I Need You Too: Stand Alone Novel, Contemporary-Erotic-Suspenseful Romance, Psychological Thriller

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I watched as her knees came to the floor in front of mine and her hand caressed the side of my face before lifting my chin. Her voice was emotional as a single tear fell from her eye. I wanted to reach up to wipe it away, but showed my restraint by letting her lead. “This will be our final training session. Your full submission has shown me you are ready for Master Marshall, Kent, and Dane to lead you to the next level. Anything we haven’t covered we can explore together. After this, I am yours and only yours, sir.”

  She placed a gentle kiss on my lips before rising and standing in front of me. I could see the veil of dominance shift into place, one she took for all my training sessions. She held out her hand to me as she commanded, “I want you to rise, get up onto the bed on all fours, facing the headboard, and wait for me.”

  I did as I was told, without question. “Yes, ma’am.” I’d tried calling her mistress a few times, but it reminded her of when James had caught her fancy and requested her training.

  I wanted to remove my boxers, knowing this scene would eventually lead to more. I started to remove them before getting onto the bed, when I felt a swat of her hand on my ass. “I didn’t tell you to remove anything. I want those boxers to remain on you. Now do as you’re told or you’ll receive punishment.”

  Her voice was hardened. I knew she had to be in character to play out this scene, but I hated it. It went against my need to take control, yet I complied. “Sorry, ma’am.”

  I was only on the bed for a minute, when she asked me to grab hold of the headboard. I raised my eyebrows in question but didn’t say anything. I just faced forward and did as I was told.

  “I’m going to bind your hands loosely with this scarf. It’s silk and won’t cause any damage to your wrists. I want to know immediately if you have any discomfort, if your arms are tiring, or if you need me to untie you. Do you remember your safe word?” Her voice was to the point.

  I nodded and replied, “Yes, ma’am.”

  Marjorie had told me the safe word I picked should be something I absolutely hated and wouldn’t forget. She’d gone on to tell me how hers had been “snake”, but given that her ex-husband was one of those she didn’t want that reminder. Instead, we both agreed that the word “poison” was appropriate. Whoever tried to do us in by tampering with our food had left their mark on our minds and souls.

  The mere mention of the word “poison”, “red”, “stop”, or even “no” when in scene, would bring whatever we were doing to a screeching halt, and we’d only slow down if one of us spoke the word “yellow.” Apparently, the club used a stoplight system as the basis for any play, so it was easy to remember that, if I couldn’t remember anything else.

  I watched as Marjorie wrapped the silk around each wrist, tying soft knots, checking to make sure it wasn’t too tight against each wrist before securing it to one of the decorative pieces of the bed. I pulled at my bindings and noticed plenty of give, along with the ability to follow the scrollwork up and over the end to free myself from the headboard. Having this knowledge put me at ease.

  Her chest pressed against my side as she slid the blindfold into place. “Let me know if you need me to take it off. I want you to feel what it’s like to lose your sense of sight and have your other senses compensate.”

  My heart rate kicked up and I began to breath heavier with the blindfold. I didn’t like this shit and I hope it didn’t last long. I felt helpless, at her mercy, where she could come at me with anything she wanted and I wouldn’t know it until it was too late. Was this what she felt like? Is this the fear she went through with him?

  I felt the warm caress of her hand on my back and her breath wash over my face as she whispered, “I need you to control your breathing, Ethan. I want you to breathe with me, otherwise, you’ll hyperventilate.” She planted a kiss just below my ear, bringing my attention back to her, “Breathe in, hold it, breathe out. Again. Breathe in, hold it, breathe out.”

  We repeated this several more times before my breathing settled and I could feel my body relax. “You’re doing wonderful, love.” I could feel the praise in her voice. “Are we still green?”

  A minute ago, I would’ve shouted out yellow or told her to stop, but for now I could manage. “Yes.”

  I felt her hand move up and down my spine, working her way towards my backside. I was enjoying her tender caress, when I felt the waistband of my boxers lower just enough to expose my ass to the air.

