As the girls entered, Jordan and Peter walked across the floor to join Gabi and Marnie, trailed by Zach, Beth, Luke, and Ginny. The four counselors were also dressed in shades of white: Luke suave in tailored trousers and button-down shirt, while Ginny was outfitted in a clingy, ivory wrap dress. Zach wore white jeans and a fitted T-shirt that clung to every ridge in his torso, while Beth opted for tight pants tapered at the ankles and a tank top that revealed brilliant tattoos sleeving her arms from shoulder to elbow. Each arm was a reproduction of part of the Gathering In tapestry that hung in the Arbor Vitae Temple, and Marnie couldn’t stop staring. She actually blushed when Beth moved to stand at her side.
The night before, Marnie had confided in Gabi that after she pulled the move with the gun, Beth had followed her back to the lodge and tried to get her to return to the group, while praising her for the bravery she’d shown during the challenge.
“What happened back at the lodge?” Gabi asked.
“She told me that she felt like we had a real connection, and that she hoped we would see each other around Alder after camp. She said she usually has a hard time relating to people because she’s a transfer too, and no one really gets her. She said she had certain feelings she’d always been afraid to tell anyone about, and if I ever had feelings like that, I could tell her without worrying she would judge me or tell anyone.”
“What feelings?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Marnie said shortly. “You have no idea what its like to be this way, in this fucked-up place. At least in Willow I can be who I am.”
“Marnie, what are you talking about?” Gabi said. “How can I understand if you won’t explain?” But Marnie’s face had closed down, and she’d gone off to get another carafe of water. Beth’s approach sounded exactly like the tactic Luke had used with Gabi, relating to her through shared experience and making her feel special. It had been nice for a second to believe that someone who looked like Luke could be interested in her, but after what had transpired in the glade, Gabi couldn’t imagine how she’d ever been attracted to him. Even the gleam of his perfect teeth as he stood there grinning at her while they waited for the ceremony to commence annoyed her. She only hoped Marnie could see through Beth’s charade.
After some shuffling, the teams assembled in clusters with their mentors, and Ruth marched into the hall. She looked like a bride. Her ivory dress was beaded silk, with a fine lace bodice that showed off her flawless skin. Her hair was twisted up into a shiny chignon, and a fall of gossamer fabric flowed from a pearled comb tucked into the top of her head. She clutched an ornately embossed book of new doctrine in her hands, and bare toes peeked out from the hem of her dress. This was the only way in which she resembled the other occupants of the room, whose feet were similarly unshod. Otherwise she looked like a six-tiered wedding cake surrounded by stale bread rolls.
Though it was only about 9:00 a.m., the shades had been drawn over the windows, and fresh tapers were lit, so that Ruth’s finery came alive in their glow. Christina held an ornate goblet studded with semiprecious stones, taking up a place beside Ruth in front of the fireplace, where the gas fire blazed full force.
“You must be kidding me,” Marnie breathed. “Looks like old Ruthie’s gone around the bend.”
“Welcome, brothers and sisters,” Ruth intoned. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the communion of our young fellows with the One God. In hearing and answering his call, they take up their vows and surrender to his Will. It is the highest form of sacrament, and its bond, once forged, is unbreakable.”
Zach began to sing one of the old hymns that were only used during special ceremonies. The song had always moved Gabi, not because it evoked sadness, but because it made her feel the way she had when she was little, being rocked in Gram’s arms.
“Why should I feel discouraged?” Zach sang, his baritone infusing the lyrics with longing. “And why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely and long for heaven above?” Zach’s honeyed voice swelled around them as sheets of lyrics were distributed so everyone could join in. “When God is my portion, a constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.” Zach’s volume dipped, cueing the others to do the same.
Ruth accepted the goblet from Christina, took a sip, and offered it back to her for a drink before reclaiming the goblet and holding it high as she spoke over their hushed singing.
