by B. Buechter
Eva bit her lip and pulled her hand away from Jake. But these scars are my weakness. She tried to bend her legs, but the pain from the wound felt like lightning. Part of her wanted to ignore Jake for the remainder of the day, but she could not leave her bed. There was no way to get away from him if he chose to stay. Instead, she crossed her arms and kept her eyes glued to the shelf near her feet.
“You know about my time before becoming The Wanderer?” she asked.
Jake almost didn’t pick up the inflection on her voice. “Yes.”
“Then you can understand why I will never set foot in another compound again,” she started. “Because it would be suicide.”
“The Nomads told me about a man from the Vault,” Jake quickly spouted his thought. “They believe it could be my father. In a Gang across the forest.”
“Yeah,” Eva sighed. “I know. And I know which Gang too.”
“Wait… You knew?” Tommy entered the room when he heard his brother raise his voice. “You knew all this time and you didn’t tell us?”
“You think I would have risked my life if I could have just pointed you in the direction of your father when you told me about him? You really think I would have allowed myself to be shot in the leg, multiple times, if I could have simply told you?”
Eva pointed her finger in the direction of the forest. Tommy walked over and punched his brother. He bore a stern look on his face.
“So how did you find out then?”
“After I rescued Tommy. I stayed behind and heard the Gang speaking about a man from ‘the hills’. It was the Wolves. They have him, most likely.”
“What are we waiting for then?” Jake stood up but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the look on Eva’s face.
“Do you even remember what you said to me at the Nomad campsite?” She completely ignored the fact that Jake had forgotten about her leg. “That you would not argue with my choices. Did you actually mean that or did you drink too much of their booze?”
The room went completely silent. Whistling from the late-summer wind coming into Eva’s home was the only thing that broke through the tension. Jake scolded himself. Tommy just stared at his brother, shaking his head. Eva remained steadfast in her words.
“Please Eva.” Jake fought back tears.Tommy’s eyes were glittering as well. “He is the only family that Tommy and I have left. We won’t survive without you either.”
Eva closed her eyes and tilted her head to the ceiling. She decided not to argue in her current state. “Can I at least heal before I make any stupid decisions to get myself killed again?”
Jake was not unhappy with the response and did not dare press for more. He thanked her and shuffled into the other room, returning with a plate of food from the night before. Eva’s mouth immediately started salivating. She did not realize she had gone five days with little food and water. Tommy saved some of the water from the well each day in a large jug for Eva to drink. And by the fifth day, the jug was nearly full. Watching Tommy slop water onto the floor, struggling to bring it into the room made Eva laugh.
“Thank you,” she chuckled. “Y’know, I’d almost prefer if your brother was as quiet as you.”
Jake scowled at them. He helped his brother pour some water into a cup for her. She nodded in thanks and scarfed down the food, not taking notice in the taste or temperature, she was starving. Once she was done, she grabbed her stomach and dropped her plate on the floor.
“That wasn’t bad,” she burped. “I need to clean this wound and the rest of my body. So you two need to leave.”
“Do you need any help with your leg?” Jake offered.
Eva shook her head and pointed to the other room. Jake threw his arms up in the air and stomped out of the room behind Tommy, mumbling something about ‘trying to help’. As soon as she lost sight of them, she poured the remainder of the jug into a basin that she pulled out from under her bed. With a cloth near her bed, she began to wipe the sweat off of her body. She carefully removed her clothing, glancing at the doorway to make sure no one was looking in. When she reached her pants, she took a few deep and quivery breaths before removing her bandaging. The Healer had not changed the dressing as often as she should have. The dried blood stuck to the wrappings and tore at her sensitive skin.
