by Amanda Morey
On this dreary April morning Sam and Jason ate a breakfast of over easy eggs, toast and crispy bacon at her brother’s house. At eleven that morning was Sam’s first official appointment with her OBGYN. Jason was going with her and he told her he’d try to make it to every appointment she had.
They sat in the sterile waiting room for half an hour. The chairs were wood backed . Sam and Jason shifted their positions in their seats every two minutes or so. The walls were white with a couple of landscapes hanging. Sam flipped through a magazine while Jason fidgeted next to her.
“Mrs. Channing?” The brown haired secretary called. Her voice was like sugar.
Inside the doctor’s office was sterile and clean just like the waiting room. The difference was there were pictures of babies instead of landscapes lining the walls. Sam felt like her heart was knocking on her chest like it was a door; and her heart was trying to get out.
“Okay.” The doctor smiled. He had graying hair and light green eyes. “To the best of my ability I’d say the baby should be here the third week of December.”
The attending nurse smiled. “Awww, right around Christmas.” She said.
Jason and Sam gave an appreciative chuckle.
“Okay.” The doctor took on a more serious tone. “We’ll need to see you every four to six weeks. We should set up your next appointment.” He strode over to his desk to retrieve his calendar.
Sam’s next appointment had been set for the ninth of May. With that set they walked back home.
“We need to get a car.” Jason said.
“We what?” Sam asked. Her voice rose audibly.
“You shouldn’t be walking everywhere, Sam. I could talk to John. See what he has over at the garage. I still have extra money. I think we could swing it.”
“Maybe.” Sam said slowly. “We have to save some money though. We can’t spend it all on the car. We have a baby coming.” A car whizzed past them, blowing Sam’s hair around.
Jason placed a hand on her stomach. “I’ll see what John can get us. Besides, with the baby coming we’ll need a car.”
Sam bit her lip. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” She caved on the subject. He did have a point.
“Are you gonna keep working?” Jason asked. Sam cocked an eyebrow.
“Yeah, of course. We need the money.” Jason still had that all too familiar look on his face. “I work in a library Jason.” Sam sighed. “There’s really very little danger of anything happening.” She added with a slight smile, nudging his shoulder.
“What about your classes?” He asked.
“What about them?” Sam shrugged.
“But Sam, how long can you do all of this while you’re pregnant?” Jason looked at her with one of the deepest looks of concern that she’d ever seen on his face. It squeezed her heart to tell him that she wasn’t going to stop, but she had to.
“I’m not going to not go, Jason. At least for now. We’ll see what happens down the line, okay?” She rubbed her small thumb back and forth on the rough tan skin of his hand.
He hesitated. “Okay.” He took Sam’s hand firmly in his and they walked on down the sidewalk together.
Sam was now four months along and beginning to show. For now she continued both her classes and her job at the library. She was taking two classes at the community college during this summer semester. Her morning sickness was still going full swing and Sam was starting to not fit into her pre-pregnant clothing. Today she and Juliana took on the task of buying maternity clothes in a second hand store nearby.
“See anything you like?” Juliana asked as they browsed the alarmingly pink racks of clothes.
“No.” Sam grimaced. “Is this in the ‘you’re-having-a-girl-section’? Why is this all pink and frilly?”
“You don’t want pink and frilly?” Juliana smirked.
“Hell no!” Sam burst and then put her hands over her stomach, trying to shield the baby from hearing the bad word. “Heck no.” She corrected herself.
Juliana sighed. “Alright, let’s find you something with no pink and no frills. Oh, and no bows.” She paused and looked all around her. “This could take a while.” Juliana said as she continued to take in the sea of pink around them. Sam laughed and whimpered at the same time as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.
A couple of painfully pink hours later they emerged with two bags full of maternity clothes mercifully devoid of any pink.
“Hey, babe, what are you doin’?” Jason asked as he peeked into their bedroom door to see Sam sitting on the bed.
