Bittersweet Ecstasy

by Taylor, Janelle

  He whispered into her ear, “I must go, my love, before Wi awakes and reveals our night together. You are mine, Tashina, and I will return for you soon. I love you, and each sun and moon without you will be harder to endure now than before this union. My heart flows over with happiness and pride. Stay close to camp and guard your life well, for I would cease to be without you. I will sneak to the river and swim beneath its surface until I am beyond your camp.”

  “Do not allow Unktehi to seize you.” She teased him about the mythical monster of deep waters.

  “No power or person could take me from your life, my love.”

  They kissed deeply and longingly, only to find passions rekindled. They made love swiftly and urgently, for each knew their time was short. He quickly dressed and hugged her tightly. Tashina loosened the flap and peered outside. Sighting and hearing no one, she kissed him farewell and watched him vanish between the other tepees.

  After sealing the flap, she returned to her sleeping mat and curled up on her side, smiling as she drifted off to sleep while thinking of her love.

  Chapter Seven

  In the Blackfeet camp, Bright Arrow was talking with Silver Hawk in his tepee while his wife Shining Feather was at the river doing her wash and her other chores. After Bright Arrow’s arrival late yesterday, time and attention had been consumed by the revealing of his father’s message about the impending war council and by gift-giving and coup-telling where Silver Hawk was concerned. Many had gathered to share in the excitement—eating, laughing, talking— and to celebrate the daring deeds of their past chief’s son, along with his other recent coup of defeating the four foes who had been spying on their camp. It had been a glorious day for Silver Hawk, the kind of day which the insidious warrior intended to experience many more times in the near future.

  Silver Hawk smiled with pleasure as he remarked smugly, “We have gathered many coups together, my friend and brother; and in the suns to come, we will gather many more. Our tribes would know such power and greatness as no others if Silver Hawk was chief of the Blackfeet and Bright Arrow was chief of the Oglalas.” He lowered his tone as if to speak conspiratorially and leaned closer to the man on the sitting mat across from him. “It is strange how the Great Spirit chooses to work His will among His people. I am firstborn son of a great chief and you are first-born son of a great chief, but our ranks were lost long ago. Medicine Bear makes many mistakes these suns and moons, and many grow dissatisfied with him. Times are bad, my brother, and our tribes need brave and cunning leaders.”

  Silver Hawk inhaled deeply before cautiously going on with his plan. “I do not speak bad of my other father Gray Eagle, but his time as chief nears an end. His spirit and heart are young and brave, but his body and mind grow older and weaker each sun. When I visit your tepee, my heart is full of pain when I see it hurt him to move and I see his once-keen eyes dulling and I hear the words and thoughts which he forgets. We face more peril soon than we have known before, my brother. I fear only a terrible defeat will prove to your father and people that Gray Eagle is no longer young and strong enough to lead the mighty Oglalas. I speak these words with a troubled heart, for I see the hatred and the determination of our white foes to conquer us this season; and I fear the Oglalas love and respect your father too much to ask him to step aside for a younger and stronger chief. I fear the war council will appoint him as leader for the joint battle, and I fear he is unable to carry it out safely. Most of all, my brother, I fear these fears, for fear does not belong in a warrior’s mind, body, or heart.”

  As it was not their way to interrupt when another was talking and Bright Arrow could not honestly disagree with Silver Hawk’s gentle words and seemingly sincere concern, Bright Arrow held silent. Lately, especially along the trail to their summer camp, Bright Arrow had noticed the very points which Silver Hawk was making—Gray Eagle’s aged body, eyes, ears, and mind—and it tormented him deeply. Yet, he had forced himself to ignore those warning signs, for he hated to admit such a thing even to himself. He also knew that Silver Hawk was right on another matter; this new battle with the whites would be their worst and they needed a superior chief and war leader. No matter how much he loved and respected his father, his people and other tribes should not wishfully choose to ride, and to die, behind a legend. One lapse in thinking, planning, or fighting and all could be lost forever. He wished his father would grasp his limitations and gently refuse the honor which Bright Arrow knew would be placed upon his shoulders as a burden which could destroy them, but he knew his father would lead them and fight for them until his death. He asked himself if he should speak openly and honestly with his father on this grave and personal matter. It would do no good, he decided, recalling how many had talked with Bright Arrow long ago over a grave and personal matter—Rebecca Kenny—and how he had not listened to or heeded their words; and look what it had cost him. Perhaps his father was remaining chief only long enough for his chosen successor to get enough age, size, respect, coups, and experience to take over as chief. If he had not lost that right, he had enough of each to take his father’s place this day. Anguish and anger filled him as he realized he no longer possessed the reason for his loss of rank, Rebecca Kenny. Now he had neither.