“We approach you with humility, O God,” Ruth cried. “We ask for your holy blessing and that you make us worthy to receive you into our hearts.”
Zach’s voice soared again as he took Peter by the elbow and guided him to stand in front of Ruth. The rest of the campers were escorted into a line behind Peter and Zach, until the pairs wound one and a half times around the hall, their impassioned voices causing the candles to flicker. Ruth lowered her chalice and offered it to Zach, who took a shallow sip, then held the cup to Peter’s lips. After each of the counselors and mentors drank and teams had been reformed in their circles, Zach struck up a different song, clapping and swaying as everyone joined in.
“I am empty, God, I come to you pure. I am yours, God, I come to you now. Take my hand, God, and use it for love. Call my name, God, and make my life whole.” Christina circulated among them with a smoking censer of incense. The heat in the room built as the simple lyrics were repeated over and over by the entire assembly, the volume and pace increasing with each new round. Gabi’s mouth was still tingling from the sour-sweet taste of whatever had been in that goblet, and she sang too, as the swaying of Luke’s body on one side and Jordan’s on the other induced a hypnotic state. Her head felt spinny and light, and she found herself flooded by loving thoughts toward every person she had ever met.
Ruth followed Christina’s winding path around the teams, lightly touching certain campers’ shoulders as she passed. As she did so, the camper’s mentor would maneuver the chosen teen into the center of the circle, which then tightened around him or her. This time, Gabi was first, and she allowed the pressure of Luke’s body behind her to urge her forward. It was a similar scenario to the first night, when they placed their hands on each other and sang, but the energy was amplified by the intensity of the last couple of days. And the stakes. For one of them, the unimaginable was within reach. All they had to do was grasp it and surrender.
Surrender, Gabi reminded herself as Luke sang into her ear and cradled her back into his chest.
Luke’s voice kept venturing off-key, but any irritation Gabi felt toward him melted as the heat of his body burned through her thin shift. His close-shaven chin moved at her temple as he sang, and the back of her head was cradled in the crook of his strong neck. Her teammates and their mentors moved closer. Some laid hands on her bare shoulders and arms, while others pressed down into the curly cap of her hair. Their hands and Luke’s comforting body cocooned her. It was the most physically intimate moment of Gabi’s life, and she never wanted it to end.
Luke started speaking into her ear, not lyrics, but an urgent mantra. “Let go, Gabi. Just open your heart, and let it come. God is talking to you. Let yourself hear.”
Dimly, Gabi saw Ginny step into the circle with her, eyes unfixed and far away. The counselor’s lips curled and stretched around unfathomable sounds as she tipped her head back and reached her hands skyward, vibrating with her message. It was, Gabi realized, an invitation. She could either take up translation of Ginny’s strange litany, or join with her as a conduit for the Word.
“I am yours, God, I come to you pure.” The singing of her team droned in Gabi’s ears, shaking loose the fear that kept trying to gain a foothold. Ginny’s words made no sense to her, yet Gabi felt an answering buzzing in her gums and an aching in her teeth that could only be relieved by moving her lips. Was this it? Was this what she was supposed to feel?
Luke tightened his arms around her, and he moved his head until they were cheek to cheek. “That’s right, Gabi,” he whispered, rocking her more slowly, though the pace of the m
usic continued to build. “Let it come.” He sounded like he loved her. She felt a stronger version of the muddled high she’d experienced after gorging at the buffet on the first night of camp. The aching buzz in her teeth mounted as her heart swelled, squeezing against her lungs and expanding up into her throat. She opened her mouth to discharge some of the pressure and give her ballooning heart more room.
“Lessjeezar contasta hivbrum!” Gabi cried as fireworks exploded in her head and her heart became everything. “Bakul gistmeer utaryameen!” Her words meant no more to her than Ginny’s had, but the speaking of them felt like release and union all at once. She wasn’t just connected to everyone around her. She contained them. Ginny’s voice rose to meet hers, and when Gabi opened her eyes, the chorus of their voices twined like dancing snakes in the fog of incense over their heads. Impossible, Gabi thought, reaching up to touch the snakes’ glittering scales.
