Purpose (The Wanderer Trilogy Book 1)

by B. Buechter

  “I love Jake,” Tommy continued rubbing the back of his neck and wrapping his finger around his locks of hair. “He just can’t understand me. You’re more like me, I think.”

  Eva smiled. She put a hand on the boy’s bony shoulder. “Well Tommy, not all brothers and sisters can be the same. Or even similar, for that matter. Everyone is different. And your mother’s murder affected Jake differently than you.”

  “Mhmm,” he agreed. “When my mom died, I just stopped saying anything. Jake always talked for me. He never asked why I stopped talking, just helped be my voice.”

  “Why did you stop? I mean, other than not having anything to say.”

  “I was scared. My dad left before I could remember. I sort of remember my mom, but I really really remember what she looked like when she was dead. It made me scared. I have bad dreams about it. Jake tries to make me feel better, but he can’t make her go away.”

  “Are you scared of dying too?”

  “I dunno… maybe. But when I saw you that night. In the storm? My brain told me that you were scared and lonely too. Jake always shows when he is scared. But you are strong all the time. Even when you are scared. That was why I wanted to go with you. I wanted to be strong just like you.”

  Eva was at a loss for words. Be strong just like you. Never in her life had anyone told her something so honest and loving. The innocence of his face and the sincerity of his voice was enough to make her cry.

  “Tommy,” she choked. “Thank you. But you are a strong kid. And we both see how strong of a man you will become. One thing I learned, being alone for most of my life, is that strength will never be found outside yourself. It has been in you all this time.”

  He smiled and hugged her around the neck. Jake returned from the fire glowing in the parking lot and his chest puffed out in pride. Eva laughed as he deflated.

  “What?” he said smiling. “I started a fire.”

  “Proud of you Jake,” she said sarcastically. “We are both so happy for you.”

  “I mean it helps that this fire-starter-thing works every time,” he mentioned. “It’s really easy to use.”

  She pointed to her bag. “I have a few of them. Got them in an old store. No one had even touched them and I can’t figure out why.”

  Jake shrugged. He held up three rabbits. “So I have one for each of us. And before you say anything snarky or mean, I learned how to hunt with the Western Rovers.”

  “And I learned how to get them ready to eat!” Tommy snatched them from his brother’s hands and ran outside, laying them on the hood of an old car, and starting to prepare them for cooking.

  “That kid is something else.” Jake laughed and rested next to Eva. “His voice is so different than I would’ve guessed.”

  “He hasn’t said a word in five years,” Eva said. “Now the floodgates have opened… And yeah, he is a special kid.”

  “How is your foot?” Jake backtracked. “Feet.”

  “Fine. Now that I’m not walking on them. But I have a feeling that I am going to be laid up until winter.”

  “Are the winters bad out here?”

  “Depends. We get snow. And sometimes it’s a lot and lasts for weeks. But the ice is worse. Much, much worse.”

  “Then we will have to prepare.”

  “We will. And I will do my part.”

  Jake turned to look at Eva and rolled his eyes in front of her face. “You are going to stay here until you heal. And quit being so stubborn about it.”

  “I am not arguing with you about this again. And I won’t quit being stubborn. The Wanderer is not one to sit and do nothing all day.”

  He sighed loudly and made her swear that she would rest for a week at minimum. At least the newest cuts would be healed by that time. She reluctantly agreed.

  “You know something Jake McAvoy?” Eva snorted. “I love you and I hate you at the same time and it is so damn frustrating.”

  “Me?” As he exited the room, he threw his arms up and chuckled. “How do you think I feel dealing with you? Gotta get used to me because you are stuck.”

  Eva shooed him out of the room to help his brother cook. She watched them from the comfort of her makeshift bed while they worked. It was well past midnight before they had eaten and retired for the evening. Tommy, as usual, had fallen asleep first. Now, Eva understood why Jake waited up for a while every night. He was protecting his brother from the nightmares of their dead mother.

  “You and your brother dealt with a lot growing up,” Eva murmured through the darkness. She could feel Jake’s eyes on her. “Even though your basic needs were met in the Vault.”

  “True,” he replied. “But nothing compares to what you went through in the compounds. The torture. It’s a surprise that you decided to trust anyone at this point.”

  She heard him sliding closer to her so they would not wake Tommy. “Let’s not make comparisons here. All I am trying to do is give you a damn compliment.”

  “Well thanks,” he said. His voice was much closer to her.

  “Yeah, Tommy told me about your mother’s death a little. Well… about his nightmares.”

  “They don’t happen as often as they used to. But I still want to make sure he is okay.”

  “You’re a good brother. But sometimes your jealousy of him obscures that.”

  “How can I not be jealous? He picks up this survival shit like it is no big deal. I would kill to have that ability.”

  “That’s just it Jake. You shouldn’t worry so much about him. Shit, you killed someone. He hasn’t done that yet.”

  “Still pure in that respect.”

  “That will change at some point. And you will change too.”

  “All of us have done a lot of changing lately.”

  Jake paused for a moment. So long, that Eva had thought he had fallen asleep, until she heard rustling near where Tommy lay. In her hands, all of a sudden, was the leathery cover of a book and a pencil. Her brow furrowed as she studied it with her hands like she was blind.

