She had to cup his jaw with her hand, pull gently on his earlobe to get him to come back. "Ami," she said, reaching behind her with her other hand to ward Cain off as he approached. "Who bought the smears?"
"A redhead," he said. "Dressed in black leather head to heel. Drop dead gorgeous." He laughed feebly as though he had cracked a bad joke. "I gave her a good deal. She took them all."
"The red general," Cain muttered.
A fist pushed up through Theda's chest, trying to choke off her air at the name. "Kat," she said and reached for the paper bag, even as Ami clenched his fingers around it tighter.
"I wanted to treat you," he said. "All those egg sandwiches on stale bread and thermoses of funky coffee." He lifted his eyes to hers, and still she thought things were just out of touch for him, that he couldn't possibly process everything that was screeching through his mind at lightning speed.
"It's okay," she murmured. "It's all right."
"It costs a hell of a lot for bread," he said. "You know it does. Fresh bagels. Such a luxury." He stared at the bag.
"I know." She eased next to him on the step. He was fidgety as a squirrel she didn't want to spook.
"It was kind of you, making sure I didn't starve back then. I was always grateful. You know that, right?"
He eyed the bag soberly. "Four bagels. One for each of us. Cost me everything I made."
She reached to take it from him. "That was really thoughtful, Ami."
He nodded.
Encouraged, she pressed on, knowing there was more, that it was having a hard time putting the lines with the dots. "But someone stole them?"
He pushed away from her, hugging the wall at the question. "I dropped them." He lifted the bag so she could see he did indeed have a dirt smudge on the bottom. The tear was at the top, rending the mouth open above his fist. "Dropped them outside the house. They rolled out onto the pavement. I was going to scoop them back in. You know, being the luxury they are. Most people don't get such fresh bread, and it was just a little bit of dirt."
"But you saw something," Cain stepped forward. "Something stopped you."
Ami nodded and studied his hands. "Ezekiel," he said. "I saw Ezekiel." He shuddered so violently he made the bag shake.
She should put her arms around him, Theda knew, but they were so heavy suddenly, made of lead, that she couldn't budge them from her sides no matter how much she willed it. Even her eyelids felt like shutters of metal when they blinked, trying to wet her eyes.
"He saw Ezekiel execute his charges," Cain guessed. "I'm sure it wasn't a pretty sight."
Ami tried to get up, gripping the banister with a determined but trembling hand. "Three men. Just like that." He swiped his free hand still holding the bag across his throat." He made a sound that reminded Theda of a chuckle, but she knew it wasn't. It couldn't be.
"It's never easy seeing someone die," she said, thinking of her afternoon in the capital building when Ezekiel had murdered her would-be assassins in order to save her. It had haunted her for days, because she was so relieved that their deaths meant her escape. The guilt had never left her; she'd just covered it up with godspit.
"Die?" He swung his gaze toward her and she could see the blue had invaded the pupils.
"That's nothing," he said. "The blood. That was nothing. The way he slashed them into a dozen ribbons in a heartbeat. That was nothing." He began to actually laugh then, and Theda finally saw the response for what it was: terror so acute the adrenaline had overloaded his emotions, crossed them in a burning tangle of synapses.
"It was her," he said between chunks of gurgling laughter. "The redhead. She bathed in that blood like it was a fountain, dripping with it. And she faced him when it was over and she smiled at him while he just stood there."
He shook his head, choking on something else, something that sounded like revulsion mixed with panic. "Smiled, Theda, like she knew him better than he knew himself."
"And then?" She didn't want to hear. Please don't let him answer, but she knew it was coming.
He shivered. "Then she just reached out and jammed a handful of smears into his mouth. Smears I'd sold her." He coughed in a fit of spittle going down the wrong way.
"Oh, sweet fuck." She heard Cain blurt out, and that alone made Theda's skin creep along her bones uncomfortably.
"That's not all." Ami lifted the shaking bag at her. "She said the rest of these were for you."
The drawn silence might as well have sucked the oxygen from the air and killed the lights. Theda felt nothing but the free-fall, could swear she sent her arms out to her sides to flap at drafts of air.
