by Holk, VM
"Thanks, I owe you. What time are you picking me up?"
"I'll be at your house at eight."
We both hang up and I head over to Izzy's house. We decided to go to our favorite place for a while. We knew we wouldn't have any alone time with Kevin and Jennifer. I'm fine going out in a group, but we have only been dating for six months. I still like to have our time together.
I pull into her driveway, and Izzy comes down the walkway. Her dad doesn't like me, so she saves me from his judging eyes.
She jumps into the car and I back out of the driveway.
"Hey baby," I smile over to her.
"Hi. God, I thought my dad was going to have a cow. He didn't want me to go out today. Thank god, my mom saved me."
We aren't far from the Belle River Park. We call it a park, it's more of an outlet for people to fish at. There are about six parking spots, and we take one of them.
We decide to walk to the edge of the river, but not where anyone can see us. I hadn't realized Izzy brought a blanket for us. It's a nice summer day, in June. We find a spot and lay next to each other looking through the light trees up to the clouds.
We intertwine our fingers and lay there talking for a long time. I'm going to be a senior this year, Izzy a junior. I'm excited to be almost done with high school and become an adult.
I turn to face her and she turns with me. I reach out and rub my knuckles across her cheek. I gently pull her to me and kiss her on the lips. We have made out, a lot of touching, but that's it. Neither of us have gone all the way.
Our kiss deepens and I pull her shirt out of her shorts. I rub my hands up her body, and reach for her breasts. Izzy groans into my mouth and it only excites me more. I reach behind her and undo her bra. This is usually as far as she lets me go. I come back and cup her breasts again.
She wraps her leg around me and rubs against my hardness. I let out a groan of my own.
"I want to do this Jack."
I look into her eyes, wondering if I heard her correctly. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
We make sure nobody can see us. We are pretty well hidden in the trees. Not a lot of people actually come here.
Izzy takes off her shirt and I pull mine over my head. We take the rest of our clothes off. I grab the condom I leave in my wallet. I look her up and down. She is so beautiful, I'm having a hard time breathing.
"Izzy, you are so beautiful."
"You are too," she says shyly.
I put the condom on, and grab her gently around the neck. Our lips collide and we fall to the blanket. I turn her onto her back so that I can get on top. I kiss her more gently this time. I can't believe that she is taking us to this point.
"You know I love you, right?" I ask, hoping she doesn't feel pressured.
"Of course, I love you too."
We kiss and touch each other with so much passion. When I think I'm going to burst, I put my hardness at her opening. I hear her gasp, with the feel of it.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes. Please, I feel like I'm going to explode."
"Tell me if I hurt you."
She nods. I kiss her long and hard, trying to calm myself down.
I ready myself, and I slowly push inside of her. I fall on top of her, overwhelmed by the feeling of her enveloping me. I know that I will not last long, this is nothing like what I ever imagined. Once fully in her, I hear her gasp.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. Please don't stop."
I slowly slide out and then back into her. I keep doing this and know that we are almost there. I take her lips passionately and that is enough to take us both over the edge.
Kissing we both groan with our release, and I fall on top of her. She wraps her arms around me and in that moment I couldn't be any happier.
I wake up to Lucy licking my face. I roll over and groan. Why did I have to dream about that day? I never thought life could get any better. We were in love, young and carefree. I know it's because I keep seeing her. She was my first love, my first sexual everything.
I have dated my fair share, but my longest relationship since Izzy has been six months. I can't get myself to commit. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I need to resolve things with Izzy and my daughter. And shit, I'm only twenty six years old. I'm in no rush to get married.
I stumble out of bed to make coffee. Lucy will not leave my side, until she is feed. So I fill up her bowl and then make my coffee. It's been nice having a companion, maybe I should get myself a dog. It would be nice to not come home to an empty place all the time.
I make the coffee, and Lucy is already at my side to let her outside.
"You want to go out, darling?" She jumps up with excitement and races to the door. "Okay, here you go." I open the sliding door and she bolts outside.
With her being home so much by herself, I decide to leave her out for a while. I walk back down the hallway, and into the bathroom to shower. The shower does wanders for me, and I feel the tension go down the drain.
I step out of the shower and can smell the lure of coffee. Something about that first cup, makes the day ahead seem, okay. I dry off, walk across the hall and get dressed. I have never been one to spend a lot of time getting ready, I think most guys are like me. I walk bare foot into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee.
I lean against the counter and take a sip, I have always liked my coffee black. My dad buys the good coffee that was always his thing. I see Lucy outside, chasing a squirrel up a tree. The sun is starting to come out, and I decide to sit on the patio for a bit.
I step outside, to an excited dog. She runs over to me as I sit down. I notice that she has brought me a toy, and I throw it as far as I can. I assume this is what dad does with her, probably every morning. It brings a smile to my face.
Then I frown, to know that I don't know my dad very well. I would like to change that, if I'm not too late. Life has a funny way of getting away from you. Instead of dealing with my problem, I hid. I went to Montana and never looked back, wallowing in my situation. I look back and wish I would have confided in my dad. He could have helped me figure out what to do, he was always easy to talk to.