Stupid idiot, she mouthed as she slowly tried separating the scabbing from the cloth. With each inch, she tore a bit of dead skin off with the dressing, gritting her teeth in agony. A few minutes went by and she was finally able to remove everything, including her pants. Everything was torn or stained with blood, so she tossed it in a heap near the door. Luckily, she had a spare outfit on her shelf near the door. It took quite a bit of effort and suppressed screams for her to stand. Dizziness swept over her for a moment, but she was able to stand and wash her lower half. As she turned to face the wall Jake decided to check on her. He wanted to make sure she was all right after he heard her struggling to stand.
What started out as just a passing glance became fixation of horror. The room was bright enough for him to see her past, carved in her back and upper legs. Deep indentations stretched the length of her back, though few in number, were much more visible than those on her chest. They resembled claw marks, but did not look like they came from any animal that Jake ever read about. Just as she was about to turn around, he flattened himself against the wall.
Wow. That was the only word he could find to describe what he just saw. He slowly sunk to the floor and ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t sure if he could ever look at Eva the same way again. Even after seeing half-rotten bodies at the Post, bodies of The Wanderer’s victims, and Nomads massacred in front of him, nothing compared to what he witnessed. It was real to him now. The realization that no one, not even a warrior like Eva, was left completely unscathed by the Gangs. From the other side of the room Tommy was reading something and paid him no attention.
Eva did not notice Jake in the doorway. But as she limped over to the other side of the room, she saw him sitting against the wall. He stared at nothing. She knew he had seen something - his face was sheet white. Fighting the urge to say something snarky to him, she chose to bite her tongue and acted as if she had not looked over at all. Truthfully, she did not want to ask him what he saw. And Jake, who could feel her eyes over his shoulder, hoped that she would never ask.
After she had finished getting dressed, Eva allowed them back into the room. She had redressed her injury. The smell of the open wound lingered ripe in the air. She sat on the bed with the newspaper that Tommy had discovered in the city in her hands. When the brothers noticed this, their eyes lit up. Both made a seat nearby as she read.
Bombings Reach The United States
This news outlet will continue to report on current events as long as possible. The United States and countless other countries have launched their entire nuclear arsenal at nearly every other country around the world. Washington DC is completely decimated. The West Coast has been leveled. Smaller cities, like St. Louis, have only been hit with smaller missiles. Survivors flock to vaults around the Midwest, but they are filling fast. Only those who have proper Tags will be granted entry.
The World War of Cleansing began on July 4th, after the US declared war on “Inferior countries.” This launched a week-long attack on the United States. Final reports from European and Asian News Outlets state that “Allies to the US have been dealt with.” The U.S. and our allies returned fire on enemy countries prior to losing contact with the arsenals.
The President remains in an undisclosed location, and all remaining news outlets have since lost contact with him and his family. The final Casualty Count that we were able to obtain is just under 6 billion.
Midwest News has confirmed that more missiles were spotted over Chicago. Some survivors say that St. Louis, Cleveland, Denver, and other Midwest cities are likely targets. God help us.
Eva dropped the newspaper into her lap and stared blankly at the wall. Jake and Tommy were silent. The whole room was still. Her eyes burned as
she went to rub them. The last three words of the article lingered in the air like a thick fog. None of them knew who “God” was, but Eva had an idea. When Jake went to open his mouth, Eva was already struggling to stand up. Her eyes locked onto a metal box in the other room.
“So who is this God?” he asked.
“I’ll show you who I think it may be,” she replied.
With some effort, she limped back to her bed and cried out in pain as she fell into the thick blankets. She did not lift her leg up high enough to avoid her boot and tripped over it. Jake jerked his arms out to help her, but was too slow. Tommy had to nearly jump out of his seat to avoid being sat on.
Eva apologized. “Sorry Tommy.”
Carried softly in her hands was a small wooden box, about the size of her palms. The wood itself was extremely aged. Splintered sides curved up to a top that had been warped by water. As she opened it, the rusted latch creaked and strained. Tommy and Jake lifted their heads and hovered over her to get a better look at the box’s contents.
“I found these in a few buildings across the city,” she explained. “A long time ago.”
