by Claire Adams
I looked over my shoulder for the third time, and caught Brian doing what he had been doing for the past 24 hours; scanning the landscape, looking for threats to my safety. I sighed as I looked ahead, trying to find Lara and Jessie in the crowd on the quad. When I finally located them, I waved and walked quickly towards the spot where the two of them had camped out with their books and computers. Neither one was studying, but they’d managed to set a very convincing scene.
“What are you two doing?” I demanded to know.
“We’re studying,” Jessie whined as she sipped a diet soda as her textbook lay open on the ground, well out of reach.
“Oh, really?” I laughed. “It doesn’t exactly look like A+ central here with all your stuff spread out across the quad.”
“Hey, we’re taking it all in and thinking about the most efficient method of processing the information,” Lara said as she looked at me with wide, innocent eyes.
“You’re so full of it!” I laughed harder as I dropped down and sat next to her. “Do you have the Psych study guide?”
“Yeah, it’s somewhere here,” Lara dug into her backpack and searched for the guide, triumphantly holding it over her head once she’d found it.
“Where’s the hottie?” Jessie asked as she sat up and leaned on one elbow, scanning the quad for Brian.
“Dunno, somewhere around here,” I said as I waved my hand distractedly. “I’m sure he’s casing the quad, making sure I won’t trip over an errant blade of grass or a soda can or something.”
“Oh, there he is!” Jessie yelled excitedly. “Brian! Hi! How are you today?”
“Jessie!” I hissed. “Shut the hell up, would you? Jeez, he’s supposed to be stealth!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My bad,” Jessie looked genuinely contrite as she took another sip of her soda and then lay back down with her face toward the late morning sun.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that, don’t you?” I laughed. No one could stay made at Jessie for long.
“Hey, did you do any studying last night?” Lara asked.
“Um, no, not really,” I stammered. “I was…um…a little busy.”
“With the hottie bodyguard?” Jessie piped up.
“My God, would you drop it with the hottie bodyguard thing?” I said in exasperation. “I mean, seriously!”
“Sorry, Ava,” Jessie again offered her requisite apologetic pout.
“So, is it all okay, then?” Lara asked.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” I replied as I turned and looked to see where Brian was stationed. He was sitting on a bench not too far away from where the girls were sprawled out. He looked like he was just another college student enjoying the sunny day, but I could see him constantly scanning the area as he made sure I wasn’t in any danger. “He’s kind of growing on me, you know?”
“Sure, sure,” Lara said as she stared at Brian. “Maybe my dad will hire him to follow me around next! I’d love to have him protecting my assets!”
“Lara!” I scolded as I laughed at her horrible euphemism. “You’re terrible!”
“I know,” she shrugged. “But it’s so much fun! Now, let’s get on with this study guide, shall we?”
The three of us settled in and quizzed each other for over an hour. By the end of the study session, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the exam material, and was confident that I’d pass with at least a B. As we packed up our books, I over at Brian just in time to see an attractive coed in super short shorts approach him and began to flirt. He smiled and chatted with her for a moment, but then made an excuse and moved away as if he saw someone he knew. I followed his line of sight, and for a moment, my breath caught in my throat. Dominic?
Brian walked by the guy and then turned and shook his head enough for me to be able to exhale. He really was looking out for me on so many levels I wasn’t aware of, and although it had only been one day, I was now acutely aware of his presence. And I actually kind of liked it, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
“Do you want to go grab some lunch?” Jessie was asking as I came back to earth.
“No, I’m really tired. I did a late night run last night, and then I didn’t sleep very well,” I said, only half-lying. “I’m going to go grab a nap.”
“Okay, well, don’t forget about the Chem study group tonight,” Lara reminded me.
“Oh crap, that’s right!” I’d forgotten all about it, partly because of the drama with Dominic, but partly because I already had an A in the class and wasn’t too worried about passing the exam. “I’ll see how I feel later. I might not make it if I’m too tired.”
“Mmmmm hmmm,” Lara said as she raised an eyebrow. “Too tired for Chem? That’s a new one.”
“Oh Lara, will you please shut up about the bodyguard?” I laughed, but in the back of my mind I was wondering about him, too.
*****
Brian maintained his distance on the walk back to my dorm room, but my brain was racing as I tried to think of what I could say to bridge the distance that I’d created. I knew he had been genuinely trying to help when he’d brought up the issue of abuse, but I didn’t think of myself as the typical abused woman —as if there was one in the first place. I just thought of my problems with Dominic as the problems that most couples faced, and when Brian shed light on them, my sense of who I was and who I’d become had been shaken. As we walked, I recited in my head what I would say once we were back in my dorm room.
“Come on in,” I said as I unlocked the door and pushed it open.
“Nah, I’ll just hang out here in the hallway,” Brian casually replied as he glanced down at his phone.
“Seriously?” Exasperation tinged my voice. “Just come inside and hang out. I’m not going to do anything except study, and hanging out in the hall will just creep out my floormates.”
“Fine,” he grumbled as he entered the room and dropped down in the big chair by the window.
