Always Wanted Forever

by Sarah Tork

  Dad patted her shoulder in an effort to calm her down but she shrugged him off. Darcy and Cameron, my younger brother and sister who were twins, sat silently eating their dinner.

  “You’re lazy.” she continued. “You don’t take care of yourself. You didn’t finish university and you still work at that ice cream store. You’re twenty-two and you have no pride at all.”

  She was in her own little world, making it obvious how badly she was taking our break-up. But she didn’t care about what it was doing to me emotionally, only about how it was going to make her look to her small social circle. The most important of which was her best friend Gwen, who also happened to be Ben’s mother.

  I could feel the cracks in my willpower growing, expanding. It was the only shield I had to protect me from her insane temper-canons.

  “Why can’t you be like all the other girls?” Mom hissed. “Polite, respectful, a go-getter.”

  “I love you too, Mom.” I sighed, feeling my soul sink passed saving.

  The veins on her forehead were pulsing. “That’s right, make it all into a joke. Well, let me tell you something, you’re the only joke here!”

  I’ve lived in Toronto since December 1st 2012.

  Right after I had my ass chewed out by Mom, which conveniently happened a day after Ben and I broke up officially, I followed up on Mrs. Lee’s ad on Craigslist and rented a room in her house in a city four hours away. That’s not all I did to let everyone know they’ve all crossed the line with me. I changed my phone number and the only way anyone could reach me was through email.

  It was working till now…. ugh, Mom. I didn’t want to read anything from her.

  Exhaling a frustrated breath, I opened Mom’s email to find an e-invitation to a party she was throwing for Dad this weekend on the twentieth of April. I opened Ben’s email next. I’d received a few since coming to Toronto. They were all generally the same, just a rushed apology with no real meaning behind it.

  Dear Marisa

  I told you I was sorry.

  It was just a kiss.

  I have a life to live too you know, with or without you….

  I hope you have good life, and I hope you wish the same for me.

  I’ve got a date this weekend.

  Ben.

  I reread his email, flabbergasted at ‘it was just a kiss’. If memory served me correctly, he was practically eating her face. I deleted his poor excuse of an email and emailed Darcy about the details for Dad’s party.

  CHAPTER 4

  Friday April 19th 2013

  “Excuse me,” a voice rumbled, “I believe you’re in my seat.”

  Not looking up from my Sudoku puzzle, I took my ticket from my pocket and double-checked the seat number on it.

  E28, it read.

  I was in the right spot. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned toward the late passenger and froze.

  Beautiful, crystal blue eyes.

  “A scoop of Chocolate Raspberry Burst and one of Wild Strawberry and Chocolate Swirl, please.”

  What did this all mean?

  Was it fate, destiny, whatever it was called?

  Were we supposed to meet?

  The last minute customer from Monday night was now the last minute train passenger. My neighbour nodded stiffly and unhappily gathered up his belongings and moved to the empty seat across the aisle.

  ‘Sexy’ took his black leather jacket off and plopped down beside me, placing his messenger bag between his legs and jacket on his lap. He looked damn good in his black sweater and jeans.

  “Hello, again.” he said with a smile, smoothing his dark brown hair back, but a few strands had fallen just above his ears.

  “Hi.” I said quietly.

  We sat in silence as the train glided gracefully across eastern Canada. After several minutes of filling in numbers on my puzzle, I looked out the window and fell into a deep trance from the moving landscapes.

  “So beautiful,” a hushed voice said in my ear.

  I jolted out of the trance, cheeks flaming heat and glanced at my neighbour. He stared at me with a smile that seemed sneaky.

  “What?” I asked him, confused at what he’d really meant.

  “The landscape,” he explained, not taking his eyes off me. “It’s beautiful.”

  I turned back toward the window. “You’re right, it is beautiful.”

  Did he really mean the landscape…or was he talking about something else, like me?

  Don’t even go there Marisa!