“I’m just writing in my journal, give me a few minutes?” She asked.
“Of course.” He smiled sweetly at her before closing the door behind him.
Sam sighed and looked back down at the lightly lined pages of her journal. She read over a quick journal entry that she’d scribbled back on July 20th. ‘We’re going to watch the news, Apollo 11 is going to land! On the moon!’ She chuckled as she read it over. It was just barely legible, she was so excited. She turned the page and began another entry.
I went shopping for maternity clothes with Juliana today. You know, I thought that nothing could blow my mind more than getting married but having a baby definitely tops that. A baby, growing inside of me. Yup, that definitely tops my getting married. By the way, it is incredibly difficult to find maternity clothes that aren’t pink. At least it was where we went. Luckily, we managed to find some non-pink clothes. I know the clothes aren’t what matters. Not at all. Having that little baby in my arms is. I’m so excited and so nervous. Jason is going to be a wonderful dad. He probably isn’t so sure, but I am. I’m going to be a mom. That’s probably what I’m most nervous about. Sure, labor scares the hell out of me. But being a bad mom? That scares me even more.
Sam stood on the plush white carpet of their bedroom modeling her new clothes for Jason.
“No pink?” He asked with a small pout.
She threw a pillow at him. “You’re hilarious.”
He laughed and pulled her on top of him on the bed. Her eyes were getting heavy. He turned them to their side. “Tired, baby?” He stroked her hair slowly.
She yawned and nodded in response, closing her eyes.
“Go to sleep.” He said with a laugh. He put his arm around her and she rested her head on his chest. Within minutes Sam’s breath became slow and even. Jason watched her sleeping for almost an hour before he joined her in slumber.
***
The sun shone bright through Jason and Sam’s bedroom window. The weather had been sunny for days. Sam stood in front of the mirror examining her six and a half month pregnant stomach. Her face was scrunched as she stared at herself. Jason walked up and put his arms around her from behind. Well, he tried to. He could just barely fit them around her.
“What’s wrong?” He asked her as his warm brown eyes studied her expression.
Sam shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Sam, come on, tell me.” Jason gently brushed his hand against her cheek. His touch always felt a little rough because his hands were calloused. But the touch itself was always gentle, loving.
“I feel silly.” She said with a small pout.
“I’m your husband. You can tell me anything. Even things you think are silly.” Jason reminded her as he rubbed her stomach. She was wearing one of the maternity shirts that her and Juliana had gotten. It was light blue, not pink.
Sam threw her arms in the air and let them flap to her sides. “I don’t feel pretty.” She said and crossed her arms across her chest. She refused to look at Jason and only stared at the off white carpet beneath her bare feet.
“Sam?” Jason’s bangs fell into his dark eyes as he tilted his head to the right.
“Jason, you can’t even wrap your arms around me anymore!” Sam’s voice was going up several octaves.
She glared at him as he laughed. He put a hand over his mouth and gently smiled at her. His beautiful, wonderful wife. “Sam, you’re pregnant. You have another person growing i
nside of you. So I can’t wrap my arms around you right now? That doesn’t mean you’re not pretty.”
“Am I pretty?” She asked in a small voice. She peered up at him through her blonde lashes.
Jason pulled her into his arms, stifling a chuckle that escaped anyway. Sam gave him another piercing glare. He rested his chin on her head of soft hair. “Of course. You’re the most beautiful woman I know. I’ve thought so since I was six years old.”
Sam rolled her eyes. “Really.” He said, putting one hand gently on each side of her face and pulling her face up to look her in the eyes. Today her eyes were a gray-green.
“Thank you.” She said. Jason kissed the top of her head as she snuggled into the crook of his neck. His brown t-shirt smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and cologne.
“I have to ask you something.” He said, his voice muffled by her hair.
“Yes?” She asked.
“Will you please stop going to class and work.”
“Jason.”
“I’m serious.” He pulled her away from him and held her at arm’s length.