I run my hands over my face and through my hair. I'm now realizing how I have manipulated my memories to fit into my fantasy. To make me feel better about walking away from everyone, especially Izzy.
I can't take all the blame for what happened, even though I beat myself up all the time. I was young and stupid. Her dad had me scared shitless, afraid to go anywhere near Izzy. I was eighteen and I didn't want to end up in jail. When I tried to get in touch with Izzy, I was always shot down. I kick myself now for not trying harder.
Now I have a daughter, she doesn't know me and I don't know her. Izzy may never give me the chance to be a part of her life. Can I blame her? Should I turn that little girl’s world upside down? Maybe I can have just a sliver of her life, somehow.
I walk into dad's hospital room, he is sleeping. I hate that the whole time walking through the hospital, I was looking for Izzy.
I grab the chair against the wall and quietly move it closer to the bed. I went to Meijer's on the way here and grabbed a few more magazines and treats. I know dad has to watch what he is eating, so I got healthier snacks for him to try. I pick Popular Mechanics, my dad's favorite magazine and start flipping through it.
I remember my grandfather reading this as well, my dad's father. He was never a mechanic, I don't think I remember him ever really getting his hands dirty. But I could sit and listen to him for hours, about growing up in Capac.
Grandpa grew up on a farm, but never liked the country life. When he married my grandma, they jumped at the opportunity to leave the country. He was in the Army and was in WWII, they moved to Florida. My uncle was born there and when the war was over, they came back to Michigan. They moved to the city of Mount Clemens, and then they had my dad. They lived in their house until they died.
My grandpa was one of those people that took excellent care o
f everything he owned. His garage alone was the cleanest and most organized I have ever seen. He lived through the Great Depression, so I think that had a lot to do with it. You never know when you can lose it all.
I was always amazed with the contrast between him and my dad. My dad was one to always have dirty hands, and clutter, yet organized. But I loved to watch them together, they were best friends. That was the relationship I always saw my dad and I having.
I hear dad moving, shaking me from my thoughts. I look up to see him staring at me. I saw a look of concern on his face.
"Are you okay, dad?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I can tell he wants to say more, but not sure how to say it.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"You looked so sad, when I woke up. You tell me."
"Sorry, I was thinking about Grandma and Grandpa." I show him that I was reading Popular Mechanics, and he nods. "It reminded me of him."
"Yeah, it does that to me too. I miss them a lot." He looks away from me for a moment, not wanting me to see him. Losing his dad was one of the hardest things for him.
"Me too."
"Enough of that. Now tell me what is really wrong."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know I don't see you often and we don't talk. But I know when my son is not himself. Don't look at me like that." He points his finger at me, something he hasn't done since I was a teenager.
I smile, "I'm fine dad, don't worry about me. You need to worry about getting better."
"Bullshit," he yells at me. "Now tell me what's going on, I'm still your father. I don't know what made you run away, but I've always been here."
I'm thrown by his words, and take a second to collect myself. He saw through my bullshit from the beginning. He had given me what he thought I needed, I hate myself for what I've done.
"Dad, I did run. I tried blaming everyone else. And instead of talking to you back then, I ran. I never looked back."
"What happened? I tried to talk to you then, but you wouldn’t talk to me. I've watched these few days, and you look like shit. I didn't think coming home would be so hard for you. Obviously something here is doing that to you."
"Oh, dad. I fucked up bad. I need your advice."
He simply nods at me. I dive into the story of what happened all those years ago.
I sit on the deck with my coffee, thinking about Jack. Why did he have to walk back into my life, now? I'm thankful he is only here for a little while because of his dad. Then I won't have to run into him everywhere I go.
I hear the sliding door open and John walks out. I smile at him and Grace runs out behind him.
"Hi sweetie," I smile at Grace.
She waves and runs to go play on the playset. John walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
"How are you? You look upset, is everything okay?"
I put my hand on his arm, look up at him and smile, "Everything is fine."
He nods and sits next to me. We don't talk for a bit, both watching Grace play.
"Did you have a good time last night?"
"It was okay. I'm not big on the bar scene anymore."
I look over to him and we both laugh.
"I only have a few patients at the office today. You want to go out to dinner tonight?"
"Yeah, that sounds nice," I smile.
"Great, I'll take Grace to her grandparents. Maybe I can get them to take her for the night."
I nod. Gracie runs up to John and gives him a hug and kiss. I watch the two interact with each other and it brings a smile to my face. I turn away feeling the sadness and what could of been.
John walks back to me and grabs my hand to pull me up to him. I put my arms around his neck and look into his eyes.
"You are so beautiful."
I smile up to him, and we kiss gently on the lips. He pulls me away from him and winks. I watch him walk down the path and to his car in front of the house. I turn to see that Grace is talking to the girl next door, through the fence. She nods and comes running back to me.
"Can I please go next door and play with Abby?"