  But even if I wanted to, he was out of my league. With an image that belonged in a high fashion campaign, he belonged with an equally gorgeous female…. or male?

  Shit, what if he’s gay?

  He could be on his way to meet his boyfriend right now!

  *~*~*

  It’s been almost six months since I’d been kissed. Skipping the whole ‘find a rebound guy to fill my aching heart’ thing might not have been the best idea. After an hour of not interacting with ‘Sexy’, all I could do was think of his perfect lips. I checked him out from the corner of my eye and the paperwork was gone. His head was on his shoulder and he was sleeping. I bet he’s a swimmer with that muscular lean build.

  Yes, please. I’ll take it to go.

  Damn it… I felt like a nun in heat.

  “Can I help you with something?” he said with his eyes closed and a smile on his lips.

  “Sorry.” I faced back toward the window.

  “No problem. I like it when people stare at me, especially cute girls like you,” he declared, eyes still closed. I heated with embarrassment at his confession. He thought I was cute.

  I cleared my throat. “I wasn’t staring at you. I was making sure you were breathing okay.”

  I wasn’t a creep.

  Okay, maybe I was a little bit of creep, but come on…. there was a hot as hell guy sitting beside me. If I creeped, it was on behalf of women and gay men everywhere.

  For all the lonely vagina and dick… gosh darn it!

  “My breathing is fine, thank you for the concern though. It fills me with great pleasure knowing that in case I stop breathing, you’ll be here to save me,” he replied, eyes still closed.

  Not wanting to word vomit, I turned back to the window, trying to get lost in the beautiful scenery of passing farms and forest. First order of business when I get back from this mission: go camping and milk a cow!

  “Penny for your thoughts?” ‘Sexy’ hummed next to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I re-crossed my legs to hide it and faced smooth skin, chiselled features, and gorgeous aqua blue eyes that halted my breathing. I could swim in those eyes day and night…naked with his arms around me…doing things…

  I needed to look somewhere else, so I glanced down and BOY what a mistake that was. His sleeves were rolled back, revealing toned forearms. He was leaning on both our armrests into my space. Our fellow passengers could have mistaken us for kissing.

  Wouldn’t that be something…kissing somebody I didn’t know.

  Crazy… party of one, your table’s ready.

  My neighbour leaned in further, but I smoothly leaned back, “Excuse me.” I smirked. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. His black cashmere sweater stretched, outlining his well-defined chest.

  His eyes twinkled with mischief. “Who are you?”

  “I’m too much trouble, that’s who I am.” I teased him. It was my turn to chuckle.

  His index finger somehow found its way onto my nose, gliding down to circle the space around my lips.

  Why wasn’t I stopping him?

  I had no idea.

  A stranger was putting his hands on me in a very intimate manner… so I angled my head back and then something off the charts happened.

  Electrifying, nothing compared to it … and one area in particular…went crazy. Practically out of breath and just in time, it came to an end with us pulling apart, sinking back into our seats, and breathing heavily.

  I wondered how many times I would b
e telling this funny story in the future? The one time when a total random kissed me on a train to Ottawa….

  “Marisa Gellys.” I stretched my hand out to shake. With an amused smile, he stared at my hand for a few seconds before reaching over and…

  “Xander Barns.” he replied, grasping my hand firmly, looking me straight in the eyes. “Pleased to meet you, Marisa Gellys.”

  CHAPTER 5

  A few silent hours later, we were approaching Ottawa. I snuck a peek to check him out, doing my absolute best to not be obvious. Xander looked the same as he had for the majority of the trip: perfect posture with an array of documents resting on his lap.

  Maybe he was a Lawyer?

  My eyes trespassed onto dangerous territory. Xander should never be allowed to leave his house without a cashmere sweater on. In fact, it should be made a law.

  Or he could just go naked…I was good either way.

  My eyes left his form, but my mind and body didn’t.

  Focus girl, remember, you’re here on a mission.