“Class is done in a week.” She argued.
“Okay, don’t sign up for another after that yet, please?” He sighed loudly when Sam readied herself to protest.
Sam stopped her urge to protest and bit her lip. Nearly a full minute passed before she came to her decision. “Okay.” She sighed.
“Now, work.” Jason began with a deep breath.
“But we need the money.” Sam argued, not bothering to stop herself from arguing.
“Sam, I don’t want you going right now.” Sam raised her eyebrows at him when these words tumbled out of his mouth. She crossed her arms over her chest and opened her mouth to protest. “Sam, come on, you know what I mean.” He sighed. “I worry about you. I already talked to your boss. She said she’ll give you time off and you can start again later. Please do this for me?” His eyes were begging her. Those warm as chocolate chip brown eyes.
“How about I stop going when I’m say, seven or eight months along?” She urged.
Jason nibbled the inside of his lip softly. “I suppose.”
“Okay.” Sam sighed and leaned into him. She let out a big yawn.
“Thank you, baby.” He chuckled softly as he rubbed her back.
Sam sat at her old dinner table surrounded by her brothers and her husband. They were eating an old family favorite of spaghetti and meatballs. She felt at home there, and then she glanced up and noticed Craig, John and Matt staring at her stomach.
“What? What are you staring at?” She yelled.
They all shook their heads and all turned in different directions. John stared at his dinner, Matt stared at the clock on the wall, Craig was staring at the stove.
“Don’t be shy. Tell me, I know. I’m huge. Just tell me.” Sam said. They all turned slowly back to her, doing their best to avoid eye contact.
“We-” John started.
“We what?” Sam snapped as she flung her fork down.
Jason took Sam’s hand. “Honey, come on.” He pulled her up gently and led her out to the porch.
“What are we doing out here?” She asked.
“Sam, what is it? You’re scaring your brothers.” He smiled at her.
“They keep staring at me.” She said as she kicked a twig off the porch steps. “It’s like how everybody touches my stomach now. I didn’t know it was public property.”
“Well, they’re staring at you because you’re like a piece of art.” Jason said as he squeezed her hand.
Sam stared blankly at him and then bust out into an uproar of laughter. Her head tipped back and her hair fell around her in a cascade.
Jason let her laugh, but he really did think—and always had—that she was like a work of art.
“Oh honey, that is so lame. I love you.” Her eyes and smile glowed.
“Who are you calling lame?” He feigned offense at her comment.
“You.” She poked him in the chest.
“Fine. I’m lame. Are you okay now? You wanna come back inside with your lame husband?” His warm hand took hers. She nodded. Jason always felt warm to Sam. Warm and safe.
As they cleaned up dinner talk turned to the baby. “We’re gonna have a little nephew or niece running around.” John said. “I can’t wait.”
“You’ll make a great uncle.” Sam said as he passed her a dish.
“He’ll spoil your kid.” Craig said as he dried the dish that had just been washed with a red dish towel.
“Or your kid is gonna be way too wild. If they learn from Uncle John, that is.” Matt said. John threw a fork at him. Matt ducked just in time. “See!” Matt yelled.
“Anyway.” Craig laughed. “It’s gonna be a lot of work. Are you guys ready for it?”
Jason and Sam glanced at each other. “Hey, do we have a choice?” Jason laughed. Laughter filled the room. Jason squeezed Sam’s shoulder gently.
Sam and Jason stayed up late into the night pacing back and forth.
“Can we do this?” Finally, Sam asked the question they were both thinking. Jason took both of her hands in his and drew in a deep breath. “We can do this Sam. We can.” He said with a confidence that Sam admired. “And this kid is gonna be so loved. I know we can do this.” He pressed his lips gently to her forehead. The light outside faded to a light pink glow as the sun began to rise.
Tears came abruptly pouring out of Sam’s eyes as they sat on the couch watching TV that night.
“Sam, what is it? It’s not the baby is it?” Jason’s voice could be wrung out like a towel for the amount of worry that it dripped with.
