by Lesley Crewe
“Jane had been raped. She was fourteen years old. I knew who the young man was. I went to his father’s garage and told him what his son had done. He’s sitting right over there.” She pointed to an older man in the crowd. “Bernard Morris. He said if I said anything to anyone, he’d burn down my house. And so I was helpless, but I did have proof. I brought it with me tonight.”
She held up a jackknife. “It’s been in a safety-deposit box all this time. Here are the initials on the knife: YM. Yardley Morris. You know damn well it’s yours. I found it beside her torn dress.”
No one said a word, but Jack reached out and took the knife.
“Jane got pregnant, and I knew her life would be hell if her father found out. I wanted to protect her! But I did a foolish thing, and I’ve regretted it every day since. I asked George Mackenzie to help me. George and I were lovers. I bullied him into taking Jane away, to try and get her settled in a new place, with a new family, and hopefully have the baby adopted, so Jane could have a chance at a better life.
“But they had a car accident, and Jane went into labour. George was able to deliver the baby before Jane died in the car. He took Bridie home and raised her as his own.”
For a moment, the sound of the party—the band, the laughter, the dancing, the clatter of dishes—receded. Nell’s voice spread out and around me; it was the well I was tumbling down into, the only sound in the world.
“But he never told me! He said Jane had died and I assumed the baby had died with her. I can never forgive him for that. Why didn’t he tell me? This child of the child I loved never knew about me. Never knew who she was. And that’s George’s fault. But I think the guilt killed him in the end.
“When George told me Jane died, I swore at him and told him that I hated him and I never wanted to see him again. Then I ran down to Gervais’s house and told him he’d killed his daughter. That she’d killed herself. That I’d found her sweater on the beach and she’d drowned rather than be with him. I needed a story to explain her absence. He never cared about that child for one second of his life. Alcohol was his only love, and he killed that girl with his blatant neglect.
“I know Bridie is Jane’s daughter. Tonight, she’s wearing a necklace that George gave me when we were young and in love. I gave it to Jane the day she died. It’s exactly like the one I’m wearing now. The one George sent to me before he died.”
My fingers went to my necklace. It was the only thing that felt real in this moment. My body was numb.
“I know I’m to blame for this mess, but there are also people here that should be ashamed. You might think you’re a big man now, Yardley Morris, but you were a pathetic coward when you ran away after raping that innocent fourteen-year-old. And Bernard, protecting his son when he knew he was capable of such a thing. Threatening me instead of listening to me.”
At this, Mr. Morris seemed to snap out of a trance. He looked down at Nell and hissed, “Bullshit. Bullshit, Nell, and you’ll never prove otherwise.” He stalked away through the revellers, an ashen Diane following him. We watched them go, saw Diane turn back and look helplessly at Jack as she hurried away.
Nell looked me square in the eye. “I know you will never forgive me, Bridie, but someday I hope you realize that the mistakes I made were not done out of malice. They were out of love. Love for your little mother, whom I adored. Your dad wanted you so badly because he knew I loved your mother. He wanted to make it up to me. He always blamed himself for that car accident, but that wasn’t his fault. And he did save you. I will always be grateful for that. But that’s why he loved you so much. You were my child’s child. He needed to make amends.
“I will always love George Mackenzie. And I will always love you, Bridie. And I’m deeply, deeply sorry that you had to learn the truth about your father, Jack. None of this is your fault. You are an innocent victim, as is your mother. I’m so sorry you had to get hurt.”
She quickly disappeared, leaving us to look at each other.
The circle of our families erupted with indignation, crying, and shouts of disbelief. I heard only my own heartbeat. Jack looked at me. “Go home, Bridie. I’ll come to you tomorrow.”
Then he ran out of the building, his brothers after him. Most of the guests were still having a great time.
Ray had his hands full trying to herd my relatives through the crowd. They were all weeping but me. I got my coat and turned to him. “I need to walk.”
“It’s too cold out!” he shouted after me. “Wait!”
I couldn’t wait. I needed air. Out the door I went, and the only relief I had was to run. But my vinyl boots were slippery and I kept falling. There was no feeling in my body, so I had to keep moving to know I was alive.
I ran down a side street and tried to get lost among the buildings so Ray wouldn’t find me, but I knew if I didn’t get inside soon I’d freeze. Maybe that would be a good thing. Just fall into the snow and turn into ice, so no one could touch me. But I kept going until I instinctively ran to the one door that would save me. I banged on it. “Help me! Help me!”
Danny opened the back door and didn’t ask me anything. He just reached out and bundled me inside. He took off my coat and frozen boots, wrapped me in a quilt, and made me sit by the fire. He handed me a hot drink, which I cupped in my hands, and then boiled the kettle, filled a water bottle, and put it behind my back. He even put thick socks on my feet. And the man who was always nattering stayed silent.
We sat together as tears leaked out of my eyes and fell onto the quilt. The only time he left me was to reach for the phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Mackenzie? I want you to know that Bridie is with me. I’ll keep her safe until she’s ready to go home.” There was a pause. “It’s no trouble at all. She needs to be alone right now.” Another pause. “No, she didn’t tell me what happened and I don’t want to know. Right. Right. Okay. Goodbye.”
