Ben stood and seemed ready to go, waving his hand in the air and cutting Matt off mid-sentence. “Okay, okay, I'm leaving. But you don't want me to do that, you know.”
“How the hell do you know what I want?” Matt pounded his fist on the arm of the chair, ready to continue venting his rage.
“I know you still want Kate. That's all I need to know about you,” Ben said as gently as he could. “I love her too, Matt, as the daughter I never had. Maybe I tried to keep her away from you for selfish reasons. No, it's not what you think,” Ben added, “I’m not a pervert. I have known Kate and Lilly and their mother for a long time. They are the closest thing I have to a family. I would never do anything to harm any of them. I truly believed I was doing what was right for all of you, yes for you too, Matt. I thought I was protecting Kate, and you would find someone with a more suitable lifestyle for you. Her work demands she keep a level head, stay objective in the field, she has to be able to leave her assignments behind at the end of a job. What would happen if she got involved with every asset? It would be difficult for her to continue—”
“Yeah,” Matt interrupted, “that would be terrible for you wouldn't it. You might lose a good agent. You mean none of your other agents have lives? Don't they have families who care about them? They don't go home at the end of the day and say, gee honey, what's for dinner, I'm a starved secret agent? You can't control the whole damn world, Mr. Madison; I blame you for Kate's decision not to see me. You taught her duty was more important than her happiness. If you really loved her, you would have wanted her to be happy, and yes, I could have made her happy. But you never let her decide for herself. You dictated, and she followed. Issues, Mr. Madison, yes, I have a whole heap of issues. But, the only one that mattered to me was Kate, and you think she is a game piece and you can move her around a board at will.”
“No, Matt! You’re wrong, and that's what I have been trying to tell you. You're wrong. I admit I helped her reach her decision, but I'm here to try to undo it if that is what she wants. If we work together, we can get you two back together. That's what you want, isn't it, Matt? You want her, don't you? If you tell me honestly, you don't, and you want me to leave it alone, leave it the way it is now, I will Matt. But think carefully before you answer. I will honor whatever you say.” Ben stood poised in the doorway with his hand on the knob, ready to do Matt's bidding.
Confusion and pain ran up and down his body in waves. It was all Matt could do to remain standing. The last thing I want to do is break down in front of Ben Madison, but what if what he’s saying is true. What if Ben could or would get us together? Matt had been down this road so many times before, hoping and praying for the one person who held his life by a thread. And, if she sticks to her earlier decision and says no? Again? Can I stand the rejection one more time? Why should I put myself through that again? Haven’t I been hurt enough already?
“What makes you think you can just change her mind? You talked her out of a future with me, what can you possibly say that will undo that?” Matt demanded.
“You're going to have to trust me on this one,” Ben said.
“Trust you?”
“Yeah, I'm asking you to do just that.”
“I don't know what I want right now. Yes, maybe I do still want Kate, but loving her has been one hell of a painful ride, and I'm not sure I can go through with another round of that.”
“Matt, we've not always gotten along, and I admit my personality can be rather abrasive. Okay, controlling. But I do believe we can achieve what you want with Kate if you give me a chance to prove it to you. I'm going now, and I'll understand if you hate my guts, and I never hear from you again, but if you want my help, call me at this number,” he handed Matt a plain white card with a single phone number on it. “That's my private number; I don't give it to many people. Let me know what you decide. I'll help you or leave you alone. You have my word; it's not a game.” Then he was gone, swallowed up by the downpour as his shape disappeared completely in a torrent of gray.
Sleep was not going to be easy, and he tossed and turned for hours, unable to shut down the mental turmoil. Why can’t anything in life be easy? Why do I have to pay a price for every bit of happiness? More than life itself, I wish I could erase all the time between us, just go to sleep and wake up to find Kate smiling at me. His stepfather once told him not to wish for a life without problems. That, he had said, would be a life without purpose. Well, his life certainly was fraught with purpose then. There was too damn much purpose from his point of view.
