Thou Shalt Not

by Jj Rossum

  “I don’t want to have to go to work tomorrow,” she finally said, still staring off into the distance.

  “Practically took the words right out of my mouth.”

  “More videos?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I will let them finish the videos tomorrow and then they can get back to learning next week.”

  She turned toward me and smiled warmly, her hand squeezing my arm again.

  “I have a confession to make.”

  Oh boy, I thought and then said, “Let me have it.”

  “I like it when you call me ma’am.”

  I laughed.

  “Really?” I said, in the most incredulous tone I could muster.

  “Yes,” she said, lowering her head and frowning. “It’s shameful, I know.”

  “Well, I won’t give away your secret, I promise.”

  Her hand gave my arm one last squeeze and then April stood up. She set the walkie talkie down on the table, along with her cell phone. I had no idea where the cell phone came from either, but she apparently had the deepest pajama pants’ pockets ever created. She walked over to the edge of the pool and reached her arms high above her head in a stretch. Her arms slowly fell to her sides and I could see the muscles in her back and arms. They weren’t large or grotesque in any way. She was extremely fit, and her lean muscle was just more obvious to me in a tank top.

  This angle also gave me the best look at her butt yet. I already liked it when she was wearing a dress, but in pajama pants it became a sculpted work of art. The pants’ material was thin, but not sexually so. It simply wasn’t a heavy material, and it clung perfectly to her.

  I wanted to stand up, walk over to her, and hug her from behind, holding her in front of the pool. I probably would have were it not for the creepy dark windows peering over me from above. Maybe it was a good thing they were there.

  I stood up too and walked over to her side. She was looking down into the water.

  “You know, if I knew you better I would probably push you in,” she said very nonchalantly, as if letting me know the water temperature.

  “If I knew you better, I would probably beat you to it,” I replied.

  She turned to me, her eyes full of mischievous energy.

  “Oh really?”

  Her hands quickly went up and grabbed my shoulders, and mine instinctively grabbed her waist. I could feel her grip tighten when I touched her, and her eyes widened.

  “If I go in, you are going in with me,” I said, shuffling my feet closer to the edge.

  Her hands moved along my shoulders and her feet edged closer to mine.

  “I’m a grown woman,” she said. “Threats involving water don’t scare me.”

  Her bottom lip curled up under her teeth as she smiled, repeating what I had said earlier. Or mocking me, perhaps.

  I tightened my grip on her hips and flinched, pretending I was about to throw her in. She gasped slightly, hands grabbing my shoulders tightly again. Her hips arched forward and she leaned up on her toes as if in reflex.

  “I thought you weren’t scared,” I said, pulling her closer to me. “People usually don’t gasp when they are ready for what’s about to happen.”

  She was less than a foot from me, her face getting much closer to mine.

  “It depends on what’s happening,” she said, looking up into my eyes.

  I wasn’t thinking about throwing her into the water anymore. Everything within me wanted to pull her tightly in and kiss her right there, in front of the pool in the house her husband bought with all the millions of dollars he had made throughout his career. Kiss her on the spot where he probably threw numerous parties. Kiss her on the lips I wished were mine, and not his.

  The look in her eyes told me she wanted the same. At least I thought they did. I hadn’t been in a position where I felt like this for someone in a long time. Thankfully, my hands were around her waist or I surely would have been able to feel them get clammy, nervous, like a high school kid on his first date with the prom queen he never thought he could get.

  She is calculating, remember? I thought to myself. If she hadn’t wanted it to get to this point she never would have asked you over to her house. She wants this as much as you do.

  I wasn’t sure which shoulder angel was feeding me that line but whoever it was, I knew they were right.

  My hands pulled her closer until her feet were between mine; our legs and waists touching.

  “You have really strong shoulders,” she said. Her voice was soft and she tilted her head up toward mine when she spoke.

  Do it, I told myself. Kiss her.

  My heart was racing, and I could hear the beating in my ears. My hands moved up her body and found her neck. My fingers laced in her hair behind her head and I pulled her up.

  Then I heard it. We both did. A loud buzzing sound was coming from the table. We both looked over and she took a step back. It was her cell phone. The vibrations immediately turned into a loud ringing.

  She looked back toward me, disappointed. She closed her eyes and sighed.

  “Fuck,” she said, lowering her forehead on to my chest.

  My hands fell to my sides. She got over to the table quickly to silence the ringer. Her face dropped when she saw her screen.

  “Fuck, fuck,” she said again, and kicked the ground before answering the phone.

  There was a pause before she said, “Hi, Honey.”

  Another pause, then, “Oh yeah, I guess that was a quick flight.”

  Pause.

  “I’m just here at the house, getting ready to go to bed.”

  I still hadn’t moved from the edge of the pool, and now I wanted to jump in and bury my head underwater so I didn’t have to hear them talk. It was easy to think of Marco the asshole and want to show April she could be treated better by someone who really wasn’t an awful person. But hearing them interact made what was going on seem more real. She was still very married. And I almost kissed her in his house. God, what was happening?

