And I knew she was only 20.
She seemed reluctant to be leader having inherited it from Rachel who had committed suicide. Rachel took over from Abe who also offed himself. I thought Tanya was less worried about leadership and more that she might follow in their footsteps. I didn’t think so. She had a strong personality, one much more suited than Abe who couldn’t let go of the past and Rachel who couldn’t deal with being a carrier of the zombie virus.
Lately Tanya’s been playing it safe. She didn�
��t want to risk finding a house to keep warm for the winter or trying to sail down south. Tanya, who used to hate cabin fever, and was perfectly happy to leave for a hunt, had become a school marm. I think she wanted Mike or Jim to take over. Jim shied away and while Mike wouldn’t leave us to the zombies, his priority went first to Hannah, his daughter Dena and the two kids that they have pretty much adopted. He never lets them go on any trips. Dena argued about that all the time. That and sleeping arrangements. I often found her asleep on the deck, in the storage room and once in the bathtub. She needed freedom. I knew Mike was being overprotective. He didn’t want to lose his family like he lost his son. Jim told me, Mike never mentioned him. I didn’t even know his name.
“What’s going on?” Tanya asked when she saw us. “Where’s Jim and Grace?”
“They’re fine. We found a kid—a teenager,” I explained.
“He okay?”
“He’s a little weird,” Mike explained. “He might be crazy or just in shock.”
“He doesn’t seem violent, just terrified.” The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to leave Keith alone, even at a secure house. “We thought you might come back with us and meet him.”
Tanya looked startled which was unusual for her. Ever since Rachel’s death she’s become almost a different person. Before this she would have never shown any fear.
“What do you think, Mike?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “Like Annemarie said. He doesn’t seem violent, only scared.”
“And what about you, Annemarie.”
“I think he’s in shock. He didn’t attack us. He looked like a wounded animal.”
“Wounded animals attack.” This came from Dave. “Tanya, you better check him out. I don’t want a fucking nut job here. Remember that woman who infected that kid? This is a small space. We don’t got a place to keep him secure.”
“What does Jim think?”
“Jim’s an optimist,” Mike said. “On one hand Dave could be right, on the other hand it’s going on winter and he looks like he’s at wits end.”
“I’ll take him only if he gets an escort,” Tanya said. “And we can set him up in that big storeroom downstairs for now. It locks from the outside.”
“I’ll do it,” Dave volunteered.
“No,” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “I’ll do it. He seems more open to talking to me.”
“Settled, then,” Dave looked relieved. He liked to act as security chief but I don’t think he really wanted the job. “Annemarie. You keep an eye on him. He start really acting crazy, you let me know. You don’t pretend you don’t hear it. Okay?”
“We don’t want any trouble,” Dave added even though Tanya was clear.
Keith was quiet on the ride to the boat. It took two trips to get all the supplies aboard. I don’t know about Mike, but I felt like a Popsicle.
Mike had already dropped off Jim, Grace and most of the supplies. Now we were bringing Keith and the last bag. This time Mike turned on the motor. It was getting colder as evening started to settle in. I don’t know how we were going to survive the winter. I imagined someone in the future finding our frozen corpses. It’s only early December. What’s it going to be like in the dead of winter?
We reached the boat and I saw Dave looking over wearing one of the ski jackets we liberated. He frowned either because of Keith and for using the motor but he had the luxury of going inside where it was practically balmy.
He threw down the ladder when we got there. Mike tied up the dinghy and tossed the last bag up to Dave. He motioned for me to climb. I grabbed the ladder and put my foot in the bottom rung when I slipped. I held on to the ladder for dear life.
“Shit,” I said holding up to the ladder. My boot and the bottom of my jeans dipped into ice water. I attempted to pull it up but was having trouble finding the rung.
I felt Mike grab my leg and right it.
“Thanks.”
“Just climb up,” he said, his voice annoyed.
I did what he asked. This time with no slipping. I got to the deck and inspected my boot. It felt cold at the edge and saw my pants bottoms were soaked. I was cold and wet and wanted a hot shower. We were allowed either a 2 minute shower 3 times a week or 5 minute shower two times a week. Hot showers don’t happen, only lukewarm, but it would have to do. The boat had two water tanks. One filled with rainwater for bathing, the other we filled with bottled water for drinking. The rainwater had a filter but it sometimes had a strange smell. I didn’t care. God knows what chemicals got released, what nuclear power plants melted down. The lack of cars made the air cleaner but the fires no one could put out just made it worse. We couldn’t win.
“Dave,” I said. “This is Keith.”
“Behave,” Dave said, pointing at him.
Keith raised his hands. “Not here to make trouble, sir.”
