Bittersweet Ecstasy

by Taylor, Janelle

  “I know, my love. Swear you will not be angry at my next words.”

  She stiffened slightly and gazed at him as if to mutely say, please do not spoil this time together. “I swear,” she hesitantly replied.

  He suggested in a strained voice, “Watch over Medicine Bear. With his sons dead and Silver Hawk standing one step from the Blackfeet chief’s bonnet, I fear for his life. If your brother’s vision is true, your chief and father must die for it to come to pass.”

  Singing Wind shifted her position from his lap to between his legs, her knees sinking in the soft mud on the river bottom. She gazed into his entreating eyes and placed her hands upon his shoulders. “You are still suspicious of him, are you not?” she probed.

  He did not want to reply, at least not honestly, but did. “Yes.”

  She smiled and caressed his cheek, for he had trusted her and their love enough to be honest. “He left camp while you were eating with Dull Knife and did not return until it was eating time again. He was tense and angry, at more than Tashina’s absence,” she confessed painfully. “I do not wish to accept it or to speak it, but there is a bad spirit in him, one I have viewed and denied too long. He causes stirrings of doubt and fear within me, and your words tell me why. Perhaps it is wrong, but I will watch over Medicine Bear, and I will watch my brother. I do not believe his vision is true, but I cannot explain Bright Arrow’s, for he is not like Silver Hawk and would not lie about the Great Spirit’s message. Silver Hawk desires Tashina and the chiefs bonnet, and I fear he will do anything to win them.” She related her past talks with her brother, especially those involving him and her and Bright Arrow. “You trick him, for you are not his friend.”

  “I am sorry he is your brother and the son of Brave Bear, but I must not allow him to join his evil and greed to those of the white man. If he is wrong, I must do all I can to expose him and punish him. Will you still love me and join me if I must…destroy him for his evil?”

  She realized how confident he was about their relationship to speak so openly. “You must do what is best for our people. If he is bad, you must punish him. If he is evil, you must…destroy him. I beg you, my love, be sure you are right before you take either action against him, for others might be as blind as I was and may side with him.”

  He hugged her so fiercely that she could hardly breathe. Love and gratitude shone brightly in his eyes. “I was right to choose you, Singing Wind, for you stand above all other women, as my mother did. No other woman could have won my heart. One day our love and passion will rival those of Gray Eagle and Shalee. You have her same mixture of strength and gentleness. You have her same courage and cunning. You have her same wisdom and pride. You take much and you give much, as it should be. You are mine forever and beyond.”

  As she had done earlier, Singing Wind’s fingertips traced his proud chin and full lips, then trailed over his nose and across his forehead. She wanted to know, to touch, to admire, to kiss every inch of him. As before, she playfully seized his hair on either side of his arresting face and pulled his mouth to hers, fusing their lips as she straddled his lap and brought their private domains into intimate contact. She spread kisses over his face, then the top of his wet head as his mouth searched for and found her taut breasts and lavished attention on them.

  He gazed into her serene eyes and revealed, “Shalee knew of my love and desire for you, and they pleased her. When I tried to speak of you to her, she laughed and said she had seen the signs for a long time. She guessed I had not discovered this truth long before I spoke to her. I told her of how I had tried to resist you, but could not. She said, ‘Such is the way of love, my son.’ She asked if you felt the same about me, and I joked about you resisting my magic as I had resisted yours. She said no female could resist me for I was my father’s image in looks and ways. Their love is powerful and endless; even death cannot destroy it, as it will be with us. She said we would speak of you and of my taking the chiefs bonnet after the war council, and my father agreed, for he knew he was no longer a top warrior and it was time for me to take his place. They did not live to see that sun.”

  His hands grasped her face and pulled it close to his. “I must have you and the chief’s bonnet, my love; it is my destiny and my duty.”

  “With all my heart, I know your words and feelings are true. We will expose my brother’s evil. We will prove his vision is false, and we will be free to join each other. I will stick to him as a feather to a greased hand. He will do and see nothing which I do not.”