  “You know I have to work tomorrow,” she said, her voice going up slightly. “If I’m awake when you get here, fine. But I can’t make any promises. I’m passing out as it is.”

  I walked back over toward the table, admitting to myself that she wasn’t going to come right back to where we were before the phone rang. The mood and tension and anticipation weren’t going to magically return. Marco had seen to that.

  “Okay. Okay. Bye.”

  She hung up and set her phone back down on the table.

  “They left Detroit sooner than he said they would. Just landed.”

  The airport was still an hour away, so I knew he wasn’t going to be showing up in the near future.

  Unless he called from the front yard, I thought to myself. He’s probably seen my car and is waiting next to it with a lead pipe or a wrench. He didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would have a problem bludgeoning someone to death. Maybe I should just run out the back yard, dive off the dock, and try swimming home. Death by bull shark seemed more pleasant than having my brains bashed in.

  “Damn pilots. Trying to get home quickly,” I said, hoping to lighten the mood that had gotten noticeably sour.

  “Yeah,” was all she said.

  We walked in silence back up the incline toward the house, neither of us saying a word. Neither of us had bothered saying, “I guess we should go back inside and wrap this up,” but it was obvious we both knew it was what needed to happen.

  The silence was filled with “what ifs” and disappointment. I could have stopped her right there, said, “I’m not letting him ruin our moment,” and kissed her like she had never been kissed before. But, I knew it wouldn’t have had the same impact as if I had kissed her five minutes before. It was funny how things could change so quickly. You’d think after all I had been through, things changing quickly would seem normal.

  I had danced on the edge, but I hadn’t crossed the line yet. I could have, but once I kissed her, there would be no turning back. You can
’t kiss a married woman and then say, “Maybe we shouldn’t have done that.” You have to make sure you are all in if you let yourself do it.

  I got my copy of Dubliners from the kitchen and she led me toward the front door.

  “Thank you again for dinner tonight,” she said as we stopped in front of the door.

  I pulled her toward myself and wrapped my arms around her. I had already hugged this woman far more than I normally hugged anyone else. She rested her cheek on my right shoulder and we just stood there in each other’s arms. In the back of my mind, I pictured lights shining on the front door as Marco pulled into the driveway. I wish I could say this didn’t distract me from hugging her, but it did.

  “You’re welcome,” I said as we separated. “Thank you again for the book.”

  “If you don’t like it, we can’t be friends.”

  “Well then I love it already.”

  She smiled.

  “Goodnight, Mr. Harper. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Goodnight, ma’am,” I said, and with that, she closed the door behind me and I descended the steps and walked to my car.

  Dancing with the devil is only dangerous because you run the risk of getting burned, I told myself as I drove home. But, the dance is always exciting no matter how it turns out. But, I liked April. I was drawn to her. It started with a physical attraction. She was stunning. But I felt chemistry too. From our first conversation in Robin’s classroom until now, it’s been there. And the more I have gotten to know her, the more I wanted to know her.

  If I started something with her, I ran the risk of losing my job. Perhaps that’s where the dance could turn dangerous. I also knew that starting something with her could run the risk of also getting discovered by her husband, which would be bad for me, but likely much worse for her. I guess I didn’t worry about the dance leaving my feet singed and my body smelling of smoke. But, I was worried the dance could burn her far worse. I couldn’t be selfish. I wouldn’t be selfish. And as I neared my house, I told myself that no matter what, I was not going to get April burned, even if it meant I never got April at all. And I wanted April.

  As soon as I woke up, I sent Holly a good morning text and an apology for not getting back to her the night before. She would be sleeping and wouldn’t read it until much later, but I wanted it to be there when she woke up.

  I showered at the school, and spent the whole time planning what I was going to say to April. We hadn’t started anything, so there was nothing to end. But, sometimes your feelings can get in the way of what you know you should do and they mess you up. I couldn’t let them get to that point. And that damn phone call last night would turn out to be a blessing for both of us in the long run.

  I got to my classroom and the lights in her room were out. I didn’t have a lot to prepare, other than make sure the TV was working properly. As I sat at my desk I began to wonder why I had bothered getting there so damn early in the first place. Of course, I had hoped she would arrive early too for some reason, and then I would have a chance to talk to her and let her know how I felt.

  But, as the bell rang to let the students into the building, she still hadn’t arrived. My first period kids began filling the room, and finally I heard her door open next door. I hadn’t sent her a text in the morning. I didn’t want Marco to see it and blow up on her, not knowing who I was. And she hadn’t sent me a message either. So, I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I hoped everything was okay.

  I started the video for my first period class when my phone vibrated on my desk.

  “Mr. Harper, please hand me your cell phone,” Marissa Campbell said, causing the rest of the kids to laugh. Cell phones were obviously not allowed for the students, and for the most part, the teachers didn’t have theirs out either. When we did have them out, we hid them nicely to avoid comments like Marissa’s.

  “But, I promise I’ll put it away!” I whined, and the laughter continued.

  “Don’t make me send you to the principal,” someone else piped in from the back. I couldn’t tell who it was.

