by Jillian Dodd
Anywho, this sent the couple on a movie-style engagement where they had to rescue the ring. Let’s just say, our boy Knox did this engagement up big.
I was trying to do a little of the math. Private planes. Helicopter. Cast and crew. Location set. Stunt techs. Explosions. Penthouse suite. And the ring.
Knox’s assistant wouldn’t comment on the ring other than to say, “Much like the proposal, it is spectacular.”
I’m ugly crying now.
Then it was off to London where the couple called in a favor with none other than the Prince of England—the fun one—to get the residency rule voided for them, so they could get a wedding license and be married at the Chelsea Register Office.
I have to say, this hurts me a little. Couldn’t Knox have planned a fantastic star-studded wedding that we could have obsessed over? That I could have possibly been a guest at? Where I could have snuck in the groom’s room when he was getting dressed and thrown myself at him for a possible quickie before he walked down the aisle?
Sorry.
So what is the Chelsea Register Office? It’s the London equivalent of getting married by the justice of the peace at a courthouse near you. However humble it may be, I’ve learned that many celebrities have gotten married there in the past, including Judy Garland and numerous footballers, making it somewhat cooler—except that’s not where they ended up getting married.
It seems that the Office recently stopped doing onsite weddings unless you want to go into a teeny interview room that only holds, like, three people.
But Knox and Katie had more people at their wedding. And this is where things get a little twisted. Standing up for the bride and groom were the honeymooners, Keatyn and Aiden Arrington—I’m told that Keatyn Douglas intends to change her name, even for movies, to Keatyn Arrington. What?! Say it isn’t so. Keatyn, girl, if you are reading this, just say no. Don’t give up the name you worked so hard for. (Although I would have been okay with you changing it to Keatyn Daniels. Hint, hint.) Because, remember, about half of all marriages end in divorce. I’m just saying …—as well as Riley Johnson and Dallas McMahon, who flew to London straightaway. What you may not realize, if you haven’t been paying close attention or are not a teen who has been obsessing over The Keatyn Chronicles, is that Keatyn, Aiden, Riley, Dallas, and Knox’s new bride, Katie, all attended boarding school together—as did Keatyn’s wedding planner, Ariela Ross.
Seriously, is this Eastbrooke place magical? My point is this: If you are one of my teen readers, get your damn admission application sent in, stat!
Let’s pause the reunion part for just a moment and go back to the wedding. Get this; because the Office was unavailable, the prince, who I am told joined the crew the night before the wedding for a wild bachelor party—really, wild is that man’s only speed—offered up, Kensington Palace. Yes, not only did this schoolteacher get my dream man, but she also married him AT. A. FREAKING. PALACE!
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!
Anyway, the wedding was lovely—yada, yada, yada—and the couple is off on their honeymoon somewhere on the Italian coast.
Okay, now … after celebrating with Knox, Riley then flew home to the Hamptons where his brother, Dawson Johnson—another Eastbrooke Academy alum—proposed to and married Vanessa Flanning, who was Keatyn’s high school BFF before she went off to boarding school.
Seriously, let’s have a raise of hands here. How many of you are still friends with the people you went to high school with? I’ve eaten the last of the Oreos, and I am now sitting up and counting on my fingers. I have three, people. Three high school friends I’m still close to. And, by close, I mean, I see their social media posts, and sometimes, I like photos of their ugly babies. But whatever.
After licking out the peanut butter jar and threatening to open another bag, I call my teen niece who comes over to save me from eating my weight in Oreos. She sits on the floor next to me, sighs dreamily as she clasps her hand over her heart, and proceeds to quote the movie, telling me that Dawson and Vanessa first met at Keatyn’s eighteenth birthday party.
She says—and I kid you not, this is her direct quote, told with nary a breath—“And so Keatyn walks up to Vanessa at the party and tells her she looks gorgeous and Vanessa sees Dawson for the first time and tells him he’s gorgeous, too, which is funny because Gorgeous was always Keatyn’s nickname for Dawson. Anyway, so Keatyn introduces them and says that Dawson is headed to NYU in the fall and plans to major in luxury marketing and Vanessa wraps her hand around his sexy biceps and, like, practically purrs that they have a lot in common because she plans to major in luxury spending. Isn’t that the greatest line ever?
