Sean wasn't a teenager anymore. He was a grown-ass man, but he still couldn't understand many things about his inner bear. Especially about the mate problem. His mother called finding your mate a blessing. He didn't share the same enthusiasm. Yes, he was indeed entranced by her. Her long straight chestnut hair flowing on her back, the way that simple navy blue t-shirt with the Shifting Impulse logo on it hugged her breasts, while her voluptuous behind was confined by those black trousers. Of course, it was just her uniform, but that didn't matter. What she hid under those clothes was the magnet that made him so drawn to her.
Those wonderful, deep, round eyes the color of tree bark that had a spark of amazement when she looked at him. The desire and confusion in her eyes when he'd said those words. He needed to stop thinking about her. She couldn't be his.
With that thought he gave in to his bear. A few steps into the forest, he discarded his jeans as fast as he could under the circumstances and his bear formed.
Now he was only a small voice and presence in the head of the heated, outraged monster twice the size of a regular bear. Something was happening to his animal. It was more aggressive than usual and the roar he let out echoed through the forest like a warning sign. It clearly said get away from me or I'll tear you to pieces. Of course. He understood now. The club was a cocktail of shifter scents. Even Janet smelled like one. And she was probably marked. She belonged to another shifter. She hadn't even answered his question about having a boyfriend. His bear was jealous. The poor beast felt possessive of her and it didn't know how to react to this situation other than dart through the forest and bellow his confusion. Out of respect, Sean didn't force a change on his bear. Its fur vibrated from the movement required for the run. The ground shook under its massive paws. The damp moss felt like a blanket covering the forest and it felt soft under the bear's paws.
Huffing from the exertion, the bear found a spot filled with exposed roots covered in moss, exhaled air out of its lungs as if testing the endurance of the moss bed and let his body fall to the ground. It rubbed its sides, its back and its stomach on the moss that now felt earthy, trying to alleviate the tension in its cramped muscles.
Branches cracking under the animal's weight relaxed the mammoth and he just stayed there, rubbing himself on the moss.
CHAPTER THREE
Sean woke up in the forest. Stark naked.
It was still night. Janet. His first thought. Her name.
It felt like he was in the heart of the forest. At a higher altitude. He had fresh claw marks on his back that stung and pulsed. He raked his fingers through his hair, trying to remember what had happened. He tried in vain. It was all blank. No memories other than his bear roaming the refreshing forest and up the mountain. He usually remembered what he did in his bear form. His bear was inquisitive by nature, a characteristic shared with the human part of him. Curiosity was the reason his body was marred with scars. That was only a half-truth. His bear was a bit of a brawler too. Getting in trouble was his thing when he wasn't sleeping. Maybe that's why at one point the man was excluded. He didn't give much thought to the events he couldn't remember. He walked in the direction he had come from, following his own scent. There was a gurgling creek on his left, so he went into the numbing water and had a quick wash. He preferred this to a hot shower after a change. The icy water settled the electric shocks that ensued a change. It worked this time too, but the feeling was different. He actually felt cold in the forest now. It was like he wasn't welcome anymore. He didn't feel connected to it anymore. He felt drawn to the woman instead. Like a siren calling to him.
At the edge of the trees he found his jeans, put them on and strolled towards the hotel. He had to get some sleep and then meet Dean for lunch. The receptionist was napping in his chair, so he tried not to wake him up. He wasn't in the mood for explanations.
His room hadn't been touched and it still had her aroma. He sat on the bed right next to his smart phone, his camera and the tee. The flashing little blue light in the top left corner of his phone caught his eye. He picked it up, unlocked the screen and saw ten missed calls and about five messages. Two calls were from his mother and the rest were from Dean. He had only been gone for three hours maximum. It wasn't even dawn yet. He stroked his stubble as he read the messages first. "Where are you man? Did something happen to you? You were supposed to meet me for lunch half an hour ago. When you wake up and see this give me a call." Some of the rest carried similar messages. What in the world had happened? He couldn't have missed a day. He hadn't missed a day in his bear form since he was a teenager. This had happened before, right after his father died, but it had been only temporary and hadn't happened since. Had someone died or what? This was nonsense. His bear was probably going through a phase. He checked the time. Almost one in the morning. What the hell? It was indeed July 15. No doubt about it. He had missed a day.
One. Missed. Day.
A day when he could have made a plan. A full day. At least he hadn't gone back to the club. At the thought of the club and Janet, he went commando. He didn't have blue balls yet, but he would very soon. He had to do something about that. But what? A shower? A quick fix? A run? Some food? His grumbling stomach interrupted his thoughts. He was hungry. No. That was an understatement. Famished was a better description of his stomach's situation. He was also quite cold. In the middle of summer? Really Sean? His bear had been quiet so far, but now the animal was trying to communicate with him. Images of burgers, fries and cheese, lots of greasy cheese flashed through his mind. Good thing he was sitting. The images and the lack of food made him dizzy. The food was so close he could grab it and start eating. Only it wasn't. He was imagining it. He willed his bear to stop, but all he got were different scenes. This time a freaking movie. Janet naked, bent over his bed, moaning while he filled her.