  “Okay, watch the video. Take notes. I will quiz you on Monday to make sure you were paying attention.”

  The class groaned and got paper out. I had absolutely no intention of quizzing them on the video, but they didn’t know that. Nor did they need to. If one of them brought it up on Monday, I would simply say that I had changed my mind and decided not to make them take it. There would be cheers and excitement, and I would be their favorite teacher, at least until the end of the day.

  That’s when I noticed my pen. That damn lucky Bic. It was sitting on the far right corner of my desk, next to the stapler. I reached for it and noticed April’s red lipstick smear on it. My mind instantly took me back to her bent over my desk, and that thing she did with her tongue. I got hard immediately. By looking at a goddamn pen.

  Good morning, Luke, the text from April read, as if right on cue. I still hadn’t heard back from Holly, but it was Friday so I had a feeling she would sleep in.

  I sat down and put my feet up on the desk, another no-no for the students and pulled a toothpick out of the box I kept in my drawer. It was fun doing things they couldn’t and then reminding them of it when they complained. Teachers could be jerks sometimes, yeah.

  Good morning back. How are you? I replied. I shifted the toothpick to the inside of my cheek and held it there.

  I am tired.

  Rough night?

  Just couldn’t really sleep.

  Why not?

  Just a lot on my mind. Then she added: Marco came home drunk.

  Please tell me he didn’t drive all the way home from the airport that way...

  He did. The thought of drinking and driving doesn’t faze him, no matter how big a deal I make of it.

  Professional athletes often got arrested for DWI’s and I always wondered why they would let themselves get to that point, but they obviously saw themselves as larger than life and didn’t think the rules really applied to them. This news certainly helped me like Marco even more than before.

  Well, I’m glad everyone is safe, I replied, thinking more of the people who were driving near Marco on the roads than of him. If he had careened off the road, I might not have to have the conversation with April that I was dreading. I was breaking up with someone I wasn’t even dating. God, I was way overthinking all of this.

  This time, she replied.

  You going to join us downstairs for lunch, or are you guys meeting since he’s back in town?

  He wants to have lunch. :-/

  It really wasn’t a good sign when a woman put a face like that when saying she was having lunch with her husband.

  Maybe I should avoid the breakup talk and just wait until the marriage fizzles out on its own. It seemed to be heading in that direction anyway.

  Have fun!

  Maybe so. Enjoy your movies, some of us actually have to teach today. ;-)

  The morning dragged by slowly with no communication from April and movies that I had seen a million times. I started playing a scramble word game on my phone, but lost interest pretty quickly.

  It wasn’t until the third period neared the end that I got a reply from Holly. I tossed my toothpick in the trash and sat up straighter.

  Good morning. :-) How’s class?

  Videos. Easy, boring day. How are things with your brother?

  He is making excuses about the whole thing. I told him he needed to get his shit together because his excuses don’t work with me.

  Tough love. You can probably make him see it more than anyone else.

  I hope so.

  What did you do yesterday, besides get him settled in?

  I did some schoolwork, got my car washed. Oh, and I went to Victoria’s Secret. :-)

  Oh really? Find anything worth spending too much on?

  I remember Holly mentioning before how much she thought Victoria’s Secret was an overrated, overpriced chain that she had no desire to shop in.

  They actual
ly have some nice stuff! I was pleasantly surprised.

  Hopefully you didn’t tell the employees how much you hated their product.

  Look, I was wrong okay! They have some sexy things.

  Oh yeah?

  Here, hold on. I’ll show you.

  I had no idea if she was just going to take a picture of what she bought, or if she was going to model it for me, but the bell rang to dismiss my third period class, so I had to put my phone down to switch the video for the next class.

  When we had started dating, and even after we had broken up and transitioned completely to the FWB category, Holly had been a heavy proponent of sending me pictures that showed herself in various stages of undress. I had told her the first few times she did it that I wasn’t used to dating a girl that would send pictures like that. It was usually the girls who wanted to get you into a relationship, or wanted to get you out of the relationship you were currently in that sent pictures like those. Her response had been that now that it was possible to send someone a dirty picture in a matter of seconds, girls would take advantage of the power they have over men by sending pictures to turn them on. She said that there was no way I would cheat on her if she sporadically reminded me of what was waiting for me back home.

  “Someone will send you pictures like that,” she said. “And I’m going to always send better ones. Some slut that wants to get you to cheat isn’t going to beat me at this game.”

  To her prophetic credit, she had been correct. After a week or so of dating, an old college friend named Megan had come out of the woodwork once I posted that I was “in a relationship” on Facebook, and immediately started sending me messages about how much she missed me, etc., etc. I couldn’t really remember ever spending all that much time with her, but while in the middle of teaching one afternoon I got a picture of a foggy bathroom mirror and a silhouetted nude body reflected in it. The picture had come completely without warning and had taken me by surprise far more than it turned me on, despite her attractive body. Needless to say, I had never seen Megan in that light before. I showed Holly the picture that night when I went home, and later that evening we had a pretty rigorous fuck. And the next day, during chapel of all things, Holly sent a picture that made me forget who Megan even was.