"Where is she now?" Cain's voice, resolute. Calm and collected as though Ami had simply mentioned he'd stepped outside for a breath of air. Theda let one eye slit open and saw that despite the calm exterior, the horseman was instantly on guard, stepping to the front door, pulling aside the curtain and peering out.
Ami shook his head. "She took Ezekiel and left. Just hefted him right over her shoulder." He would have sounded awestruck to Theda if it weren't for the shock in his voice. Ezekiel was a big man, carrying him would be no mean feat for anyone, let alone a woman. It was evidence of just how strong Kat was. Theda reached out for a stair rung to keep herself from slumping over.
"She left?" Cain said.
"For now," Ami collapsed again on the step when he tried to go upstairs. "She said she'll return after she delivers him."
"To the Beast?" Theda looked to Cain for confirmation and he shrugged in agreement.
"So she knows where we are," he said.
"We can't just wait for her to come back."
Ami plucked at the paper bag. "She obviously thought you would take the coward's way out."
Theda couldn't say she wasn't thinking about it. Just knowing there was one smear made her skin itch. It would be so easy. What better way to go then in a state of complete bliss?
"Why would it have to be cowardice?" she said. "Why can't it just be resignation." She couldn't keep her eyes off the bag, knowing what it contained.
Cain took the bag from Ami's fingers. "Why can't it be about strategy?" He lifted his gaze to Theda's. "Think about it; she expects you to give in to your addiction. She expects to come right here, pluck you from whatever state you end up in, take you to the Beast."
"Because it would be suicide," she said.
"Because it would be smart. Think about it. She knows Ami is here. She knows you are. But she doesn't know about me."
"And that helps how?"
"What do you think this mark is for, Theda?"
"It's a curse." She glared at him. "And I don't need a curse following me around. Not now, when my life's on the line."
"It's protection. She can't harm me. I can follow you and we can both get him out of there."
"Assuming she doesn't kill me first."
He shook his head. "She won't kill you. She would have already. She must be under orders."
Ami put a shaking arm over Theda's chest. "No," he said. "You are not delivering her to the lion's den. I won't let you." He gripped her shoulders, eyeing her with an intensity that almost frightened her. "I say we run for it. Make them hunt us down."
Cain snorted. "You mean like she just did?"
Ami glared at him, getting to a trembling, if not determined stand. "Because your general put her somewhere she was sure to look."
Cain shrugged. "Go back to selling drugs, my friend. Let the military handle the military."
The color of Ami's face astounded her. Such a fierce shade of red, surely he would implode right there.
"I was a chemist," he said and his voice sent chills up Theda's arms. "Before this all went down, I had a fucken PhD."
"I see it's made your lifestyle more tenable."
"Tenable?" Ami fairly squeaked out the word in his rage. "Who uses a word like tenable? You plan on using Theda as bait, thinking you can sneak up on that woman and what? Pop her over the head with a... with a... what is it you have? What weapon?"
He was shaking more now, the surge of hormones contorting his features.
"General," Cain said calmly.
"What?"
"General. The woman is a General."
"What the fuck does that matter?"
Cain pursed his lips, making Ami fly at him. Before the man had a chance to land a punch, Cain had twisted the arm behind Ami's back, wrenching it so far up his shoulder blades beneath his neck, Theda grimaced just watching it.
"I have certain skills," Cain drawled. "And while you may not be privy to them, they've made my life a long and rich one, despite more attacks than I choose to count."
Ami danced, trying to keep his arm from pulling out of his socket, but still he wouldn't give in.
"Kat has my General, and she has the General's sister, and she's coming for Theda. Do you think she'll stop? Do you think she'll come here, see an empty house, shrug, and say, oopsie, they must have slipped away?"
"No," A grudging answer, and only when he heard it, did Cain let the pressure off Ami's arm.
"You can run if you like," Cain said. "But she has no choice."
Theda put her fingers on Cain's forearm, telling him to let go, finally, of Ami's arm. "You've made your point, Cain. Let him be."
