by Claire Adams
I thought it would feel better taking the deal. I had just prepared myself to be losing it, not to be losing Ron, so it didn't feel like a victory. I looked down at my phone almost wondering why I had done it.
I'd be gone within a month? She had said she didn't want to talk to me... A month was too fucking long.
Chapter Thirty
Veronica
I thought I heard a knock at the door, but I wasn't sure. I stayed put just to see if it would happen again. It did.
I got up and walked over to get it. My body unclenched, I had been sitting in one spot too long. It was Friday night. I had gone into hibernation mode the minute I'd gotten home from school. At some point, outside the sun must have set.
Unlocking the door, I stopped. What if it was Roman? I hadn't touched my phone since I had sat down on my couch. Would he have called before coming over? I didn't know. If he had and I had missed it, he had taken that as a sign not to come over. I balked, not really wanting to open it anymore. The knock came again.
"Vee? Open up" the voice on the other side called. I sighed – relieved and disappointed in equal parts. I opened the door.
"It's about time. I was starting to think you had died in here."
"Sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone," I said, walking back to the couch.
The television was only on for the noise. I had put an old episode of Sex and the City on, something frivolous that would make enough noise to drown my thoughts out. It was sort of working, but not that well. I turned it off. Tiff came up and stood over me, arms crossed.
"If I missed your call I'm sorry. I haven't looked at my phone-"
"Vee, cut it out," she said.
"Cut what out? What is it?"
"I've been trying your phone all afternoon. I thought you might be with Roman. Tell me why when I talked to him, he told me he hadn't talked to you since last night when you broke up with him?" I stood and walked past her.
"I mean, that's the whole story right there; what did you think I was going to tell you that was different from that. You wanted to know whether it was true?"
"You can't be serious, Vee. What the hell is going on? Why would you do something like that?"
I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge – just a ploy to get away from Tiff, not because I was hungry, even though I hadn't eaten since I had gotten home. I pulled out some water and screwed the cap off.
"Because I didn't want to be with him anymore. That's why relationships usually end."
"Did you get into a fight or something?" she asked. I sipped the water, biding time so I didn't have to answer her immediately.
"I just realized things weren't going right," I tried to say casually.
"Veronica." I didn't like her tone. She sounded like a disapproving parent.
"What? What did you want me to do if it didn't feel right anymore?"
"What was it, two days ago when you couldn't stop talking about how happy you were with him?"
"I spoke too soon," I said.
"What happened?"
"Last year happened, Tiff."
"I thought you guys talked it out."
"That doesn't change that it happened and it doesn't change that he had the nerve to think it wouldn't be a problem after all this time. I wanted my life back. I kept going when he left me, and he didn't give a shit that maybe I was happier that way."
"You weren't. I was there, Vee. Both of you were still so hung up over each other. You asked me whether he was seeing someone else."
"It doesn't matter now. I'm done living in the past." I didn't believe myself, but I was hoping that she would. That or she'd just fold and let it go. If I told her what it was, she'd just go tell her brother.
"Was it what I told you?" she asked. I tried to keep my face neutral.
"No. Nothing like that. It was just me and what I had to do."
"You really have to do this again to figure out that you're meant for each other?"
"That's the thing. We aren't. When he dumped me last year, it was because he didn't want to be honest with me. Didn't trust me with the news that he had to leave. I had no idea that was how he felt. We weren't on the same page, and that is why it doesn't matter if we got together now. It wouldn't work. He doesn't feel the same way I do."
It was only half a lie. There was some truth there, but I had forgiven Roman for what he had done. I didn't want to dwell on that when I loved him so much and saw how earnestly he wanted to correct the situation.
"I can't believe this is happening again."
"This will be the last time," I said.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be."
"I'm sorry this is happening. It must be hard, even though this is the second time."
"I'll be okay. I was last time," I said, shrugging. She came over and hugged me.
"How do drinks sound?"
"Are you buying?"
"Of course," she said, grinning.
I was kidding, but a drink did sound good. She waited for me while I hopped in the shower and made myself presentable. Putting makeup on was therapeutic in a way. It got you ready to, well, pretend, and that was what I had to do tonight. I wanted to have a good time. It would be hard, but I wanted to give it my best shot. For my sake and Tiff's, too. I had broken up with him this time – I had a shorter misery grace period.
We each took our cars, stopping for dinner before finding a bar. It was Friday night, so there were a good number of people in it. Some people I recognized from school, doing with their summer what part of me still wished that I could have done.
How would things have gone differently if I hadn't forced the summer classes thing? I wondered. I'd been so set on it that I hadn't thought past anything other than maybe going home. I could have gone on vacation, disappeared till it was fall. If I had, I would have missed Roman completely and none of this would have happened.
He could have made the decision to join the team and left for Miami all without me even hearing about it. I could have spent this time traveling, hiking, bumming at my parents' place – anything but this. It would have simple. I never would have had to make space for him in my life again, just to rip him out as violently as he ripped himself out the first time.