I looked at him for a moment, and then rolled my eyes before I sat down at my desk and pulled out my books. The room was so silent that I could hear my thoughts much too clearly, and after 15 minutes I gave up on the books and turned toward Brian.
“Look, I’m sorry about this morning,” I started.
“It’s no big deal,” he shrugged as he looked out the window.
“Yeah, it kind of is; well, to me, anyway,” I continued. “I didn’t mean to shut you out when you were trying to help me, and I didn’t mean to shut you down after last night.”
“It’s not a big deal, I’ve been through worse,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he replied.
“I’m just saying, it was silly of me to shut you out when you were only trying to help me.” I was desperately struggling to find a way to explain how important he’d already become to me, and I was making a mess of it. “I like you, Brian.”
“I like you, too, Ava,” he parroted back.
“Are you mocking me?” I asked incredulously.
“Whatever gave you that idea?” he grinned.
“Oh, you are so maddening!” I laughed as I balled up a piece of paper and threw it at him.
“I’m maddening? I’m maddening, you say?” he retorted. “I’ve got nothing on you, lady.”
“Oh! Is that right?” I laughed harder as I wadded up another piece of paper and threw it at him.
“Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, would ya?” he laughed as he pitched the paper ball back at me.
“Listen —” I began and was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing in my purse. I quickly dug it out and looked at the screen. I didn’t recognize the number, but something told me to answer it, so I did. “Hello?”
“Are you alone?” the voice on the other end slithered into my ear, causing me to almost drop the phone.
“I’m—” I stammered as I looked across the room at Brian. He tipped his head in confusion, and then seeing the terrified look on my face, mouthed a single word, Dominic? I nodded frantically as I cont
inued to listen.
“Why are you dating that meathead, Ava?” he demanded. “You know that those kinds of guys are not at all your type. They can’t do the things I can do for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Dominic?” I said as the anger rose in my chest. “It’s none of your business!”
“Oh, but it is my business,” he hissed. “Everything about you is my business, if I’m going to get you back. Tell me, Kitten, why do you let such a boring gym rat follow you around? What’s he got that I don’t?”
“Well, manners and a brain, for one!” I shouted. The laughter that came from the other end of the line pissed me off, but Brian motioned to me to cool down while he texted into headquarters to have them figure out where the call was coming from.
“You’re hilarious, Kitten; absolutely hilarious!” he laughed. “That frat boy has nothing that I couldn’t give you 10 times over, and yet, you keep him around. Don’t you remember how our life used to be? How you spent your days and nights in luxury and wanted for nothing? Now you’re trapped in a tiny little dorm room with a guy who probably makes minimum wage bagging groceries. How far you’ve fallen.”
“Listen, you jerk, stop calling me that,” I growled in to the phone. “He’s a hundred times the man you could ever hope to be, so shut the hell up and leave me alone! Don’t you get it, Dominic? We are done! I don’t want you; not now, and not ever! Leave. Me. Alone!”
“I told you, darling,” he purred. “I will never leave you alone. You and I are meant to be together, and I won’t allow that steroid-sipping numbskull to get in our way. I will get rid of him; by any means necessary.”
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I screamed into the phone as Dominic’s sinister voice dragged me back to a place I was sure I’d left long ago. “Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”
Brian frantically gestured for me not to hang up, but I was so far beyond angry that I didn’t see him until it was too late and I’d already slammed the phone down on the couch. I wrapped my arms around my upper body and tried to hold back the tears as I sat shaking and tried to remember to breathe. Am I ever going to be free of him? Am I ever going to feel safe again?
*****
“Are you okay?” Brian asked as he frowned at his phone. I hadn’t kept Dominic on the line long enough to give them a good idea of where he was calling from, but in my mind, that was the least of our problems.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I sighed. “But you might want to rethink this whole bodyguard thing. He’s going to go after you, you know.”
“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes and waved me off.
“I’m serious, Brian,” I pleaded. “Dominic is coming unglued and I’m afraid of what he’s going to do next.”
“I’m not afraid of him, Ava,” he replied. The look on his face was one of determination mixed with good old-fashioned annoyance. “Men like Dominic are cowards. They think that if they control people through fear, they’ll make up for their own self-loathing and insecurity.”
“It sounds like you know something about these kinds of guys,” I observed.
“Yeah, well—” he trailed off as his phone buzzed with a text from headquarters. “Shoot, they didn’t get him this time.”
“I’m sure he’ll be back,” I sighed. I wondered why I was so intent on playing up the danger of the situation. I didn’t know any more if I wanted to get rid of Brian or if I really was concerned about his safety. “I just don’t like this at all. And your nonchalant attitude doesn’t give me confidence that you’re taking this seriously. He could hurt you.”
“Ava, he is not going to hurt me,” he said. “And I resent the fact that you’re questioning my skills as a bodyguard. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I’m not questioning you,” I said defensively. “I’m just saying that he’s not going to play by the rules and that makes him dangerous.”