"We don't have much time," Cain said. "She'll be coming and we need to be ready."
Theda nodded, and Ami rubbed at his biceps.
"What do you need me to do?"
"Us," Ami corrected and she smiled for him because she wasn't sure what else could wipe away the fierce, stupid determination on his face. Poor soul. He had no idea what was going on...
"It's clear," Cain said to her, "that you have something the Beast wants. Something no one else can give him, something that keeps him from executing you when he would rather do exactly that. I can only guess it's the same reason he keeps Bridget as collateral against General Eazy, the same reason Eazy is protecting you this way."
Theda started to answer, but he held up his hand. "Don't tell me what it is. Don't tell anyone. Just tell me it's enough to stall him. That when she comes for you, you can use it to give me time to get you all out."
"I don't think I can keep it from you," she said, feeling the fear urge the free-fall into a spiraling plummet. "I think you need to know exactly what it is the Beast wants from me." She studied him, waiting for his reaction. "I'm sorry," she said.
He chewed his lip as he regarded her, obviously uncertain that he wanted to go that far.
"Once you tell me, you can't untell it."
"I know." He would be in danger, too, just for sharing the secret. And Ami. She turned to her friend. "Maybe you'd better disappear."
"No," he said.
"Just for a few minutes. Nothing major. I won't do anything until you return."
"Then why waste the time?"
She locked onto Cain's green-eyed gaze as she spoke to Ami; so much like her General's that she might fool herself into believing they were Ezekiel's she was looking into.
"Because what I have to tell Cain means the death of thousands of people." She hugged herself as she swung her gaze to Ami's finally. "And because once someone else knows it, the Beast will stop at nothing to bury it."
Ami's shoulders slumped. "Nice use of the word bury." He sighed. "I'm in, Theda. Just say it."
"It's Henrik. He bought a re-vision from me."
"You mean?" Cain stepped forward eagerly.
"Yes," she said. "I'm the reason the Beast murdered his own son."
Cain fell onto the step. "Then he knew."
"Who knew?
"The General. He knew Kat would come. He knew she would see him execute those men; that he would be in the throes of bloodlust, that he'd be unable to resist her."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying he let himself be taken by her. He knew she would have to bring him back to the Beast. And in doing that, he left himself completely incapacitated."
"And vulnerable." She struggled with the word as though speaking it took all her breath.
"Yes," he said. "More vulnerable than he's ever been."
Chapter 18
EMERGENCE
Theda had the three remaining smears of godspit lying on the coffee table in front of her when the front door opened. The paper bag Ami had brought back after his godspit run lay crumpled on the floor next to her, the fragrant smell of yeast and baked bread still clinging to it from the bagels he'd scored. Ami sat somewhere to her left, perched, she knew, on the edge of his chair, trying to appear brave and unaffected by the coming of the intruder. She knew better; his breathing was too shallow to be anything but afraid and she couldn't say she blamed him. He'd not been exposed to as much as she had over the last months, not grown desensitized to the terror she'd witnessed just in the last weeks. He wasn't used to thinking his next breath would be his last.
She didn't need to look up to know who had entered the brownstone. Instead, she eyed the drug, letting her mouth flood with water, waiting for her calves to cramp, her skin to prickle with anticipation. The high wanted her; that was clear. It was so needy, the godspit, never giving her a moment's respite, never fully able to let go. Its tinny voice whispered to her that it could insulate her from what was to come, begged her to give in, to go to sleep, to just let it protect her from what was to come. She laughed at it, loud enough to make Ami startle. He made a sound like a frightened bird before he jumped to his feet.
Theda knew then without looking up that Kat, the Red Rider of the Apocalypse, had shown herself, standing in the doorframe of the living room, probably with gun in hand, relishing the moment.
"Share the joke?" the Red General said.
"You wouldn't get it," Theda replied, her eyes glued to the farthest smear.
"Probably not." A rustle of leather. A dull thud of footsteps. A long pause before Kat spoke again, cheerily, this time to Ami. "Well, hey there, handsome. Such an unexpected, if pleasant surprise. Like getting a candy prize in the bottom of a box of shitty cereal."
