And then, because life was a pain in the damn ass, Tia got a phone call she never expected.
From Minnesota.
Which just happened to be on the other side of the world. At least, it felt like it.
Because she was in a sort of relationship, one in which she and Jack didn’t talk about relationships. They didn’t even say the word. They just… were. He was there for her and that was enough. She’d reached a new level of pathetic. It had been just under a month and it already hurt; thinking of losing Jack. She didn’t know how to begin the discussion, so she did what a good girlfriend would do. She invited Jack over, made dinner, even included a few damn candles and turned the lights off in the kitchen.
Then, in the middle of a home cooked lasagna that had taken her hours to put together and didn’t taste half as good as the shitty frozen ones from the store, she put out a feeler.
“So- uh- you know how I’ve been applying for jobs? Lots of jobs? Like all jobs that I’m even remotely qualified for?”
Jack paused, fork in midair. He’d skipped shaving again, since he knew she liked it. His eyes sparkled in the few candles, tea lights, that she’d set in the center of the small table. He looked far too handsome in the dark. So handsome it hurt in more ways than just the obvious physical ones.
“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry none of my contacts worked out. This lasagna is delicious by the way. What did you put in it?”
“Oh- just- noodles. Sauce. Cheese.”
Tia actually thought it tasted awful. She should have gone to the store and bought one and put it in the oven instead. She’d wanted to make one from scratch, just to prove she could. Or couldn’t, as it turned out. She wasn’t sure if Jack was just being nice, or maybe he hadn’t eaten for two days and found it delectable.
“It’s really good.” He stuffed another mouthful in. “Really, really good. I’ll have to show my appreciation to the cook later.” He paused. “If you’d point me in her direction.”
Tia rolled her eyes. “Haha. Very funny. Seriously though, I need to talk to you about something.” She set down her fork. Maybe her food tasted like sawdust because she was a hot mess inside about the damn interview she’d taken yesterday on her laptop.
Jack slowly set down his fork. “Alright, I’m listening. So you got an offer then? But you don’t like it, judging from the look on your face. It’s not what you wanted? Or maybe it is, but the pay is shitty and the hours are worse and you think if you take it we’re never going to see each other again?”
“Stop. Oh my god, stop.”
Tia almost smiled. She appreciated Jack’s attempts to make her feel better. Despite the fact that he seemed so serious at the start of things, he did have a quirky sense of humor that allowed him to bounce back from most things in life. Will he bounce back from this?
“I- I didn’t just apply for jobs here.”
That brought Jack up short. He did this thing, when he wanted to shut her out. Or rather, protect himself. Something. It wasn’t really obvious, but even after just a short time spent together, she knew how to read him better. He did it at the moment. His eyes shuttered and his lips thinned out, exposing the little lines that were there and not from smiling. His forehead creased as he frowned. He removed his hand from the table and tucked it somewhere underneath.
“Jack, I-”
“So where is it?” He sat waiting and though his voice was soft and kind, she wasn’t fooled. It was just as much a mask as his face was.
“I- it’s in- Minnesota.” She rushed on after that, afraid that if she didn’t say the words then, she wouldn’t be brave enough to say them at all. “It’s- well- uh- it’s the head of marketing. As in, I would be the boss. I would make all the decisions. It’s for a company that builds homes. Log homes. I would get to market something as cool as that.”
“And did they interview you already?”
Tia hung her head. She stared at her half eaten lasagna. What she’d already consumed turned over in her stomach and she felt like she might actually be sick. As far as she was concerned, lasagna was ruined for life, since she’d always see the sorrow cutting through Jack’s eyes, despite his attempts to block it.
“Yeah. Yesterday morning. I- they called me this morning and said I got it. They’re willing to pay for my moving costs and help me put the house on the market if that’s what I want to do, although I think it would be better to rent it. My sister needs a place and- and I haven’t talked to her yet. I haven’t told anyone yet. You’re the first because…”
“Because?” Jack slowly prompted when she trailed off.
It made her sick to look up and see the wounded look on his face. He tried so hard to keep it from her, but she had always been far too keen of an observer for that. Her parents used to say she should have been a journalist and she agreed wholeheartedly, except that she thought getting a business degree would help her land a better job. How fucking ridiculous. Now that she finally had a great opportunity, how insane was it that she didn’t want to take it?
“Because I want this to be a discussion,” she said quietly. “I don’t want it to be me telling you what’s going to happen. I want to know what you think. Honestly. I want you to tell me.”
He paused and seemed to consider his words carefully, like he was thinking real hard about what she wanted to hear, not about what he actually, truly felt. “So you wouldn’t take the job?”
“Not if you don’t want me to. I would stay…”
Jack shook his head hard. “No. You can’t do that. This sounds like a great opportunity. You obviously thought so or you wouldn’t have applied. I cost you one job already. I’m not going to cost you another.”
Something hard and sharp tumbled through Tia’s belly, like she’d just eaten crushed glass or rusty nails for dinner. “Jack- please. I was thinking, well, I never thought I’d actually get the job. It was way above me. I thought there was no way they’d call. I was reaching for the stars.”