  He cautioned worriedly, “Take no risks, Singing Wind. Do not return to your stubborn and daring ways. He is your brother, but he is dangerous. He would not hesitate to slay you or me to get his desires. Watch him, but do nothing more. Do not follow him or ask him questions. He will become suspicious; then all is lost. Promise to obey me, for I could not bear to see you harmed or to lose you forever. Please,” he urged her, showing his inner emotions to her.

  “You are right again. I would risk my life to expose such evil, but I will not risk yours, my love. We will wait and watch, for surely Grandfather will expose such evil. When can we be together again?”

  “I do not know, my love. We must be careful until this mistake is corrected. I will try to find a time and place which are safe.”

  “If we tell Tashina, she could help us meet when her father is away.”

  “Tashina is young and in love. She is afraid. If trouble arises, she could tell all to free herself from her own trap. No one must know.”

  “I am still impulsive and selfish, for my mind is cloudy.”

  “Return to camp, and I will remain here for a time. Make sure you avoid me, or the truth will be as clear as spring water.”

  “I can sleep now, and calm my fears, for you will be mine,” she stated confidently. “Be sure to avoid other women as you avoid me.”

  “Who could even stand in your shadow, Singing Wind? No one.”

  “As no one can stand in yours, Sun Cloud, no one.” She kissed him and, after pulling on her garments, returned to camp.

  In the Cheyenne camp, Soul-of-Thunder lay awake for hours as he deliberated his impending course of action. Finally, he slipped from his father’s tepee and walked a short distance from camp, then sat on the ground with his legs crossed and his gaze on the partial moon.

  “What troubles you so deeply, my son?” Windrider asked, which did not startle Soul-of-Thunder who had sensed his father’s approach.

  The younger Cheyenne warrior shifted his gaze to the older one. “As with my name, my spirit trembles as the earth when it thunders. I do not know if my father and my people will understand what I must do in two moons, for this is a bad time to do it,” he murmured mysteriously. “But I have searched my heart and my head, and I must follow them, for they worked together. My life rests in the Great Spirit’s hands.”

  “Speak of what troubles them,” Windrider coaxed earnestly, taking a matching position close to his oldest son, whom he had tried not to love and favor over his other children, but it was difficult. This child was so much like him, and had brought great pride and joy to his heart. As a Dog Man and war chief, he was thrilled by his son’s new rank; as a father, he was tormented by the numerous perils in it.

  Soul-of-Thunder was proud of his father, their war chief and a survivor of the dog-rope season. He loved and respected his father above all men. His father was a great warrior, and a good man. Even Windrider’s joining to a white woman named Bonnie Thorne, now called Sky Eyes, had changed no one’s opinion of him. The somber male revealed, “After the war council on the next sun, I must ride to the Oglala camp to speak with your friend Bright Arrow…to challenge for Tashina in joining. After my words are spoken, I will return home to await the sun of my battle when Bright Arrow sends for me.” He finished his unexpected confession by adding, “She is my love and my destiny, and Silver Hawk cannot have her. She loves and desires only me.”

  “Do you know what words you speak, my son? A death challenge. Silver Haw
k is to be a chief. You are a dog-rope wearer. This is bad. We are at war with the white man. This will cause trouble for our tribes.”

  “It must be, Father, for I cannot live to see her bound to another. Our lives have been as one since you brought her to our camp long ago. We have waited until we were old enough to seek a tepee and union together. Silver Hawk cannot step between us. She was not approached about this joining, and she does not wish it. It is wrong to force her to join another when she loves me, when I love her. How can Bright Arrow say such a wicked thing is her duty to him and their people? Silver Hawk craves my love and his chief’s bonnet, and he speaks falsely to get them. I say his vision is false, if there was a vision. If his words and claims are true, he will win our challenge. If they are not, I will return home with Tashina as my wife. It must be, Father.”

  “My son, my son,” Windrider murmured worriedly, “you have no right to call for the death challenge. You know our laws and theirs.”

  “I am sorry to change your thoughts and feelings for me, Father, but I do have the right to challenge for her,” he refuted pointedly.

  “How can this be?” Windrider questioned in amazement. “You have taken the daughter of my friend to a sleeping mat?”

