“Adonia?” Lilly looked concerned. “What’s wrong?”
Our eyes met. Then I saw the resemblance. They aren’t identical twins! Boys and girls are fraternal! That’s why he’s taller! That’s why their eyes are different! And he never spoke with an accent, because he spent more time with his father in the states. It was all coming together… and I felt sick.
“His name’s what?!” I shrieked. It sounds like Lucas, but ends in -esh.
“Lukasz,” she confirmed. “Our dad’s Polish, he named him.” That was the name she mentioned a million times, and the name I forgot a million times, because my mind wanders and it’s not even American!
“No wonder I couldn’t remember it!” I blurted.
Lilly just stared at me.
“I want to go home,” I said a bewildered moment later, my lower lip trembling.
She frowned. “What? Why? You said you’d stay for dinner, you can’t go. And you have to tell me about this guy! I came home early just to hear about him!”
I eyed Luke.
Lukasz to be more precise.
Luke sat on the love seat a few feet away, hunched over, head hung.
Sadly, he is still insanely freaking hot.
“See, Beautiful?” Luke exclaimed. “I don’t have an STD.”
Lilly sneered. “Ew? WHAT?!”
Luke cleared his throat. “Lilly, Mom called.”
Lilly checked over her shoulder. “No, she didn’t. God, you need your hearing checked!”
“She did, okay?” he said sternly. “Get in the kitchen!”
She got to her feet and placed her hands on her hips. “Make me.”
He sighed and pointed to me. “I need to talk to her. In private.”
She rolled her eyes. “You just freakin’ met her, what could there possibly be to talk about in private? Besides, she has a boyfriend.”
He stared her down, and after a minute, she stomped off into the kitchen.
Our eyes met briefly. I understood now. This is what I didn’t know! I’ll bet he spent this whole time thinking,
Lilly’s best friend is a complete moron!
That’s what I’m thinking, too, so I can’t blame him.
“Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me?” My voice was shaky. I was angry, but I was also a bit relieved.
His palms opened. “I honestly didn’t know until after we started going out. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you.” His hands fell to his sides and his voice softened. “I didn’t know how you’d react. Or how to say it. I thought—for girls—maybe it’s against the rules…taboo…or something.”
“So you let me find out like this?”
“Look, nothing’s changed. I love you.”
I laughed through flowing tears. To make matters worse, Lilly marched back in. She stood before us with her arms crossed. “Okay, I’m no dumb blonde, people, tell me what is going on!” She looked at me. “Who’s this boyfriend of yours, anyway?”
Our eyes met. I was afraid to say it. I was afraid she’d be mad. “His name is Luke Pawlak, and he’s sitting right there.” My stomach tied itself in a knot.
She looked at her brother in horror, like he was an insect. Her mouth hung. When she finally found her voice she screamed, “What did you do!”
He got up with a start. “Hey, I didn’t know until after we met. She didn’t know until now!”
Lilly laughed wildly. Then she glared at me, pointing to him. “This is him? You lost it to him?”
I covered my face. Now he knows what I’d told her! My cheeks began to burn.
She started sobbing. “This is a huge practical joke you people are playing on me, right? This isn’t for real, right?” Her face was soaked, her eyes wide.
“Wait! What is so wrong with me?” Luke asked, his face reddened.
“You’re my brother! Hello! Get with the program! She’s my best friend, she can’t date you! I don’t want to hear about that!” She grimaced like she was imagining it.
“Excuse me?” he demanded. “So you don’t want her to inconvenience you, that’s basically the problem here?”
She stomped her foot. “You know what, the fact that the two of you did this to me is completely, utterly wrong!” She pointed a finger at him. “That’s why we never talked before, Lukasz. Because you do crap like this!”
He crossed his arms. “When’s the last time I hooked up with your best friend, it’s-all-about-me-Lilly?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Crap like this doesn’t mean exactly this! And you could’ve had the decency to tell me on the phone yesterday, instead of like this!”