“I’ve known a lot worse danger,” he muttered. “And I’m definitely not going to let that little weasel get to me. Happy now?”
“Weasel, is he?” I laughed weakly as I tried to break the tension between us. “Yeah, he’s kind of low to the ground and slippery, although I think that calling him a weasel is kind of an insult to weasels, don’t you think?”
As Brian flashed me a grim grin, I caught a glimpse of him dropping his hand to check the gun concealed under his hoodie. Maybe he wasn’t as unconcerned as he said he was.
*****
“So, what are you going to do about him?” I asked as I began pacing the small room. The realization that Dominic might truly be a threat to my safety and that of those around me was sinking in, and it made me anxious.
“We’re going to try and figure out where he is, and then neutralize the threat,” Brian replied.
“But how are you going to find him if I can’t keep him on the phone long enough for you to locate him?” I countered. My anxiety was starting to ramp up as I started thinking about all of the things that Dominic had done during our relationship and the ways in which I’d been lulled into believing that they were for my own good. Who was acting in my interests now? Sure, Brian was there to protect me, but he had been hired by my father, whose number one interest was himself and his own reputation, not me or mine.
“Look, chill out will you?” Brian’s aggravation was apparent, but it didn’t stop me from wanting answers.
“Chill out? You chill out!” I shouted. “This is my life we’re talking about! Dominic is a psycho who is going to do whatever he needs to do to get me back! You have no idea how insane he is!”
“Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” he mumbled.
“What?” I had worked myself up into a frenzy as I pictured all of the awful things Dominic would do to get to me as all the awful things he had done loomed over me like a dark cloud. Would he hurt Lara or Jessie? The panic was rising to a new level when Brian crossed the room and grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me lightly.
“Ava! Stop!” he commanded. “Dammit, I’m here to protect you, and nothing is going to harm either one of us. Now, would you please drop it?”
With wide eyes, I stared up at him, trying to make sense of his words so that I could stop myself from panicking. He lightly shook me again, and as I gazed up into his eyes, I leaned forward as I raised a hand to touch his cheek. His eyes softened for a moment, and then he pulled back and shook his head.
“No,” he said. “You said there isn’t going to be anymore sex. I respect that, and you’re right, Ava. I’ve been hired to protect you from Dominic, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, but beyond that, it’s a no-go.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I dropped my head and stared at the floor. I was embarrassed that I’d tried to cross the line that I’d drawn, but it didn’t change the fact that I still wanted him. Images from the night before flashed through my mind, and my cheeks burned with both shame and desire. I looked up at him, searching for some recognition of what we’d shared the night before, but there was none in his eyes.
“I need to be vigilant about protecting you, and in order to do that, I need to be on my A game,” he looked up at me and pointedly said, “and there’s really no room for mistakes.”
I nodded as I dropped my eyes to the floor again. How could he say this after what we’d done last night? How could he be so businesslike and not be torn up about wanting and not wanting? And then I remembered, Oh, that’s right. This is a job for him. I swallowed hard, looked up, smiled and said in the brightest voice I could muster, “Then do you want to go to dinner?”
“Well, sure. Whatever you want,” he responded. “Do we need to stop and pick up Lara and Jessie?”
“No, I mean, how about you and I go have dinner together? Sit at the same table and talk?” I suggested. “I just don’t feel like having to explain myself to other people and you already know the situation, so…”
“Okay, then dinner it is,” he agreed. “What are you in the mood
for tonight?”
“I’m thinking Italian,” I said. “I could go for a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs to wipe the memory of today out of my mind.”
“That sounds good to me,” he nodded, though I realized that he would have agreed to go anywhere I’d suggested even if it didn’t sound good; after all, it was his job.
*****
“Belissima, Ava!” Gina, the owner, cried as she welcomed me with open arms. “I have not seen you all school year! Where are you hiding yourself these days?”
“I’ve been…um…busy,” I smiled. “Gina, this is Brian. Brian, this is Gina.”
“Ah, bella, this explains why you’re so busy,” Gina smiled knowingly and winked.
“Gina! No!” I laughed. “He’s not the reason why!”
“Well, shame, bellissima,” the older woman pouted. “I was hoping that you’d finally replaced that good-for-nothing loser you used to come in here with! But it’s nice to meet you, Brian. You’re welcome here anytime!”
Gina chatted about her daughters and the restaurant as she escorted us to a table tucked back in a far corner, then winked at me and left us to enjoy our meal.
“How do you know her?” Brian asked as he picked up the menu and began examining its offerings.
“I’ve known her since I was a small child,” I explained. “She owned a restaurant around the corner from my parents’ brownstone, and we used to walk over for dinner or gelato on hot summer nights. Gina always exclaimed, ‘Bellissima!’ when she spied me, so it became a tradition. The restaurant was a success and when her kids got older, she started opening up new locations. Then her youngest daughter, Gabby, got in to the university, and Gina decided to move here and open another place. Gabby always said it was because her mother wanted to keep an eye on her, but Gina insisted that she liked the pace of a smaller town. Anyway…”