  “We are in love and we plan to join. Our bodies burned so fiercely with the power of our love that we could not control our actions. Twice we have come together upon the sleeping mat, but we promised never to unite our bodies again until after we were joined, after my year as a Dog-rope wearer, if I survived it. She did not want to wait, but I refused to share a tepee with her until my danger was past. I was wrong not to announce my claim and to make her mine in joining. Now, she is trapped by Silver Hawk’s and her father’s dreams of glory.”

  “Do not speak badly of great warriors,” his father warned. “Love and defeat steal your tongue and senses. Why did she not tell her father of your love and unions before he accepted Silver Hawk’s claim?”

  Soul-of-Thunder responded bitterly, “She was not asked her feelings or told of Silver Hawk’s offer until it had been revealed to all in council. She was given to him as if a lifeless possession; this was wrong. She loves her father and feared to make his vision appear false by running away to me, for it would steal the chief’s bonnet from his head. She feared it would cause Silver Hawk to death-challenge me for her. She is confused by what she feels and fears, and by what she is ordered to do. If her union with Silver Hawk was the will of Grandfather, He would not have placed love in our hearts for each other, and He would have prevented us from uniting our bodies. Grandfather does not halt all from doing mischief or evil, but He prevents it when it interferes with His will. Your friend was wrong and blind to give away his child before speaking to her. Would you give Heart Flower to Black Moon before asking her if she loved or desired another? No, you would not.”

  Soul-of-Thunder had made his point by using Windrider’s lovely daughter and the worst warrior he could think of as his example. He reasoned urgently, “What if she carries my son, your first grandson, the bloodline of Windrider? How can I allow another man to take what is mine? I love her, Father. I need her. Do you recall how it was when Sky Eyes entered your life and land? You took her to your sleeping mat before you were joined, not because she was your slave, but because your heart and body burned for hers. That is how it was and is between me and Tashina. Help me win her, Father. Help me,” he implored, in anguish which seized Windrider’s heart and soul.

  “Say nothing at the war council, my son. When it is over, I will ride with you to the Oglala camp to speak with my friend Bright Arrow. I will try to settle this matter without bloodshed. And without dishonoring Tashina. If this can be done quickly and easily, all will soon forget it, for our lives are surrounded by darker matters.”

  Soul-of-Thunder felt as if a burden were lifted from his body. He smiled and embraced his father. “All is good now, for Windrider will be at my side. You have been his friend longer and closer than Silver Hawk; he will listen to you. This is Grandfather’s will; I am sure of it.”

  Windrider watched his son head for the river to enjoy an enlivening swim, for he would be able to sleep after his worry sweat was removed from his body. Windrider sighed heavily. Long ago he had nearly won the heart and hand of Rebecca Kenny, Tashina’s mother. It had not been meant to be. Now, his son was after the heart and hand of Rebecca’s daughter, and perhaps that was not meant to be…

  Chapter Fifteen

  The joint war council, which took place in another spot and nearer to the Oglala camp this time, went smoothly and rapidly, for all involved in the impending strategy were eager to return to their tribes to prepare for it. All scouting reports were given, and recent war coups were related. It was decided that that day and on the morrow numerous small bands would harry the Army patrols and distract the fort from the Indians’ real target: Cooper’s secret camp, late tomorrow night. It was agreed that the other tribes would honor the Oglalas’ choice of chief, between Gray Eagle’s sons. It was also decided that Sun Cloud would paint his face as his father had, ride a white horse, carry weapons and a shield which matched Gray Eagle’s, and wear the chiefs bonnet to strike terror and doubt into the hearts of the soldiers and other whites, who would believe he was the spirit of Gray Eagle. Each time Sun Cloud rode as his father’s ghost, he was to leave a Bluejay with an eagle feather piercing its heart as a warning sign. Surely the bluecoats’ fears would mount quickly, considering the words Bright Arrow and his band had overheard in both white camps. The warriors and chiefs went their separate ways five hours before dusk.