His eyes settled on me. “I guess you were right. She is a bigger drama queen!”
Lilly clenched her fists. She looked like she wanted to kill me. I cringed. “What! I’m a bigger drama queen? Than whom? I love how you people talk about me behind my back, too! So ballsy, Lukasz! This just keeps getting better and better!”
My head fell into my hands. I’ve been dragged into my boyfriend and best friend’s sibling rivalry. Right after my mom abandoned me, and the day before my dad leaves, too.
But hey… at least I found out who Luke was on the phone with yesterday. At least he doesn’t have an STD. At least I won’t have to kill his hot ex-girlfriend!
Of all the things I thought it could be, I never imagined the problem could be his sister!
On the flip side, this can be good. This can be very good. Because he can’t run off with my super-hot bestie.
Because my bestie is his sister.
And that’s gross.
“Lilly, I’m sorry,” I pleaded, drying my eyes.
“Don’t apologize to her!” Luke demanded. “Don’t you see how childish she’s acting? She’s fucking selfish! Everything’s about her!”
Mrs. Jacobson appeared, wiping her hands on her apron. “What’s going on in here? Why is there shouting?”
Furious, Lilly shoved Luke aside.
Luke fell backwards, barely missing the glass coffee table. He got up and tramped toward her aggressively. “Knock that shit off!” He stopped less than a foot from her, every muscle in his body clenched. “Grow up, sis.”
She shoved him again, but this time he didn’t budge. “Screw you!” she screamed, wiping her eyes. She looked at me, pointing to him again. Her face grew even redder. “Of all the guys in this town, you had to pick this one? I don’t even wanna hear about it! And I don’t want a friend who talks behind my back, doesn’t return my calls, and sleeps with my brother!”
Their mother covered her gasp.
I was mortified.
The poor woman hurried back into the kitchen like she’d just witnessed a crime.
“I tried to call but you were never in,” I attempted.
“So what! I told you his damn name, how could you not figure out who he was?”
“Seriously? Even if I remembered it, he doesn’t even go by Lukasz, he goes by Luke! His last name is different! He doesn’t look like your twin, no accent, nothing! And I didn’t know because he didn’t tell me! So why are you mad at me?”
At that she stomped up the stairs. “Wow, every excuse in the book! Save your breath!”
Luke looked remorseful. “I didn’t want this to happen, I swear.”
I left my gifts on the couch and put my boots on at the door. He grabbed my arm, but I pulled away.
I grabbed my coat, walked out, slammed the door behind me and headed for the Jeep, the coat dragging behind me on the ground. My entire being shook as I powered the engine.
He grabbed the door to stop me from shutting it. He only wore shorts and his muscle shirt. “Where are you going?”
“Home! Your mom knows and your sister hates me!”
“Don’t you want to settle this like an adult?”
“This is settled.”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean, exactly?”
I broke eye contact, afraid to say it. Why couldn’t he tell me the truth yesterday? I wanted to die, I was so humiliated!
“Oh, I know! That means you don’t want to be with me because of my sister, right?” He scowled. “When you said you loved me, did you even mean it? Because you wouldn’t leave me for something this stupid if you really did.”
He pointed to his house. “She’s not worth it. Her acting like a self-centered bitch is not a reason to be doing this!”
“I’m really sorry,” I sobbed.
“No you’re not.” He let go of my door and I shut it.
“I’m really sorry. Just like you. I’m so embarrassed! This was all a big mistake!”
He nodded. “I’m a big mistake.” He clasped his hands behind his neck. “I’m not sorry about us. Too bad you are.” The frost from his breath had accumulated on his eyebrows and on the tips of his hair.
After a thoughtful moment, he sighed. “Please don’t do this. I love you.”
“Why do you love me, Luke?”
“What?”
“Luke. I’m obviously beyond clueless and your sister hates me.”