  Her fingers began kneading my flesh, making me relax further into her touch. Her lips placed gentle kisses on each cheek before biting both playfully. I was getting turned on by her touch, by her feel. “I love to look at this mighty fine backside. Do you like what I’m doing?”

  I nodded and replied. “Yes. It’s turning me on.”

  Her hands continued massaging my skin, making me groan in appreciation. “I feel the same way when this is done to me.” Her voice was laden with sensual desire as she admitted one of her turn-ons to me.

  My mind started to relax and just feel the moment, when I felt the whoosh of air and then the smack. I cried out in surprise and felt the palm of her hand land on the other cheek with the same intensity before rubbing the heat into my ass.

  I didn’t like this shit and started to pull at my restraints wanting to get out of this, only to hear her command, “I want you to stop moving and to trust that I’ll take you no further than you’re capable of handling. This exercise is for you to learn to heighten your other senses when one is deprived. The restraints are so you don’t hurt yourself and you can accept surrender of your body to another. The spanking is not meant as a means of punishment, but one of sensual pleasure.”

  Pleasure my ass! This shit hurt. How could I stop this without ruining our training? I kept running scenarios through my mind of ways to get out of this without being a wimp and safe wording on her.

  I was about to scream out yellow, but her voice softened and cracked with emotion. I felt drops of water hit my back as she leaned over me and hugged my middle. “I promise I won’t hurt you. This is meant to be sensual. Just let yourself feel. Let go of your thoughts and just enjoy.”

  I swallowed my pride realizing this was torture for her to work through, too, but knowing it had to be done. “I trust you, sweetheart. Show me what I need to learn so that I know the feeling and can ultimately please you.”

  She started with quick slaps alternating on each side and then down toward my thighs before moving back up. To my surprise, the stings slowly morphed into warmth and I found myself hardening with desire and the need for release. Who knew that this crazy shit could actually be a turn-on? I couldn’t wait until the day I could try it on her ass and hopefully make her come.

  I felt her move away from the bed and heard the swoosh of something as it flew through the air. “You’re skin is looking a light shade of pink.”

  The bed dipped as I felt something soft, and smelling of leather, glide across my back in smooth circular patterns. I could tell she was getting turned on by things with her rate of breathing and the scent of her arousal permeating the air around me. It was driving me nuts that she was so close, yet I could do nothing about it.

  I’d been thinking of the ways I could maneuver my arms out of the restraints and get some relief from her, when I felt a sharp swat, of what I realized was a flogger, against my backside in a succession of hits. “What the fuck?”

  Marjorie was quick to ask, “Did I hurt you?”

  I thought about it for a moment and realized it was more the surprise of what happened that got to me than the pain. I was left wondering, “If I may ask a question?”

  “You may.” Her hand came out to soothe my backside, making my cock twitch even more.

  “You didn’t hurt me. You definitely surprised me; I wasn’t expecting the flogger. I knew you had it out, but thought you might be using it as a mind fuck. I’ll admit to being turned on a bit, so no harm no foul.”

  She let out an audible breath, one I didn’t know she was holding. I was one
sick bastard but had to ask, “I know the belt and cane are off limits, but did he hurt you with this? I need to know. I need you to be honest with me.” She’d told me most of it, but to experience it was another thing.

  I could hear her swallow hard. Her voice was shaky, definitely remembering something with James. “He preferred the harsher methods of punishment, ones that would leave marks to show me what he could do – how he could control me, how he thought he owned me. Only once did he use the flogger as punishment. It had started out as play, but I’d moved the wrong way and soon felt his wrath.”

  I couldn’t believe the words coming from my mouth. “I can feel the sensual side of using the hand and flogger, not for punishment, but to arouse. You’ve had me hard and needing to come for some time now; however, I want you to hit me with as much strength as you have with the flogger. Really give it to me a few times.”

  Marjorie cried out, pleading with me. “No! You don’t want that.”

