by Rebecca Foxx
“Mm… Fuck, Darrel… Fuck,” I panted, lost in my drunken daze. “That’s it, Darrel… God, I want you,” I muttered, falling over and landing on the arm rest. I imagined Darrel climbing over me and rubbing his growing erection against my thigh—God, that man loved to tease me. He’d look me in the eyes, lust flashing and breaths heavier than mine. No matter how much I gave him, he always wanted more.
I licked my lips and drew in another breath, the pleasure shooting up from my cock and making my toes curl. It wasn’t often I allowed myself such a pleasure, but when the drinks started, it was only a matter of time before I was whipping my cock out. The wolf in me fought for the man in me to feed his lust, pumping my cock faster and faster.
Slick pre-cum coated my hand as I imagined Darrel pushing his lips down my cock until his nose met my pubic hair. Even then he’d glance up at me as if he wanted more and all I could do was grunt and groan like the beast I kept from him. How couldn’t he see it? I was hiding it in plain sight all along… I thought absently.
Reaching with my free hand for the bottle, I shook my head clear of the painful wonderments. “Dammit… Need more…” I grumbled as the empty bottle fell to the ground, my fingertips only managing to push it. “More…” I groaned as I turned my attention to the kitchen, eyeing the entryway.
Gathering myself together for the effort, I planted my feet on the ground and tried to stand on wobbling legs. My cock bobbed with every step forward and I occasionally reached down to stroke it as I made my way to the kitchen. Each time I indulged, I only managed to throw myself more off-balance—nearly falling over a few times. Thankfully, it was a short trek from the living room to the kitchen and after snatching another bottle I plopped back down on the couch.
At that moment, I wasn’t sure if I was more excited for the alcohol or to continue stroking myself. One hand kept a firm hold on the beer while the other grasped my cock, slowly twisting up and down the thick, slick member. My toes curled as I took a few gulps and then set the bottle down. “Darrel…” I muttered, leaning back and spreading my legs wide.
I came to realize that my pants were getting increasingly annoying, so I kicked them off along with my boxers. The shirt, although covered my impressively fit figure, was fine to stay as Darrel and I only cared about the lower half.
“What? You don’t want to kiss?” the memory asked faintly.
I pursed my lips as if he was actually there and could hop up on my lap. Our lips would meet and his taste would block out the booze. Those were the days… I thought, remembering the warmth that always hit me harder than any liquor ever could. No amount of alcohol could ever make me forget the kisses. One before and one after. Always and every time.
Why would you ever think I was a monster, Darrel…? How could you ever believe that…? I wondered as I closed my eyes again, hand slowing even further. I thought I could trust you… I shook my head, trying to stay focused on the memories I needed to dwell on more than anything. My stiff sex throbbed in my hand and I knew with the right memories I’d be close enough to finish.
I took another drink and vigorously stroked myself, earning a few beastial grunts and groans out of me. All over my body, I could feel the prickling sensations of fur budding all over and my teeth growing into fangs. When I was alone, I could always let myself go without worrying about what Darrel would think, but it’d never feel as special. The buildup steadily continued to rise as my hand went faster, and I took my other off the bottle to reach down to my balls.
Head pressed back against the couch cushion and mouth agape, I felt all of my muscles rapidly tensing up and relaxing. Breaths grew shallow and my heart beat faster and faster in time with the throbbing in my shaft. “D… Darrel…! Oh, Darrel!” I shouted at the height of the pleasure, thrusting my hips into my hand—hard.
Spurt after spurt flew into the air and landed across my body as my chest rose and fell with my pants. One hot, heavy breath after the other chased my climax and followed well after I started to settle down. I was lost in the calmness and my mind was only further calmed thanks to my swill. “D-Darrel… Hah… That was… That was so great, Darrel…” I huffed in between pants, my head swirling amidst numerous thoughts.
As if I’d forgotten his name, I called out: “Darrel…?” I opened my eyes and looked around the apartment—knowing it was empty. My heart sank into the pit of my turning stomach as I closed my eyes again, hoping the next time I opened them I’d see him again.
“Tell me it’s all just a bad dream, Darrel.”
“I’m still here, so I’m pretty sure that it was. Ha-ha.”
“God… It was so realistic… The wolves—they came out of no where! And when I finally found you again you were on the ground and…blood…blood was everywhere…”
“Hush, hush… I know, but it was just a bad dream, man. You think you’d ever catch me in some forest…?”
“Ha… Maybe a virtual one…”
“See? I told you. Nothing to worry about. Now the Boogeyman on the other hand, now that guy’s a real monster.”
“A real monster,” I muttered to myself, unable to keep my eyelids open as they fluttered. I faded in and out of darkness as I reached for the bottle, feeling compelled to finish it. “You didn’t even think monsters were real…” I grumbled, listening to the bottle fall on the ground and clank with the other.
“Until you met the real me.”