“Then it’s all the more reason for you to go.”
“No. No, it’s not. I- I’m not telling you. I’m asking you.”
“Tia.” He offered her a smile that wasn’t a smile at all. “It’s alright. We haven’t been dating long enough for this to actually mean something to either of us. Go ahead and take the job. I’ll be fine and you’ll certain be alright.”
The shards of glass passed from her stomach into her bloodstream and hit her heart. Her chest nearly caved in and she had to struggle to catch her breath. “What- what do you mean it wouldn’t- that it doesn’t- mean anything to me? Of course it means something to me!”
Jack shrugged. “We both knew this was ultimately about having a good time and enjoying each other. No labels, no strings, remember?”
“That’s not what I meant!” She’d said it to make him feel comfortable, because she thought she should. Because she didn’t think Jack would agree to anything actually termed dating and she’d had enough failures of her own to realize that she didn’t need to put extra pressure on them. It hadn’t protected her from having feelings for him.
Jack pushed his chair back and stood slowly. “Really, Tia, it’s fine. Trust me. You’ll get this sorted out and you’ll move and you’ll take that job and really begin your life and your career and you’ll look back at this as being one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.”
“No! No, that’s not how this is supposed to go!”
“What?” He swallowed audibly, the only sign that he actually was more affected than he let on. That and the whole mask thing he had perfectly in place. He was a fucking master of it and at a normal time, it would have raised a thousand red flags for her, but not at the moment.
Jack put out a hand as she stood frantically. Her chair scraped back so fast it nearly went through the wall behind her. She stared at him, open mouthed, panting, trying to catch her breath, which was impossible, since her lungs were imploding at an alarming rate and refused to function properly.
“No!” She clenched
her hands at her sides, in the folds of the cotton dress and her leggings and her sweater. She couldn’t tell where one article of clothing ended and the other began. “No! You can’t tell me that this doesn’t mean anything! That what we’ve done doesn’t mean more than just sleeping together and hanging out. You’re always here or I’m always at your place! We go for rides together on your damn bike. We- uh- it feels like you’re a part of my life now.”
“And you’re moving across the country.”
“You could come with me!”
“And- and do what?” Jack let out a raspy breath. Tia was too far gone to realize just how fast his control was slipping away. “Before I met you, I had a life here. I had a- well- I was- never mind. Before you, things made sense. When I met you, they didn’t. Things didn’t make any sense and I’ve been trying to fool myself into thinking that it was okay, but it’s not. There are things that you- that”
“That I what?” Tia nearly screamed.
“Nothing. Just- nothing. You need to take that job, Tia. You can’t just stay here, out of work, with a house and bills and a car to pay for and think it’s going to be okay.”
She stared at him. Her mouth opened and her throat worked, her tongue hit the roof of her mouth and her teeth, but no sound came out.
“What?” Jack asked, new humor in his voice. Which would have been a relief, had it been the good kind and not the horrible, sarcastic, bitter, angry sounding kind. “Did you think that we’d move in together? That I’d help you out? That- that we’d have a life together? This was just something to- to pass the time with. It was something for both of us when we needed it. It was a way for us to make ourselves feel less alone. We both knew it would end sometime. Now seems like the most natural time.” He nodded, like that was it, like that sealed the deal for him. Or severed it. “Take that job. Start your life. Move on. It’s alright with me, and in a few months, it will be just fine with you.”
Tia snorted, which was completely undignified, but it was either that or break down crying. “You’re just saying that!”
“No. I’m really not. I thought we agreed to be adults and move on when the time came.”
“I never recall agreeing to that.”
“Yes, you did. On our first date. You set out the ground rules. Not me. You want to move on. That’s fine. You have to do what you need to do. I can’t help you with any of it.”
“No! You do not get to just get out of this! You can’t just leave and pretend like you never had any feelings. You can’t blame this on me. Any of this.”
“I’m not blaming you.” Jack stepped forward. He closed the distance between them so quickly it took her breath away. A few strides and he stood right in front of her. He stared down at her, eyes softer than she’d ever seen them before. He reached out and slowly, gently, tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m not blaming you for it at all.”
She thought, for a heartbeat, that he might kiss her. If he did, she knew he’d rebuild her and shatter her all at once. It was best that he turned and left her, that he didn’t kiss her, that he walked through the house and out the front door and that it closed hard behind him and that his bike started up in the driveway. It rumbled to life, so close, so painfully close, until it wasn’t.
Tia stayed rooted the floor long after the sound of the bike died away and silence fell over the house.
Because she couldn’t stop herself, because she needed to break something or fucking wreck something worse than she’d ever needed anything in her life, she picked up the tinfoil pan of lasagna and hurled it at the wall.