Sam shook her head through her tears. Her wet hair stuck to her face as the salty water continued to pour down her cheeks.
“What is it?” Jason pushed her wet hair back from her face.
“Juliana is going to graduate in the spring.” Sam sobbed. “She’s graduating and going off to medical school and I haven’t even gone to college yet. Will I ever get to go?” Sam pulled her knees up to her chest and curled into herself.
“Do you regret getting married to me and having our baby?” Jason couldn’t stop himself from asking.
Sam turned to him. She reached out and put her hand on his knee. “That’s not what I mean. That’s not it at all. Even if I had the money right away and went to college I still would’ve married you when I did.” She smiled. “I’m just wondering if I’ll ever get the chance to go, you know?”
“I think you will.” Jason said. “Even if we have to set aside some money each week, open bank accounts, take out loans, you will Sam.” His tone was determined.
She nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder. He pulled their white and brown crocheted blanket that Juliana’s mom made them over Sam. Her book of Emily Dickinson poetry lay open on the couch next to her.
***
The big day came in the middle of the night. Sam woke up at three in the morning, yelping in pain. Jason nearly fell out of bed. He pulled on a dirty pair of jeans and an old tee-shirt. He helped Sam get into a shirt and loose pants. He grabbed the go-bag and put an arm around Sam’s waist. As he led her out to the car she clutched tight to his shoulder and every few minutes would double over in pain. Jason sped to the hospital cutting five minutes off the usually fifteen minute drive. Sam was whisked off right away and as always Jason was with her. He insisted on staying with her. After eighteen hours of labor, screaming, Jason patting Sam’s head with a cool towel and letting her squeeze his hand as hard she wanted, Jason cut the umbilical cord. They had been blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She had eyes the exact shade of blue as Sam’s were when they turned blue and Jason’s dark black hair. It was a striking combination.
In a few days Sam and Jason, and the baby they had named Michelle Elizabeth Channing, were home from the hospital. They decided to name her after both of their mothers. Michelle, Sam’s mom. And Elizabeth, Jason’s mom. Sam and Michelle were both perfectly healthy. A week later, Craig, John, Matt, Shawn, Chris
and Juliana stood around Sam, Jason and Michelle. They seemed to be playing a game of “pass the baby”. No one wanted to give her up. Sam watched Jason hold Michelle. She saw the love in his eyes and she knew he was right; they were ready for this and Michelle would be so loved.
“So is labor as bad as they say?” Juliana asked as she passed Jason Michelle’s pacifier.
“Oh, you’re in for a treat when it’s your turn.” Sam grinned.
“Great.” Juliana grumbled. “Well, you two got a Christmas and New Year’s gift all in one.” She said, squeezing Sam’s shoulder.
Jason sat down on the couch next to Sam and handed Michelle to her. She kissed her pink button nose and leaned back to cuddle against Jason.
“What a way to start a new decade.” Jason said.
“It’s not a new decade yet.” Juliana said.
“Close enough.” He shrugged.
Sam kissed Jason. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Sam.” He said softly. They pressed their foreheads together and Jason’s hair fell into Sam’s eyes. She crinkled her nose.
“And we love you too.” They said to Michelle. She cooed in response. Her blue eyes sparkled. The thin layer of black hair on her head was as soft as the down of a pillow.
“And yes.” Sam agreed. “What a way to start a decade.” She and Jason smiled at each other; each staring into the eyes of their partner for life. Their true love.
As it is with life, everyone went their own way. Some things changed. Some things stayed the same.
Juliana became an orthopedic surgeon and lived in Washington. D. C. Shortly after she started her residency she met another resident and they were married two years later. She would come to visit when she could.
Craig got a promotion and moved to Kansas to run a warehouse there. Five years after Michelle was born he got married to a woman named Melissa. Sam and Jason got along well with her and he just loved seeing the kids. They all saw each other around Christmas.