“And then she invites him to go get scotch with her. I can’t believe they drank scotch in high school; have you ever tried it? I swear, it tastes like gasoline, and anyway, Dawson is just standing there, looking at her—at boarding school, Keatyn dated Dawson and told him about Vanessa because she was kind of a mean girl even though she really was a good friend to Keatyn, and Keatyn was just not confident enough yet to understand that—and he asks Vanessa if she’s the alpha of all alphas, which is how Keatyn described her.
“I have to tell you that, even though Aiden totally has my heart, I did kind of swoon when Dawson called her Keatie, which was so adorable, and in case you don’t get it, it’s a combination of Keatyn and Cutie. But then Aiden called Keatyn Boots, which was even cooler, and ohmigod, did you hear she wore cowboy boots when they finally got married and that her dress had gold embroidery on it just like the dream and they had four-leaf clovers and cotton candy and he bought her a Ferris wheel?
“Anyway, it’s really cool that Dawson and Vanessa have found their way back to each other, but what happened to Whitney? Dawson dated her before he dated Keatyn and was always in love with her and even broke Keatyn’s fragile heart. I mean, sort of. Keatyn’s heart hurt because, after the surfer, she was just afraid to give her heart to someone again, and when she finally gave it to Dawson—who gave her the most adorable key to his heart necklace even though she was actually in love with Aiden at the time but thought he wasn’t in love with her—Whitney wanted him back.
“Although what happened after that was one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie—like, besides all the Aiden parts. Keatyn gets her heart broken because Whitney texted Dawson saying, Baby, please come back to me, and so Keatyn went to Riley—Dawson’s little brother—and cried on him. Then Damian called—you know, Twisted Dreams Damian—and invited her to Miami, so she and Dallas and Riley flew there on this sweet private jet and they shot this awesome naughty video to make Dawson jealous and the crazy thing is that totally started Riley’s career.”
When she stopped to take a breath, I reminded her of her earlier question about Whitney.
We stopped to do a little research.
It turns out that Whitney and Dawson did get married, but she passed away a few years ago, leaving Dawson a widower and single father to their two daughters, who were recently accepted to a prestigious school just a short distance from Vanessa’s grand Holmby Hills estate.
And get this; that is the estate Vanessa shared with her ex-husband, Juan Fabio “Bam” Martinez, who just announced his marriage to Shelby Benson, former cocktail waitress and the source of Riley Johnson’s baby-mama drama.
If you saw the announcement and accompanying photo, you will have noticed that Shelby is sporting an engagement ring reportedly worth about twenty-five million dollars. I guess that comes with the territory when you marry a man who literally owns a gold mine. My sources also suggest that Miss Benson is with child—apparently, Bam’s, thus the quickie wedding.
I told all this to my niece who summed it up better than I could have.
She’s also brought me back to the living and gotten me off the floor and onto the couch with a bowl of some exotic recipe for hot buttered popcorn that has hot wing sauce mixed in it and is so delectable, I want to cry.
“Let me get this straight. Keatyn Douglas—who you want
ed to marry Knox Daniels—married Aiden Arrington, causing a distraught Knox to elope with Katie Colter, Keatyn’s friend from boarding school. Planning Keatyn’s wedding was Ariela Ross, who also went to Eastbrooke along with Dallas McMahon and Riley Johnson, whose brother Dawson got engaged to Vanessa Flanning, who used to be married to Bam Martinez, who is now married to Dawson’s brother Riley’s former flame Shelby Benson.”
I admit, even I had a hard time following along and mentioned it.
My niece gave me a stare-down and asked me one single question. “Have you ever actually seen The Keatyn Chronicles movies?”
To which, I had to reply, “No.”
After being utterly appalled, she decides to rectify the situation, hits play on the first movie, and says we’re having a movie marathon and watching all three.
Someone, please, I’m begging you, come rescue me.