  After a few seconds, my heart rate calmed down. The reminder had done its job and I could feel power coursing through my body. Clarity was taking over.

  Xander continued to ignore me, focusing intently on his papers – not that I cared or anything. His head popped up giving me a full view of his beautiful face. Deep blue eyes instantly made my fists uncurl into anxious fingertips that would do anything for a little taste of his touch again.

  Damn it… just take me now!

  Like I’d really say that out loud… but…. what if it’s all in my eyes?

  What if he can read everything I’m thinking from my facial expressions?

  No! I really am transparent!

  I cried inside at my lack of finesse, although my inability to hide my feelings really shouldn’t have come as a shock because all my life people have told me I was an open book.

  Good old predictable Marisa.

  I began grabbing all my things, shoving them into my bag. I shrugged into my black Colombia jacket and smoothed the wrinkles out as best I could. The train pulled into the station.

  “Excuse me,” I said and Xander politely moved into the aisle, letting me pass.

  “Thanks,” I said with a smile.

  I headed down the aisle toward the exit, feeling sad.

  “Wait!” Xander called after me.

  My heart picked up speed, beating at an unimaginable rate. I turned around slowly. “Yeah?”

  He waved my Sudoku book in open air. “You seem to have forgotten this.” He smiled as he handed it to me. I took it from him and a large shiver rippled through my spine as his skin scraped over mine in the transfer.

  “Thank you,” was all I could muster as I shoved the book into my bag.

  He smiled one last time before sitting back down.

  That’s it, the end of our story…

  I walked off the train. Over four hours of insane thoughts, a brief encounter with a sexy stranger who loved late night ice cream runs, it wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot. But it was too late, the train was already pulling out of the station, continuing on to Montreal.

  My stomach had butterflies. I pulled my Sudoku book back out of my bag, hoping maybe it still held some of his scent. I brought the book to my nose and inhaled the paper. I was still in public, smelling a Sudoku book…the shame – o – meter was about to hit one billion.

  Totally just embarrassed myself.

  Desperate much?

  I searched for a garbage can to dispose of the disappointingly scent-free book when something caught my eye. There were some scribbles on the back of the book…

  *~*~*

  The heated taxi drove through downtown Ottawa; probably thinking I was tourist who would appreciate the scenic route even though it was simply running up the tab. With an extra fifteen dollars added to the taxi fare, I arrived at the Old Country Bed and Breakfast. It was only a ten-minute walk from my parents’ house. I’d known this place my whole life. I could remember passing the familiar building every time I walked home from school with Ben.

  This neighbourhood hadn’t changed a bit, but this girl certainly had.

  I checked in and headed to my allocated room. I plopped down on the blue duvet that covered my bed and hesitatingly pulled out my Sudoku book again, staring at the scribbled number Xander had left for me.

  Did he want me to call him?

  Aside from Ben, I’d never called a guy for romantic reasons. Heck, I’d never even pursued a guy. Ben was the only guy I’d ever been with and that had just sort of happened. With our mothers being best friends, we’d known each other from birth and eventually romance had blossomed.

  My head started to pound. I needed to change my thoughts. I tossed the puzzle book on the side table and scanned the room’s décor. For forty-five dollars a night, the room came with a queen-sized bed, a desk and chair. There was also a tiny bathroom attached. I’d also get breakfast in the morning.

  Score.

  After I unpacked my travel bag, I had nothing else to do until Dad’s party tomorrow. I definitely wasn’t going over to my parents’ house for any ‘quality time’ – a privilege I’d only grant them with for a few hours tomorrow night. I didn’t keep in touch with my ‘high school’ friends. The only other person in town was Ben, but he wasn’t someone I wanted to see either. Even if he showed up tomorrow night with his family he wasn’t going to be getting any attention from me.

  Not even eye contact. He’d be looking at my back all night.

  Imagining Ben scowling and embarrassed made me laugh. The look on his face when he realized I was ignoring him would be too funny to pass up.