“He has called us to gather his flock! He bade the oceans rise and poisoned the land to force us to come together again as one!” They were Sam’s words. His translation. How she loved him! Why had she been so quick to judge him without giving him a chance to explain? Gabi opened her eyes and spread her arms to embrace him only to realize the words weren’t coming from Sam, but from Peter. The boy stood in front of Gabi, eyes closed and face inches from hers. He was “translating” the sounds spilling from her lips. Peter’s translation was an exact quote from her father and was part of the Unitas origin story taught to all fellows, but it didn’t feel like what had come through her. Her sounds had been an extension of pure feeling. It was, Gabi imagined, what God felt like, but was it the Word?
As soon as Gabi realized what Peter was doing, she fell silent, but no one seemed to notice. Peter had moved to Ginny’s side to translate for her. Jordan’s eyes were closed, and his brow furrowed as he spoke to Zach, who was scribbling on the pocket-sized notebook in his hand. Unlike Gabi’s ecstatic cries and Peter’s theatrical translation, Jordan and Zach had the restrained dignity of Sam and Messenger Nystrom at work. Beth gestured wildly as she gave her message, punching and slicing the air as though fighting off an attacker while Marnie spoke the translation. If Gabi hadn’t heard the flawless recitation of doctrine tripping from Marnie’s lips for herself, she never would have believed it. It was as though Marnie had every word of the thick book cradled in Ruth’s hands seared into her brain, the way the “Mark of the Beast” was scorched into her skin.
The pleasant sensations still throbbed through her, but as Gabi took all of this in, the avalanche of love that had overtaken her receded. Her tongue felt pickled; an effect of the potion in the goblet, no doubt. Luke, sensing her return to sobriety, stood in front of her, and folded her hands between his. The front of his shirt was soaked with sweat, as was the back of Gabi’s shift. She felt shy in front of him, as though they’d just seen each other naked. Luke’s eyes shone with tenderness as he touched his forehead to hers.
“You have been blessed, Gabi. God has entrusted you with the sacred duty of bringing his message forth. He has deemed you worthy to be his vessel.” He pressed their twined hands against his pounding heart as their breath mingled. Luke’s sincerity was touching, but his proximity was beginning to get on Gabi’s nerves again. She wanted space, room to move and think.
“Amen,” she said, hoping he would take the hint and wrap things up, but Luke dropped her hands only to pull her in for a prolonged hug and take up the song again in her ear. She remained a captive of his fervent embrace for an eternity, until the song finally faded and the crowd reorganized into one giant circle. Ruth, the other counselors, and most of the campers were crying as Zach went around and raised the shades on the tall windows. It was another sunny day, the patches of earth in the clearing outside growing larger as the snow retreated. Again, as before, Gabi felt desperate to get home and get to work. A quick look at Marnie proved that she felt the same, but Ruth’s closing sermon kept them all standing long after the campers began to shift on their aching bare feet.
“For the first year ever,” Ruth finally concluded, “every single camper has received their call. That is amazing, you guys. You will be an inspiration for those who follow in your footsteps, and I am honored to have been a part of it.”
“Sounds like an acceptance speech,” Marnie whispered to Gabi, but her tone was light. They had done it. Their only obstacle to taking the Witness exam was behind them. Better still, the buffet the lodge staff was busy setting up along the walls was sure to be untainted. There was no reason to dope the campers any longer, the aim of Consecration Camp having been achieved in spades. Gabi, Marnie, and Jordan planned to stash as many leftovers in their bags to take home as possible. They were going to need all the energy they could get over the next ten days if they had any hope of passing the toughest test of their lives.