At some point I fell asleep, too exhausted in mind and spirit to keep my eyes open, but I knew I was safe so I let the darkness overtake me.
When I finally opened my eyes, I could see daylight behind the blind in the kitchen. Danny was curled up on a rug in front of the fire, a crocheted throw over him. What was I doing in Danny’s kitchen?
And then the wall crumbled, burying me alive. I couldn’t help it. Great sobs burst forth and I had no idea how to make them stop. Danny leapt up and knelt before me, putting his arms around me as I sat in the chair. I put my head on his shoulder.
“I don’t know what to do, Danny. I don’t know what to do.”
“Hush now, lamb. You don’t have to do anything right this minute.”
“I can’t marry Jack. He’s my brother.”
“Your brother?”
“My half brother. His father is my father. He raped my mother. My poor little mother, who never had a chance to have a life.”
“Oh, pet. That’s terrible. Terrible.”
“I love Jack. It’s not Jack’s fault. I love him so much. How am I going to live without him? People will say we’re sinners. That we’re evil in the eyes of God. We only loved each other. Why is that a sin? We’ve only given each other happiness.”
He had no answer for that.
I wanted to stay in that chair for the rest of my life, but I needed to pee so I slowly unwrapped myself and stiffly walked to Danny’s bathroom. As I washed my hands, I looked in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself. My eyes were bloodshot, I had black under my eyes from my mascara, one earring was gone, and so was my headband. The pretty girl who’d gotten ready for her big night was nowhere to be seen. I knew she was never coming back.
Danny insisted on feeding me before I went home, but his cooking left a lot to be desired.
“The oatmeal isn’t burnt, but it is lumpy. Just throw a bag of brown sugar and a pint of cream over it and you’ll never know.”
It was my first half-hearted smile. I took a bite
and then put my spoon down. “I can’t eat, Danny. It’s not the porridge. I just can’t stomach anything at the moment.”
“Right, of course. What was I thinking.”
“I better go. You’ll have to open the store.”
“The store can wait.”
“As much as I’d like to live here for the rest of my life, I better go and see Gran. She’ll be worried.”
He nodded and collected my things and then drove me back to my house.
“Oh, God. Ray and Patty and Mavis are still here. And Aunt Betty. Goddammit. I just want to be alone!”
Danny took my hand. “I believe you heard this bad news together. They are trying to process it too. I imagine they think you’ll want their support.”
I looked at him. “But don’t they know how hard this is for me?”
“Of course they do. But family has a way of ignoring that sort of thing. You’ll be all right, love. If it gets to be too much, just come back to the store. The back shelves need dusting.”
He still had my hand, so I pulled his gloved hand to my lips and kissed it. “Thank you.”
He nodded and I got out of the car. I stood there as he drove away. And then the back door opened and Hobbs came running out. Now here was the one soul I wanted to see. He wiggled all around me as I patted and scratched his back end. Gran was standing outside on the porch. She was going to get cold. There was nothing I could do but go forward. I walked into her arms and she held me close.
“My poor love. My dear child. We’ll get through this.”
“How?”
“One day at a time.”
That sounded like it would take way too long.
When we walked into the kitchen, the rest of them were there, all looking as horrific as I did. Mavis was leaning over on a chair like she was strapped to the mast of a ship with an all-hope-is-lost look. She definitely wanted me to know that she was the injured party in all this.
She pointed at me. “I knew there was something fishy about your story! I sensed it from the very beginning. And Eileen must have been in on it!”
Patty turned to her. “Mother! Shut your mouth. We’ve already listened to you whine through the night. But yours isn’t the biggest tragedy, is it?” Patty strode forward and held me in her arms. “If you need to get out of here, Ray and I talked about it, and you’re more than welcome to stay with us.”
Ray nodded. “More than welcome.”
“Thanks, guys.”
“It’s all my fault!” cried Aunt Betty. “The day I went to order my suit, she asked me who Bridie was marrying, and when Isaid the mayor’s son, I thought she was going to faint right in front of me. I didn’t know it was because of that. I thought she had taken a turn, that’s all. Why didn’t I keep my big mouth shut?!”
“It’s okay, Aunt Betty. She would’ve found out soon enough. Someone was bound to tell her eventually. You can’t keep a secret in this town.”
We looked at each other.
“Okay, apparently you can keep a very big secret. But now it’s out and my life is ruined. If Nell professes to love me so much, why didn’t she stay quiet? What difference would it have made if we’d gone on with our lives?”
“It’s illegal, for one thing,” Mavis piped up. “Your kids would be ret—”
“Mom!” Patty shouted. “I don’t want to hear another word from you.”
Mavis stood up and pointed her finger at Patty. “Listen, girlie, you have no idea what it’s like to find out your husband has been unfaithful to you in public. I will forevermore be a laughingstock in this town.”
“You hate this town, Mom, so you don’t ever need to come back here.”