  When the Oglala band reached their camp, Silver Hawk took his sister and went home, leaving Sun Cloud no chance to speak with her. Silver Hawk had talked briefly and privately with Tashina, who looked rather pale and shaky afterward, and Sun Cloud knew he must check on this curious matter before leaving camp that afternoon.

  The Oglala warriors met to select which bands would try to locate and harass the whites and which ones would hunt for their people and guard their camp. Although his arm still pained him, Bright Arrow insisted on seeking their foes and destroying as many as possible. Sun Cloud agreed to take charge of their tribe’s safety and food supply.

  Sun Cloud approached Bright Arrow while he was preparing his, horse and weapons. He cautioned, “You must worry more over what is best for our people rather than competing with me for voting coups. Do not risk your life or those of your band by doing as you did when you rashly sought Flaming Hair. You are injured, my brother, and do not have full strength at this time. Forget him, Bright Arrow, until Grandfather places him before you for destruction, not because of your hunger for revenge, but for the good of our people and lands.”

  Bright Arrow stared at Sun Cloud. He refused to see the demands, sacrifices, and dangers of obtaining his dreams. He was blinded by the false vision which Silver Hawk had given to him, and had helped bring to life with his unknown treachery. “I will be chief, Sun Cloud.”

  Sun Cloud eyed his brother, anguish and disappointment vividly exposed in his expression. “If it is the will of the Great Spirit, so ‘be it, my brother, but we must not make this a personal rivalry between us; and you must not force Tashina to be a part of your dreams,” he added shockingly. “It is not her duty or destiny to join to Silver Hawk. She loves the son of Windrider and suffers over his loss. If you had spoken to her before announcing your selfish decision, she would have told you the truth and halted this cruel command. While you are gone, my brother, think on what you desire and see if it matches the will of Grandfather. Before you give your precious child to Silver Hawk, consider what is best for Tashina, not for you. She has the right to enjoy the same happiness, love, and passion which you shared with Wahea, which Silver Hawk will deny her. Soul-of-Thunder is her destiny and love; do not alter them to make your vision come true.”

  “A man does not make his vision come true; the Great Spirit does,” Bright Arrow protested. “Why has she not spoken of this to me?”

  Sun Cloud
explained her reasons. “Are you sure this vision came from Grandfather, or from the depths of your own mind and desires?”

  “Next, you will tell me Singing Wind should not be mine,” Bright Arrow scoffed, as a curious feeling washed over him and he denied it.

  “I believe it is her destiny to marry the Oglala chief,” Sun Cloud stated carefully.

  Bright Arrow glared at him. “She is mine and the chief’s bonnet is mine,” he replied to his brother’s shocking insinuation. “Such things were revealed in two visions, and two visions cannot be wrong.”

  Sun Cloud knew it was best not to argue at this time, so he said, “Go and do what is best for our people, but think on my words.”

  “I will forget them, for they come from a jealous heart and tongue. Long ago, I lost all because of my mistakes; I will make no more.” He relented slightly. “But I will speak to Tashina when I return.”

  “That is all I ask, my brother, for I love you and know these times are difficult for you. Watch over your life and arm. Ride with Grandfather and let Him guide and protect you.”

  Bright Arrow had been about to send forth another sharp comment, but could not after witnessing his brother’s sincerity. “These days are hard for all, Sun Cloud. I will remember we are brothers and sons of Gray Eagle and Shalee, as you must.” Bright Arrow mounted and left.

  Sun Cloud went to speak with Tashina before he left to hunt. “What words did Silver Hawk say to bring such fear and panic to your face?” he asked her the moment they were alone.

  “He says he will insist on our joining after the victory on the next moon. I told him I was in my woman’s way and we must wait, but he knew I lied. He refused. He said he had saved my life and I was promised to him and he would wait no longer to claim what is his. There was a coldness and cruelty in his eyes and tone, Sun Cloud,”

  “I spoke to my brother of your love for Windrider’s son. I told him it is wrong to force you to make his vision come true. He said he will speak to you when he returns. I sent a message to your love. There was no time for us to speak at the war council, but I saw the look in his eyes. Soul-of-Thunder will not lose you; he loves you.”