Chapter THIRTEEN
THE WITNESS test was all anyone could talk about in Alder. Special study groups were formed and private tutors hired by those hopefuls whose families could afford them. The most fortunate were those whose parents were former Witnesses or, even better, Apostles. There were certain things about the exams that only veterans knew. That information was meant to be confidential, but the test was so competitive that parents couldn’t help but give their children an edge even if it meant bending the rules.
In terms of physical fitness, Mathew was already where he needed to be, but he agreed to continue training with Gabi since its positive effects were so apparent. In addition to conditioning and strengthening, Mathew taught her advanced blocks, holds, and takedowns, while she drilled him in Witness theory. Passages of doctrine for all situations that might arise in the field had to be at one’s fingertips. Precedent for managing these situations must be cited, as well as a ready grasp of cross-cultural communication, conflict management, and mediation skills. Marnie, like Mathew, was already primed for the physical test. Gabi had no idea what her friend’s regimen was, or how she pulled it off living in the cramped quarters of the group home with the other unfostered orphans, but it worked. Marnie was quick, agile, and had a special knack for stealth. She was an expert at catching Gabi unawares, at least when they were outside, careful to always stay downwind and quiet as falling snow. The written portion of the test was another matter.
During their study sessions, conducted in secret in Gabi’s bedroom after school, Marnie could only last a quarter of an hour before getting so enraged by the material that she would need to scream into a pillow and bang out some one-armed push-ups before she was calm enough to continue. The rote memorization of conversion policies proved the worst trigger.
“I don’t want this crap in my head,” Marnie barked as she punched Gabi’s mattress with her fist. “What if it worms in there and brainwashes me until I’m just another Unitas zombie?” Marnie said stuff like that all the time, about how anyone who believed the doctrine and lived according to its principles was brainwashed, and it put Gabi on edge. Unitas was all she knew, and there was nothing wrong with trying to create a society founded on the ideals of peace, unity, and protection. It was the execution that was flawed, but Gabi knew enough of Marnie’s story by now to understand the source of her anger.
Marnie’s family had been caught up in the violence that flared during Willow’s last suspension from the fellowship, before Burton Ames had gone in with a negotiation team and resolved the situation. Marnie was quick to clarify that the term negotiation had included torture, starvation, and, in the case of her missionary parents, death. Though they’d been enthusiastic supporters of Unitas principles, Marnie’s parents refused to promote forced conversion of the Tribes. In their view being missionaries meant their faith was what motivated them to help others in whatever way they could, and that “help” did not include forcing their beliefs on others. Due to their influence in the community, the council appointed them comanagers of the food distribution center in Willow. Marnie’s parents were expected to require all residents to present certificates of conversion each time they re
ceived rations, but they rejected the practice, both publicly and privately.
Willow was one of the last tracts of arable land in Unitas, being close to the shrunken Mississippi River and distant from any of the big industrial meltdowns. This should have made it among the most stable and prosperous of the branches, but most of the food was either exported to Alder and Birch, or sent to a central processing plant for storage and redistribution. The Randolphs accepted their posts as distribution managers in an attempt to change the system from the inside and succeeded in convincing farmers and producers to use a percentage of their subsidies to fund community garden projects. In a short time, these initiatives made the population less reliant on the meager rations distributed by Unitas and the price of conversion that came with them. Conversion rates had always been low in Willow, but when the Randolphs took over at the distribution center, the tally plummeted. Within a few weeks, the Randolphs were sent to a “special training” for distribution center managers from which they never returned. The official story was that their convoy had been attacked by a band of savage Tribesmen. All but the driver were murdered.
Gabi steered clear of conversion theory in order to keep their studies on track. The exam was in just two days, and the girls were as ready as they were ever going to be anyway. Gabi’s body hurt all over from pushing herself so hard. In addition to her sessions with Mathew, she’d gotten into the habit of joining Marnie whenever she did calisthenics to blow off steam. The girls’ heads were crammed with information, and when they began answering the questions on their flashcards without having to read them aloud, they concluded that it might be okay to decompress a little.
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