by Roger Ma
Stiletto
The root of its name originating from the Latin word stilus, literally meaning “pike” or “pointed tool,” the stiletto has been used for centuries as a stabbing implement in close-combat situations. Throughout history, it was a stiletto-type blade that was used to deliver the coup de grâce, or mercy blow, to a fallen ally or enemy whose wounds were too grave to survive. It could be said that the use of this blade in undead combat parallels its historical context. This style of knife was also popular during World War I, in which soldiers often found themselves engaging opponents in violent trench warfare. The stiletto’s long, thin blade slides effortlessly into flesh and penetrates soft targets with ease. This narrow profile also contributes to the weapon’s greatest liability. Although nonzombie use of the stiletto targeted organs such as the heart and liver, ghoul neutralization necessitates penetration of the skull into the brain. Thus, the fragile stiletto blade may not endure prolonged zombie combat.
Bowie
A legendary blade style made famous by its name-sake, the bowie knife has an American history spanning nearly two hundred years. It grew into international prominence after the famed Sandbar Fight of 1827, in which Jim Bowie, having been bludgeoned, shot, and stabbed with a sword cane, still managed to impale one of his attackers, mutilate another, and run off the remaining group. This feat was related more to Bowie’s deftness with the blade than the weapon itself. Nonetheless, the bowie knife gained a reputation for being a superior fighting implement. Wielded by a skilled combatant, the bowie knife can perform just as viciously against the living dead. Selecting the appropriate blade length is important for this particular design, as bowie blades can range anywhere from six to twelve inches, with some models that look more like small swords. The large, heavy blade can serve as both a stabbing and chopping tool against a zombie, the latter technique not encouraged given the close range between opponents.
WEAPON-CARRYING METHODS
Once you select your personal close-combat weapon, how will you store it so that it is available at a moment’s notice, but out of the way during normal non-combat-related activity? A plethora of options are available—tucked into the waistband, wedged in the small of the back, strapped to a thigh or ankle—all of which have supporters and detractors.
Unlike long-range and melee combat, in which you will most likely be holding your weapon at the ready just before engagement, close-quarters battles with the undead often occur unexpectedly and in locations where your longer arsenal may not be practical. In our opinion, there is only one favorable carry position for undead close combat: the cross-draw position.
In this arrangement, your weapon is sheathed in a blade-up position, over the lapel opposite your dominant hand (if you are right-handed, it will be positioned over your left shoulder). This location provides several distinct advantages over other carry positions in close-quarters zombie attacks:
1. Accessibility: In the cross-draw position, the knife is stored near its ultimate target, the zombie’s skull. Picture yourself in a boxer’s stance, hands up in front of your torso in a fighting position. In this position, your weapon is inches away from your dominant hand, ready to be pulled at a moment’s notice should you round a corner and find yourself staring into the lifeless eyes of the undead. There’s no need to reach down into your waistband, behind your back, or down into your boot. As we will examine later in the chapter on combat strategies, this level of accessibility is integral to executing several techniques.
2. Position: Carrying your weapon in the cross-draw fashion not only enables close proximity to its target, but also positions it perfectly for an effective strike, with the blade tip pointing up and in front of your body. In comparison, carrying a weapon in your waistband requires that you drop your hand from a defensive posture down toward your belt to draw the blade. This leaves an entire side of your body exposed and defenseless when you lower your arm to reach the weapon. This same liability also occurs when you store your knife in the small of your back, and even more so if you carry it on your thigh or ankle. Remember, stealth is not a concern when battling the undead. There is no need to hide the weapon from your enemy’s sight, as your opponent could not be any less concerned.
3. Quickness: Because of the easy accessibility and the optimal positioning of your weapon in cross-draw carry, this method enables you to engage your opponent, draw your weapon, and deliver a neutralizing blow in the shortest time possible. Veteran combatants have been able to end a close-quarters zombie engagement within three seconds of its initiation. It is your responsibility to frequently rehearse withdrawing your weapon. Regular drilling will also help you overcome the “fight or flight” reflex discussed earlier that may cause your hands to tremble, so that your movements eventually become instinctive and carried out without a moment’s hesitation.
IMPROVISED WEAPONS
What is the most effective personal zombie combat weapon? Is it the Japanese katana? The medieval morning star? The Swiss halberd? This question has been argued time and again by soldiers and civilians alike. The answer is actually quite simple: The best weapon is the one you have at the ready during an undead attack. A handcrafted samurai sword worth thousands of dollars is useless if it is lying in your sleeping bag as a zombie rips at your throat. Likewise, a ten-dollar crowbar can provide years of faithful, defensive service if maintained well and used properly.
