by Claire Adams
“No apology necessary,” he waved me off. “You didn’t know.”
“Yes, but now that I do, I promise not to do that again,” I vowed.
“It’s not a crisis. I just don’t want to be tempted and find out that I’m not strong enough to resist temptation.” He smiled a little as he turned and walked toward the door. “Now, don’t you think you’ve stayed in bed long enough for one day? Get up and let’s get going!”
“Yes, sir!” I laughed as I saluted.
“Klein, your salute still sucks,” he threw over his shoulder as he walked out the door and left me to get dressed.
“Hey, do you want to grab some breakfast and go take it out by the lake?” I yelled as I pulled on my clothes.
“Up to you,” came the response.
“No, I’m giving you a choice!” I laughed.
“I’m serious, it’s up to you, Ava,” he replied. “But it’s pretty nice outside today.”
“Then all you had to do was say yes!” I shot back as I continued laughing. “You’re so frustrating sometimes!”
“Yes. Yes I am,” he yelled back. “But then so are you, Ms. Klein. So. Are. You.”
I laughed harder as I finished lacing up my shoes, then pulled my hair into a ponytail and grabbed my wallet and sunglasses. I looked around the room to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, and then, feeling guilty, I walked over and quickly made the bed. I rolled my eyes as I realized that Brian’s orderly ways were rubbing off on me, but then I smiled because it felt kind of nice to have a made bed for a change. As I walked out into the front room, Brian quickly put down his phone and stood up.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s nothing, just work,” he replied as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. “Ready to go? Um, you might want to take a jacket, it’s a little chilly out there.”
“Uh, okay, Mom,” I laughed as I grabbed my jacket and exited through the door he held open.
“Hey! I’m just trying to be thoughtful!” he protested.
“Yeah, I know, and it’s all sarcasm anyway. My mother would never remind me to take a jacket,” I said. “In fact, she would be more likely to tell me to leave it behind because it ruined the line of my dress or something.”
Brian nodded as he closed the door and headed down the hallway. It was moments like these when I wasn’t sure if he wanted to comfort me or mock me, so I followed behind him and headed out into the sunshine. My head was still aching from all the alcohol, but the warm sun helped ease some of the pain while simply being able to move helped my queasy stomach. When I suggested we stop by the corner fruit market and pick up something for our breakfast picnic, Brian nodded and led the way.
We wandered the aisles of the market choosing bread, cheese, fruit, and two huge cups of coffee to top it off. At the register, I swiped my card and smiled at the cashier as Brian grabbed the bag, and for a moment, it felt like my life was entirely normal. I was a normal college girl here at the store with her normal boyfriend getting some food for a normal picnic on a normal Saturday morning, but as the reality set in, I felt deflated. My life was anything but normal, and Brian wasn’t my boyfriend. He was only here to protect me from my psychotic ex-boyfriend who wanted me back. I shook my head to try and rid myself of the thoughts that were spinning in my mind.
“You okay?” Brian asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just…” I trailed off as we walked toward the river looking for a nice spot to lay out our meal.
“Just what?” he asked curiously.
“I’m just thinking about how normal this all looks and how not normal it is,” I replied.
“Ah, yes. Psychological dissonance, a good friend of mine,” he smiled as he reached up and patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’ll all be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end!”
“Oh my God, you did not just say that,” I blurted.
“Yep, I sure did!” he chuckled. “I thought you might appreciate the humor.”
“I appreciate your attempt at humor,” I said dryly as I raised an eyebrow behind my sunglasses.
“Oooh, harsh! You’re a tough audience!” he laughed harder at my feeble attempt to maintain a straight face, and soon I, too, was laughing as we walked.
As we walked along the river in silence, I thought about how much had changed in the past several days, and how grateful I was to have Brian around to help me through it. I’d been really angry at my father for going behind my back and hiring Brian, but I had to grudgingly admit that it had been a good choice, and not just because he and I had chemistry. I actually found myself enjoying being around him. There was a comfortable sense of familiarity in our pairing, and I liked the fact that even though I enjoyed talking with him, I didn’t feel like I had to always be talking.
I snuck a peek at him in my peripheral sight and thought about how handsome he was. Tall and broad-shouldered, he walked like a man who had a clear sense of purpose and didn’t seem to be afraid of anything – not even talking about the difficult parts of his recovery process. Although, there was more to that, I knew, and I wanted to hear about the whole thing, but right now didn’t seem like the time to continue the conversation. Plus, I was enjoying the companionable silence.
“You’re quiet,” I said softly as we walked.
“Just thinking,” he replied.
“Dare I ask what about?”
“Dunno,” he shrugged. “Lots of things; how nice the sunshine feels on my face, how the water sparkles when the light hits it, how nice it is to be able to walk along in silence and not feel awkward. It’s nice.” Afraid to continue interrupting the silence, I simply nodded in agreement and earned a wide smile from Brian.
We walked for a few more minutes until I spotted the perfect place for our picnic. “Oooooh, c’mon!” I shouted as I took off running towards a place next to the river that was covered in clean, green moss; almost as if someone had laid down a blanket for us on the green. Brian smiled again as he followed with the bag of goodies, and, once he reached my chosen spot, began methodically unpacking it. After he’d finished setting out the food, he leaned back on his elbows and watched me, or at least I thought he was watching me—it was hard to tell when he was wearing his sunglasses.