He'd meet someone in Miami eventually, I'd meet someone here, or wherever I ended up after graduation, and our lives wouldn't cross paths again. I didn't want to remember it, lying in bed with him, making love, hearing him say he loved me... If I was getting rid of the bad, the good had to go with it. This was for him. I'd survive, but there was no guarantee that he would get another team offer like this if he turned this one down.
"Can I get you ladies anything?" a waitress asked. I just repeated what Tiffany asked for. A mojito, even though I didn't tend to drink tequila-based cocktails. My usual was wine, but I was feeling like something stronger fit the occasion better. I started feeling warm after downing half the glass.
"Can we talk about what happened?" she asked.
"Are you asking me to sit here and trash him? I don't know how I feel about that."
"You would if it was anyone else."
"I would if it was him, too... There just isn't a reason to with him. I made this decision. He made some mistakes, some stuff I couldn't get over. He wasn't a dog."
"I'm still here if you ever want to talk."
"Sorry for putting you in this position."
"All I can do is trust that both of you are happy with what you choose, whatever it is."
"Did he tell you nothing?"
"Earlier today, we ate lunch together. He... Sorry, you probably don't want to talk about him," she said.
"He's your brother. He's bound to come up," I said, trying to sound nonplussed.
"You two were friends, too, right? Do you think you'll ever get to that place with him?"
"I don't know. It’s too soon to tell," I said. Way too early. I knew I could offer him my friendship, but I didn't know how I'd be happy with just that. Especially if he ended up dating someo
ne else. It was bound to happen. I didn't expect him to become celibate because of me, but the thought did make my stomach feel tight.
"Will it be one of those situations where I can't hang out with the two of you at the same time?"
"I'm sorry in advance," I said sheepishly.
"If anything, it won't last longer than the summer, I guess," she said shrugging.
"Yeah? Why just the summer?"
"Because he's leaving. He confirmed his position with the team. He's flying down to Miami in a couple weeks.
"He took the position? That means he's moving?" I asked, a little too frantically. I sipped my drink.
"Yeah. Relocating to sunny Florida. Lucky bastard," she said.
"I'm glad he's going."
"Because it's less awkward for you?"
"No... Yeah, but this is what he's always wanted. I'm glad he's getting to do it."
"You have got to be the friendliest ex he could have gotten stuck with," she said. "Can I say... He's still here for two weeks. He'd appreciate hearing that from you."
"I don't think so," I said wryly.
"For the years of romance and history, one last goodbye in person."
"I'll think about it," I said, so she'd stop pushing. I didn't trust what I would do seeing him again, and I knew my resolve was as weak as him reaching out to touch me, kiss me, say that he still loved me. I couldn't do that to him.
I didn't know whether I could be this strong for two weeks, but I'd try. I wanted him to be happy – this was how it had to happen for him. I could do it if it was for him.
Chapter Thirty One
Roman
Unlike a lot of people, Don didn't get Saturdays off. I had thought about going to see him sooner, but I wanted to wait and let it sit for a while first.
Part of me until about yesterday had been certain that it was all a dream, and no, of course, we hadn't broken up again. She hadn't come to my house and cussed me out, saying she wanted out of the relationship. That hadn't happened. It was all a fucked up fever dream I would wake up from and everything would be fine. That phone call I had made? That hadn't happened either.
But then yesterday, bright and early, who did I get a call from, but Coach Hayes himself. This wasn't a drill. It was happening, and it was happening in two weeks.
For a minute, everything inside me was screaming to tell Veronica the good news, but I didn't think I got to call her and tell her things like that anymore. She didn't want me to contact her again. I'd made it the last couple days without doing it, but I wasn't sure how much more success I would keep having with this. It was so weird.
How were something so great and something so fucked up happening in my life at the same time? I hadn't prepared for it to be this way. I didn't feel anything, mostly just numb. Maybe that would change but right now?
I just needed to talk to someone. Tiff was good, but she was as biased as I was. Apparently, she hadn't had any idea that Ron had wanted to break up with me and had taken it pretty bad. I knew that the two of them talked and Tiff would probably tell me anything I asked about Ron, but I didn't think I needed to hear that right now.
I texted him before I made the drive to his place to make sure he wasn't still working. His door was unlocked when I got there and I let myself in. The television was on where he sat in the living room.
"What happened this time?" he asked as I walked in.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I can smell the anxiety coming off you. What happened?" he asked. I sat on one of the couches as he turned the television off.
"It's over," I announced.
"What? What's over?"
"Ron and me. She ended it."
"Just like that? How?"
"We had a date the other day. She was meant to come to my place. So, she shows up, and I can tell she's upset, right? Like, irritated. I ask her what's wrong and she just blows up on me. She says all this stuff like she had a life when we broke up before and she wanted that back. She didn't want to be with me anymore."
"Hasn't it been weeks? Why would she say that to you now?"
