by Claire Adams
*****
We checked in without incident and the nice bellhop carried our bags to up to the large suite we’d be occupying for an indefinite period of time. Brian remarked that neither of us had eaten anything all day, so we called down to room service and ordered enough food to feed the Navy, and laughed that we’d be eating leftovers for days.
“I’m going to take a shower before the food gets here,” Brian called as he entered the bathroom and turned on the water.
“Want some company?” I teased.
“Nope, this is strictly business, and I’d appreciate you keeping it that way,” he deadpanned with a towel wrapped around his waist. I gave him an appreciative once-over and grinned as he said, “And I’d appreciate you keeping your unsavory thoughts to yourself, young lady. This is neither the time nor the place for such lascivious displays of unladylike behavior.”
I burst into a fit of giggles as he grinned and ducked into the bathroom. I liked his easy sense of humor and his way of disarming me when I felt panicked or overwhelmed, and his hot body was an unexpected, but welcome, bonus. In no time, Brian emerged from the steamy room shirtless in a pair of tight-fitting jeans as he towel-dried his hair. I feigned swooning and he chuckled and rolled his eyes.
“Your turn!” he said as he pointed the way to the bathroom. “I cleaned it up so you wouldn’t be subjected to my dude mess.”
“Your dude mess?” I questioned.
“Yeah, the wet towels on the floor, water on the sink and other signs that a dude had occupied the facilities,” he laughed. “I know how you ladies prefer a sparkling clean environment in which to get ready.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re crazy!” I laughed.
“Yes. Yes I am,” he smiled. “I mean it’s not like you women don’t make a mess of the place in the process of making yourselves pretty.”
“What the heck are you taking about?” I demanded with a laugh.
“I don’t know, I’ve always wondered if the beauty of a woman is in direct proportion to the amount of mess she leaves in the room where she makes the pretty happen,” he mused. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re nuts!” I laughed harder as I dug through my bag and located the items I’d need, then headed into the bathroom and shut the door. The hot water felt heavenly as I shampooed my hair and shaved my legs, and for the first time in a week, I actually felt safe. I relaxed a little as I dried off and then pulled on my clothes. “Is the food here yet?” I called through the closed door.
“Not yet! But they called and said they’d be up within 10 minutes,” Brian yelled back.
Knowing that I had a bit of time, I dabbed on a little foundation and stroked a couple of layers of mascara on my lashes before dabbing my lips with a bit of pink lip gloss. I stepped back from the mirror as I ran a comb through my hair and appraised myself. Considering that I hadn’t slept much and that I was a bundle of nerves, I didn’t look half bad. I looked at my reflection and said, “You’re going to be okay, Ava.” I wasn’t sure if I believe it, but it felt good to reassure myself. I hung up my towel, wiped down the sink, and then exited the bathroom just as the room server knocked on the door.
Instinctively, I headed for the door, but Brian bounded ahead of me and pushed me out of the way. He motioned toward the chair in the corner and indicated that I should go sit down. I shrugged and went over and sat down.
“Who is it?” Brian called through the door.
“Room service, sir,” came the reply.
Brian cracked the door and took a good look at the delivery person before he opened the door and stepped out. Before he invited him in, Brian checked each of the plates by lifting the cover and sniffing the food. I smiled as I realized what he was doing and wondered what the delivery guy was thinking, but if the guy thought it was weird, he gave no indication, and simply nodded as Brian invited him in. He rolled the cart over near the couch and handed the bill to Brian, who signed it and thanked him.
Moments later, we were digging into the feast as if we’d never eaten before.
We ate in silence, and I knew we were thinking about the same things. How to keep each other safe from Dominic being the primary issue. I watched Brian digging into his burger and wondered what he would look like sitting at my family’s table during the holidays. Then, realizing how ridiculous that sounded, I shook my head and returned to eating my own food.
“What?” Brian asked.
“Nothing,” I replied as I took a huge bite of my sandwich so that I would have an excuse not to talk.
“Okay, just checking,” he shrugged and popped a fry in his mouth, then took a big gulp of the soda in front of him. “This food isn’t half bad, is it?”
“Mmmmph, rths not,” I mumbled through the food.
“Personally I prefer foie gras with a good pinot,” he said casually. “Well, when I could still drink pinot and not black out.”
“You what?” I said almost choking on the fry I’d just bitten into.
“What? You thought I was just a dumb musclehead?” he asked with a smile. “That I guzzled cheap beer and didn’t know the difference between pinot and cabernet?”
“No, I just…”
“You just thought I didn’t know about the finer things, did you?” he was serious now.
“I guess, if I’m honest, I didn’t think you did,” I admitted. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s a common mistake. No hard feelings.”
“I’m sorry, Brian,” I said more quietly, setting my sandwich down and leaning back on the couch. Between the worrying and the teasing, I’d lost my appetite.
“Ava, don’t get mad,” he said. “I’m sorry I baited you into that. It’s just that that letter really got to me. I’m not stupid.”
“No one said you were,” I replied.