His expression softened somewhat. “You’re not clueless about anything, you just didn’t think about it. And she doesn’t hate you, she’s just shocked and selfish and immature. Even if she did hate you, I don’t give a shit. Because that’s not what matters to me. You’re the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about. And no one can change that.” He touched my hand. “Just stay, okay?”
He tempted me. But what about my friendship with Lilly? Wasn’t that more important?
I began to weep. I rolled up the window, put the car in reverse and backed out of their driveway.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Luke spat. He looked toward his house, his fingers laced in his hair. “Oh come on! This is freakin’ ridiculous!”
I put the Jeep in gear and sped away with a big screech.
Regrets came almost instantly. I wanted to go back. But I couldn’t go back—I’d look stupid.
I just drove, my head throbbing.
I passed the slowpoke in front of me and hit the gas turning off Sunny Dale Road. I cried feverishly. For distraction, I turned up the music.
I honked back at some creep who beeped for no reason. I was only trying to turn and I had no time or patience to yield, why can’t people be a little more considerate of others and yield themselves?
What does everyone want from me!
“Go to college!”
“Get good grades!”
“Don’t sleep with my brother!”
Seriously? I can’t live my own life?
I turned onto the highway, narrowly missing a bonehead in a Mack truck. Why are people so insensitive? I’m in a much smaller vehicle, shouldn’t I have the right of way?
Was it appropriate to blow his train whistle at me?
I hit the gas to pass him, and a few other cars, too. When I was ahead, I finally felt like I was cooling down a bit.
Then my cell phone rang.
I reached for it. It was in my coat pocket on the floor by the front passenger seat. When I bent over to pull the coat up, it caught under the seat. I tugged at it, trying to keep the steering wheel straight at the same time.
Desperate to retrieve it, I reached lower, quickly glancing to see what I was doing.
And the wheel slipped.
I panicked, dropped the coat to correct the car.
Then I spun.
There was a strong force. And sudden crunching metal. The Jeep moved along sideways. Crumbling noises closed in on me. The music went dead. Glass shattered.
I tried to stay awake, but I slipped away.
~ ~ ~
Police lights were scattered about, along lines of headlights from cars backed up in traffic. I rubbed my eyes and reached for my seatbelt. My bloody hand trembled as I tried to unbuckle.
I stumbled onto the ground and heard voices race toward me. They were muffled so I could not make out what they said. Everything was blurry. I couldn’t get to my feet. A policewoman and two paramedics pulled me up.
When my vision returned seconds later, I saw what had happened. I pulled away and stood up.
“My mom’s Jeep!” I shrieked, and fell to my knees.
It was totaled. Smoke flowed from under the hood. The rear windshield was gone without a trace. The front windshield was cracked, and all the side windows were shattered. I staggered around its side. It was hit on the passenger side, skidded and hugged a large white spruce by the side of the road. It was unrecognizable.
A policewoman handed me my wallet. “I called your father. You’re lucky you’re still alive. Let’s get you to the ambulance.”
I pulled my arm away and bawled. Dad was going to kill me. Mom was going to kill me!
“Step away from the vehicle.” The policewoman gripped my arm. “We have to let traffic through.”
I followed her. A few feet away was the pick-up that hit me. Its front end was smashed in. The driver shouted angrily into a cell phone.
I sat in the ambulance. A paramedic named Shawn cleaned my head and hand wounds. Amazingly, I was well enough to find him cute.
All I wanted was my boyfriend back. And my best friend back. And my mom back. Though my mom will probably kill me—I don’t need her back right away.
“You should get an MRI,” Shawn advised. “It’s a miracle you walked away from that. That vehicle held up damn well.”
His spiky blonde hair reminded me of Luke. He taped a white bandage to my hand and wrapped a heated blanket around me. I pulled it tight around my shoulders, trying to stop shuddering.
The doors suddenly opened, and Dad rushed in. Instantly, I wept.
He hugged me so hard. “Are you all right?” He let go and looked into my eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay, you scared the hell out of me!”
“I’m sorry about the Jeep,” I sobbed.