Thankfully, Ami said nothing. Theda thought his fear might have frozen his tongue to his palate. She took the opportunity to lift her eyes to the Red General, freeing herself from the trance of godspit. The woman hadn't washed since her encounter with Ezekiel. She still wore the blood from head to toe of those he'd killed, layered over her black leather duster in dried cakes. Her cropped hair seemed gelled with it, sticking up in spots as though she'd styled it that way. She could only imagine the image Ami had witnessed, of her bathing in the blood of the three men from the sanitorium as Ezekiel murdered them. Cut to ribbons, Ami had said, in seconds flat. All for her, she told herself. Not because killing was his drug like godspit was Theda's, but because they had harmed her, and their miserable lives were forfeit for it. Because they harmed others, and would continue to do so until they breathed their last. And mostly because the Beast knew she was alive. Killing his favorites tolled out the Red General the way a duck call tolled in fowl and doing so meant Ezekiel could give Theda yet another chance to stay alive.
Now he was in danger because of it.
She thought of her own general, the Pale Rider, of the desperate way he'd made love to her as though each time would be his last. Imagining his arms curled about her steeled her spine. He needed her now. She wouldn't let him down.
She pushed the smears away from her, toward the general. "I don't want your little gift."
"Stupid mung," Kat said, chortling as she used the derogatory term for religion-monger, and she inched closer. "It'd make things so much easier if you took them. Not for you, of course; I don't care about that, but for me. Not so fun dragging a kicking and screaming package three blocks."
"Three?" Theda was instantly alert. Could she have deposited Ezekiel just three blocks from here?
"Three," Kat agreed, leaning against the door jam of the living room. "Stashed my bike. Didn't want to ruin the surprise." She grinned.
"Why not just kill me right now? It's what you really want. That would be easier."
Ka
t breathed a sigh of longing. "Yeah," she said. "I can't lie about that one." She planted her feet hip width apart, looking Theda up and down as she did so. "What I don't get is why Ezekiel is protecting you. Why he faked your execution like that at the sanitorium."
Theda gulped down the fear. Kat cocked her head sideways.
"Yeah," she said. "It took a few hours, but we figured it out. Seems the burnt religion-monger corpse he picked had a penis." She sucked at her teeth. "Damned trannies. You just can't trust 'em living or dead. So good at what they do, you never know till it's time to get down to business."
"Sounds like you've been burnt before," Theda said.
Kat ignored the jab. She cocked her head the other way, a sarcastic grin creeping across her face. "Maybe you have a penis, mung. That would explain why Eazy would make such a stupid mistake." She crossed her arms, letting the pistol rest against her bicep. "I mean, really. If you're gonna pick a doppleganger, pick one with the right genitalia at least. She gave Theda a long, thoughtful look.
"Do you have a penis, mung? That the secret sobbing reason for your terrible addiction? Trying to medicate away your self-loathing?"
Theda was so relieved the woman had sidetracked herself away from why Ezekiel was protecting her, that she let herself goad the woman further.
"You assume a transgender person is full of self-hate. How wonderfully bigoted of you."
Kat shrugged. "What addict doesn't? I'm just putting together the puzzle pieces you gave me." She pursed her lips. "Not that it truly matters. I just want you dead." She smiled over brightly, letting her teeth click together. "Penis, pussy, both, or neither. Makes no never mind to me so long as you bleed. Now be a good spitter and take the smears. You know you want to."
Theda stood. "You have to promise to leave Ami alone."
The general's gaze flitted to where Ami sat chewing the inside of his cheek. "You mean handsome here? I wouldn't dream of hurting him." She leaned over the distance to put her hand on Ami's knee. "Issat your name, handsome? Ami?"
He jangled his head up and down nervously, but Theda could tell there was something besides fear behind his hooded eyes. A strange bit of cunning, perhaps. It bolstered her; she hadn't been sure he could hold up under the strain, but he was doing fine.
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