For an excellent historical example of weapon improvisation, look to Okinawa as a guide. In 1609, the island was captured and occupied by the Japanese Satsuma clan. Shortly thereafter, the Japanese banned possession of swords and firearms by all commoners and the peasant community. In order to defend themselves, the largely farming population of Okinawa turned to their everyday agricultural tools and developed them into the Okinawan weapons-based martial art known as kobudo.
Tools that were used to dig furrows (sai), carry baskets (bo), and harvest rice (kama) were transformed into the weapons that are still actively practiced hundreds of years later. Two of the most popular kobudo weapons seen in the West are the nunchaku, or nunchucks, and the tonfa, which has been modified for law enforcement use as the side-handled baton. Okinawan history shows us that it is not necessary or required to spend hundreds of dollars on custom-made weaponry. Take a walk around various locations in your local surroundings. With a combat mindset, chances are good that you will spot many common implements at your disposal that can provide excellent protection against the living dead.
Let us explore some of these possible locations.
The Farm
If you have the time and have planned far enough ahead to stock up on inexpensive yet effective weapons for your arsenal, head to your local farming supply store. There you will find a selection of solidly built tools that are meant for decades of hard service working the land, which can be put to equally good use in battling the walking dead. Improvised farming tools even provide several advantages over conventional combat weapons:1. Availability: Unless you order your weapons in advance or raid the armory section of a museum, the chances of acquiring a high-quality, combat-ready battle-axe or halberd are slim. In contrast, gardening and farming implements are fairly commonplace and readily available.
2. Materials: The handles of traditional long-range weapons are often made of wood. Modern farming tool handles are often crafted from synthetic materials such as fiberglass, which can be lighter and sturdier than traditional wood handles. The metal used in farming equipment is typically hardened tool steel, made to withstand the rigors of moving earth and rock, and certainly able to tolerate the frequent beating against undead skulls.
3. Cost: In a price comparison with actual combat tools, farming implements win nearly every time. A moderately well-made long-range combat weapon, such as a poleaxe, will probably cost several hundred dollars. A stout gardening shovel will run you a fraction of that price.
Some common agricultural tools that can have an alternate life as an undead weapon include those on the following pages.<
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WEAPON EVALUATION: LANDSCAPING SHOVEL
EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 100+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: If there is any one implement that could be considered a modern-day combat spade, it’s the landscaping shovel. Over five feet long with a blade made from heavy-gauge, tempered steel, the garden-variety shovel can be found in nearly every hardware store on the planet. Designed to endure years of hardscrabble labor, its low cost and sturdy construction make it a preferred choice of those who excel at long-range engagements but do not have the means to purchase a conventional long-distance weapon. Even models with a sturdy synthetic handle, preferred over the more fragile wooden type, can be found for less than $30.
Wielding this tool in undead combat is similar to using a weapon such as the battle-axe. It is best used to strike vulnerable areas of the zombie skull using the flat of the shovel or the pointed corners of the blade. Those who use this tool as their primary combat weapon have been known to file the edges down to a sharper angle, making this implement even more versatile at long range.
WEAPON EVALUATION: MACHETE
EFFECTIVENESS: MODERATE
LIFE SPAN: 25+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: Popular around the world as a gardening and brush-clearing tool, the machete is already an infamous weapon used in conflicts throughout Africa and South America, where it instills dread in those who fear being hacked apart by its large, intimidating blade.
Because of its ubiquitous nature and low price point, the machete has become a common weapon in undead combat. Its most effective use against a walking corpse is via a decapitation attack rather than a blow to the head, where its thin blade may cause difficulty for those with inadequate strength to slice into the zombie skull.
The greatest liability of the machete, as with all edged weapons, is the tedium of keeping the blade honed and ready for action. Although this may be a simple maintenance task when using this tool exclusively to clear weeds and vegetation, you may find yourself in a never-ending cycle of slashing and sharpening during an undead outbreak. You would be surprised how quickly the edge of even a higher-quality machete dulls when having to hack through the necks of only a handful of undead combatants.
WEAPON EVALUATION: PITCHFORK
EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 100+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: HIGH
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: A common farm tool used for baling agricultural items such as hay, grass, or compost, the pitchfork can be an adequate counter-ghoul weapon in properly trained hands. It can function much like a spear, except with several sharp points at the ready rather than a single pike. Also, as with the spear, this tool is limited to a thrusting-type attack, as the pitchfork is not designed for a swinging, centrifugally driven blow against the zombie skull. Some have adapted this tool’s original functionality to serve in undead combat by skewering ghouls and literally pitching them off the edges of high structures, such as cliffs or rooftops.