The only good thing about all this is the popcorn, which she then proceeds to tell me is Aiden’s recipe from the movie. And it’s a completely horrifying but totally fitting end to this most devastating day in the history of my life.
P.S. I’ve never admitted to the fact that I haven’t seen the trilogy in public before this. Please don’t message me about it. I will ignore and delete that shit and probably block you for life.
P.P.S. Well, shit, y’all. Yes, I am now, in fact, talking like the adorable young Dallas McMahon, who grew up to be a partner in Captive Films, and I just realized that the woman he is married to and just had his fifth child with is RiAnne, Keatyn’s and Vanessa’s BFF. And that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside for some crazy reason. I also really wanna get high, but if I smoke with my niece, my sister will KILL me.
P.P.P.S. Eight hours and way too much popcorn, pizza, and full-sugar sodas later … I want a boy to call me Boots, tell me we are sort of like fate, and ask me to marry him at the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset.
Okay, okay. I get it now.
I am writing a heartfelt letter to Keatyn. I owe it to her. Here goes …
Keatyn,
I am truly sorry for all the catty things I may have written about you and Aiden over the years. I think maybe it’s because I was so in love with the chemistry you and Knox shared on-screen. Maybe it was the fact that I was in love with Knox, and if I couldn’t have him, I thought you should.
I loved seeing how you and Knox met. How he was such a cocky jerk. And I loved seeing your friendship blossom.
I’m also going to say this: I was wrong.
You and Aiden belong together—4ever. And I wish you a lifetime of happiness.
(I might be writing this with tears streaming down my face. Because, the dirt, people. The dirt.)
Also, I actually just bought all the books because my niece said they were even better than the movies. If you want to go back and read K & A’s love story, you totally should. (And, in a blatant and sadly unpaid plug, the first e-book, Stalk Me, is free. Get it now!)
#ifly #fourleafclovers #sortalikefate #boots #hottiegods #eastbrooke #truelove #wishonthemoon #sunsetselfie #thekeatynchronicles<3 #topoftheeiffeltowersunset #kcaddict4life
Riley’s Jet - Executive Airport
DAWSON
“That was quite the weekend party,” Riley says to the girls. “I bet you’re excited to start at your new school tomorrow. Take a seat and get buckled up, so we can take off.”
“Yay for Uncle Riley. Yay for plane rides. Yay for our new school! Yay for new ponies! Yay for new rooms!” Harlow cheers. “Yay for Daddy and Miss Vanessa getting married. Yay for our new baby sister, and yay for—”
“All right. We get it!” Ava says, annoyed. “Yay for everything! Please, stop talking. I can hear you through my headphones. And you know it could be a boy.” She dramatically rolls her eyes and then puts her nose back up to her phone.
When both of the girls are situated, I lean toward Vanessa. “So what do you think? Boy or girl?”
“I’ll be thrilled with either,” she says, glancing down at her left hand. “I can’t believe I went out to meet your parents, and I’m going home, married to you.”
I bring it to my lips and kiss just below the ring she’s wearing. “I can’t either. But I couldn’t be happier.”
“Me either,” she says, leaning her head on my shoulder.
I close my eyes and take it all in. I’m on my brother’s jet, flying back to California, which is now our home. And I’m married to the woman of my dreams. I never imagined I could be so lucky.
When I open my eyes, I notice Ava is staring at us.
“What are we supposed to call her?” she asks.
“Call who?”
“Miss Vanessa. I mean, she’s a Mrs. now, right?”
“What would you like to call me?” Vanessa asks gently.
“Well, Grandma and I talked about it,” Ava says. “She said it’s whatever I’m comfortable with but suggested either your first name—even though she thinks it’s sorta disrespectful—or Mom or Mama Vanessa.”
Harlow, who I thought had fallen asleep already, suddenly opens her eyes and raises her hand in the air.
“What?” Ava asks her, rolling her eyes again.