Mavis then turned on Gran. “You knew all about it, didn’t you? If they were sweethearts before we were married, you knew he loved her and didn’t love me, and yet you let me marry him and have a miserable life, trying to figure out why George was my husband but not my husband. There was something I couldn’t put my finger on. He always denied it, but I knew I didn’t have his heart.”
Mavis held her head in her hands as she paced in front of the stove, trying to keep herself together, trying to make sense of things.
“Then he brings Eileen into the mix for some unknown reason and I was supposed to be okay with that. Once that was established, this one drops into our lives and turns everything upside down. A whole tangle of lies I’ve been trying to break through my entire life. And now that goddamn Nell woman insinuates that George killed himself because of this. He was so unhappy with me that he wanted to end his life instead of live with me. Well, maybe I sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but right now I am. I’m feeling very sorry for myself. I’ve basically been alone my whole life.”
“Mom…”
“Do you know how it feels to be unwanted? Yes, Bridie has to deal with a shock, and it’s not fair to her or Jack, but at least they are young enough to make something of their lives, while I molder away in my goddamn one-bedroom apartment.”
Gran went over and put her arms around Mavis. Mavis cried into her shoulder, and at that moment I did feel terrible for her. Even Patty went over and gave her mom a hug.
A great weariness came over me and all I wanted was to take a bath, but someone knocked at the door. Poor old Hobbs gave a tremendous bark, upset as he was with the atmosphere in the kitchen.
Oh, God. I couldn’t see Jack in front of all these people. Ray saw my panicked look and went to the door. “I’ll tell him to wait until we’re gone.”
But it wasn’t Jack. It was Angus Turnbull, the police chief. He took off his hat as he stood in the doorway. “I was wondering if I could speak to you folks.”
Gran stepped forward as the matriarch of the family. “Please sit down. Can I get you a cup of tea?”
“No thank you, Mrs. Mackenzie.” He sat down and we sat around the table with him. “I thought you’d like to know that I’ve spoken to Nell Sampson and the Morris family.”
My heart started racing. Keep it together.
“There were a lot of allegations thrown about last night, and it’s my duty to address these accusations and try and find the truth, to see if any laws have been broken, and to bring the guilty to justice.
“One thing I do know is that Nell Sampson came to me years ago to accuse Gervais Landry of pushing his wife down the stairs, resulting in her death. She said that the little girl, Jane, had told her about it, but when I asked Jane, she denied it. I realize now that the father was in the room when I asked her, and in hindsight, I’d do that differently. Nell was very upset when I told her there wasn’t anything I could do. There was no proof.
“Unfortunately, in those days, there weren’t enough social agencies to try and help a family in need, and most had to cope on their own. Nel never did file a complaint about Yardley Morris, because his father, Bernard, frightened her. She absolutely did the wrong thing, letting George take that child away. I could charge her with kidnapping. She says that Jane went willingly.”
“She was a child!” I shouted. “Children do whatever adults say.”
“You’re right. And Jane was a minor, so even if she did agree, it’s irrelevant. I haven’t had a chance to go over the file of Jane’s case, but I will. Obviously people were lied to, including the authorities and George’s wife.”
“That’s the understatement of the year,” Mavis muttered.
“Nell is prepared to face whatever the legal consequences are. She says she’s entirely to blame and she’s relieved it’s out in the open.”
“Well, bully for her!” I shouted. “I’m glad she got that off her chest. It doesn’t matter that she snuffed out the life Jack and I had planned!”
Angus Turnbull nodded sadly.
Patty spoke up. “You said you talked to the Morrises?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
�
�Yardley Morris is denying the allegation.”
I threw my hands in the air. “How can he deny it? I’m here!”
“He says Nell Sampson has always had it in for him. That he spurned her advances when he was a young lad and now she’s trying to get back at him. That he did some work for her once, and that’s when he lost his knife. He says he doesn’t know who had sex with Jane, but it wasn’t him. And he plans on suing for defamation of character.”
My head was whirling. “Wait. Are you saying that he’s not my father? If that’s the case, then I can marry Jack! All of this has been a huge mistake!”
I looked around at my loved ones for confirmation that last night was a huge drama that had nothing to do with Jack and me, but I slowly realized they didn’t look convinced.
“So…which story is true? Tell me what I’m supposed to believe.”
“I can’t tell you, Bridie,” said the police chief. “Yardley could be lying to save his own skin, or he could be right and Nell is off her head—which many people will tell you is quite possible. She’s always been a loner and has a temper. Maybe being a spinster has addled her brain.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Angus!” Gran shouted.
The police chief instantly looked twelve.
Gran looked exasperated. “Whether the woman is married or not has nothing to do with it. Yes, she’s an intense soul, but she’s never done anything to warrant that kind of talk.”
“Other than steal my husband!” Mavis cried.
“George had no business marrying you, Mavis. You’re right. I knew he was in love with Nell, but your children don’t always do the right thing and you’re helpless in the face of it. I always hoped that it would sort itself out. But I certainly never dreamed that this terrible thing was playing itself out. All my questions about why George was always so reluctant to bring Bridie home when she was young have suddenly been answered. Everything is falling into place.”
“Do you believe that Jack’s dad is my father, Gran?”