Inside, there were about a dozen figurines of varying sizes. No two looked the same, but all of them bore similar features. Halos made from rays of light carved into the back of most of the figure’s heads and the positioning of their hand gestures were all similar. Some were men, others were women. Some fat, some thin. Each one of them shared the same feeling of ‘otherworldliness’.
“Did they worship these people?” Jake took one in his hands and inspected it closely.
“Yeah, during the Old Times,” Eva caressed one with her fingertips. “Not anymore, though. But I think at least one of these things is God… Maybe… Ancestors of survivors wouldn’t have asked an ordinary person to ‘save’ them. The Elders told stories about Old Time religions and worshipping deities like the Nomads do. But instead of animals, it was these things. Religion is all but lost here.”
“We studied religions while in the Vault.” He finally knew something that Eva did not and paused with a smirk. He wanted to relish it.
After a moment of silence, she raised her eyebrows and made a circular motion with her hand to quicken his speech. “Go on.”
“As you mentioned, it is similar to the worship of the Nomads with their animal guardians. But instead of animals, many people in the Old Times believed in human-like deities. The one that oversees them has no form, but he is called God or goes by some other name. People talk to him or her before going to bed at night. They would ask their god for things or safety. That’s about all I know. Do any religious stories get passed down here?”
“No.” Eva tossed the figure in her hand back in the box. “From what I’ve read, just about everyone believed their god left them to die… And I have found religious tablets and plaques, but they don’t make sense to me.”
Tommy had grabbed the figure that looked different than all of the others. Wooden in nature, this statuette did not have a halo like the rest. Instead, on the crown of his head was a circular flame over short and curly hair. His eyes were horizontal slits. Most of the other figures were standing tall, clad in extravagant gold and purple robes, with remnants of the paint still flecked on them. But his figure only had one shoulder covered with a simple, yellow garment and he was seated with his hands placed calmly in his lap.
“That one is my favorite too,” Eva glanced over at him. “He doesn’t look like God, or whatever. He looks like a calm and simple person. Like you. Maybe he can be your deity.”
Tommy smiled and shook his head. He pointed at the other figures and continued shaking his head as his finger pointed back at his statue.
“He doesn’t think that one is a god,” Jake chuckled. “He probably isn’t. He doesn’t look much different than any of us.”
“He looks calm,” Eva corrected, laughing and wincing. “Which is better off than any of us.”
“We have to be more like him then,” Jake looked over his brother’s shoulder. “I say we name him.”
“Name him whatever you want.” She rolled her eyes and handed the box to Jake. Her leg was starting to make her extremely uncomfortable. They both knew that she would not be leaving the house anytime soon. Even if she did decide to go after Jake and Tommy’s father, they would have to wait a while.
Dusk came swiftly for them. Eva smelled the food being cooked from down the street and her stomach began to rumble. Tommy and Jake both left for the food hall, but only Jake returned to Eva’s home with her plate. He explained that Tommy wanted to sit with the Weapon-Makers family. It was the first meal in a while that Eva did not sit alone, but Jake insisted.
“Look,” he swallowed hard. “I don’t know what was going to happen in the Nomad camp between us. You know…”
“Okay?” Eva raised an eyebrow. “What of it?”
“Well I wanted to know how you felt about me. I mean obviously you had to feel something in order to… want to… you know… kiss me…”
She paused. Her face felt white hot. Desperate to change the subject, her eyes darted around the room for something else to talk about. Literally, anything else. She cleared her throat and avoided Jake’s gaze. When she realized that she wasn’t getting out of a response, she slammed her plate right on her lap. Big mistake. Pain shot up her back from her injured thigh, making her head swim. She cursed loudly and threw the plate across the room. Jake dodged it. He stood up, pushing his dish to the side.
“Will you open up to me for one second.” He threw his hands in the air. “Shit Eva. Give me the courtesy. You are so cold all of the time. And then you try and kiss me. What the heck? How the shit am I supposed to interpret that?”