  Silver Hawk had pretended to wet his throat with water while giving his words time to sink in and to work on Bright Arrow. Yes, Bright Arrow had been his friend and companion since childhood, but if he had to use him, or even destroy him, to get what was rightfully his, he would. If they could work together, they could continue as friends and allies, but work together without Bright Arrow’s knowledge.

  The devious Silver Hawk kept his tone controlled as he informed Bright Arrow, “Medicine Bear has lived sixty-two winters and he has no son worthy of becoming the Blackfeet chief, yet it is time for him to release the chiefs bonnet. No warrior in my camp has coups or skills to match Silver Hawk’s. Many whisper about voting me chief over Medicine Bear’s sons, for it is my right and duty. Evil took my father, not the Great Spirit, so I still have a claim and right to the chiefs bonnet. Because our tribes are linked through our mother Shalee, many know this bond will grow larger and stronger if I become chief. On my last visionquest, I saw myself standing on a hill, looking over our lands free of whites, and I was wearing the Blackfeet chief’s bonnet.”

  Silver Hawk locked his gaze with Bright Arrow’s as he added, “And my friend and brother Bright Arrow stood beside me, wearing the Oglala chief’s bonnet. The time has come, my brother, when your rank must, and will, be returned to you. The Great Spirit has made you a matchless warrior and He has removed all reasons to prevent your rightful destiny. You have but one need to prove your heart is all Indian; you must marry an Indian girl of high rank, one who can bind you to the bloodline of other great chiefs and prove your value.”

  Bright Arrow’s gaze widened as he caught Silver Hawk’s meaning. “You speak of your sister Singing Wind. What does she say of such things? And what of my father’s words, Sun Cloud is to follow him?”

  “Singing Wind has chosen no love or husband, for she waits for one worthy of her blood and rank. She is destined to become a great chiefs wife; I know this and she knows this. She has much love and respect in her heart for Bright Arrow. If you approach Medicine Bear for her hand in joining, she will agree. Her head is strong and willful many times, but she is smarter than most females and she has much courage and daring. With the love and guidance of a strong hand and good husband, she will become all she is meant to be. Do you not see the truth, my brother? The Great Spirit did not make Brave Bear and Shalee of the same bloodline so this union could be possible. He gave you the white woman to fill your days to prevent you from joining another before Singing Wind was of age. He used the white woman to take you from your people so He could remove all weaknesses and flaws from your body, so He could test you and strengthen you and return you to your people to become a matchless warrior and chief. When the time came, He removed her from your life, for her work was done. Do not suffer ove
r her loss, my brother, for I am sure the Great Spirit did not slay her; He has returned her to her rightful destiny. Long ago, He made us friends and blood brothers and He has chosen this season to return our ranks, to make us chiefs who will ride together and lead our peoples to survival and greatness.”

  “How can this be, Silver Hawk? When I returned to my people after I was banished, I agreed to follow Sun Cloud after my father.”

  Silver Hawk eyed the warrior across from him, his dark hair still short from his recent coup. He could tell that Bright Arrow was wavering, in doubt and in hope. “You agreed before you knew the truth, my brother. Sun Cloud is young and he is not ready to be your chief. He will know this to be true, and he will yield to your higher rank. Perhaps it is the will of the Great Spirit for Sun Cloud to follow you as chief, unless Singing Wind gives you a son,” he added slyly, knowing how important a son was to a warrior, especially to a chief. He saw Bright Arrow’s eyes gleam with anticipation at his last words.