“I know, but having a rich educated guy say that I’m not smart enough to be with someone like you, well…” he trailed off.
“I get it,” I said.
“Do you?”
“I mean, I don’t get it get it, but I understand why it might be something that would dig at you,” I replied.
Brian nodded as he finished off his burger, and then stared at my plate.
“Oh my God,” I laughed. “Go ahead, finish mine. I’m done.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m positive. Eat it!” I laughed harder when I saw the forlorn look on his face. “You are so pathetic.”
Brian happily polished off the rest of my sandwich and all of the fries that had grown cold on my plate, then he searched the cart and found dessert hiding on the shelf under the main serving area.
“Ooooh, look at this! Chocolate cake and cheesecake!” he announced as he pulled he plates out and set them in front of me.
“None for me, I’m stuffed,” I said as I held a hand up.
“Fine, then all the more for me!” he cried as he dug in to the chocolate cake.
I watched him devour the sweets and marveled at his appetite and his ability to find the good in even the most stressful situation. He smiled as he polished off the cake and then moved on to the cheesecake.
“How can you eat all of that and not get sick?” I asked.
“Training, it’s all about the training,” he said as he tucked another forkful in his mouth.
I shook my head and laughed, but when I looked back over, Brian had frozen with the fork halfway to his mouth. He was listening intently to some sound that only he could hear, and all amusement had disappeared from his face. There was something happening, and I was attuned enough to his way of monitoring things that I didn’t even ask. I just waited for him to give me a signal.
Silently, he set the fork on the table before he got up and moved toward the door. He put his ear to the door and listened as he held up a hand indicating that I should be silent, too. I nodded and held my breath, and after what felt like forever, Brian dropped his hand and came back to the table where he picked up his fork and finishe
d off the last bite of cheesecake.
“What was that?” I asked, stunned that he could just flip the switch and go back to what he was doing while I was still shaking.
“Nothing, I guess,” he said. “I thought I heard something outside the door.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” I said with a wry grin.
“That’s Admiral Obvious to you, missy,” he grinned.
I groaned and fell back on the couch. I wasn’t sure if he’d actually heard something or not, but I trusted his instincts and wasn’t going to question them, even if he did tell really bad jokes.
*****
Brian sat down on the couch, grabbed the remote, and looked for the local newscast. We watched in silence for a bit, but it had been a draining day, and it wasn’t long before I felt myself nodding off. I pushed myself up off the couch and went to brush my teeth before turning in for the night. Brian was glued to his phone as he frantically texted someone and didn’t notice me leave the room.
“Ava!” he shouted just as I had put my toothbrush in my mouth.
“Whgut?” I said through a mouth of toothpaste.
“Ava!” his voice was frantic and I could hear him rushing around the room. I stepped toward the doorway just as he yanked back the door, slamming it into the wall, shouting, “Where have you been?”
I bent over and spit into the sink then straightened up and said, “Right here, in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. Where did you think I’d gone?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbled as he turned around. “I was just worried. Don’t do that!”
“Do what?” I asked.
“Disappear on me!” he insisted.
“But I didn’t disappear!” I argued. “You were on your phone and I simply got up and came into the bathroom! Chill out, sailor!”
“Whatever,” he grumbled as he checked his phone again.
I finished up in the bathroom and then went to find my pajamas. As I dug through my bag, I could hear Brian rapidly tapping the screen of his phone in the other room. I had no idea what he was doing, but I decided that maybe I didn’t want to know.
“I’m going to bed now,” I called as I stuck my head out of the bedroom. “I’m sleepy and I want to rest, okay?”
Brian grunted, but otherwise didn’t respond, so I walked out of the bedroom and around to the front of the couch.
“Brian, I’m going to bed now,” I said. When he didn’t respond, I leaned down and touched his shoulder to let him know I was speaking. In an instant he shot up off the couch, grabbed my wrist, spun me around and had me in a chokehold with my arm behind my back. I screamed, and he immediately dropped his hold and backed off.
“What are you doing?” I yelled as my heart raced from the adrenaline that the scare had sent coursing through my veins. “It’s ME!”
Brian hung his head and sheepishly looked at the floor as he mumbled, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“What is going on with you?” I asked, worried that there was something really wrong and wondering if it was safe for me to go to sleep if there was.
“I just got caught up in texting and forgot where I was,” he grudgingly admitted.
“That’s not okay!” I yelled. “You scared me to death!”
“I’m sorry, Ava,” he said.
“Brian, what is going on? You’ve been on edge ever since we got here, and you’re scaring me,” I said.
“I’m sorry, Ava,” he repeated. “I’m just worried.”
“Yeah, well, get a grip,” I shot back. “You’re going to give me a heart attack and then you’ll have nothing to worry about.”
He smiled a little, and then looked up at me with worried eyes. “I don’t know what this guy is planning, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to counter whatever he comes up with.”
“Well, we’re safe for the night, aren’t we?” I asked.
“Yeah, as far as I know,” he replied.