It was hours before sleep finally dulled his senses and gave his tortured mind some peace. But it was short lived. Matt awoke shivering. The whole room was blurry and cold and shrouded in mist. The fog had an odd odor to it, salty but with a heady fragrance of flowers as well. It clung to the inside of his nose, and he couldn't hide from it beneath the blanket. He reached for the lamp beside his bed, flooding the room with light.
The fog rolled and swirled as it gently bounced off the walls of his room. “Alright,” he spoke to the fog, “I'm having a nightmare, and if it's not a nightmare then I'm hallucinating again, but I've never experienced anything this weird.” His clothes felt real, the bed felt real, but where in hell had the fog come from? Even the strongest of medications never conjured anything like this before. His feet on the cold floor told him he wasn't dreaming. He was awake. Somehow the fog had crept in from the rain-drenched world outside. It was bizarre, but as he walked around the apartment, Matt noticed the fog was only in his bedroom. The other rooms of his home were fine.
Matt returned to the bedroom only to discover the fog was gone. It disappeared as quickly as it came. Damn, am I hallucinating again? So, every time I get stressed, I’m going to see things. The bed he found was perfectly dry. No floral scent remained, and no fog. Just the miserable feeling his mind would never be his to control. For the first time in months, Matt pulled a bottle of pills out of the drawer and popped two in his mouth.
“HEY, DOC THANKS FOR taking my call. I'm a little scared about something I'd like to discuss; do you have any time open this morning?” Matt could barely wait until seven o’clock to give his doctor a call, he knew it was early, but given the circumstances, he hoped he would be forgiven.
“Alright Matt,” Doc Richards said, “go on over to the office, I'll meet you there in twenty minutes.”
“Thanks. I wouldn't bother you this early if it weren't important.”
After a brief physical, Matt checked out fine, and the two men sat in the doctor's private office watching the coffee pot begin to drip. “So, tell me what else is happening Matt, what other symptoms are you having?”
“Nothing. I've been feeling good, at least physically, this hit me like a ton of bricks. I never saw it coming. Am I having a relapse or something?”
“You said physically, but how have you been mentally? Is something bothering you? Since you came back from Europe, you've regained most of your memory and jumped back into work. Maybe it's been too much of a strain, too much too soon. That might be all that's happening.”
“I'm tired, I know, but that shouldn't create fog in my bedroom, and no, for the tenth time, I wasn't dreaming. I know what I saw.”
“Well, I’m no psychiatrist, but in my professional opinion, all I can tell you is in cases like this, the mind is usually trying to tell you something. Do you have any idea what that might be?”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The plane dipped as it started its descent, circling Birmingham International Airport. Swinging around to make his approach toward the East, the pilot turned the craft into the morning sun. The light danced along the wing and reflected at his window, temporarily obstructing his view of the ground below. Matt hadn’t paid much attention the last time as he flew over the marshes and heathers of the British Isles and the beauty of the patchwork quilt below him held his rapt attention. Wisps of gauzy clouds flitted over the ground. Farms with their meandering rock fences framed the picture which was dotted with
patches of moving white forms he knew to be sheep. Rough, craggy outcroppings of boulders shone a wet gray in the morning sun. The storms they flew through during the night were all behind them, and the plane approached the runway with a fluid motion and a promise of a beautiful day before him.
Matt was glad he decided to fly directly to Birmingham rather than going through Heathrow again. He wasn't sure if he could handle the emotions and memories which were sure to be waiting in London. Someday he would go back there. He needed to close the tragedy behind him, but not yet, he had too many raw nerves about his role in the London massacre. Besides, in spite of Ben’s assurances that his name had been cleared of any suspicious or malicious charges throughout Europe; and neither Scotland Yard nor Interpol, nor any other international agency would be after his hide when he landed on their soil, he was still nervous about going through London. Birmingham was much closer to Aberystwyth and Kate anyway.