“Forget the Jeep, we have insurance. Don’t you worry about the Jeep.” He looked at Shawn. “What treatment does she need?”
“Well, she’s going to need stitches on her hairline, where she’s bandaged now. I’ll let a doctor deal with that. I recommend an MRI, too, just to be sure. Her hand’s just scraped a bit. Other than that, it’s like nothing happened.”
Dad hugged me again. “What happened?”
“I had a huge fight with Lilly,” I said. “I drove home and lost control on ice.” I felt bad leaving ninety percent of the details out, but I didn’t want him to think this was Luke’s fault. It was my fault.
Reluctant to spill any more, we sat quietly in the ambulance.
At the hospital, they stitched up my forehead. Nine stitches, and they said the stitches dissolve, so I don’t have to worry about getting them removed.
I also had to lie down on this bed that took x-rays of my head. The doctor said he saw no immediate damage, and he’d have the official results shortly. Exhausted, we went home.
When we walked through the door, Sullivan rushed to greet me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded through a film of tears, sat on the couch and held my head in my hands. The place smelled like lasagna.
The policewoman was really nice and only gave me a warning for my traffic violations.
I was awaiting my interrogation. But instead Dad said, “Get something to eat and go to bed. Don’t worry about school tomorrow if you don’t feel well, I got you a note from the hospital.”
Why couldn’t he get a note from the hospital for the next seven months? I couldn’t do school anymore, having pissed off Luke and Lilly.
When I finally looked up, Dad and Sullivan looked concerned. “I’m not hungry, Dad,” I whispered. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay. Sleep tight. Call me if you need me, okay?”
I climbed the stairs with rubber legs and fell into bed. I wrapped my arms around my pillow and thought I smelled Luke. Then I realized I did smell Luke—I’d dragged the scent into bed with me on Tuesday, and I hadn’t washed the sheets yet.
And gross as it may sound, I don’t plan on washing them, ever again.
XIV
Sullivan and I skipped school. His excuse was a stomachache. My excuse—had Dad bothered asking for one—was a broken heart.
Sullivan’s mad Dad can’t take him trick-or-treating this year. I can’t believe a twelve-year-old still wants to trick-or-treat!
I figured since I have a grand total of zero friends, I should be nice to the few people who don’t hate me, and take him trick-or-treating myself. It’s not like I have a date to that party or anything.
Oh, and then there’s the prom…
After breakfast I sat on my bed, listened to boy bands and studied for midterms. I don’t want to take the midterms, not feeling like this!
Between that and crying over math problems gone wrong, I fell asleep.
The doorbell awoke me at 3:45. I zipped out of my room and down the stairs hopefully. But it wasn’t Luke—it was a zit-faced nerd with thick red glasses and clothes he outgrew years ago. “Are you Adonia?”
Don’t tell me this guy heard I’m single!
“Y-Yeah…?” I said uncertainly.
He handed me a gift box. “Someone paid me ten dollars to give you this, so here it is.” His smile revealed shiny silver braces.
I took the box. It was really light and quite large. “Who’s this from?”
“I promised I wouldn’t say.” He pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose and left.
“Thank you,” I called after him, and shut the door. I tore the wrapping to open it, and peered inside. I pulled out a white teddy bear, fuzzy with a red, velvety heart for a nose, and button blue eyes. It held a small typewritten note that read “Get Well Soon.” So I couldn’t tell who it was from.
How did anyone aside from Sullivan and Dad even know about last night?
I thought, maybe it’s from Mom? Or from Dad or Sullivan, just to cheer me up?
But it had a familiar scent. I took it up to bed to lay down with it, and thought I recognized what I smelled—Luke.
It smelled like Luke all over. I inhaled it. Tears seeped into its white fur. Maybe I was just imagining it.
I hoped I wasn’t.
I missed him so much, I burst into tears. I should never have left. I should have stayed when he asked me to. Now I’ve got nothing but memories. And regrets.
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