Brandon Slade on his knees? Begging forgiveness?
The concept is so laughable I giggle, stopping only when my mama grins and nods once, her eyes alight with glee.
“Your daddy had one hell of a time living that one down but I can tell you he never messed with me again. We may be an old married couple and I may be a stay at home wife while he takes care of me and everything else around us but I have never been easy to trust. Your dad had to earn it.”
Oh snaaap!
“But maaama, he’s being such a dick about it he won’t even talk to me.” I whine, giving in to my natural inclination to hear them reassure me.
Not this time though.
“So you do all the talking till he eventually hears you Beck. Now I’m not saying I’ll take too kindly to that man treating you poorly but if you’ve slapped that mules ass you’re gonna have to take a kick or two to the head for your efforts. Make him see that you’re worth a second chance and…if that doesn’t work then you move along and accept it. At least you’ll have tried instead of running or hiding like you’re prone to do. Now enough gloomy talk, who wants ice-cream?”
And just like that I’m okay. I may not be a hundred percent happy right now but I know that as long as they’re here for me I’ll be okay.
I hope.
Chapter Thirty
I’m officially nervous. And sweating. And there may have been an incident that involved a bar of dark chocolate. But I’m okay now or okay as I can be having moved all my stuff back into his room and getting into his bed as if he hasn’t just thrown me out.
According to mama the best way to get a man to his knees is a sexy nightie and his sheets, on his bed, caressing your skin.
I’d agree if not for the fact that I feel about as sexy as a freaking cold sore on prom day.
It’s late, everyone has eaten and gone off to their separate rooms and Devon still hasn’t made an appearance. I’ve been waiting for just on an hour now and though I want to be alert and ready for his arrival I fall asleep somewhere around midnight, my heart a little more bruised by the thought that he’s doing something that’ll ruin what little we have left.
Gia, that rat fink, is still in the States and I have a sneaky suspicion that her stay could have something to do with his lateness. My first reaction is to slink back to the guestroom and pretend I don’t care but mama’s words haunt me as I drift into the void and I harden myself, determined to at least try before I give up and admit failure.
The sound of cursing and a thud bring me out of the dream I’m having and I sit up with a moan, squinting into the darkness at the hulking shadow stumbling its way toward the bed.
I don’t make a sound and shuffle back under the covers, hoping to go unnoticed before he strips down and joins me. It’s only when the sheets lift and he slides in, his heated skin making contact with my extended belly that he realizes he’s not alone and I hear a curse before the light blinks on.
My eyes squeeze shut and I regulate my breathing as best I can before he realizes that I’m awake enough to kick my ass back to my own room.
“Rebecca?”
Curses, I freaking hate it when he calls me that. I hadn’t realized until now how very much I’d become enamoured of his pet name for me but now that he’s distanced himself I long to hear that stupid name so badly.
I let off a tiny snore and shift onto my back, snuffling deeper into the bed. He pokes my once and leans over me, his breath hitting my nose with an alcohol count that makes me lightheaded.
“Rebecca. Becky.” He slurs drunkenly. “Wake up.”
When I don’t I hear him groan and flop down on the bed, his colourful cruses making my lips twitch to the point that I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing outright.
The light shuts off and I feel him shift around before relaxing back with a sigh. When his breath starts evening out, not quite at the point of sleep but close enough I make my move and roll over, planting my belly on his side and snuggling into his neck.
Poor Dev. He stiffens and tries to shift away, but he’s already manoeuvred himself so close to the edge that there’s nowhere to go.
“Bloody hell.”
I’m on tenter hooks waiting for him to either shove himself to his feet or shake me awake and send me packing when I feel his arm shift me closer and his other hand come to rest against my stomach.
The action is so him and so gentle that I want to whoop and cry at the same time with relief but I don’t, instead a lie there quietly and enjoy the closeness I know won’t last once the sun comes up.
It’s a start though and one that makes me believe that I have a shot, dismal though it is, at bringing him a step closer to listening to my apologies.
********************************
“Rebecca. Wake up. Come on woman, wake up.”
I swim out of the delicious dream to insistent shaking and the sound of Devon’s muttering, growling in displeasure.
I’d been dreaming of a field of wildflowers, one that surrounded me in colourful splendour and peace as I lay relaxed and supine, his hands stroking lovingly through my hair as we laughed and loved and spoke about nothing more serious than baby names and the colour of the minivan he wants me to get.
When I come fully awake I stretch and kick at the sheets, freeing myself from the cobwebs in my brain. I feel wonderful and rested and-
“I said wake up woman. We need to talk.” He snarls and my eyes pop open to see my very pissed off man standing at the foot of the bed glaring at me with distaste. “Cover yourself.”
I look down to see that my nightie has ridden up, exposing my lower half and the bottom swells of my breasts. There are two ways for me to play this according to Ry, first I could stretch again and give him a long, drawn out view of my junk or second, I could sit up and cover the goods.
The boys have assured me both will get a reaction and while I want to believe them I am woefully sure that the sight of my ginormous stomach is in no way sexy and seductive so I sit up and yank my nightie down, shielding myself from his angry gaze.