  I might have to rethink the whole eye contact thing…

  Lying down on my bed, hands folded behind my head, I found myself thumbing through my Sudoku book again…. thinking, strictly hypothetically, it was too bad Xander wasn’t here right now.

  A mischievous grin broke across my face…. he should pay for his actions. I turned the book over. I could call him and we could…have phone sex?

  I pulled out my phone and dialled.

  “Hello?” a deep voice answered on the first ring.

  “Hi, it’s me,” I squeaked out shyly.

  “Who’s ‘me’?” Xander responded.

  “Marisa!” I snapped, not in the mood for his games.

  He laughed loudly into the receiver. “Now, now, nice kitty.”

  I pulled the phone from my ear. Did he just call me kitty?

  I was no kitty!

  “What?” I blurted out, which only made him laugh harder.

  I was a joke.

  Great.

  So much for phone sex.

  “I’m glad you called, a little shocked it took you two hours though,” Xander said when he’d finished laughing. “I would’ve bet on you only holding out an hour before you cracked. I guess you’ve got more stamina than I thought.”

  He sounded impressed at my lack of devotion to him. What did he expect me to do, heed his command after just four hours of sitting together?

  I hung up without another word and threw the phone across the bed.

  So much for a mental getaway.

  This ass-clown couldn’t even provide me with a brief escape before trying to dominate me. Who did he think he was talking to? A scared little girl who needed a man in her life?

  Fuck no.

  My phone suddenly rang out, startling me. My forehead creased as I reached for it. No one ever called me besides Mrs. Lee or Mr. Dennis.

  I glanced at the caller ID and it was private. “Hello?” I answered timidly.

  “Well, that was rude!” Xander stated, sounding amused.

  “How’d you get this number? My number is private!” I demanded.

  “A gentleman never tells,” he replied. “So, tell me,” he continued, dropping his voice seductively, “what are doing right now?”

  “Trying to figure out who the hell you are?” I responded quickly.

  “I’m a frie
ndly guy. Thought you would’ve noticed that already with the way I allowed you to shove your tongue down my throat.” I heard him chuckle.

  “Well, I’m so happy you think I’m a joke,” I spat out sarcastically. “Ha-ha-ha, very funny!”

  The chuckling on the other end stopped immediately.

  “On the contrary, Marisa. I don’t think you’re funny at all. In fact, I think you’re sexy as… fuck…I’m hard just thinking about your…. tongue…. inside my mouth, wouldn’t mind doing that again…. but this time it’ll be my tongue…. all over your wet….” he whispered, sending shivers through my body.

  Sexy time with Ben…. was nowhere like this.

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  “When can we meet?” Xander hummed, nonchalantly. “I believe you got off in Ottawa, right? I’m in Montreal right now but I could meet you tonight on my way back…”

  No matter how horny I was, it wasn’t a good idea to meet. I took a deep breath and cleared my head of any remaining sexual warfare he was sending my way.

  “Listen dark and charming, Mr. Mysterious, whatever your name is…. I don’t even know you. I’m not inviting you over for whatever disgusting thing you have in mind. Honestly you should stop this whole thing, it’s kind of freaky. I mean, you could have herpes or something.”

  I heard a hiss from his side. “If I have herpes, darling, than so do you.”

  I cringed. “We just kissed, how can I get herpes from kissing?”

  “Cause I use my mouth just has much as I use my cock, baby” His voice sent a rocket of heat through me.

  “You use your mouth?” I mumbled, feeling a touch dazed.

  “All the time…all the fucking time.” His tone, sensual to the millionth degree added fuel to the rocket of heat inside of me. “I wish I was there right now, in between your…. making you…. three or four times while you scream my name like it’s… and that’s all before I… every position imaginable, taking you places that’ll put you… for the next week and maybe the next month too. That’s how fucking good I am…. now, tell me, where are you staying?”