  Bright Arrow responded, “Sun Cloud will be chief one day, for my father saw it in his vision, but perhaps it is meant to be after me. If this is so, the Great Spirit will guide us to the right path.”

  “Perhaps your father had a dream, my brother, which he mistakes for a vision,” the Blackfeet warrior suggested. “We must seek a vision together to see if the Great Spirit will give us answers. There are evil days ahead, and we must take the time to seek His will for us and our people. Will you come to the sweat lodge with me to begin our journey to the truth? We must find it, for the sun approaches when both our tribes will choose new chiefs. If it is our duty to lead our peoples, we must be ready and willing to face all who think otherwise, and perhaps battle any who go against the will of the Great Spirit.”

  “You speak wisely, Silver Hawk. If Wakantanka desires me to lead our people after my father, I must learn this quickly, so I can obey His call when the moment arrives.”

  “Come, speak with Singing Wind while I prepare things for us.”

  “I must seek Wakantanka’s will before I approach your sister. If she knows she is to join a chief, she will not consider me at this time.”

  “I do not mean you to ask for her hand in joining this visit, but you must make your interest in her known so she can be thinking of you, or dreaming of you,” Silver Hawk teased with a mischievous grin. “Many women desire you, and she will feel honored you notice her. Spark an ember in her heart this sun, then when the time is right, kindle it into a raging flame of desire for you. Once when we spoke of you, she said you did not know she lived as a woman. She thinks you still mourn for Wahea and wish no woman to take her place. Her eyes danced with fire and light as she spoke of you. She can be yours, my brother.”

  As Singing Wind’s image came to mind, Bright Arrow smiled. She was a beautiful and desirable female, and young enough to bear children. Too, she had spirit and strength, which many often confused with defiance. Perhaps Silver Hawk was right, he mused; perhaps his life was taking the path he was meant to walk…

  While Silver Hawk went to see the ceremonial chief to ask his help with their joint visionquest, Bright Arrow walked around camp, as if visiting others while he secretly sought his friend’s sister. He located her gathering firewood near the river. She halted and smiled genially when he approached her. “It is good to see you, Singing Wind. Your beauty increases with each season, and it brings joy to look upon it.” He glanced around, then remarked, “I am surprised there is no line of warriors trying to share a blanket with you. Surely Blackfeet braves are not blind this season,” he teased in a mellow voice.

  Singing Wind laughed softly, for his expression and tone were sincere and flattering. She had always felt at ease with Bright Arrow, and they had laughed and talked countless times over the years. She jested in return, “Many think I am too wild and headstrong to please them. It is good to see your smile and to hear your laughter again; I have missed them since Wahea was taken from your side.”

  Bright Arrow inhaled deeply, then slowly released the spent air. He eyed the beauty of the land and the woman before him. “It is good to want to smile and laugh again. Wakantanka has renewed my heart and spirit as Mother Earth renews our lands. My life with Wahea is over, and I must seek a new one. But the available women of my tribe are as undesirable as the men of your tribe are blind. Perhaps we will both be lucky this season and find our rightful mates.”

  She eyed his robust frame which was so different from the sleek body of Sun Cloud. Her gaze took in his fire-tinged hair and leafy brown eyes, so unlike the midnight shades of his younger brother’s. She liked how Sun Cloud wore his hair loose, whereas Bright Arrow wore his braided. As with his name, he wore a shiny arrow medallion around his thick neck, which was not as striking as the sun-cloud design of her love’s. Yet, he was handsome and virile like Sun Cloud. “You do not need luck, Bright Arrow, for you are a warrior who causes women to chase after you. See, I still speak too boldly.”

  Between chuckles, he replied, “But the women who chase me do not appeal to me. I seek a special woman, one with strength and pride, one who is unafraid to speak her thoughts and to obey them. Let no one change you with their words, Singing Wind, for it is good to have strength and confidence, to be smart and brave. Other females only tease you because they are jealous and envious, for they wish they had the courage to be like you. And a man of real strength and honor has the courage and wisdom to realize and appreciate your value. Do not worry when others wonder why you remain unjoined, for the Great Spirit will choose a special man and send him to you.”

