Giving Up for You

by L. M. Carr

  I go about setting the coffee machine to brew a full pot of coffee; I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night. I look over at my best friend who is quietly arranging cookies on a plate. She tries to conceal her sniffle as a cough, but I know better. She’s crying. Damn those crazy pregnancy hormones. I wrap my arm around her and hold her close. “It’s okay, Shel. It’s going to be fine.” Her petite body hiccups as she wipes her nose with the cuff of her sleeve. “Mia, you don’t know that. I heard what Mike said. That guy is dangerous.”

  I smooth back her long, blonde hair as I agree with her statement. “You’re right. Chris DeGennaro is dangerous, but all those people sitting around that table in there are on my side. He won’t hurt me.”

  “What the fuck happened to drama-free sex, girl?” She laughs through her sniffling again.

  My body shakes with laughter when I remember the morning I told her about Adam. That seems like a lifetime ago.

  “I love you so much. I would literally, like seriously, kick the shit out of somebody if they tried to hurt you.” Shelby’s petite body straightens and her face transforms to anger.

  I wipe away the tears from laughing so hard. “You do remember that you’re barely five feet tall, right?”

  Adam walks in to find us laughing instead of getting coffee ready. I don’t think he finds our laughter very humorous. “Is everything okay?” he asks seriously.

  “Yeah, we’re fine.”

  “Nora wants to finish up.” He opens the fridge to get the cream while I pour five cups of coffee. He takes the tray from me and walks into the dining room. Shelby follows behind me, with a cup of tea, but is quickly stopped by Mike who tells her that he doesn’t want her in the room. When she starts to argue, he reminds her that stress isn’t good for the baby. That does the trick as she concedes and goes downstairs to check on the kids.

  ***

  NORA AND CHARLES finally look at each other and decide that they have the information they need. It seemed like they kept asking the same question but with different phrasing; perhaps looking for any inconsistencies in my story. Do they think I am lying? I didn’t do anything wrong. I have nothing to hide.

  Adam drapes his arm over my shoulder as we walk Charles to the door, but Nora lags behind. “Mia, may I have a word with you . . . privately?”

  “Nora?” Adam’s tone suggests a warning and I feel his body tense. Suddenly I want a moment with her privately. I want to hear what she has to say.

  “Sure. We can go into Adam’s office.” I watch her tall, curvy body turn abruptly and start down the hallway toward his office. My step falters the moment I realize that she didn’t ask or even wait for me to lead the way; she knows where his office is. Oh, fuck! I bet she knows where his bedroom is, too. My brain goes into overdrive thinking that he’s lied to me and he has slept with her. In an instant, I’m on the defense.

  She opens the door and steps back, waiting for me to enter. Hold up, bitch! This is my territory. “Please have a seat,” I suggest. I want to have the upper hand so I’ll stand. Thank you very much. “That won’t be necessary,” she says.

  “I owe you an apology and I don’t give them often.” Huh? Oh God, she has slept with him. She’s going to go on and tell me that it was a mistake and that’s she’s sorry. I just know it.

  “Okay . . .”

  “I thought you were like all the others.” The others? Her words remind me of Gina’s.

  “Excuse me?” I know what my face looks like. I know I look like a pissed off bitch.

  “I’m sorry.” She composes herself. “That came out wrong. I meant the others before you.”

  “Oh.” I have no other response so I wait for her to continue.

  “I didn’t realize how serious he was about you. He was so distracted all the time. I thought you were like the others—a convenient distraction from life.”

  “I love him.”

  “I can see that.” She smiles. “He was right that day to storm out of the meeting when you called with a flat. He showed me the huge gash in the tire. He told me the bolts were loosened, too. I knew then that you were the real deal. I tried to warn him off. I told him not to get involved with you until this was over, but he wouldn’t listen.”

  She continues. “I know I came off as rude and harsh when you answered his phone that day and I just wanted to apologize for that. I will do everything in my power to keep you and those kids safe until Chris DeGennaro is locked away for good. You have my word.”