Ch. 2
Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
The second I opened my eyes, I knew everything was going to hurt. As if I was a blood sucker, the light seeping in through my window stung my eyes and damn near burned my skin. My weak attempt at shielding my eyes from the light only made me realize how weak I was. God, when did my arm start weighing fifty tons…? I wondered, growling.
Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
“Phone… Phone…” I repeated as I searched the couch for my cellphone with my eyes while patting all over my body. “Wait…what the…” I grumbled as my hand came across the crust all around my abdomen and chest. “Dammit, not again!”
Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
I threw my hands up in the air and shouted—the ringing had driven me mad. The sun, the dried seed all over my body, and the ringing were all too much for me. Right when I’d given up searching, however, my eyes found my cellphone on the ground by two empty brown bottles. Without wasting another second, I reached down, grabbed it, and answered.
“This is Jared,” I groaned, my own voice starting to irritate the growing headache attacking the right side of my head.
“Jared! How are ya?” asked a chipper tone I knew had to belong to Sam.
“I’m…existing, Sam,” I grumbled, reaching up to rub my temple with two fingers. “What can I do for ya? I was about to start the recovery process.”
“Oh, Jared…! You didn’t! Not again…” His tone shifted slightly, but I could tell he was barely holding back from telling me something.
“Yeah, well…” My eyes drifted over to the mess I’d made on the carpet. “You know how crazy Friday nights can be…”
“Oh, do I?! When you left here we threw Boris—you know the little foreign exchanged guy that always smells like French bean dip—a surprise party for finally getting citizenship!”.
“Oh, thrilling…” I grumbled, pulling the phone away from my ear. I figured that it was the best time to space out of the conversation to take a deep breath and try to remember what happened the night before.
Two bottles… Only two…? Where are the rest of them…? My eyes scanned the matted carpet, past the red and white stains all the way over to the entry way for the kitchen. The pain taking my head was becoming more noticeable by the second, and just thinking of getting up brought about sharp pains all over my body.
“So then Sharla, loveable little drunk that she is, jumps up on the table and…”
“Mm-hmm… She sure loves to do that…” I grumbled as I closed my eyes, trying to gather enough of my strength to hoist myself up. The cushions only se
emed to pull me in more as I struggled to get away from them, but eventually I managed to stand on shaky legs.
Each step I took made me look at the world a new way. The headache went past the temples I massaged with my free hand and directly went for the backs of my eyeballs. I made my way over to the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet. There were rows upon rows of labeled bottles, but none of them were mine.
I need to remember to clean this out eventually, I thought to myself. For a moment, Sam went quiet so I muttered, “Yeah, I know, right?”
“I thought you’d think so! But anyway, you don’t need me to come by to check on you or anything, do you?”
“No, I don’t think I’ll be needing a babysitter today.” Ah, there it is! I thought as I reached for the—what I discovered to be—empty bottle of aspirin. Fuck me. “Looks like I’m heading to the drug store anyway.”
“Oh, juicy!”
“Is it, really?”
“Yeah! If your guy is going to be there.”
My eyes widened for a split second and Sam suddenly had my full attention. “Wait, what guy?”
“Oh… You know… That cute little cashier that hits on you every time you stop by.”
I paused for a moment, dropping the empty bottle into the trash. “Oh.” My full attention vanished as I tried to recall the redheaded cashier that always gave me a certain look when he checked me out. It wasn’t often I found guys looking at me in such ways—albeit a cute one. His neatly kept red hair, one or two freckles on each cheek and warm smile would work wonders on most guys, but it couldn’t hope to break through me. “Yeah, I remember him.”
“I thought you’d be a little more enthusiastic than that, Jared,” Sam whined, disappointment in his voice. I could imagine him pouting very clearly in my head and despite myself, it nearly made me giggle—painfully.
Damned headache. Can’t even laugh without pain. I threw on some mostly clean pants I found in my bedroom. Out of all the work pants and tattered dress shirts covering the place, I managed to find a pair of unharmed jeans. “Then you don’t know me as well as you think you do, Sam,” I replied dryly. “Although, I don’t know how you got such an impression off what I told you. I don’t think the guy would jump into my pants or anything.”
“What are you talking about, Jared?” Even without him in front of me, I knew he was flicking his wrist. “I could smell his hungry ass from a while away!”
I snorted. “His ass is hungry, eh?”
“Oh, you know what I mean! He wants you! Why do you keep messing around?” Sam’s voice went a little higher pitched than usual, so I threw it on the bed for a moment as I slipped on a red shirt with black flames around it.
When I picked the phone back up, I said, “I don’t want to put myself out there when I know what the answer will be in the end, Sam.”
“Pfft… How do you expect to ever get over Darrel when you won’t even try?”
I paused for a moment, every response stopping before it had even formed. As much as I wanted to spit out a retort, we both knew that he had me beat. The silence lingered until I spat at him, “So what? What the Hell do you want me to do then?” The wolf in me turned my irritated hurt into anger, teeth turning into fangs and skin bristling.
“You know what I want you to do, Jared. Just…try. For me, okay? Even if it all goes up in flames I’ll bring ya over a pack of beer and we can get drunk watching reruns of old 50’s cartoons, okay?” Sam’s tone settled, sounding painfully sincere.