  “I found it for you when I was gathering wood,” Jake whispered. She could hear the grin on his face. “And it’s completely empty. When the Tigers destroyed your home, I suppose they took your old one with them.”

  Eva wiped away an invisible tear. “Actually, I burned the other one. When I left you both with the Warriors… I was… so mad. I was trying to start over.”

  Another pause.

  “I understand. Regardless, I knew you needed a new one. Maybe start over in this one? Write a new beginning?”

  “Sounds nice. I’d like that.”

  Eva felt Jake’s fingers interlace with hers. She yawned and drifted into sleep before either of them uttered another word. A cool draft from the windows caressed their hands but did not erase the warmth hidden between them.

  ***

  Dawn broke through the Old Time Hotel and awakened Eva before the others. Her and Jake’s hand had come undone sometime during their slumber. They both knew that this was neither the time nor place to let their affections run wild. However, that didn’t mean they could not express their fondness at all. She carefully sat up and studied her wounds for a few moments. Pressing against the bottom of both feet as hard as she could, she wanted to see whether her body would allow her a walk. When the pain was noticeably lessened, she grabbed her crutch, dressed herself, holstered her weapons, and rose to her feet.

  Stiffness of her limbs prevented Eva from bending her knees for the first few steps. As she dressed in her gear, she turned to see both McAvoy brothers deep in their dreams. It was peaceful to watch, but she needed to heal as fast as possible. Knowing Jake, he would never allow her to venture out in her current condition. Winter was fast approaching, and the Gangs could attack at any moment. Every minute wasted was dangerous. She had to be ready.

  The notebook that Jake had given her was still near her pillow. The pencil was waiting to be used and the pages beckoned for Eva to sit and write her tale. There were so many things rushing through her
mind. Should she start with when she left Jake and Tommy? Or perhaps when the Rovers banished her? No. She had to start with last night, and the freedom and peace that leaving had given her. And at the very least, she had to leave the boys a note.

  Noiselessly, she hobbled over to her bedside and picked up the journal. It was undoubtedly from the Old Times but looked brand new. Its pages were not yet filed with stains and did not crackle when opened. She picked up the pencil and leaned in towards the morning sunbeams to begin her letter.

  The only way I can heal these wounds before winter is if I push myself. You probably won’t agree, but I’m going anyway. Will be back in a couple hours. -Eva

  Ripping the page from its bindings seemed like the single loudest thing she had ever heard. Her eyes darted from the book to Jake. In her old journal, the papers would fall out if you shut it too hard. But this parchment was crisp and firmly attached to the spine. Her tongue stuck out the corner of her mouth in concentration while tearing the page as slowly as she could.

  Come on you stupid thing. The final bit finally separated from the binding and she was out the door. When she reached the parking lot, the pain in her legs had dissipated. Trees that had grown through the broken pavement boasted shades of red, orange, and brown. Smaller shrubberies were bare or still clinging to the residue of summer. Cold winds from the street seemed to go right through her body, carrying with it, a scent of what was to come. Autumn had always been Eva’s favorite season. As a young girl, it had taught her that the end to some things were beautiful. Death was not to be feared.

  There was no particular reason for her walk around the block other than to build strength. Jake and Tommy would worry about her when they woke, but she would go crazy staying in the stuffiness of a hotel room for weeks. This was the time where she could be alone with her thoughts. And some of these reveries would never be written in the pages of her journal.

  A short breather before the next plunge, she reasoned. We can make it deeper into the city. Find a place to stay, gather the basics, and perhaps last until winter. If we don’t make it, well, the Nomads will find us. But maybe they will say the same of me, calling me a demon, forcing me into exile. They have not been hostile and hateful to me before, but I’m not sure if I can trust anyone except Tommy and Jake now.

  The word trust embedded itself deep in her mind. Had it been misplaced all the time? Was the innocence of these two strangers from the vault enough to take her trust? What if they broke it? Thoughts like these were the reason that Eva had been alone for so long. Betrayal was in her veins. It had always been.

  Paranoia does horrible things to you Eva, she reasoned. It will be what gets you killed. Keeps you off your game. Keeps you from being the best. Once you heal, you will be better than you have ever been.

  “As soon as they learn to be like you, they will betray you too. Leave you for dead. You will be used as a human shield. When you find their father, they will not think twice about you. End them before they end you.” The Hooded Figure with her face and voice mocked from the window of an old building. Eva limped quickly past the effigy with a shaky exhale.

  As she rounded the corner to the next block, she noticed an abandoned garden. It's only inhabitants were rabbits, squirrels, and birds. Upon closer inspection, she saw fresh vegetables were growing right underneath the soil. Plucking the first bunch of leaves, carrots. Second bunch, Potatoes. Third, an onion. She harvested as much food as her pockets could handle. They were bursting at the seams when she made her way back to the hotel.

  Jake had woken up just as Eva left. He spotted the note in her place and decided to wait for a few minutes to see if she returned. When she had not come back after a half hour, he decided to venture out to find her. But before he could tie his boots, she appeared in the doorway bearing food.