After many sleepless nights and repeated coaxing from Ben, Matt finally decided to go. The decision left him asking himself over and over what the hell he was doing, again. The answer always came back to the same thing. He wanted Kate. He needed Kate. And finally, he knew where she would be. No messenger between them, no waiting for the rejection to come by phone. He would face her and tell her how he felt. Let the chips fall where they may, he thought. He could not, and would not, live the rest of his life without this attempt to recapture the one woman he knew was his destiny. If only he could be hers as well.
So be it. The deed was done, and here he was, landing in Great Britain for a second time on the trail of the woman he loved. Ben told him he would find her and Lilly along with their mother at the cottage with Franny. It might be an awkward moment with so many others around, but Matt would get beyond that. He couldn't keep chasing her, and with her job, no one but Ben and the CIA could find her if she didn't want to be found. This was his only chance, and he would have to deal with the circumstances as they were. Not that he thought Elizabeth or Lilly would interfere with his attempt to win Kate back, he believed they were both firmly on his side.
Franny was another story. After his last eerie encounter with Franny, and whatever force surrounded her, he wasn't at all sure she would want him connected to one of the twins; and not have some other terrible prediction about his destiny in store for him. He truly liked Franny, but he had a healthy respect for her ‘abilities’ whatever they were or however they worked and adding her to the reunion with Kate left him a little uneasy.
But something else urged him on—an omen of sorts. He was given a clean bill of health, at least physically, by Doc Richards, so the nightmare of fog must be something stirring in his brain. Maybe it was the hint of sea air and the scent of lavender delivered by an unseen hand that inflamed his memory and brought forth such a yearning for Kate he could think of nothing else but her. He knew somehow, his vision was linked to Kate. Not that she caused it, but he couldn't shake the feeling once again he’d been delivered a message, and he must heed the opportunity or regret the decision for the rest of his life.
Ben was finally able to convince him the only way to get Kate back was to force a reunion of sorts. Even after a lengthy conversation the morning following the night's ghostly fog sighting, Matt wasn't at all sure it was such a good idea, and his stomach churned with his doubts. Ben shared with Matt some of his conversations with Kate where she entrusted him with her feelings and fears about Matt. The real shocker to Matt was, first of all, Ben owned a soft side, and secondly, he would divulge their conversation, which Matt was certain Kate had not intended to have repeated. What Matt couldn't get his arms around was why Ben was doing this to help him.
His suspicions rang every bell and whistle in his head, but after three days and nights of trying, he couldn't find an ulterior motive and began to take Ben's actions at face value. His scientific mind analyzed the situation, and although he mistrusted it on several levels, his heart wanted to believe everything Ben said, even his prediction Kate would welcome the confrontation, maybe not initially, but eventually. It was that phrase which terrified Matt the most.
All the way over the Atlantic, Matt scribbled notes in an attempt to find the right words to say to Kate. Everything hung on the first few minutes of their meeting. If he screwed it up, he might never have another chance to win her back. One shot, he knew, was all he was going to get—one shot.
No one knew he decided to go, except his boss. He asked for a couple of days off, and although the new head of the department was curious, he said nothing and approved the request. Matt thought better of calling Ben and giving him a heads up. It would be better if he went unannounced. If mid-trip he changed his mind, no one would be the wiser and he wouldn't feel like an idiot or have to explain anything to anyone. The plane touched down with barely a bump, and he was back in England and headed toward his fate on the Welsh coast.
“ON ME OLD BONES, OUR young man is coming,” Franny crooned to herself as she rocked Beastie in the big chair by the fireplace and cozied up to a hot cup of tea. “Ye did it, Laury; ye brought him back. Aye, the lasses and their mum will be here soon. Better brew up some more tea as well. It's gonna be a long and verra interestin day, it is.”
Peals of laughter bubbled out the windows of the little car as it bounced and jiggled over the road to the bluffs. The twins always loved the ride out to the cottage and never minded the ruts cut by car tires or cartwheels or the stones that rose out of the ground after each rain; cobble-stoning the surface and making their teeth rattle. Elizabeth laughed as well. Welsh roads had a way of humbling everyone who ventured forth across the countryside.