Shit!
Sean didn't resent her. He didn't resent his bear. He just needed to find a way out and keep his bear sane at the same time. This wasn't about him not liking her because he did. She was exactly his type. Everything he had said to that woman at the bar was true. All his cells screamed mate at him, but this wasn't the first time he'd been wrong about a woman. His mate. That was his secret dream, one he hadn't shared with anyone. He longed for a mate. Someone to share his life with. Someone to trust with his secret. Someone strong. Someone capable of handling him and his bear. Maybe he wasn't meant to find that someone. It wasn't like he was actively searching for a mate, but deep in his heart he kept hoping. One day. Maybe one day he would find her. Perhaps.
Dean popped into his mind. He should call and let him know he wasn't hurt. He'd just been silenced into numbness by his bear for a full day. Dean was a shifter too. He would probably understand this situation.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Beep.
Dean seemed on edge. "Sean! Where are you, man? I came to your hotel, but you weren't there."
"I don't know what happened. I went for a run in the forest yesterday night and I woke up an hour ago with no memory and apparently a day had passed. Sorry, man," Sean tried to calm him down. Freaking out wouldn't help anyone.
"That doesn't sound too good. Do you need something? Are you hurt?" Dean continued.
"I'm okay now. It's just... Weird. I don't understand how this happened and why. My bear doesn't usually act like this. You know that."
Dean took a moment to think about this before answering. What came next was a bit of a surprise for Sean. "Man, this has happened before. Don't you remember all the blackouts you had after your father died? Did you kill someone? Did anybody die, Sean?"
"Nobody died! Stop it. That was a different situation. We both know that. You were there, you know it was just stress because I was the one who discovered his body. I don't want to talk about that, Dean. I'm fine now. It's been more than twenty years. I'm over that. You know that."
"No, you're not fine. That happened after Monica left too. Your bear went berserk that time too. I was there to witness the blood lust, Sean. You took some of it out on m
e! I have the scars to remind you, in case you've forgotten that."
Sean sighed, remembering the moments Dean was talking about. Not the exact moments. No, he couldn't remember those. He couldn't remember anything about that night. He remembered what happened after. His friend Dean was a panther shifter, just like Sean's mother, and they usually changed about four times a week and roamed the forest together. They had been friends ever since they could remember. Dean was one year older than Sean, but they'd been best friends since they were in diapers. They had been through many things together, including the horrible night when Sean's bear almost disemboweled Dean's panther body in an inexplicable fit of rage apparently. There had been a few other moments that were as bad as those, but whenever Dean sensed Sean's bear on the verge of losing it and attacking him, he just distracted him with prey. Dean was smart. He had seen his bad side more often than he could count and he was still there. They were still friends, even though their relationship had changed after the attack. When Sean first started to travel as a wildlife photographer, some of the many things linking them weakened to the point where they only met in the short time both of them were at home. Which wasn't often. Dean was a great friend, despite choosing to put distance between them when he had moved to North Bloom Lake two years ago. Before moving, Dean had seen everything, Sean's father's death, the blackouts Sean preferred to forget about, Sean's relationship with Monica. "You know I'm sorry about that. You know I hate myself for having lost control."
It was Dean's turn to sigh now. "It's not your fault. Something vital for your animal died with your father. I don't know exactly what or why the animal turns into a raging monster from time to time. I don't understand what triggers him, but I know it's not your fault. I know the inner animal inside us is just a part of us that is still wild and it's not supposed to be tamed. All those emotions we don't want to face when we're on two legs are just shoved back to that dark place where they can be accessed by trauma or dealt with only in animal form. I know that. You know it's happened to me too and I'm as terrified of those moments as you are. My mother says we have to try to connect with the animal in those moments when our human side is being kicked out of the game, but I know how difficult it is to accomplish that. Hell, I've only ever been able to do it once and I was so exhausted I almost had a heart attack."
"Yeah, I know that. Your mother's been kind enough to pass it on to my mother. I guess she was right that the animal feels threatened and rejected and that's why it severs the connection. The only thing I don't understand is why. Wait a moment..." then it dawned on him. Something from the club had probably triggered this. Maybe the woman, maybe the smell of other shifters, being in a closed environment. The answer was there, in front of him. Sean had a feeling going back to the club would shed some light on this mystery, but it was pain he wanted to avoid. Seeing her, being close to her awoke parts of him he wanted to keep closed. Every time he thought of Janet, hope crept up in his soul and the walls he had built to protect himself from heartache cracked a little bit more. Hope was something he couldn't afford to feel right now. It wasn't the time. She wasn't the light at the end of his personal inferno. She was the tectonic plate that threatened to wake up the dormant volcano. Similar to one, he looked like stable ground, only that wasn't true and last night was proof of that. His eruption would destroy everything and everyone around him, himself included. He couldn't afford that. Sean almost forgot he was on the phone with Dean.
"You still there, Sean?"
"Yeah, I'm here. I was only thinking. Never mind. Tomorrow night's the exhibition, right? Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow? My treat," Sean tried to redeem himself for the lost lunch.
Dean seemed a little hurt, but he said "I can't. I'm busy with stuff. Sorry."