"I don't know? I thought we were doing good. I thought she was happy," I said, running my hands through my hair. "I don't know why she turned like that."
"Are you sure you want to know why?"
"I... I don't know. She just told me she didn't want this anymore."
"What did you do?"
"I called the team back. I took the position."
"Good," he said, leaning back.
"What?" I snapped.
"After what you were ready to give up for her, she did that?"
"I still love her, Don. I never stopped. I don't know where this came from, but it's not good. I never wanted this."
"You wouldn't have taken the offer from the team unless she did. Call that what you want, Rome, but I call that a blessing in disguise."
"You don't fucking get it."
"I get finally having the one thing you've wanted your whole life dropped in your lap and I get having to give it up," he said seriously. "What I won't get is you finding a way to say no to this again. She took herself out of the equation. Now you can go pro if she was the only thing holding you back."
"She wasn't holding me back. I wanted her." He sighed.
"If she didn't feel the same way, it's a good thing she let you know before it was too late." I leaned back in my seat, laying my head back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling.
"I can't believe I almost got it that wrong," I said.
"I can't believe it took you this long. You know what, we should go out," he said, standing.
"What?"
"Drinks, on me. We should celebrate."
"Celebrate what?"
"Your contract. And your..."
"My breakup?"
"I know you're upset about it, Rome, but the girl dumped you. You can't feel bad about that, especially with what you were about to give up for her. There are more girls where she came from. It sucks, but you did it. You're going pro."
"You're right," I sighed.
He told me to wait for him as he grabbed his stuff. We were going out. A drink sounded good and really, what did I have to lose? It wasn't like I had to meet Ron tonight – or any night for that matter. Women were replaceable for Don; he had never been in a position like this. I knew that he wouldn't help with that part, but he had a point.
This was good. I had wanted this. If I hadn't had to worry about Ron... I would have taken the deal in a heartbeat. Maybe we did have something to celebrate. In about ten minutes, we were out the door.
I'll regret this in the morning, I thought as we entered the bar. It was Saturday, so the place was pretty full. I could smell beer, wings, and perfume clashing into a thick cloud of sickly sweet stink.
I would definitely regret this in the morning...right now, though? I was dying to cut loose. We found a spot, and I went to grab the first round. Beer and some shots, we were supposed to be celebrating, right?
"To you," Don said, grandly, raising his shot glass. "At least one of us gets to go pro." I drank the shot. It burned all the way down. I frowned and took a swig of my beer.
"Thanks," I said.
"Make this count, man," he said.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, when you get to Miami, leave no stone unturned." I grimaced as he laughed. He should have been the one getting this deal. He would have had a ball with a new pool of women to corrupt. With league money and all that free time? That was probably his idea of paradise.
"I'm going to play ball. Not all that shit."
"The two go together. I'm just saying. You're a free man now, so you can indulge if you want to."
"I don't want to."
"Just wait till you get there. You might meet someone who changes your mind," he said, leering at a girl who walked by our booth. It didn't matter that she was walking holding hands with a guy, most likely her boyfriend. It was like Don didn't even register anyone who wasn't a girl he would like to
fuck.
"Let's wait till I actually land."
"So, this is actually it, huh?"
"Yeah, it's finally real. They told me today that I had to be there in two weeks."
"You're moving and everything. How does it feel?" he asked. I shrugged.
"I don't know. It hasn't sunk in yet. I'm still here. Maybe when I'm actually on the plane, or in the training facility or whatever, it will feel real."
"You ready to forget all of us?" he asked, smirking.
"The minute I hop on that plane, this place drops off the map," I shot back, grinning. He laughed.
"Roll out your futon once in a while for me," he said.
"Fuck that. You come to visit, you can get a hotel."
For a minute, I was glad that I let him talk me into this. I wasn't drunk, but the beer was definitely doing its job. I was actually feeling relaxed, for maybe the first time since talking to Ron. I didn't take what he was saying about meeting other women seriously. He was an expert on the subject, but even if I was looking for someone, I didn't think a one-night stand was it. I stood and walked to the bar to get our next round.
It shouldn't have surprised me when I walked back to our booth and found Don with his arm around a brunette in tight shorts. We had just fucking walked in and he already had himself a girl. I halfway wanted to admire him for it, but picking up girls was light work for him. He could do it in his sleep. I'd be surprised if he even knew this one's name.
"Oh, here he is now," Don said, as I got closer. "Rome, I was just telling Sasha here what we're celebrating tonight."
"Are you really going pro?" Her lips were glossy, her hair was long and straight, and her top was just as tight as those shorts over her tits.
"Yup. Miami Hurricanes," I said. "You watch football?"
"I love football," she said smiling. "What position?"
"QB."
"How long have you been playing?"
"My whole life, give or take," I said, looking between her and Don. I sat and she scooted closer to me.
"I'm sorry about what happened with your ex," she said. I glared at Don. He just sat there, smirking. What the hell was he thinking? What had he told this chick?