by JL Long
“Well, to be honest, I thought you might give me a little more grief about it.”
"No. I can't fault you for wanting to be able to protect yourself better. Even if this shit didn’t make you feel you have to do this, I would still be on your side.”
My heart thumps in my chest.
God, I was so blind. He loves me. He truly loves me. My judgment was clouded by thoughts of infidelity. I let my mind get so far out of control, I couldn't see that my husband never stopped loving me. We fell into a rut, a rough patch we couldn't seem to get out of—hell, I’m not sure we’re out of it yet. But one thing is for certain, the love we have for one another never stopped.
We just stopped noticing it.
What we have is not something we don’t deserve, it’s something we have worked our asses off for. Marriage isn’t easy. There are many factors that can rattle the walls of our foundation, but watching him skillfully taking the razor over his cheek, I can’t help but feel the profoundness of our love.
“I love you,” I whisper. I don’t mean to say it out loud, and at first, I’m not sure he even heard me. When he’s finished wiping the remaining bits of cream off his face, he turns around, resting his ass against the counter, and crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes full of adoration. The beautiful chocolate turns molten.
“You felt it?”
“Felt what?” I raise a brow in question, not quite sure we are thinking the same thing.
“The tug of our rope pulling us together again.”
I suck in a breath.
He felt it too.
I nod, and whisper, “I felt it.”
He moves from the bathroom and reaches me in less than ten steps. Taking my face in the palms of his hands, he bends in and crashes his lips to mine.
The kiss goes from heated to scorching. It’s as if we haven’t touched one another before, like there’s been an immense buildup of sexual energy.
I’ve missed this.
This was us every single time we touched.
And even though it feels as if we are connecting on an emotion level, Lawson doesn’t take it slow. He devours my body in a way any woman would want to be devoured. Hard, fast, and slow and gentle when he deems it time. It’s all magnificent.
Once we’ve both reached our release, Law, still inside me, pulls the covers over us and settles me against his side.
Long ago before Lawson and I were together, I never cared for a dominant alpha since I am more of a dominant woman, but now that I’ve had Lawson’s dominant side for so long, I yearn for it.
Sometimes someone else taking control isn’t such a bad thing.
And for the first time in a long time, I fall right to sleep with nothing weighing on my mind.
The cold steel of the blade winds its way up my arm, over my shoulder, and settles at the base of my neck. My hands grip the arms of the chair so hard, the old wood digs into the palms.
It hurts.
But I don’t release my grip.
I know there’s no way out of this. No one knows I’m here. No one knows where to look.
This is it.
I’m going to die.
"You were supposed to leave him," the voice whispers in my ear. Heat begins to surge through my body. Rage fills my veins.
“He’s mine.”
I’m not dumb enough to think this woman is going to listen to anything I say.
The rope cuts into my skin as I move my wrists from side to side in hopes of loosening the material around them.
“You are not what he needs.”
I bite my tongue and squeeze my eyes closed.
“I am what he needs.”
I can’t stay quiet anymore. She’s going to kill me. The rope is too tight; I can’t get my hands free. I will not go out without a fight. I need to know how far she is willing to go to get the man she supposedly loves.
“Do you think he will ever love you?” My voice is barely a whisper. Not because I’m scared; I’m seething.
“Love takes time. He will grow to love me.”
I let out a bitter laugh and feel the knife dig into my skin further, but this doesn’t stop me. “Grow to love the woman who killed his wife, the mother of his child? Are you insane?”
“He doesn’t love you,” she retorts.
“But he loves his daughter. You think he would ever bring a murderer around her?”
The blade begins to slice through my skin.
A low hiss drips from my mouth, and my hands turn white from the grip on the chair.
“They’ll understand why I had to do it.”
A snort comes from me.
“You’re never going to get him,” I bite out.
The blade slips another inch. Blood oozes to the surface and trickles down my neck.
“Yes. I. Will,” she bites out, the knife digging deeper and deeper.
Shit.
“Lena,” I hear whispered from somewhere in the distance.
He came for me.
“I will take everything from you.”
“Lena,” he whispers again.
I open my eyes.
She removes the knife just as my name is called louder this time.
I shake my head. Aria stands in front of me with a smirk on her face.
My beautiful baby girl flashes before me, her bright smile beaming up at her father. He's holding her hand, and they are walking…toward my rock. There's a woman there. She’s sitting on the rock just like I do. When they get closer, the woman turns her upper body to face them. It’s not me. London takes off running for her.
My body tightens. I try to reach for them, but I’m suddenly falling. A scream roars from my mouth.
I can’t stop it.
I’m falling.
“Lena.” I hear his voice. It’s so close to me, but I can’t see him, I can’t feel him. “Lena, baby, come back to me.”
I try to open my mouth again, but nothing comes out this time.
“Lena!” There are hands on my shoulders, shaking me. “Baby, wake up.”
My eyes open, and Lawson is staring back at me. “Lena, baby, you were dreaming.”
I shake my head, my thoughts not coming together. “It…it…” I pause a moment, looking around, trying to get a grip on my bearings. “It felt so real.”