  “See?” she commented while Jake opened his mouth to argue. “I can be useful even in my current state.”

  His eyes darted to her pockets as she emptied them on the floor at his feet. Again, his worry was misplaced. Tommy sat up and rubbed his face, yawning. When he noticed the pile of vegetables at the end of his bed, his face lit up. He adored cooking.

  “You need to realize that I have done this before I met you,” Eva said to Jake. “I just wish you would see that. I am begging you to stop worrying about me going out alone. It’s not like I won’t come back. And the look on your face tells me you want to start an argument. But you don’t get it. I don’t want to change my independence. That is a feature that I actually like about myself.”

  Jake crossed his arms and tapped his foot. “Then you do not need us?”

  “No, I don’t need you,” Eva mirrored him. “I want you both here. Why don’t you get that?”

  “I’m not sure Eva. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re injured and don’t want our help. That’s what family is supposed to do. Help each other when they’re hurt.”

  “I do not need someone freaking out when I disappear for a while, though.”

  “You need to rely on us Eva. A little bit, at least.”

  “But I’m not completely useless. I have walked these streets countless times. Shit, I scavenged here as a child. And that was all before the Serpents kidnapped me. Just because I’m hurt does not mean I am helpless.”

  “Shut it,” Tommy said with armfuls of the vegetables. “Both of you. Jake - If Eva wants alone time, leave her alone. She’s better than us.”

  Jake huffed, murmured something under his breath, and walked out the door and down the street. Tommy shrugged and dropped the vegetables back on the floor, running after his brother. Eva returned to her bed to write and rest for the day.

  As the weeks passed and winter broke into the region, the three exiles had gotten into a routine. They had moved deeper into the city after the first couple weeks, lugging bags filled with vegetables and scavenged supplies. It would not be enough for the entire winter, but they could get by. Eva and Jake had softened to each other once again. Tommy was as happy as ever. All of their wounds, physical and mental, had diminished. The Wanderer felt stronger and faster than she had in a long time.

  An old clothing store became their residence. The top level had been a home five hundred years before. Most of the windows were boarded up to keep out the cold, but there was ample light during the daytime. They made their beds with blankets from the hotel which also served as additional insulation when the snows came. The first ice storm of the season swooped in just as they had completed preparations for their shelter.

  Jake and Tommy had never seen snow before. Both of them were in awe as white flakes cloaked the ground. Even Eva stood out in the middle of the storm, picturing the street bustling with people. They cast shadows on the ground from the street lamps. Vehicles cautiously made their way through the slushy streets. Little did these imaginary people know that the very same avenue would be devoid of life years later. Snow absorbed the sound from the air itself. The moon basked the untouched whiteness with a sparkling brilliance that words could scarcely describe.

  “Every time it snows,” she told Jake who had come out to stand with her. “I am dumbfounded at the sheer brilliance of it all.”

  He reached to her side and warmed her hand with his. Their breath formed a cloud in front of them. She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. His face was warm against her frozen nose.

  “When I read about snow in schoolbooks.” He was fixated at the end of the road. He squeezed her shoulder. “The author could never capture its true beauty. Frustrated me to no end. I would look at photos and then read these poems. But only now do I understand that there is no way to describe it. Well, describe it well enough to do it justice.”

  Eva rested her head on his arm. The fire where they were cooking flickered out of the corner of her vision. She closed her eyes, taking in the smell of fresh snow. The sound of the crackling fire nearby, muffled by the blanket of the white flakes. She felt the soft touch of Jake’s hand and his hair on her forehead. Clinging to the moment, she wanted to
hold onto it for an eternity.

  Eventually, the snow melted but the cold remained. Eva and the brothers had run out of their food supply, so they resorted to exclusively hunting. Originally, they had all agreed on taking turns, but Eva continued to volunteer. If she stopped for more than a day, she believed her skills would dull. Finally, Jake and Tommy decided that they would go with her for the same reason.

  “We need practice too,” Tommy declared.

  It was the first time since the Rover colony that they had traveled together. Eva almost forgot the presence of two others with her. It wasn’t long before she resorted to her old self, complaining to them of breathing or walking too loud. And just like the old Jake and Tommy, they obeyed without rebuttal.

  When they initially heard the foreign footsteps, they placed the blame on one another. Jake thought it was Tommy. Eva swore it was Jake. And Tommy thought it was the elder two. But after a moment of listening, it was the unrecognizable voices that signaled them to hide. They had almost forgotten about the Gangs until this one showed up at dusk. As the strangers came into view, Eva’s heart shot straight up into her head. She recognized them from months ago. The three hooded and cloaked figures who had spoken about a man named McAvoy.

  “Jake,” she said as they passed out of sight. “I had forgotten until now. Please don’t be upset. Those Gang members. I have seen them before. They spoke of a man named McAvoy, but I never got a good look at any symbol. So, they could be from anywhere.”

  “We have to follow them then,” said Jake. This suggestion was unlike him. Eva raised a brow. “If they go back to their compound. We will find my father. There’s no way it could be anyone else.”

  “Fine.” At this point, she had given up trying to avoid the compounds. “But this time, we’re doing this the right way.”