"Sure, I get it. I'll see you there. Eight o'clock, right?" Sean checked.
"You have the address, yeah?"
Sean's head turned to look around in search of his bag. He saw it in the corner of the room, right next to the wardrobe, on the dark brown wooden chair. "It's here somewhere. I'll find the place, don't worry about me."
"Stay out of trouble. See you there," Dean said in his reassuring tone. He always used those words to say goodbye. It was nice for Sean to see his friend still remembered their greetings.
That being said, Dean hung up, so Sean put the phone down next to him on the bed and laid down, thinking about what to do next. It was Saturday night. He still had time before the exhibition and he hadn't taken any photos yet. His body tensed at the thought of seeing Janet again, his shaft ready for action. He didn't want to act impulsively, so he just stayed there and stretched his arms on the bed. His right hand hit something. His tiny, compact camera. Then he remembered. He had some photos of her on the memory card. He had taken them before he left the bar. She had probably thought he left. She looked kind of sad.
The light fell on her long, silky hair just right, so he took some photos. People weren't his thing, but Janet had something about her that made him want to change that. Taking photos of her in the most unexpected moments was invigorating. No expectations to get the light right, the composition, the subject, the pose or the mood. No expectations. Liberating. She had been unaware he was still there, taking her picture. Over and over, almost obsessively.
His little compact camera wasn't your regular family-snapshots-pocket-camera. It was the best super zoom pocket camera he could find. It had cost a fortune, but it was worth every penny. He kept it for personal shots. He used it to take photos that weren't magazine material, but had personal value. Then he uploaded them into his laptop, connected his digital drawing tablet, retouched them to make them look better and then wrote something on them. He loved it when these pictures came out of his portable color printer. They were the size of a regular postcard and that was what his mother absolutely loved to receive. He had sent her postcards over the years from way too many places to count. His favorite shots were from the highest peaks in Europe. She had never visited Europe because she was always busy, but this way she could see primeval places that weren't meant to be known by tourists. What he wrote on them wasn't anything sophisticated. Sometimes one word, a short poem, a joke, some lines from songs he liked. Small things that meant the world for his mom.
Turning the tiny - it wasn't so small, but in his massive hands, it sure felt like that - camera on and looked at the photos of Janet. The screen was too small and he couldn't see the details he wanted to, so he stood, walked to the chair where his bag was, opened it and retrieved his laptop, tablet and printer. All of them had short cables attached to them, it was like holding an electrical octopus. He put them on the table next to the chair. Then he connected everything to the laptop and waited a few seconds for the operating system to start. He set the bag on the floor and sat down. As the pictures started downloading one by one, his bear slowly woke up and curiosity washed over him. He felt a growing connection to her. He couldn't explain what was happening, but his bear was waiting to be reunited with her. Not going to happen.
The proof that his bear was getting stronger came seconds after he whispered that. He saw his old blackboard from school and there were words written on it. Not a joke, she is my mate. Our mate.
Oh. My. God. The bear seemed serious as he showed Sean this flash. Inventive animal. He tried to get in control of his bear, like his father had taught him. Imagine your bear in a bubble. Now take a crayon and draw over the outline. Remember son, never complete the circle. Just leave it as open as you want the connection to be. The bear will only be able to communicate with you and control you as much as you allow it. His father had said that one day when he was having trouble regaining his own human voice in his head. His father would know what to do now. Sean didn't. He didn't have enough experience and he didn't want to be connected to another woman who could reject him as easily as Monica had.
While he was lost in the memories about his father, his fingers had been busy. One of the pictures was open in Photoshop and he was holding the tab
let and the pen. Janet's bewitching-oak-brown-eyes, blazing like a hot furnace were staring right at him. Had she seen him taking the photos? She couldn't have seen him. That part of the room had been too dark for her to see. Shit! She had seen the flashing red light from his camera. Shit! She must have seen it, otherwise she wouldn't be looking straight at him. She looked flushed. Was she turned on? And her eyes. Dear God! And that smile. Damn, that smile was the tectonic plate that pushed the ground he was standing on just with enough pressure for it to make a little crack. The volcano was slowly waking up. Damn!
He stared at the screen.
What can I do now? Am I strong enough to resist her or not?
CHAPTER FOUR
Two in the morning.
Janet's eyes watered from having laughed for the last twenty minutes. Becket, Michael and Connor were her funniest customers. Bad-ass builders by day and professional jokers by night, they spent their weekends entertaining whoever wanted to listen to their jokes. Janet and her colleague, Nell, called them the "Ha-ha Trio". She had to admit their jokes were mostly decent, they never started fights and they lightened up the atmosphere. She didn't quite understand how they were still single. She knew one of them was divorced, but she never asked them personal details just so they wouldn't ask her back. Joking around was one thing, sharing real personal information was a completely different thing. They didn't share, she didn't share. Everyone was satisfied. The jokes kept coming. Beers were sold. Everything was great.
"What do you call a man with a pint of Labatts on his head?" Michael tried.
Shifting Impulse: A BBW Bear-Shifter Romance (Complete Edition - Books 1-3) Page 19