“What the hell are you doing in my bed? And why are your clothes back in the closet?” he demands, planting his hands on his hips.
I swallow and look down, almost swallowing my tongue when I see that he’s wearing nothing but a towel and that water droplets from his shower are wending their way down his body, collecting in the terrycloth where it’s knotted neatly low on his hip bones.
The sight has me swallowing again, this time for a wholly different reason and I feel my cheeks heat when my nipples bead and my core clenches wildly.
“Rebecca!”
“Oh, uh, er.”
I have the wildest urge to start screaming the word carrot over and over again because nothing and I mean nothing makes my brain turn to mush like the sight of Devon Baxter parading around in his natural state.
I quash the urge, but only just, and pick my head up to meet his livid eyes. Oh man, he really is not pleased to have me invading his room.
“I, needed to talk to you?”
His lips turn up in what I can only describe as a sneer and he shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
“You’ve brought all your clothes back in here. I do not want you in here. At all. So I suggest you get to work removing them back to your room and then please, stay out of my way.”
“But Dev.”
It’s hard to talk when he turns away and walks into the closet, his firm ass bunching deliciously beneath the damp white towel, giving me a mouth-watering view of the muscles I’d been privileged to squeeze only nights ago.
Dammit, I want those buns back. And the abs and the mouth and hands. Oh and the di-
“Stop eyeballing me and get up. You have an hour to move all of your belongings to the other room or-”
“What? What will you do huh? I’m not moving, I’m staying right here where I belong and that’s that.” I say, finally finding my tongue when he pulls on a pair of boxer briefs and pulls slacks from a hanger.<
br />
That statement has him coming up short and I watch his face harden as he zips himself up and comes storming back to the bed, his eyes so cold I want to shrink back and agree to anything as long as he stops looking at me that way.
“What?”
“You, you heard me.” I stammer, grinding me teeth in an effort not to cry. “I’m not moving. This is my bed too.”
“No. This is my bed. The bed I had to beg you to come to if I remember correctly.”
Oh Lord. Am I gonna have to hear about this for the rest of my freaking life! I hope so since that would mean that we’d still be together and fighting as usual. Oh, the dreams I have.
“Yeah, but I did get in here eventually and I like it here.”
Good Slade, stand your ground.
His nostrils flare for a beat before he nods and stalks into the closet.
“Fine. I’ll move.”
“Uh, you’re wasting your time Devon.” I sing to his retreating back, my lips curving into a smile I don’t feel. “I’ll just keep moving to wherever you are.”
“Oh for God sake! What do you want from me!” he yells, throwing the armful of clothes to the floor and stomping back. “Get it through your head. I. Do. Not. Want. You. Anymore.”
Don’t cry Beck, remember, nothing worth having is ever easy. You can do this.
“That’s okay. I want you enough for both of us.” I say, flinging the covers back and struggling to my feet. “I love you enough that I can take whatever it is you want to throw at me.”
It’s true, but the problem is that he’s right, it’s not loving him that’s the problem, it’s the whole trusting him to love me back that I have trouble with.
Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to get over it. No way am I willing to tuck tail and scamper away. Not yet. Not till I’ve given it all I have.
“Jesus.”
“I’m gonna go make you some breakfast for that hangover you’re nursing. No, that’s okay, I don’t need help with my slippers, my body is so totally meant to bend this way.”
“This isn’t going to work.” He warns when I rise and start waddling for the door. “It’s too late.”
“It’s never too late to fix things Dev.” I whisper back, keeping my back turned to hide the tears I can’t stem anymore.
I hope I’m right, God do I pray.
Chapter Thirty One
The breakfast I cooked is eaten by Day and a hung over Ryan while the object of my affection sits stonily eating cereal that looks like cardboard and probably tastes just as good.
The rebuff hurts, stinging my pride but I push the feeling away and keep up a steady flow of chatter the whole time, making plans to go see Day’s next football game and to attend one of his practices.
“You sure you’ll still be here Rebecca? Last I checked you’re about as reliable and trustworthy as a vegetarian butcher.” Devon growls, grinning at the colour that hits my cheeks. “Why next week you could be off to Vegas with another one of your friends.”
Bastard.
“I’ll be there.”
“Don’t be too hopeful Davy lad.”
The snide remarks hit their target and I bite my lip to stop the flow of curses burning the tip of my tongue. Yeah, he so has a right to be snarky and mean right now but damn, the guy’s really not pulling his punches.
“Dev-”
“Don’t put too much stock in what she says Davy. She’ll soon enough get tired of making an effort and she’ll be on her way. By the way, have you read over those documents I gave you? My lawyer needs them to set a court date.”
That brings me up short and I see Day and Ry lean in closer, their attention fixed squarely on the both of us and the Mexican stand down we’re locked in.
“No.”
“Get to it then. I want to get things done before you give birth. I need to cement my rights before you move out.”
Hot damn, the man woke up and walked in loaded for bear while I’m stuck with David’s crappy ass ancient slingshot and no ammo to throw back at him.