“I talked to Grandpa about it,” she says, pointing to her chest. “And he’s older than Grandma and way wiser. He says we shouldn’t call Miss Vanessa Mama, because our mama is in heaven, and that would be confusing. And Miss Vanessa isn’t our mama. When she and Daddy got married, she became our stepmother. But I told Grandpa that I won’t call her that because my friends will think she’s evil, like in the fairy tales. Grandpa told me that stepmom is another word for stepmother, so I told him that I was going to call Miss Vanessa Mom for short.” She turns from her sister and looks at Vanessa. “Is that okay with you?”
Vanessa tightly squeezes my hand, and I can tell she’s fighting back tears.
“Yes, Harlow, that’s fine with me.”
“What about you, Ava?” I ask her.
She smooshes up her face in thought. “Do you think it would be disrespectful if I called her Vanessa?”
“Of course not,” Vanessa answers for me. “You can call me whatever you’d like.”
“As long as it’s not late for dinner,” I tease.
“Daddy, you’re silly,” she replies.
Before we’re even at cruising altitude, the girls are fast asleep.
“The Johnson family is known for their bashes,” Riley says, getting up and making his way to the bar, “but I think this weekend will go down in the history books. Not only did we celebrate Halloween and October birthdays, we had a going-away party, Thanksgiving dinner, an engagement, and a wedding—complete with dancing. And learned we’re adding another child to the brood.”
“It was really fun,” Vanessa says, leaning over and giving me a kiss. “Our wedding was perfect.”
“You sent a press release out today. What did it say?” Riley asks.
“I sent out three,” Vanessa replies. “One announcing Ariela as Keatyn’s official wedding planner. I mean, word had gotten out among the guests, but nothing had been stated publicly yet. Another about Knox and Katie eloping.”
“What did ours say?” I ask her.
She takes the voice of a television journalist and says, “Publicist to the stars, Vanessa Flanning married Dawson Johnson, CEO of Captive Films, in a private ceremony at the family’s Hamptons home.”
“I like it,” Riley says. He holds up a glass. “Anyone want anything?”
Vanessa undoes her seat belt, pulls her legs up on the couch, and then lays her head in my lap. “I’d love a nap. Pregnancy is zapping my energy.”
“I’ll have what you’re having,” I tell my brother as the flight attendant shoos him out of the way and makes our drinks.
He sits down across from me, and then he leans over and clinks my glass. “Here’s to the Johnsons. Especially the one yet to be born.”
Before we know it, we’re wheels down and pulling through the gates of our new home. Vanessa’s driver drops u
s off in front of the house, and her butler, Bernard, is waiting at the front door.
I scoop Vanessa up and carry her over the threshold, causing the girls to giggle.
“The house looks so different!” Harlow screeches, running through each room. “I can run and not knock anything over!”
“You still shouldn’t run in the house, Harlow,” I tell her.
“It’s really pretty. Way cooler than before,” Ava states. Even though she said she’s excited about everything, she looks a little nervous.
“Please leave your bags,” Bernard says, “and I will take care of them. I’m sure Miss Ava and Miss Harlow are looking forward to seeing their rooms.”
“Our rooms?” Ava says. “Are they different than the ones we slept in when we were here last?”
“Yes,” I tell them. “The whole house got redone, including your rooms.”
“Can we go see?” Harlow asks, zooming past us and toward the staircase.
“Yeah, can we?” Ava seconds.
“This is your home now,” Vanessa says. “You can go anywhere you’d like. But your dad and I would like to show them to you.”
We all go up the back staircase. The doors are shut, adding to the anticipation.
“I think it would be fun if we do this like we do at Christmas. We open one at a time, so you can see each other’s room. Ava, is it okay if we go youngest to oldest this time?”
“Sure.” She smiles.
“All right,” Vanessa says, pointing to the correct door. “Why don’t you do the honors?”
Ava opens the door, and Harlow rushes through it, only to stop dead in her tracks.
“Oh my gosh,” she says, looking around. “It’s a princess pony room!”
She rushes over and hugs my legs, then sets out to explore every nook and cranny.
“I have my own desk! And my own bathroom. And I have gold hearts in my bathroom! And I can pretend to have tea parties, and I can see the ponies from my window! And look! I can go straight from my room to the playroom without going out into the hall!”