“I don’t know okay,” Eva whispered loudly. Admittedly, she was stunned at the anger in Jake’s voice. This was the first time she witnessed him raise his voice. “I don’t know how I feel about you. Some days, I just want to kill you. On other days, I like you. I care.”
“Well I care about you too, Eva,” Jake spat. “A lot. I want to protect you even though I know you can protect yourself. Shit… I can’t even protect myself. But I want to be there for you… Or at least with you.”
“It’s just that… I don’t exactly know how it feels to be cared for, Jake. By anyone. My parents died so long ago. I can’t remember. I’ve only ever looked out for myself. Cared about myself. But I also don’t want to fall for anyone. I cannot bring myself to do that. If I acted on my feelings and something happened to you, I would never forgive myself. I would -.”
Jakes lips were already on hers. Acting out of instinct. She closed her eyes and a single tear fell down to her neck. His soft hand caressed her cheek as their lips continued to dance for a moment. When they both had realized what was happening, they pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” he bit his lip and ran his thumb across his other fingers.
“Don’t be,” Eva looked away. “But you must understand. People die all the time out here. There isn’t much of a place or time for affection. Especially when you risk your life every day. I was given the mark of the lioness after all. If I care too much, it could be the death of me.”
She tried to be lighthearted. And yet, the air was still awkward. Jake would cough and glance over at Eva who faced the foot of her bed, arms crossed. She would look up at him, only to see him then jerk his head towards the door. It was only when she went to clean up their dishes and splattered food scraps that he spoke up.
“You rest,” he said holding his hand out. “And I’m sorry by the way. I don’t really know what it’s like out here. I may not be able to understand why you do the things you do, I can’t really change that. I can’t change you.”
She wasn’t sure how to take his tone in the last sentence. He had spoken so rushed, it sounded wooden. The pit of her stomach twisted into a knot. Faking a half-smile, she nodded in agreement and watched him leave her home, closing the door behind him. As his footsteps faded from hearing, she let out a loud sigh.
“What is wrong with you Eva?” she scolded herself. “If you show affection, you show weakness. If one of the Gangs had seen that display…”
But I do care about him. Her mind was torn. I care about Tommy too, but… I dunno… differently.
“You can’t have that happen again,” she whispered to herself and shut her eyes tight. “Not again.”
You owe them enough to help find their dad. Eva fought the thought. Honestly, they were not ready to be on their own, let alone, infiltrate a compound and come out alive. No one had done it before. But she was unsure whether she could relive any part of her past. The nightmares still had not ceased completely even though the other symptoms had subsided in previous years.
As her mind drifted back to the first days inside the Serpent’s Nest, years ago, her chest tightened. She grabbed her shirt and breathed heavily, trying to calm herself. The longer she could not regain control, the more anxious she became. Flashbacks jolted her heart like lightning. Her vision narrowed. The room felt smaller by the second. She tried standing up. Searing pain from her leg just intensified the images. Whips made of rope with metal claws ripping into her back. Laying naked on the frozen stone floor of a small cell, staring at the shadow of a man at the door. Dead eyes of children at the feet of men and women with guns. The little Nomad girl who fought to stay alive while Tommy held her. Through every flashback, a looming and hooded creature stood in the background. She had forgotten the intensity of the trauma but would never forget the attempts to end her own life. The scars may have blended with her skin, but they were freshly opened in her brain.
Jake’s quick action may have saved Eva’s life in that moment. Suffocating on her own terror, she did not see him grab the knife from her hand. She could not even recall grabbing it in the first place. An imprint of the handle embedded deep in her palm. The pure shock of another person’s touch had been enough to force her back into reality. A few moments passed, and her breathing became steady. Her vision cleared and she was able to speak.
“Jake.” Genuine gratitude displayed on her face by a few tears. “Thank you.”