Law pulls me into his chest to comfort me.
“You…” I can’t bring myself to tell him. The thought alone makes bile come to my throat.
“It’s okay, baby. It was a dream. I’m right here.”
Before I can stop my mouth from saying what my brain tells it to, I blurt out, “But for how long?”
His body jerks and he tilts his head back. I assume he is looking down at me, but I don’t want to look up at him and see that pain written all over his face. I’ve doubted him in the past, and here I am, doubting him again.
“How long?” he repeats.
Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him tighter. “You were happy,” I whisper against his chest.
“I’m happy right here with you.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. It felt so real. Like I was right there watching you with her. Watching you be happy with someone else.”
“Baby—” he starts, but I cut him off.
“You were happy with her.”
By the way he moves from my embrace, he knows who "her" is. He adjusts to sitting, but doesn’t move away from me like I expect him to. Instead, he hauls me up with him, throws one of my legs over his, then pulls me up to where I’m sitting astride his lap. Then he lays it on me.
“I can’t take that pain of that dream away, just like I can’t take the pain of what is happening in our real life away. The only thing I can do is hope to God that through my actions and my words you believe you and London are the most important things to me. There is nothing between that woman and me. There never was. Whatever she has going on inside her head is completely one-sided. Never, I mean fucking never, let her get inside your head like that again. You doub
ted me once with her.” I quirk an eyebrow, and he hurries to add, “With probable cause. You had every right to, but now, baby, don’t doubt that. Please.”
I take a deep breath in and nod before releasing it. “Deep down, I know there was never anything happening between you two. With everything going on between us, it was easy to assume. It was an easy thing to blame everything on. I’m scared, Law. I’m scared she’s going to end up with what’s mine. To see my Lonnie girl run to another woman, whether it’s a dream or not, breaks my heart.” Just uttering the words out loud has my stomach roiling. “It physically hurts me to know there is a possibility that could have been real life.” I pause a moment, taking another breath. “That’s where we almost were.”
“Jesus, fuck,” he mutters. His hands slide up my sides and come to rest on either side of my neck. He puts pressure there, his nonverbal command for me to lean forward. I do. “We would have never let ourselves get that far gone, baby. We have too much to ever let something so final come between us.”
His fingers drift to the back of my neck, and my forehead presses against his. “I love you, Selena. So fucking much. It fucking tears me up inside knowing we haven’t been us for some time now. We’ve drifted apart, and even though we have a long way to go and a shitstorm of debris to walk through, with you by my side, I have no doubt we will make it to the other side together.”
“Promise?” I whisper.
And just like before, he whispers those words I need to hear, “Every fucking day of my life.”
“I love you, Lawson,” I whisper back to him.
“I know you do, baby. Now, take this pain you’re feeling and put it in that fire fueling your strength.”
I nod. Because he’s right. I need to take this and not let it play my heart against him.
We are in this together.
Always.
“Wake up, gorgeous,” I whisper into Lena’s ear. She stirs, and her soft green eyes stare up at me.
“Morning,” she whispers with a smile on her lips.
After her dream and our talk last night, I didn’t sleep a damn wink. Lena cuddled into me, and though I know she didn’t drift off as fast as she normally does, she eventually did.
I just couldn’t let my mind rest enough to do the same.
“What time is it?”
“Almost nine,” I reply.
Her eyes widen, and she starts to move out of the bed. “Oh my gosh, I overslept. Lonnie was supposed to be at my parents’ at eight, and my class starts at ten."
I place my hand on her stomach, halting her movement. “Gorgeous, settle a second. I took care of it.”
“What?”
“Yeah, babe, I got up with Lonnie. Made her breakfast, got her ready to go, and met your mom at Dixie’s so they could just start their shopping right off.”
We’ve tried to keep London’s day-to-day life the same as it was before. When Darin and Joan have her, they know to stay vigilant. I won’t lie, it gives a bit of hesitation whenever Lonnie leaves the house without us. Lena’s parents wouldn’t let a damn thing happen to her, but the thought of what if always crosses my mind.
Lena lies back on the bed and lets out a deep breath, her worry blowing out. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
I give it to her honestly. “You had a rough night, thought you might need the extra sleep.”
She pushes the hair at her forehead back. “I’m fine, Lawson,” she tells me. I quirk a brow, questioning her response. She rolls her eyes at me. “I’m fine for right now. It was a dream. As long as you are by my side, we can beat this, right?”
I nod, but I’m hesitant to believe her. She’s told me she’s fine before and we’ve seen where that’s gotten us.
“And that’s what’s going to get me through.”
“Right,” I whisper.
“I need to get up.”
“We could just stay in bed the rest of the day.” She tries to push up, but I press my hand into her again as I shimmy closer to her on the bed.
“Did you not get enough last night?” she taunts.
My head moves into the crook of her neck, my tongue darting out and trailing up to her chin. She lets out a giggly laugh and pushes my face away playfully. “I’ll never get enough of you.”