  “This I also know, Bright Arrow; this is why I wait patiently for him. Long ago, I told myself to stop listening to and being hurt by the jests of others. Sometimes it is difficult; sometimes it is not.”

  They laughed as she placed her wood in a sling and, together, they headed back to her tepee. “You have learned much about men from living in the tepee of Chief Medicine Bear.”

  “Perhaps too much,” she stated with a playful grin. “I have seen them at their best and worst, and viewed their strengths and flaws, but I pray there are a few surprises left to learn, or life will be dull.”

  “There are, Singing Wind, there are,” he told her confidently.

  Silver Hawk joined them, delighting in the easy rapport which he had observed. Without knowing it, this man would help him obtain all of his desires: the Blackfeet chiefs bonnet, his sister’s absence, Sun Cloud’s bring-down, Gray Eagle’s death, and Tashina. Yet, Bright Arrow would be rewarded for his unknowing aid, for he would become the next Oglala chief and he would obtain a wife to give him sons.

  “All is ready, my brother, and Jumping Rabbit waits for us,” he announced happily, even sending his sister a warm smile.

  “We seek a joint vision in these evil times; we need the Great Spirit’s guidance,” Bright Arrow told the girl at her look of bewilderment.

  The two warriors went to the sweat lodge, which was constructed near the edge of camp and shaped like a bowl turned upside down. It was built of sturdy and flexible saplings, then covered snugly with hides to shut out light and air and to trap steam inside. This purification ceremony must be carried out before a man could seek a vision.

  Silver Hawk and Bright Arrow entered, their eyes slowly adjusting to dimness. Each removed his breechcloth and moccasins, and handed them to the ceremonial chief, who placed them outside the lodge. Jumping Rabbit filled a hole in the ground with hot rocks from his fire outside the hut. He handed Silver Hawk a bag of water, then took his place near the entrance to continue his duty when necessary. He began to chant for the Great Spirit to aid the men’s search for His will.

  Silver Hawk poured some of the water over the rocks, which sizzled and popped and caused steam to rise from them. He continued this process until moist clouds surrounded them and covered their nude bodies. At a special signal, Jumping Rabbit entered quickly, added more hot rocks, then left swiftly to prevent the steam from escaping. He did this several times during the sweating process, whi
ch was done to release all impurities, evil spirits, and fear from warriors. It was to prepare their bodies to be worthy of accepting a message from the Great Spirit. The men sweated profusely as they rubbed sage over their wet flesh and chanted to Wakantanka. They inhaled the cloudy mist, believing it to be the cleansing breath of the Great Spirit. They swayed to and fro as they sang and prayed to be worthy of this rite.

  Neither talked, for words could break the spell which was being created with this first step. As it was the end of April and they did not have the aid of the scorching summer sun to beat down upon the hut which made the sweating come easier, the ceremonial chief had to heat and add more rocks than usual for the heat and humidity inside the hut to do its task. Sweat mingled with steam soaked their bodies and ran down them like tiny rivers over hard ground. Their sitting mats were drenched in less than an hour. Their hair was wet, and it clung to their necks, and to Silver Hawk’s back for his was long. As time passed, breathing became harsh and difficult, and faces grew red from their efforts to endure this ritual. Still, they sat cross-legged and chanting as if nothing were sapping their energy as they lost precious body fluids, a dangerous state for weaker men, especially when it followed a fast and preceded a Sun Dance rite.

  When their required time elapsed, the ceremonial chief handed them more sage to rub over their bodies. He then removed hides from the far side of the hut and allowed cooler air to revive the men while they dressed, to head from camp to seek privacy for their visionquest.

  Seeking a lofty place which put them in full view of the Great Spirit, as was their custom, the two warriors dismounted and followed the ceremonial chief to the place which he had chosen for them. As silence was commanded throughout the entire ritual, neither had spoken since just before entering the sweat lodge. The area in which they were to sit and wait was staked off, a small post representing each direction of the medicine wheel. A rawhide rope was strung from post to post; from which, Jumping Rabbit suspended bunches of sweet grass, sage, and sacred tokens. Two sitting mats were placed inside the square, and the men were instructed to take their places, facing eastward, from which enlightenment was said to come.