  I must be some kind of sadistic bastard, but I needed to know what it was like to be on the receiving end of what she’d felt. “I’m not asking you as my trainer, I’m telling you as my submissive that I want you to lay into me with that thing. I need to know what it felt like to have that bastard hurt you.”

  I could hear the hesitancy in her cries and could feel the bed begin to shake with her agitated movements. The rage I had for this man, who caused so much emotion in her, was beyond boiling. My words were curt and to the point, a directive. “Listen to me!” I yelled. “You will do this, or I’ll call Nate in to take your place to help me sample what it was like for you. I’m sure his hits will be much worse than yours.”

  Her tears were slashing at my heart, making me rethink things, but I couldn’t back down, not now. My need to know and her need to purge herself from these memories would help each of us, or at least I prayed it would.

  “I’m not letting someone else touch you!”

  The bed stilled. I could sense her on her knees, feeling her emotions settle into place. Her words were soft, but understood. “Forgive me?”

  Before I could answer, I heard the whistle of air as the strands of the flogger passed quickly against my skin, making me jump. She rained down blow after blow making me nearly piss my pants from the pain.

  My mind started going to a different place, seeing her being forced to the bed by the hands of that sadist. Her pale skin becoming deep red from the torment he put her through. I could hear her screaming in my mind.

  That scream…it wasn’t Marjorie; it was some other woman. I looked up in my mind’s eye and saw a face of a woman that looked similar to Dane and Rafe -- their sister Gabi. The crunch of the metal was loud and I was thrown back. I expected to feel the pain of the door slicing into my leg and darkness to overtake me, only it didn’t.

  I tried to make sense of where my mind was, when I felt the softness of Egyptian cotton sheets beneath me. The bright light exploded through the darkness, almost blinding me, as a shadowed woman shook my shoulders and began doing something with my hands.

  Her movements were jerky, her voice slowly seeping into my senses. Her hands were all over my face, my shoulders, shaking me. “Come on Ethan, snap out of it.” I watched as she broke apart a piece of chocolate, trying to slip it into my mouth. “Here, eat this, it will help bring back your focus.”

  I did as I was told and slowly things came back into focus for me. “What happened?” With tears streaming down her face, Marjorie breathed a sigh of relief. It was then that I noticed my hands were free. I reached up and pulled her onto my chest.

  I WAS RELIEVED WHEN Ethan took the chocolate and began to eat it, before pulling me down against his chest and holding me tight. I knew I shouldn’t have gone through with his request, knowing that I could’ve damaged him both physically and psychologically.

  His breathing settled as his arms held me firmly against him. “It’s okay. I’m all right, but what the hell happened? Why are you so upset?”

  My hands came up and wrapped around his neck. I wanted to get as close to him as possible. My voice was trembling but I admitted, “I thought I’d ruined you – pushed you too far. Do you remember any of it?”

  I watched as his mind seemed to kick in remembering something. “I know I asked you to unleash his fury on me. I’m guessing the hits weren’t as strong as his?”

  I shook my head and whimpered, “No. I couldn’t be that cruel.” I really couldn’t. James’s drew blood on my skin, requiring salve to heal them, while mine were only red marks that might last for a day.

  He breathed in deeply, causing me concern. “I felt panic and fear. I hated not being able to see anything. I hated feeling at a loss of control. My mind tried to go where yours might have been during that time, trying to see it from your perspective. I confess, I feel the need to do some damage to that bastard.” The words made me shiver. I never knew Ethan possessed the desire to harm someone.

  He pulled my chin up so I could see his eyes, full of sympathy for me. “I may feel that way, but I won’t do anything unless he tries to hurt you. As long as he stays away, we’re good.” I breathed a little easier knowing that.

  I was curious. “What else went through your mind? One minute you were shouting profanity at James for what he did to me, and the next you were screaming about the pain and the darkness closing in on you, before ripping the piece of metal off the bed and rocking side to side. You kept yelling about the need to break free from the shroud that surrounded you, needing to reach the light to claw your way back to this life. What was that about?”