  “Thank you.”

  ***

  AFTER EVERYONE IS gone or asleep, I start cleaning up the kitchen when Adam comes in. He wraps his arms around me, and insists that I leave it, saying that he’ll take care of the dishes in the morning.

  He’s unusually quiet on the walk upstairs to his bedroom. I quickly undress, get into my very unsexy flannel pajamas and brush my teeth. I look in the mirror and see Adam standing there leaning against the door frame with trepidation across his handsome face. He needs to stop worrying so much. “What?” I ask, spitting into the sink. “Am I in your way? I can move over.”

  “No, you’re fine where you are.”

  “Okay. What’s the matter then?”

  I am met with dark eyes staring at me. There’s some emotion, but I can’t figure it out. Regret? Worry? Fear? “What did Nora have to say?” I register immediately that this look is definitely one of fear. He’s afraid of what she’s told me. After the day I’ve had, I think I’ll have fun with this one.

  “She told me what happened between the two of you.” I use the hand towel to wipe my face to conceal my amused lips as I try to keep a straight face through my lie. I wait for him to throw his arms up in the air and shout and call me a liar, but he doesn’t. He just stares at me. I guess the joke is on me.

  “Adam?” His serious stare tells me that he knows that I know. Something happened between them and he lied to me about it.

  “What exactly did she tell you about that night?” He looks defeated, his broad shoulders slump forward. How can we build a relationship if he lies to me? Panic courses through my body as I think of all the late night calls he’s gotten over the past few months. All the times I texted him and he didn’t respond right away. My insecurity wants to shout that he wasn’t at work looking at properties or working on the investigation; he was probably in New York fucking some random woman at Devin’s club. The sensible side knows the truth. Adam loves me.

  “Why don’t you tell me?” I snap, taking the steps to move past him. I feel my blood start to boil.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I’m sorry I lied.”

  “Go on.” I shake my head in disbelief as insecurity takes the forefront and step back when his hand reaches out to touch me. I lean against the granite vanity and listen.

  “I was at a club with some friends and she was there, wearing a really short dress, staring me like she wanted to devour me. At first, I wasn’t interested. She wasn’t my type, but eventually I sent a drink over and she declined, telling the bartender that I should bring the drink over myself.”

  Nausea rumbles through my stomach. I know I’m not going to like the rest of this story.

  “After I finished my third glass of scotch, I made my way over to bring her a glass of wine. She hadn’t moved and was still showing interest. I introduced myself and tried to seduce her. By the time I finished my fourth, I was pretty drunk. I dragged her onto the dance floor, grabbed her ass and tried to kiss her. She pulled away but suggested that we go somewhere more comfortable. I thought for sure I was getting laid.” He laughs without humor.

  I narrow my eyes at his words.

  “Sorry.” He shakes his head to clear his train of thought and continues. “She offered to drive since I was drunk and clearly way over the limit. We ended up at a cheap motel a few towns over where Charles was waiting for us.”

  I can’t speak. I won’t be responsible for what I say. “You had a threesome with Nora and Charles? Oh my God! That’s disgusting.
”

  “No! Fuck, no! What are you talking about?”

  “What happened at the motel, Adam?” I demand now that I’m seething.

  “Nothing! I passed out. Charles made me drink a shitload of coffee until I was sober. The next morning, after learning the truth about the man I’d called my friend for so many years, I was on board with the investigation. I didn’t really have a choice.”

  “Where did Nora go? She didn’t stay there?”

  “I don’t know where she went. She left as soon as we got there. I had a serious case of blue balls.”

  My head is spinning from his revelation. He grabbed her ass and tried to seduce her.

  “Mia. Please don’t be mad. I was drunk and it was before I knew you.”

  He has a point, but I’m mad because he lied to me about it. The bigger issue right now is how to confess that she didn’t tell me anything about that night. How can I tell him that I just lied to him? Way to go, Mia!

  “Whatever. I’m going to bed. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I lie once again just so I don’t have to admit the truth of what she told me. It’s easier to blame him, to make him out to be the bad guy than to accept my own idiocy.