The pitchfork, like other stabbing weapons, is best used for a specific technique in which the tines of the fork are driven from the underside of the chin through the soft palate into the brain. We will describe this technique in specific detail later in this text. Striking the brain through the zombie’s eye sockets may be another employable tactic. This technique, however, depends largely on the distance between fork tines, which often number anywhere from three to six. Targeting the eyes may be difficult to execute with a pitchfork that has narrow spacing between prongs and may cause the weapon to become lodged in the face of your undead opponent.
The Garage
Like farming implements, home maintenance tools are inexpensive and readily available and can prove highly effective in undead battle. You often need look only as far as your own garage to find several items that can double as outstanding improvised weapons. It is recommended that you steer away from powered devices as your primary weapon. As we will discuss later in more detail, power tools may indeed be effective weapons, but relying on external energy sources during an undead outbreak is not the most practical solution. Stick to tools that require only muscular energy; when the gas runs out or the electricity switches off, they will remain a trusted ally.
Some examples of construction tools that double as efficient zombie weapons include those on the following pages.
WEAPON EVALUATION: SIDEWALK SCRAPER
EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 150+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: HIGH
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: As good an improvised long-range weapon as the landscape shovel, if not better, the sidewalk scraper is composed of a wide, flat blade attached to a pole approximately four to five feet long. This implement is traditionally used by maintenance crews and building superintendents to scrape blemishes and sticky refuse such as chewing gum from the pavement. The potential lethality of the scraper is evident in frigid northern climates, where this tool is also used to break apart sheets of ice that form after a winter storm.
The forged, spadelike blade is thin and sharp, making it an excellent tool for targeting the fragile bone structure of the nasal/orbital region on the zombie skull. Warriors skilled with this weapon can cleave off the top of a ghoul’s head cleanly with one well-placed thrust. The scraper can also be swung like an axe to attack the temporal or occipital regions of the skull.
Like many of the improvised pole-based weapons mentioned previously, the sidewalk scraper can be found with either a wooden or synthetic handle. Given a choice, it is recommended that you choose the latter. Although slightly more expensive, the durability of the synthetic handle far outweighs the added cost. Even given the added price, this weapon is still roughly a tenth of the cost of a professionally crafted polearm.
WEAPON EVALUATION: SLEDGEHAMMER
EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 200+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: VERY HIGH
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: A construction tool that needs no introduction, the sledgehammer is an implement frequently used for breaking concrete, driving spikes, and demolishing structures. Given its inherent use in destructive tasks, it is highly regarded as a powerful weapon against the living dead.
At face value, the sledgehammer seems like it has many attributes in its favor as an improvised weapon. At the end of an extended handle is a steel striking head weighing anywhere from eight to twelve pounds. Higher-quality models feature a fiberglass shaft and a drop-forged alloy head. In the hands of an experienced combatant, the sledgehammer can make quick work of an undead skull.
The liability of this weapon lies in the ability required to handle it effectively. The sledgehammer is considered a “commitment weapon,” indicating that once you launch a strike with this tool, you are fully committed to executing it. Given the sledgehammer’s weight and top-heavy structure, it is very difficult to change speed or direction midstrike. It is also a comparatively slow weapon and may be difficult to use against undead groups of five or more, where speed of elimination may be key to survival. Users of this weapon also need to be cautious of the “splatter effect.” If a strike smashes into its target with a high degree of force, the zombie skull may fragment, scattering bits of contaminated bone and tissue outward, possibly toward unsuspecting humans in the surrounding perimeter.
WEAPON EVALUATION: CROWBAR
EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 200+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE
OVERVIEW: One of the most popular improvised w
eapons, second only to a baseball bat, the crowbar has a prominent standing as a solid, satisfying hunk of metal that can be swung with a high degree of force and accuracy. The crowbar’s length, heft, and lethal hooked ends make it quite effective in medium-range zombie engagements. It is also a very practical improvised tool because of its low cost, its high availability, and its usefulness during a siege of walking cadavers. In the moments following an outbreak, you may indeed find the need to pry open boxes and force open doors in addition to caving in a revenant’s skull.
Using this tool as you would any melee weapon, attack any vulnerable region of the cranium with the curved prongs on the crowbar. Just as with any hooked weapon, be watchful when using the arced tips so that it does not become jammed in an undead skull and pulled from your hand.
As the crowbar is little more than a dowel of steel with a curved edge, this improvised weapon benefits greatly from customization efforts. The smooth metal surface of this tool may make it difficult to grasp should it become coated with water, blood, or undead fluids. It is suggested that you wrap a more comfortable grip on the weapon, making it easier to wield in combat. See additional customization options later in this section.