  I watched as one hand came up to rub his face before pushing his hair back. I now recognized this as one of his ticks when he felt overwhelmed.

  “I’m not quite sure,” he admitted, shaking his head a little. “One minute I wanted to throttle your ex and the next I saw the night of the accident playing out before me. I saw Gabi’s expression, her cry out into the world, as our cars collided. I felt the horror of being unable to stop what was happening and the aftereffects of pain.”

  I curled myself tighter into his body, feeling his arms surround me, cocooning me when I should be comforting him. His voice was calm as he admitted, “I can’t do the blindfold, ever again. I recalled the shadows of the coma, trying to find the escape in my mind that would lead me back into existence.”

  He felt trapped? I was processing his words as quickly as he was delivering them. “You mean you heard what was going on around you? I’m not sure I follow.”

  He nodded. “I remember being in a dream like state for the longest time, hearing the subtle conversations but never fully awake to comprehend what was being said. I remember the pain and how it subsided putting me back into a tranquil state. I got tired of the way I felt.”

  Ethan released me, lifting up on his elbows a bit and looking into my face. “Imagine being confined in a small room where all you see is darkness. You’re searching for an exit, you’re trying to find a way out but can’t. Then suddenly a light begins to take shape, illuminating a doorway where you can start to claw your way out, only to find you’d rather have stayed inside because nothing changed in there.”

  His cell phone rang with Nate’s ring tone. I watched as he leaned forward to answer it. “I’m fine, we both are.” I couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end, only the panic in Nate’s voice. I’d wondered, with all the screaming, if the sounds would make it through to Sophia and Ivan, who were above us, or Nate and Gianna, who lived below.

  “Calm down, Nate. We’re both okay. We had a training session that got a little out of hand, per my request, and it triggered a few things for each of us. We’re good. There’s no permanent damage to either of us, therefore, no need to rush up here.”

  The conversation soon ended with, “I’ll let her know. We’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  I knew my face was full of questions as he crawled back over to me, pulling me down onto the bed before climbing between my legs. His caramel eyes had turned to liquid as his gaz
e traveled down the course of my body and back up, making my nipples harden against the teddy in anticipation of what was coming.

  He started kissing my neck, not saying anything about the phone call, so I finally asked. “Did we make that much noise? Is that why Nate called?”

  He nodded and grumbled some form of yes while continually sucking at the skin of my neck, slowly moving down toward my shoulder.

  “Why do we need to meet tomorrow?” Was he going to tell me anything?

  His hand traveled over my stomach and toward my crotch, teasing my clit through the lace fabric, causing me to arch my back and bump into him. His lips kept sucking at my shoulder, only briefly pausing. “The team has an update.”

  I felt a tug on the crotch of my teddy, feeling it break free as a couple of his fingers teased my center. “Mmm…you’re nice and wet for me, love. I had no idea each of us could get turned on with a little play.”

  He positioned himself at my entrance, his body pressing against mine as his hands came up, lifting mine above my head. I wrapped one leg around him, trying to guide him in, but he refused to budge, shaking his head back and forth and smiling over me.

  His tongue came out to glide across my lower lip, before his teeth nipped at it. I moaned and opened for him. His tongue came in and began ravishing my mouth as he shoved into my center, showing me what it was like to be possessed by him.

  I could feel a slight movement above me but was lost in thought, when I suddenly panicked realizing he had my hands tied up in the scarf. “Shh…I’m not trying to scare you, love. You helped me work through some things tonight. I want to do the same for you.”

  I frantically tried to move, but I couldn’t. He was still covering my body with his. We were connected by a physical union but were meeting on a more soulful plane.

  “I want to go over some rules with you, sweetheart.” His hands came down to caress both sides of my face while he kissed the end of my nose. He moved out of my center by a few inches before plunging back in, making me gasp at the pleasure he was sending through me.