“Then come to bed,” I said.
“I can’t, I’m going to sleep out here tonight,” he said. “It’s better that way.”
“No, it’s not,” I whispered as I moved close to him and rested my palms on his chest. “I need you with me tonight. Please?”
He looked at me for a long time before nodding slightly and leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Alright, but let me get the room secured.”
I nodded and turned toward the bedroom, when I looked back I saw him moving around the room checking all of the windows, then the door lock, and putting something over each of the entries to the room. He saw me and smiled as I shot him a questioning look.
“It’s in case someone tries to break it,” he explained. “I’ll hear them and have time to counter the attack.”
“Attack?” I asked. “You’re expecting an attack?”
“Well, you know what I mean,” he said. Then dropped his voice and said, “I just want to keep you safe, Ava.”
I motioned toward the bedroom and with a suggestive grin said, “Then come snuggle up next to me and shield me.”
“Aye, aye!” he said as he returned the grin.
It wasn’t long before Brian climbed into bed next to me and held out his arms. I moved into them and rested my cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and feeling safe and warm wrapped in his strong arms. We were both asleep in minutes.
*****
I was pulled out of a sound sleep by the sound of moaning and crying.
At first I thought it was a dream, that I’d been pulled back into the nightmare of my relationship with Dominic and that the cries were mine and that I was fighting him off again, but soon I realized that it wasn’t me that was crying, it was Brian. I rolled over and found him restlessly tossing and turning as he called out in an unintelligible language. I reached over and shook him a little, but that seemed to increase the volume of his cries, and he was now thrashing on the far side of the king-sized bed; his feet and arms flailing as he began yelling. I still couldn’t understand what he was saying, but I knew better than to try and slide over and wake him up, so I called out, “Brian! Brian! It’s me, Ava! Wake up! You’re dreaming!”
He continued moaning and thrashing, and now it seemed to be getting worse. I yelled again and gently lobbed my pillow at him, hoping that the impact would somehow jar him out of the dream state he was in. Instead, he grabbed the pillow and began wrestling with it as if it were a person who was intent on doing him harm.
“Brian!” I called with urgency in my voice. “Brian, wake up! It’s just a dream!”
He thrashed harder now and began to yelled, “Get down, get down! No! No! Get down!” over and over again. I realized he was in the midst of a nightmare about something else, somewhere else, but I didn’t know how to bring him back to me. It wasn’t long before the yelling turned to screaming, and his frantic attempts to escape whatever horror he was reliving caused him to fall off the bed and hit the floor with a loud thud. The screaming stopped and I rushed to the other side of the bed to find Brian laying tangled in the sheets with a dazed look on his face.
“Ava?” he said in a small voice.
“Yes, Brian, I’m here,” I replied as I tentatively reached out to stroke his head. I wasn’t sure how awake he was and I didn’t want to startle him, so I waited for him to give me another signal.
“Ava? What…” he began before he looked up at me and then down at where he lay. He quickly sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he buried his face between his knees. Uncertain as to what he needed, I stroked his head softly and slowly as I felt him begin to shake.
“Brian?” I whispered. “I’m here. What do you need?”
He shook his head slowly as he continued to shake. It wasn’t long before he began to rock back and forth, as if he were trying to comfort himself. I heard the sound of sobs being choked back as he focused on breathing deeply and rocking. I left my hand on his head and waited silently.
It took many, many minutes before he was calm
enough to look up at me, but when he did, my heart broke. His face was contorted by pain and fear, and the only thing I could do was drop to my knees next to him and pull his head to my chest and hold him tightly against my body. Brian wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my chest.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I whispered over and over. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Brian shook his head and mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I’m not okay,” he murmured.
“Yes, you are,” I replied.
“No, Ava, I’m not okay!” he growled as he lifted his head and gave me a fierce look. “I’m so messed up, and I’m never going to be okay.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, bewildered by the sudden shift in the power dynamic as I realized that I was protecting him from something neither of us could see.
“It’s so screwed up,” he muttered as he shook his head. “I’ve kept it under control all week, but the lack of sleep and the stress of trying to keep you safe…”
“What? What did it do?” I pushed.
“It triggered the nightmares,” he admitted with a deep sigh.
“Nightmares?”
“Yeah, from the war,” he replied. “Ava, they told me I have PTSD and that I’m going to probably live with it all my life. The memories aren’t going to go away, but in order to manage them I have to get enough rest, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and not get into situations where stress rules the roost.”
“Then why are you doing this job?” I asked.
“Because I didn’t think it would be a big deal,” he admitted with a wry grin. “I mean, really, what’s so hard about babysitting a college girl whose ex-boyfriend is a jerk?”
I laughed a little as I heard him sum up what in any other world would have been a super easy security job, but I felt bad that my situation had caused him such pain and anguish.
“Yeah, that sounds like a cakewalk…if it wasn’t me,” I replied with a grin. “I’m sorry, Brian.”
“It’s not your fault,” he said as he reached up and cupped my face. “It’s mine for not managing it better.”