  I turn off the light as I crawl into bed, staying close to the edge and far away from him. I hear him shed his clothes, opting to sleep naked as he does every night.

  “Please let me hold you. It’s been a shitty day and I need you.”

  I don’t answer nor do I move.

  I feel the bed dip in the middle as he slides over to my side, spooning his warm body against mine, his semi-erect length at my backside. My resolve starts to weaken when his fingers stroke my hair and he kisses my neck. “I’m sorry.”

  I swallow hard before I speak. He was wrong for not telling me everything about Nora, but I’m wrong too for misleading him.

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  His lips freeze on my neck. “Why are you sorry?”

  “I should’ve told you about all the things that were happening lately . . .”

  “And?” Dammit! How does he know there’s an “and” coming?

  I inhale deeply before spewing the words out all in one breath, “And for making you think Nora told me about how you met when all she really did was apologize for being rude to me on the phone.” I hold my breath and wait for his wrath.

  He doesn’t move. He doesn’t speak.

  “Adam?” I squeak.

  “Mia?” My name is drawn out slowly.

  “What are you thinking . . . Ahhhhhh.” His fingers dig into my hipbone.

  “You lied to me?” He chides, but there’s a hint of amusement in his voice as he moves quickly to straddle me.

  “Yes, but you lied first.” I counter, wrapping my hands around his wrist to prevent further assault.

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right, Mia.”

  Without warning, both of my hands are seized and raised above my head, held in place by one of his as the other lowers and attacks my waist, tickling me relentlessly. My body writhes, my legs kick, my hips buck as I make a desperate attempt to free myself. It’s all in vain. He’s too heavy and the weight of that rock solid body has got me pinned to the bed with no way to escape.

  “Stop! Stop! I hate being tickled!”

  But he doesn’t stop; his hands only lower to my hipbone.

  “Are you going to lie to me again?” His face lowers to mine, our noses almost touching and his voice is seductive.

  “No! I swear I won’t.” I laugh, knowing that if I ever have to lie to him, I’ll make damn sure he never finds out. This is torture.

  “Fine.” It’s dark in the room, but I’m sure if I switch on the nightlight, Adam would be smirking at me. He lets out a deep sigh and rolls off me, landing diagonally on the bed and I miss the contact instantly.

  I’m tucked into the crook of his arm with my body flush against his and I fall fast asleep. If he had any other plans for the night, they’re quashed. This girl is exhausted.

  ***

  “MIA.” I HEAR him call my name as it occurs to him what I’m about to do. His morning erection is firm between my fist as I make long, even strokes. My mouth sucks him in while my tongue licks and circles the swollen head. I feel him twitch with pleasure and I smile. I love knowing that I can do this to him. For him.

  “Mmmm . . . just like that.” His hands reach down and guide my head, pushing for deeper contact while his hips thrust upward. Is he trying to choke me? I gag. He chuckles. I pull my mouth from his glistening tip with a loud pop and order him to remove his hands, warning him that I am in control of this. He smiles and props himself up with his hands safely secured behind his head to watch what I continue to do.

  He doesn’t listen very well; at the moment of climax, he fists my hair, holding me in place so that I have no choice but to take everything he’s got.

  Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I crawl up his body. What I find looking back at me is a love, adoration, need and desire.

  “Damn, woman, what was that for?” He smiles lazily.

  “I owed you . . .” I grin.

  “You owed me?”

  “Yes, for lying about Nora.” My eyes open like saucers, stating the obvious.

  “Well, in that case . . .” He flips me over so that I’m beneath him. He slides down my body, pulling my pajamas bottoms off before settling himself between my legs. “I guess I owe you, too.” A delicious moan escapes when I close my eyes and toss my head back in sheer pleasure.

  Like always, Adam Lawson pays his debt and then some.