I bit down on my bottom lip so hard I swore I could taste traces of blood teasing the tip of my tongue. “Yeah…okay…fine.” I took a deep breath, my chest tightening. “Fine, fine… I’ll do it, all right? Then you gotta get off my fuckin’ back.”
Sam giggled lightly on the other end. “I’ll talk to you later, Jared. Take care, all right?”
“Yeah, well that’s what I’m trying to do. See ya later, Sam.”
I threw the phone down onto the couch as soon as the call ended. I’d successfully walked around the entire apartment without tripping over one of the many bottles lying around. However, as soon as I reached down to grab my keys, I felt a familiar feeling pinching my happy trail.
Shit. Shower. I forgot to shower. Can’t ask a guy out covered in jizz, right? Yeah… Right.
Ch. 3
If there was a way to thank God for anything, I know I’d be on my knees praising him for keeping music out of the drug store. Everything was a muddy, murky color as I looked around the little aisles due to the sunglasses I had to wear to protect my eyes from the light. My headache had subsided, but only slightly as I scurried around the little store.
Ever since I’d gone in, I pictured my main objective as getting the aspirin, but I knew it wasn’t the only reason I was here. Stop thinking… Stop thinking… I thought to myself as I kept checking him from the corner of my eye. His smile, the calm way he said everything… He was nothing like Darrel, but Sam told me that was the entire point. I needed someone to take my mind off of him even if he wasn’t the one. At least I would have someone then, right?
It didn’t take long for me to find the right aisle and grab the right aspirin, but I tried to prolong the inevitable for as long as possible. I could just lie to him… It wouldn’t be that hard, would it? Just to get my things and leave like I always do. A small smile crept across my face, making the muscles ache faintly. “Yeah, that’s brilliant,” I muttered to myself, staring at the little white bottle in my hand.
I reached for my wallet with my spare hand and felt fully ready to walk down the checkout aisle and say, “Lovely day? Yeah. Thanks! Bye!” as I usually did, but something felt different. Knowing that I made a promise to Sam—the most genuine guy I knew… It stirred something in me. It went beyond my simple reasoning or morality, it made me feel lower than I ever had. Of course I was forced to lie to him about my real self, but…this? Why would I go to such lengths and then just lie to him?
A pain assaulted my heart, making me clutch my chest for a moment. Fuck… I can’t do this… Either way I looked at it, it made my heart sting. To remember Darrel and being in his arms wasn’t good for me, but at the times I did it—I was happy. I felt happier than I had in a long while. I spent so much time denying it, that even as I walked up to the red head and handed him the bottle, I wasn’t sure of what to say.
“Hello, sir! How are you doing…? Oh, Jared?” His smile faded a little as he spoke, but even through the sunglasses I could tell he was blushing a little.
“Yeah… Ran out of aspirin and it’s pretty essential to my recovery process…” He gave me an odd look, tilting his head a little. “Friday nights. You know how it is.”
The cashier nodded and said, “Right, right… Must’ve been pretty fun.”
“Oh yeah… Total blast,” I said as I checked to see if anyone was waiting behind me. It seemed I was the only one at this line, so it only gave me more reason to go through with my promise. Letting out a deep breath, slowly I asked, “How was your night?”
He shrugged, giving me a chance to check out his name tag. “Was about as eventful as any other night. I usually just stay in,” he said as he looked down and to the side.
Beep!
“That’ll be seven fifty,” he said as I pulled out my card.
As I swiped it, I went on to say, “So… Places don’t interest you or…?”
He shrugged again. “No one to go with, usually… I used to go with this guy, but…” He paused for a moment. “Anyway… Why do you ask?”
“It’s… I… Um…” I tried to find the words, but they kept getting jumbled in my throat. “I er… Was just wondering if you might like to do something a little more exciting tonight.”
Lewis opened his mouth to speak and then stopped himself. I punched in my pin number, finishing the purchase, but as much as I wanted to bolt out of the store I forced myself to stay.
“I mean, if you’re free and everything…”
He gave me a sideways glance and asked,
“Are you serious about this, Jared…? I mean, we’ve hardly ever talked and…”
“Yeah, I know…” I blurted out before my subconscious could stop me. “But I was just thinking that maybe… We should.”
“You’re… You’re not playing me, right Jared? I’ve heard…things…” Lewis looked away from me, lost in thought.
What the Hell is he…? Oh, wait… That’s right. When it first happened, the realization that I was never going to have Darrel back again, I made some pretty bad decisions. For a while, one night stands were all I could stomach and anything beyond that was totally out of the question. One guy a night—every night.
I didn’t remember a single name, a moment spent with them or anything outside of the fact that we slept together once. I nearly winced at the memories—how cold and callous I was back then. But looking at Lewis brought me a sort of comforting warmth and hope that I might be able to break the cycle of trying to fill the cycle and the loneliness that proceeded after. Maybe… Just maybe… It could work.