She looks up with her pleading eyes. I look over to see Abby's mom sitting on the deck. I walk to the fence with Grace.
"Hi, Kristi. Do you mind if Grace comes over and plays."
"Sure. You want to come over, I have coffee made. We can sit and watch the girls."
"Sounds great."
I smile back at her. Grace grabs my hand and we walk around the house to get to their gate.
Chapter 7
John opens the door for me, to the Richmond Cafe. It's a small restaurant, but we love the food. The waitress greets us as soon as we walk in and gives a booth. Once we sit, the waitress sets down our menu. I open it and start looking to see what I want. They always have a white board with the specials written on it.
I look up to see what is on special and the door opens. I glance over and see who it is.
"You have got to be fucking kidding," I whisper to myself.
John looks up at me, "What?"
"Nothing," I say, trying to act normal.
Why is he showing up everywhere I am? He isn't alone, his sister and two little girls are with him. If he was alone, I would've thought he was stalking me. I see from the corner of my eye, Anne talking to Jack and pointing over to me. She then smiles and walks over to me.
"Oh my god, hi Izzy."
"Hi, Anne. How are you?"
"I'm doing well." She looks back at Jack, then back to me. "Glad to have my brother home, if only for a little while."
I look over to him and he smiles at me. Not being able to help myself, I smile back. I turn back to Anne and realize that John is still sitting there.
"I'm sorry. Anne this is John. John this is Anne."
Anne looks over at John, "Nice to meet you."
"So how is your dad?" I ask hoping to make it not so uncomfortable.
"We got him settled at home, and he is sleeping. Doing better, I had to force Jack to leave him, just for dinner."
"That's great. Glad to hear." I was happy, that now I wouldn't run into him at the hospital. Thank god, for small favors. It's bad enough that I can't stop thinking about him.
"Well it was great seeing you Izzy. Enjoy your dinner."
"You too."
I turn back to John and smile. He looks at me with that look. I hate when he does that, like he can read my mind. Either that or I have a very readable face. The waitress comes to take our orders, saving me from whatever was going to be said.
Why did I let Anne talk me into to going out for dinner? I need to spend time with my nieces, but I was hoping to do it another day. Not when dad just got home from the hospital. Granted he told me to go and he is fast asleep with Lucy cuddled up with him. I think they actually needed their alone time together.
I look up to see John glancing over, and I look away. Of course, it's a small restaurant. We are sitting in the half circle booth in the corner, in front of the windows. I have the view of looking at the back of Izzy's head.
Katie and Shannon decided to sit on either side of me, so they could share my attentions. I have missed too much of these girls life, and I need to change that. I look over to Anne, she smiles widely at me. I'm sure she is thinking the same thing.
I spend the rest of dinner, splitting my attention between the girls. But that makes me think of my own daughter. What she has missed by not knowing her cousins, and this whole side of her family. I have not only fucked up my life, but hers as well, by running away.
"What's wrong, Jack?"
I shake myself from my thoughts and look up to Anne. "What?"
"You all of the sudden got this very sad look on your face. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She looks at me concerned. "Really, I'm fine." I smile at her.
I can't stop thinking about what might have been. It doesn't help that out of the corner of my eye, I keep watching Izzy. Even when I'm not watching, I seem to be able to sense her. It's been
so many years, but my feelings are resurfacing.
I watch Anne and John get up from the table. As they are walking out the door, she turns to me and smiles. "Damn," I whisper to myself.
I walk through the front door to dad's house. It's quiet and very strange that Lucy didn't greet me at the door. I hurry down the hall to dad's bedroom and push the door the rest of the way open.
I let out a sigh of relief. Dad is propped up in bed and Lucy has her head in his lap. He is flipping through the channels on his flat screen, hung on the wall. Lucy lifts her head once she realizes I'm here and wags her tail. Dad looks over and smiles.
"Did you have a good time?"
"Yeah it was nice. You okay?"
"I'm fine," he smiles at me. "Lucy has kept me company and I had a nice rest."
"You scared me. It was so quiet when I came in, Lucy didn't even greet me."
"Well we are fine. She was fast asleep, probably didn't hear you." He pats the bed next to him, "Want to watch TV with me?"
"Sure. Let me change and get us both something to drink. Do you want anything to eat?"
"No, just water will be fine."
I step out of the room and Lucy follows me into the kitchen. She walks to the back door and I let her out. She is such a great companion for dad, but I wish he would find someone. He hasn't dated anyone that I know of. He has been alone so long, he deserves to be happy.
I leave outside, while I go into my room to change in to my sweats and a t-shirt. It was nice to spend time with Anne and the girls. She took me over to see her new house, and all I can say is wow. It's beautiful, and it makes me feel better to know that Jaylah is across the street. The two of them can look out for each other.
Then there was dinner, I keep running into Izzy. I think fate is telling us that we need to talk. She didn't seem to think there was anything to say, but how can she think that. I'm the girl’s father, and I deserve to at least talk about things. It hits me that I never even found out her name.