  THE NEXT FEW days fly by, leaving me frazzled and harried. There are so many last minute things to do before Christmas and now that schools have been reopened, it’s a madhouse. The kids don’t want to be there and neither do the teachers. We do what’s necessary to keep everyone happy and in the holiday spirit. Our days at school are filled with holiday activities from constructing gingerbread houses with graham crackers to singing to the old folks at the nursing home across the street from the school. Adam decides to “chaperone” that trip since I’m not allowed to go anywhere without security, and we don’t want to raise questions about the tall, black guy who is constantly hanging around. Special Agent Jeremiah Burke is a gigantic dude; I thought they’d send someone less conspicuous. Maddie says he looks like Cobra Bubbles from the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch.

  There has been no sign of Chris or his thug, gangster friends around town and for that I am grateful. I don’t want my first Christmas with Adam and the kids to be tainted by him. His family has already ruined so many Christmases for me.

  Adam brings the kids to their grandparents’ house the weekend before Christmas because they are leaving for Florida on the morning of Christmas Eve. Apparently they spend every Christmas working at a homeless shelter, welcoming and offering hope of God’s love and salvation to those who need it most. They plan on staying there for the rest of winter and won’t be returning until after Memorial Day.

  Jeremiah, who insists that I call him J, is a trooper. He accompanies Shelby and me as we have our girls’ day of shopping and a stop at the nail salon for manicures and pedicures before ending our day with a late lunch. J sits in the dark sedan while we eat at the Cheesecake Factory. His only request is that we sit near the window so he can keep an eye on me. What can I say? It’s a simple enough request. “All part of the job, Mia” is what he simply says when I ask him if he gets bored waiting for me all the time. I feel badly for him; I’m sure he’d rather be doing something more exciting than monitoring my every move. It’s one of the coldest days we’ve had so I bring him slices of cheesecake, Snickers and peppermint bark, as a way of thanking him.

  ***

  ON CHRISTMAS EVE, we attend a candlelight service at the Longo’s church. The soft glow of candles offers a peacefulness and sense of serenity in the midst of the craziness that is our lives. I know Adam isn’t a religious man, but I wanted to share this night with him and the kids. Maddie sits on my lap and watche
s with wide eyes as the living Nativity scene comes into view. She is mesmerized by the animals and majesty of it all. I follow Luke’s line of sight and find him staring at the dark blue cloth draped as the night sky with hundreds of white stars dotted across it. His eyes are set on the North Star and he looks just like his father who is deep in thought, squeezing my hand subtly every few minutes.

  In the church basement, we enjoy refreshments while Christmas greetings and good cheer are spread throughout. Adam is intercepted by a few familiar faces of some mothers from school. He smiles back warmly and wishes them a Merry Christmas. I chuckle to myself and think that even in the house of God these women can’t contain their lust. They can’t help themselves as they bite their bottom lips or stand tall to push their boobs up, putting them on display for him.

  “What’s so funny?” he asks.

  “Nothing.” I smile and kiss his jaw just below his earlobe. “I’m just glad you’re mine. I would hate to want what I can’t have.” I kiss him again.

  “Baby, that feeling is completely mutual.” With those dark eyes on me, he lifts our laced fingers and kisses my hand sweetly.

  In bed that night, he must have had a sense of still being in church or something because instead of the rough, wild sex that we’ve become so accustomed to, he takes things slowly. His strong arms bear the weight of his body on top of mine as he enters me. He fills each touch and thrust with incredible passion never making the move to turn me over onto my knees.

  He finds his release shortly after I find mine, sending sparks and electricity from my head to my toes. His words are whispered in my ear as he slows his pace, working himself back down with slow thrusts. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

  ***

  THE SOUND OF little feet running down the hall toward our closed door awakens me. Adam’s body is tangled with mine; his heavy leg is over mine and his hand rests on my naked breast. His fingers start a slow circle around my nipple, causing them to bud and harden. “Stop that!” I whisper, knowing damn well I don’t want him to stop. “The kids are awake.” Of course Maddie and Luke wake up before the sun comes out on Christmas morning, typical of seven year olds, excited to see what Santa brought for them.