*****
“How’s your breakfast?” Brian asked as he popped a ripe, red strawberry into his mouth.
“It’s helping,” I smiled as I took another bite of my bread and cheese. My stomach was still queasy from the night before, but breakfast and the fresh air were helping calm it.
“Laying off the partying might also help,” he said in a mock-fatherly tone that caused me to do a double take.
“Yeah, well…” I hesitated. “It’s not like I party every night. I mean, some people around here are out of control. I just let loose on the weekends.”
“So this is how you spend all of your Saturdays?” he asked.
“No!” I objected. “Well, kind of…”
“I see.”
“What? Are you saying I have a problem?” I felt defensive and resented his insinuation. “I don’t, you know. I don’t have a problem.”
“Uh huh,” he nodded without saying anything.
“I don’t!” I protested. “I party on the weekends and I attend class and get good grades! I’m not a screw-up who can’t control herself.”
From behind his dark glasses, Brian looked at me without saying a word.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Of course you did,” he said with a shrug. “But you’re not talking about me, you’re talking about you.”
“I just meant that I have a handle on what I’m doing and it’s not getting in the way of my classes,” I explained. “But I can see where it might be a good idea not to do this every weekend.”
“Your call,” he said as he sipped from his steaming Styrofoam cup. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t wish I could party sometimes. I do. It’s
just that the consequences are so awful that I know that if I did, I’d probably wind up in jail—or worse.”
“It’s that bad for you?” I asked as I reached for a berry.
“It’s that bad,” he affirmed.
“Well, it’s not that bad for me,” I said. “I don’t drink to avoid anything, it’s more like…”
“Like you use it to become someone else when being plain old you isn’t good enough?” he finished.
“Yeah, it’s a lot like that,” I admitted. “Sometimes I just want to escape from my own skin and be someone else. Someone who is totally not me.”
“I get it,” he affirmed. “My problem was that I drank because I never wanted to be myself and alcohol was the only way to avoid being me.”
“I don’t want to avoid being me all the time, I just drink when I feel like I’m becoming the me I used to be,” I admitted.
“Either way, there are days I still have to fight to hold on and accept that I’m the me that I am right now—even when I don’t like that me,” he said.
“Well, I can assure you that the you that you’ve become is still not missing out on much in terms of the aftereffects,” I said with a grim look.
“Oh, I recall those mornings,” he laughed. “Somehow the memories never really go away. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise.”
“Maybe…” I responded. “How did you get past these awful mornings? What did you do instead?”
“That’s when I really developed a love of the great outdoors,” Brian said brightly.
“Weren’t you always in the outdoors in the Navy?” I asked as I ate another strawberry.
“I’ve always loved nature, but the SEALs training wasn’t really about being ‘one with nature’,” he explained. “We spent a lot of time outside, but it was less about appreciating the surroundings and more about defending the territory or whatever.”
“Or whatever?” I questioned. I was genuinely interested in what he’d done and seen while in the service, but I didn’t know how to ask about it without sounding like a gawking jerk.
“Yeah, whatever,” he said firmly, closing the door on that line of inquiry. “SEALs training is all about rescue and survival tactics, so I learned a lot about how to live on very little food and how to navigate my way out of just about any location on the face of the earth, but I didn’t spend a whole lot of time contemplating my human existence. I mean, we were, after all, there to do a job.”
“But aren’t you guys the ones who do all the brave heroic rescues?” I asked. “Aren’t you the ones that whenever someone is in trouble the president calls and asks to solve the problem?”
“Oh yeah, definitely,” he said as he dramatically rolled his eyes. “We’re on the president’s speed dial, best buds and all.”
Before I could stop it, a small burble of laughter escaped from my lips and I quickly bit my tongue to contain it. Sheepishly, I looked over at Brian, only to find him shaking with silent laughter himself.
“You’re so mean!” I cried.
“What? I’m mean?” he laughed harder at my mock outrage. “Because I’m laughing at the fact that you think Navy SEALs are gods?”
“No! I mean, yes! Wait, what?” I was confused. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because you take me so seriously,” he chuckled.
“Shouldn’t I?”
“Sometimes, you should,” he replied as he took another sip of his coffee.
“Ick! Isn’t that cold by now?” I interjected as I watched him drink.
“A little, but it’s not bad,” he said taking another sip. “You should have tasted the stuff we drank while out on patrol. Now that was disgusting.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I said as I poured the last bit of my own cold coffee onto the riverbank and tossed the empty cup into the trash bag. “And yet you still like to be outdoors? Roughing it?”
“Oh, my outdoor treks couldn’t even remotely be considered roughing it,” he laughed again. “I camp in relative luxury these days. A sleeping bag, food supplies, and dry socks are all I need to get out and get away from civilization and all its headaches. It helps me stay sane and balanced.”
I nodded as I listened to him describe the beauty of solo trekking and the ways in which it kept him grounded and focused on what mattered—sobriety.