“Move out? What’s this then?” Ryan asks, his eyes narrowing on me.
“Cool it baby bear, I’m not going anywhere. Your brother seems to think that slapping me with papers and the suggestion to get out of his life is making me sweat enough that I’ll actually do it. I’m not fucking going anywhere.”
Devon laughs cruelly, a sound I’m not familiar with having never heard it and pins me with a sneer.
“Oh, you’ll go. You always run. Make this easier on yourself and go before you make more of a fool of yourself. Sneaking into my bed isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re about as seductive as a fish out of water.”
I’d reply-I don’t quite know what I would have said, but it could have been clever-but he stands and stalks out, slamming the front door behind him.
“Well shite.”
Davy whistles, seconding Ryan’s cringing expression and they both look at me, their eyes filled with pity.
“I hate to say this hun but maybe you’re wasting your breath. I’ve never seen Dev be that cruel to a woman. Not even GiGi when she tossed his ring back in his face. Maybe…”
Their pity makes me feel so small it’s a wonder I’m able to keep from weeping and I take a deep breath, steeling myself against the need to crawl back into bed and stay there till the baby comes or I stink so much I can’t stand it.
“I just have to try harder.” I whisper through the agony centred in my chest. “I just have to prove to him that I’m worth another chance.”
They don’t say anything, not that I need words to know that they’ve abandoned ship and are thinking that I’m a hopeless fool. They’re right, as much as I don’t want to see it. Devon has always been a gentleman. Always.
Never before has he spoken to a member of the opposite sex this way and the fact that he’s done it to me just furthers the fact that he’s so uncaring of my feelings that he’s not even trying to filter himself.
“Hun.”
“No. I just have to try harder.” I insist cutting them off and standing slowly to my feet. “I can do this.”
How I’m going to do this is beyond me though. He’s right. I feel as sexy as a sweaty gym sock, my confidence is at an all-time low and I’m on the verge of dropping my load and becoming a sleepless haggard zombie.
If he’s finding me distasteful now I’d hate to think what he’ll see after I give birth and the excess baby weight makes everything look like a warzone.
Oh God. I need reinforcements.
***
“He did not! oh, I’ma kill a dick!” Lila yells, her eyes shooting sparks of venom as she leaps to her feet and starts pacing, her movements jerky and agitated. “It’s not true Beck, you’re looking great, I swear you are.”
My eyes are drier than a whale bone when she leans down and pulls me into a hug, her arms squeezing me that extra bit when I let out a stuttering sigh and close my eyes against my hurt.
“Oh hush up and stop frothing at the mouth Lila. He deserves to get in a barb or two after my stupidity and we both know it. We had something great and I ruined it with my lack of trust.”
“Yeah but…okay, so maybe he has a reason to be mad but that doesn’t mean he gets to call you fat or ugly or anything like that! He’s, he’s…”
She starts pacing again and I smile, taking note of the green pallor of her skin and the fact that she hasn’t once offered me something to eat, a sin in the world of the true southern lady.
I have a suspicion I know why she’s not offering food but I’ll hold my peace and wait for her and Grey to tell their news. And then I’ll go crazy and start buying truckloads of stuff.
“I don’t think he’s going to come around. It’s been a week and while he’s given up moving beds he sleeps as far away from me as possible and he doesn’t talk to me except to aske when I’m leaving or if I have those papers signed. Truthfully, tonight is the last chance I have before I have to accept defeat and let go. Even mama and daddy aren’t s
o sure about this anymore.”
That had been a bummer of epic proportions. You know that if a little fire cracker like mama is throwing in the towel that that deer is dead and ready to be skinned and butchered.
So I’ve given myself tonight to make him see the true extent of my shame and grief and that’s it. If he still isn’t budging I’m gonna have to accept it and leave. Even if it breaks my heart.
“It’s not like he’s blameless you know. He knew about Brand’s illness and didn’t say a word to you!”
“Yeah, well, technically he did tell me that day on the phone. He thought I’d found out and he admitted-”
“Oh bullshit! He kept you in the dark and then expected you to forgive him after a little while. Just like men do. They screw up and put on the puppy dog eyes and wham, they think everything’s fine, but you make one teeny tiny little mistake and he’s turned into an iceberg!”
I appreciate her unwavering loyalty but it’s exhausting trying to get her to see my share of blame.
And she’s also a little right. If I can forgive Devon for keeping the extent of dad’s health issues away from me he should be capable of giving me some leeway.
But apparently he doesn’t see it that way hence the grovelling crawl I’ve been doing all week.
“Lila would you quit ranting and help me out babe? I have a dinner to plan and since I can’t exactly wear a pregnancy dress to look sexy I think you’re gonna need to find me something that doesn’t make me look like a fat cow.”
Tonight is seduction night with a twist. I’ve decided that if I can lure him with my body that I’ll use my complete willingness to prostrate myself at his feet as a draw.
I have nothing else left.
We sleep together but he won’t so much as touch me. If I move over in my sleep he pushes me away and goes right back to sleep. If I cook he gets take out. If I do his laundry he takes it right back to the laundry and washes it again.
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