Dave seemed to like being called sir. I motioned Keith to come inside. Figured I’d drop him in front of Tanya and then get changed.
I spotted Dena on the bridge alone. Her 16 year old face looked pissed. Possibly she could no longer use the storeroom as a respite. I think she had planned to take over the space herself since it was getting too cold to sleep in the enclosed deck.
Tanya looked up but didn’t stand when we came in.
“Tanya, this is Keith.”
“Good to meet you ma’am.” Tanya laughed. It was the first time I seen her do it in a while.
“No need to call me that. Tanya’s fine.”
Behind us Jim and Mike came in with supplies and started stowing them.
“Not a lot of privacy here,” Tanya said. “So expect everyone to know your business, Keith. No secrets, got it?” I wonder if she realized I knew about her and Dave.
Keith looked startled but didn’t say anything.
“And we got two big rules and a bunch of little ones. The big ones are you work hard and you don’t be a pain in the ass. Work for you?”
“Yes, m—Tanya.” Keith seemed a little more coherent. Maybe being around other people was already helping him.
“Tanya, I’m going to shower and change and then I’ll show Keith around.”
“No problem, Keith and I will have a nice chat about the rules.”
I walked to the aft side of the boat to the small cabin I shared with Henry. He was there, using the remaining light of the day to read a manual. Keith reminded me a little of Henry who was gangly but taller. Keith seemed more awkward.
I rarely see our people reading fiction but I still do, to escape to a better world.
“Hey, Annie,” he said, a nickname he gave me that I didn’t really like but never corrected. I was surprised he didn’t come with us today since he was prone to sea sickness.
“Getting changed,” I said, showing off the wet cuff on my jeans. “Got my leg wet.”
“No worries,” he said. He didn’t seem to notice that I hadn’t been sleeping next to him as much or we were having less sex. We never talked about having a relationship. I told him I wanted sex and someone warm to be with. He thought that was cool. Everything to him was cool.
I didn’t mind changing in front of him. I took off my boots and put them in the tiny closet. I took off my jeans and the leggings underneath. The area that got wet was red and cold to the touch, but didn’t look like frostbite. It hadn’t been in the water long. I hoped to get another day of use out of the jeans and leggings. We washed our clothes in rainwater but we tried to wear things for as long as possible. I put the pants to dry in the cargo net above the bed. Maybe I could wear them again without washing.
I took my shirt, bra and panties off. I put on a man’s blue robe and went to the shower in the master suite. Brie was playing checkers with Simon.
“Hi Annemarie,” Simon said. “Who’s the new guy?” Simon had been a quiet kid because he witnessed his family got murdered by his zombie mother, and then he lost Eli, Rosa and Maddie who acted as surrogate parents. Finally Mike and Hannah had given some kind of
stability and he began talking more. He was 10 but acted younger, with sandy hair and large haunting green eyes. He was a good kid, did what was asked but he always seemed terrified.
“New guy!” Brie yelled. She got up and ran to me. “Anniemarie! Did you get candy?” Unlike Annie, I didn’t mind Brie calling me Anniemarie. It was adorable. Brie was five and unlike Simon was fearless. She used to be shy and withdrawn but as she moved from toddler to child, she started being more brazen. She had lovely brown eyes and a tan complexion, probably Hispanic, but we wouldn’t know. Abe found her when she was three wandering the streets in dirty clothes.
“We got plenty already, but we did get you a coat.”
Brie looked disappointed. We took a ton of candy from Costking, and the kids got a couple of pieces a day, so I don’t know what she pouted about.
“Is the new guy cute?” she asked instead. I don’t know where she learned that, probably Dena.
“He’s name is Keith. He’s a little scared but he seems friendly. You should both be nice to him.” I gave a big smile to both kids. Brie smiled in returned.
“I’m glad,” Simon said, his voice low. He didn’t smile but at least now he talked.
I went into the bathroom. We only used this one even though the boat had three because it was the biggest and easiest to maintain. It even had a tub. It never got used except when I found Dena in it, curled up in a sleeping bag.
I put on hot but not cold. All I would get was lukewarm. The solar panel kept limited electricity running including the water heater, but it was on the lowest setting to conserve energy.
I walked in, let the warm water cover me, I smelled chlorine, but ignored it. I added a little soap. I counted to 100 then rinsed. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I had to. The shower time wasn’t enforced. I’m sure some people took less time, most probably took a few seconds more, but never that much. We knew we all had to ration and sacrifice to survive. We were all good soldiers.
Sometimes, I wanted off this boat. I didn’t want to be alone, but I couldn’t imagine living here forever. If we lived in a house we could have a field of basins to collect water. We can set up solar panels. We could heat bathwater. This boat wasn’t meant to be off the grid for so long especially in winter.