“Have you ever been camping, Ava?” he asked.
“Who? Me?” I was shocked by the question, and I laughed as I said, “Have you actually met me?”
Brian’s response was loud, deep laughter that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside. I’d never heard someone laugh so hard at something I’d said, and his laughter sparked my own. “Right, I can see it now,” he gasped. “You’d bring a backpack full of shoes and hair products!”
“No, I wouldn’t!” I cried indignantly. “I’d have some makeup, too!”
Brian roared and added another layer to the list of things I’d be packing for a camping trip, to which I added a few more essentials. Soon we were laying on the riverbank laughing so hard we both had tears rolling down our cheeks. It took a while for us to calm down, but once we did, Brian pushed himself up to lean on his elbow and gave me a serious look.
“Stick with me and you’ll learn to pack properly, kid.”
“Uh, you’re not that much older than me, soldier,” I replied smiling. “And I can pretty much guarantee that I’m probably not going to get on board with this full-on camping agenda.”
“Never say never,” he shot back smiling.
“I never do,” I laughed.
*****
As Brian reached out to run his fingers through my hair, the sound of cracking branches put us both on alert. There was something moving in the bushes down on the riverbank, and in an instant, Brian was on his feet with one hand on the gun under his hoodie. He motioned to me to stay where I was. I nodded and waited in silence as he checked our surroundings.
Another twig snapped, and Brian crouched low to the ground as he moved quickly toward the sound. I opened my mouth to ask him what he thought it was, but he held up his hand in the universal sign for “stop” and I swallowed my question. As he swept his eyes across the brush-covered bank, I could see his hand tighten on the butt of his gun. I held my breath as he pushed back a clump of branches. Nothing. He moved to the next pile of brush, and as he pushed a few branches aside, a small, frightened bunny scurried out and ran across the grass toward the safety of an unmolested bush. I let out a small, startled scream, and quickly covered my mouth as Brian shot me a warning look followed by an amused grin.
He quickly scanned the rest of the bank and found nothing out of order, I looked up at him and said, “Maybe it was just the bunny meeting up with a bird or a squirrel in the underbrush?”
“Yeah, maybe,” he said, laughing a little as he sat back down next to me. His eyes never stopped scanning the bushes even as he returned to absently stroking my hair. Although he’d snapped back into the role of my bodyguard, I still saw him as the fun guy he’d been only minutes before, and I wanted to find a way back to the carefree conversation we’d been having before the underbrush noises interrupted us. I tried putting my hand on his arm, but he shrugged it off, and when I reached up and stroked his cheek, he looked down only briefly before returning to his watch.
“Hey, Brian?” I said quietly.
“Yeah? What?” He was back in scanning mode and paid little attention to me and our picnic as he continued his lookout.
“Hello?” I said a little louder.
“Ava, what do you want?” his voice was both irritated and worried, so I stopped pushing and just sat quietly as he attempted to figure out what had made the noise in the bushes. I appreciated the care and concern, but I also wanted the guy who’d been having such a good time with me back as quickly as possible. So, I hopped up and walked over to the bushes and pulled them apart with my hands, yelling, “Hey! Whoever you are, come out right now and stop playing around!”
An instant later, I felt the full
weight of a body violently shoving me to the ground with a force that knocked the wind out of me as I landed on my back on the bank. I looked up to see Dominic’s face hovering over me.
“You ungrateful little bitch,” he hissed. “After everything I’ve done for you, you go and do this to me? With this loser of a boyfriend?”
I struggled to catch my breath as I tried to push him away, but he’d managed to wrap a hand around my neck and was cutting off my air. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out.
“You’re going to pay for this,” he threatened. “You will pay for your disloyalty.”
Then, I felt his hand leave my throat as Brian yelled, “Let go of her now or I’ll shoot you, and no one will blame me!”
Dominic stood up and looked at Brian for a moment; his bold stare dared Brian to do something, and when nothing happened, he spit on the ground and said in a derisive tone, “That’s what I thought, you coward. You can’t even protect her.” Dominic began laughing as he continued mocking Brian. “What a wimp! You’re holding a gun, and you can’t even protect her. I don’t know what you see in this sad excuse for a man, Ava. He has nothing but a gun, and he’s too afraid to use it!”
By that point, I’d caught my breath and was looking up at Brian, trying to will him not to shoot the gun he held. I knew it could go either way, so I lay there quietly for a moment hoping that Dominic would do what he usually did and walk away, but when he didn’t move, I became afraid that he was planning something sinister. I looked up at Brian, willing him to understand what I was thinking, and he nodded.
“Dom, just stop,” I said quietly as I pulled myself up from the ground. “This makes no sense. You and I are over, and you know it. Why do you keep trying to get me back when you know it’s over?”
“Because it’s not over, you stupid little girl,” he sneered. “You belong to me, and I want you back.”
“But you moved on, Dom,” I reminded him as I watched Brian reach into his back pocket. “You got together with Jordan and you moved on!”
“Jordan?” he laughed. “What the hell? She’s a stupid slut who opens her legs for every man who looks at her. Why would I want a little girl like that? I want a smart, educated woman who will help me achieve my career goals, and that woman is you.”