“Easy, tiger. I have my class, and then Carolina will be here.”
Fuck.
Carolina’s visit completely slipped my mind.
Flopping to my back, I let out a heavy sigh. “I suppose staying in bed all day would negate those plans.”
She gives me a lopsided grin. “Yeah, baby, it would.”
“She could just join us.”
“I didn’t take you for a sharing kind of man.” She laughs.
“I’m not,” I say with a growl.
She rolls her eyes and shuffles out of bed. I prop my head up on the pillow and watch her go in nothing but one of my old t-shirts—something she’s done since the days we were gallivanting across the damn country years ago. It’s something I hope she never stops doing. It’s not a dominance thing, it’s a…fuck, it’s a dominance thing. Seeing her in my shirt gives me a thrill like none other. Her statement that she is mine fucking fills me with pride. And it’s also my statement all in the same. She is mine. I don’t give a fuck who tries. Nothing will change that.
“Lena,” I call after her just as she hits our bathroom.
She peeks her head around the corner. “Yeah?”
“You look beautiful.”
Her face softens, and she closes her eyes for a moment like my words physically impacted her. “Thank you.”
“You’re always beautiful.”
“What’s this all about?” she asks. Over the last few months, I couldn't even tell you how many times I told her she was beautiful or complimented her. It isn't because it was often, rather the opposite. I took that for granted, and she needs to hear that shit. Right now, looking at my wife, her face soft like it is, I’ll be doing it every damn day if it’ll give me that look.
“Just want you to know that,” I tell her.
She smiles and blows me a kiss. As goofy as she may be, I goddamn love that about her. Piece by piece, we are getting Lena back. The real Lena, not the fake one she thought nobody saw through.
“You excited, baby?” Lawson asks from his spot on the couch. I’ve been standing at the door for ten minutes waiting for Carolina to arrive. She texted exactly eleven minutes ago telling me she just rolled into town. We are exactly seven minutes from town out here on Copperfield Lane. She should have been here by now.
The high from my class earlier has held me over until her text came through. I was a bit nervous about attending the self-defense class. I’ve never done anything like that before. I only knew the basic moves my brother taught me. The class was extremely informative for the first day. We learned some of the more traditional self-defense moves as well as the right time to use them. One class and I’m already feeling empowered—like I could protect myself if another situation occurred.
In all of this, that has been my biggest fear. It gives me pause for a moment to think I traveled the world on my own for so long only carrying pepper spray and nothing ever happened. My parents would tell me how worried they were about me out there on my own, but the irony of having a man attack me in my hometown—in my home—is almost funny.
I clear my thoughts with a shake of my head. “Yes, I’m excited. But she should have been here by now. You think something happened?”
“What do you think happened?”
“I don’t know, Law, maybe car trouble…maybe an accident.”
“Honey, I’m sure everything’s fine. Maybe she stopped at the gas station.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I reply, staring out the door, willing her car to come up the drive.
Two minutes later, it does.
My eyes narrow on the second vehicle coming up the lane. It’s Benny’s truck. Apparently, it’s a day for company.
“Why is Benny here?” I ask, still stayi
ng out the door.
“Not sure,” Law answers, his voice closer to me now. My head tilts back to look at Law as he presses against my back. Concern is etched across his face, and for a moment, I think he might be lying.
I put that to the back of my mind as my best friend throws her door open and gets out of her car. I bolt out our door and down our front steps. We collide, embracing each other in a hug, our bodies swaying side to side.
“Jesus, I’ve freaking missed you,” she mumbles into my hair.
Tears instantly pool in my eyes as just how much I’ve missed her hits all at once. We pull back, but neither releases. “It’s only been a few months, but it feels like years.”
“We’ll talk about that later,” she replies. My brows scrunch together in confusion, but I let it go. Mainly because Benny is standing behind Carolina.
“Hey, Benny,” I say, releasing Caro.
“Lena.”
I feel Law at my back again and watch as Benny gives him that manly hi with a jerk of his chin.
“So, y’all do know each other?” Carolina asks.
“Uh, yeah,” I reply.
“Met this fine specimen of a man at the gas station where I stopped to get myself a drink.” She rolls her eyes. “Okay, my GPS was lost. I was getting directions. Enter Benny.” She turns to him and waves her hand up and down, indicating Benny. Then she spins back around, and says, “We are also going to talk about how you’ve been holding out on me about the men in this town.”
I burst out laughing. Law chuckles, but Benny just stands there, not even cracking a smirk.
And then my eyes catch on something. Carolina is wearing a baggy shirt. This girl never wears baggy clothes. She rocks the hell out of grunge, but never loose enough to where it looks like she’s hiding another person in there with her. I tilt my head to the side and eye her. She looks down at herself, then back at me. “Later,” she whispers.
I let that one go too.
Shit.
Looks like we both like to keep secrets.
“Come on, everyone, let’s go inside. I cooked and y’all are going to enjoy every last bit,” I declare. I did cook, just not the main course. They don’t need to know I also stopped by the KFC and got the fried chicken.