It hit and didn’t so much explode as it stuck and slowly dribbled its way down to the floor. Even that, she couldn’t do right. She watched as sauce and cheese and noodles made a mess of the wall and the baseboards and finally the hardwood. Why the fuck do I keep throwing food when I’m upset? The hard prickling of rational thought turned her body and heart to stone. It had been a month. Maybe Jack was right when he said it wasn’t enough time for it to actually mean something. That it was best to let go.
It turned out that the other shoe, when it fell, it fell hard and it really fucking sucked.
Chapter 22
TIA
“Geez, Tia, for someone who got the opportunity of a lifetime, you look like you’re going to a funeral.”
Tia wanted to send an angry glare her sister’s way, but honestly, she didn’t have the strength. Four days of packing and three nights of little sleep had turned her into little more than a barely functioning zombie. She wasn’t sure what she was running off of. Sheer determination and coffee only went so far.
Kate closed up another box and applied packing tape far too liberally. The boxes were done up so tight that Tia doubted she’d actually be able to get into them at all once she reached St. Paul. Her sister slowly stood and put her hands on her hips. She’d worn old clothes, a set of stained blue jeans she used for gardening with their parents and an oversized, baggy gray sweater. She still managed to look like an exotic goddess, even without makeup and her hair in a messy bun.
“Don’t tell me this is about a guy. That Jack guy. Come on, Tia. Guys are nothing but trouble. This is a crazy great opportunity. Mom and dad are so relieved. Even I’m happy for you. Don’t throw it all away because you’re sad about leaving someone you probably had no future with. Most relationships don’t stand a chance of working out. He probably saved you a lot of stress and heartbreak in the future. From everything you said, he wasn’t exactly relationship material.”
Tia bit down hard on her bottom lip to keep from saying a hell of a lot of things that weren’t pleasant and wouldn’t do her any credit. She didn’t want to wound her sister. Kate was just trying to have her back. For a change.
A hot, metallic burst bloomed sharp in her mouth and Tia realized that she’d sunk her teeth into her lip so far that she’d drawn blood. She eased up, swiped a finger over the spot, and was relieved when it came away with just a pale swatch of red. She obviously hadn’t done that much damage.
“I’m not throwing anything away,” she said slowly. She reached for the other roll of packing tape and started assembling another box to distract herself. “I’m still going. I’m allowed to be sad, aren’t I?”
“No.” Kate shook her head vehemently. “Not really. I would give anything to be in your shoes.”
“The difference between me and you, is that you have experience with just… forgetting.” It was the kindest way Tia could possibly put it. Her sister was a little like Jack in the way that she didn’t exactly date. She preferred more casual, less meaningful relations.
“Yeah. I know. But seriously, Tia, you have to be happy. I’m so damn excited for you! And proud of you! I can’t believe it. My sister, the head of marketing. Hey, if they ever have an opening, find me a job.”
“Really?” Tia’s hands paused on the box she’d just popped up. She held the bottom flaps down, tape ready. “You’d actually consider moving out there as well?”
Kate hesitated, her eyes glinting mischievously. “Mom and dad would never forgive me if I left them as well. It’s also frigid out there. Like, all the time.”
“No it’s not.”
“Well, most of the year. It’s horrible. I think you’ll change your tune when you’re snowed into your damn house six months of the year.”
“No I won’t.”
Kate huffed. “Honestly, I would kill for an opportunity to get out of here. I’ve lived in Florida my whole life. I want to see something else. I want to have some new experiences. I want to just- be away for a while.”
That was news to Tia. As far as she knew, her sister loved her life. She was successful, independent, a strong, free woman who lived life on her own terms and liked it that way. Tia had always been jealous of Kate. She set the bar real high and it was more than Tia ever hoped to measure up to. It was the first time she’d ever considered that her brave big sister might not be fully happy with her life.
“Well, you could alw
ays come and join me. You could get a job up there.”
“Doing what?”
“I don’t know. There are always places hiring.”
“Like what?”
Tia thought hard. “Gas stations?”
Kate snorted. She shoved the box aside and went for another to start wasting copious amounts of packing tape on. “That sounds great. Imagine me, pumping gas for a living.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad.”
“No, freezing outside in the like eleven months of winter sounds just perfect.”
Tia put a few strips of tape on the box and turned it the right side up. Half the house was boxed up. They still had half to go. She didn’t realize she had so many things. The company she was working for had found her a small apartment. They were amazing, taking care of more details than she knew she could have handled on her own, to make the move that much less stressful. She was thankful for it, even if it meant downsizing like crazy and putting most of her things in storage.
“I would rather have you renting out the house,” she admitted. “But I get why you don’t want to move. It’s a lot of work.”
“My apartment isn’t that bad. I like being downtown. It’s easy to get to work and go out and the shopping is good. I can walk downstairs and get a latte anytime.”
Even though it wasn’t for her, Tia could understand why her sister liked a faster paced, busier lifestyle. She liked being in the heart of things whenever possible, whereas Tia preferred quiet and solitude.
“Minnesota. I can’t believe it,” Kate said again. The wistfulness in her voice surprised Tia. She’d never known Kate to ever be jealous of her.
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 25