“No way you can maintain any dignity or try to look proper,” Kate laughed, as her head flipped and flopped back and forth with the dips and thrusts of the bumpy road. The twenty-minute ride turned into an hour because of the condition of the road surface, but the women were in no hurry and enjoyed the country smell of sheep and manure which mingled with the odor of new cut hay and wildflowers, all tied together with the salt spray from the sea in the distance.
“Franny! We're here!” The door swung open, and two young blond heads tumbled into the cottage amid more laughter. “It’s so good to see you again,” Kate said, hugging Franny tightly. “We were so worried about you after your stroke, but we should have known nothing would keep you down for long.”
Franny struggled to keep her balance while being crushed between the girls. “Aye, an glad I am to 'ave me babes back again,” she said, grinning her near-toothless grin. “I've missed ye too. Never was one to live all alone ye know, an the house needs some happiness agin, it does.”
Elizabeth lagged bringing in a small bag of groceries. “Okay, now you've both smothered her, why don't you go get your bags from the car, and we'll take Franny into town for dinner.”
“Ow and that's not necessary,” Franny said, finally breaking free of the young women.
“Now Franny, I scolded you not to fix anything while I was gone. You aren’t supposed to make so much work for yourself.” Elizabeth had ordered her to sit still, but Franny wasn't one to listen to anyone telling her what or what not to do.
“Oh, aye, I've tea in the pot, fresh bread in the oven and kippers. Opened some of me best peaches too. We can go to town on da morrow if ye want.”
“Franny, you are impossible,” Lilly laughed. “See Mom; I told you she wouldn't listen to you.”
“Yes, I know, but I should never have let you know when the girls were arriving.” Elizabeth admonished Franny. “Then you wouldn't make such a fuss,” she added, shaking her finger in Franny’s direction.
“Aye, but I would be knowin it anyway.” Franny impishly grinned. “Laury keeps no secrets from me.” As much as Elizabeth and the girls wanted to laugh at Franny's belief in some mystical connection to Lauren, there were too many occasions throughout their lives, where her knowledge and how she came to it, could not be explained in any conventional way. “Aye, Laury tells me things and the wind shares it’s knowin.�
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“Alright Franny, we believe you,” said Kate slipping her arm around Franny's middle. “Let’s go slice up that bread of yours, I could smell it all the way out by the road, and I'm starved.”
Franny turned, and in spite of her bent and misshapen body, neatly escaped Kate's encircling arm and hobbled back to firmly close the door to the cottage. A sly smile turned up the corners of her mouth as she bent her head sideways to look off down the road the women just traveled. “Aye, me laddie, we could no have ye come a callin, and us not be here to see the deed through. Just keep a comin and don't be afeared of what is to come, old Franny is here to help ye.”
“Who are you talking to?” Lilly called back to Franny, wondering at her delay in joining them in the kitchen.
“Just the wind, me lassie, just the wind.”
“I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN I've tasted anything so good, Franny, you outdid yourself,” Elizabeth said as she and the twins cleared away the dishes and tidied up the old kitchen. Franny moved back to her rocking chair by the fire. She was the only one not surprised by the knock at the front door. Without turning her head, she said to Elizabeth, “probably one of the neighbors who wants to come and gie ye their hellos. Why don't ye see who it be?”
“I'd be happy to, you just sit there and rest,” Elizabeth said laughing, handing her dishtowel to Kate. “You girls keep an eye on her and don't let her do anything while I'm gone. We know she can't be trusted.” Still laughing, Elizabeth reached the knob, but from years of habit, she looked through the lace curtain before opening the door. The laughter was frozen on her face as she swung the door wide. “How ... why ... oh my God, Matt, what are you doing here?” she asked, staring incredulously at the tall man before her.
Death & Other Lies Page 28