“Oh, nonsense! You have Josh now,” she says with a tearful smile. “You probably won’t even notice that I’m gone. You two looked awfully cozy on the dance floor. He is so totally into you, Sam.”
“He told me he loves me,” I say softly, after a slight pause, and she squeals.
“Oh, Sam! When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?” She doesn’t give me a chance to answer her questions; she just continues right on talking. “You see … I told you that you had nothing to worry about. That man has been in love with you from day one. I could see that in the hospital the day I met him!”
“Oh, Megan,” I roll my eyes at her, and she laughs.
After a huge, tearful hug, we head downstairs where Scott is waiting for her at the foot of the staircase. I step away to give them some privacy, and start to make my way back out to the backyard. As I’m walking through the kitchen I suddenly hear my name.
“Samantha?”
I turn to see my mother walking into the room and I brace myself for the coming assault. “Hi, Mom. I didn’t see much of you after the ceremony. I thought perhaps you had left early.”
“I sort of wish I had,” she smiles insincerely at me. “Then I wouldn’t have seen you making such a spectacle of yourself on the dance floor with that … man.”
I don’t know why I’m surprised at the venom in her passive-aggressive words, but I am. Just once, I would love it if she could just support me and be happy for me. I open my mouth to respond to her attack on Josh but then think better of it, and turn to walk away. But she won’t let me. She yells at me, and it halts me in my tracks.
“Samantha! That man is totally beneath you, and you know it! If you are doing this solely to spite me, you are only hurting yourself, honey!”
I’ve had it. I can’t keep letting her do this to me. I turn back around to face her, taking a deep breath. “This may come as a shock to you, Mom, but I stopped doing things to spite you a long time ago. I simply don’t care what you think anymore to bother with trying to spite you!” I try desperately to keep my voice as steady as I can, and I think she is shocked by my words and she actually looks hurt.
“Well, at least you’re finally being honest,” she says. “You have never cared about my opinion on anything. Even though all I have ever wanted for you is the best of everything this world has to offer! What’s wrong with that, Samantha?” she yells, and her voice rings out loudly throughout the kitchen. “Tell me! What is so wrong about wanting only the best for my child?”
“Nothing!” I hear myself scream back at her and I can feel a tightening in my stomach as the anger boils over inside me. And I am vaguely aware of the sound of the French doors opening behind me as I continue to yell at my mother. “There is nothing wrong with that! But why can’t you ever trust me to know what is best for me? I am an adult. And it’s my life, Mom; not yours!”
“You cannot honestly believe that this relationship is going anywhere,” she retaliates, ignoring my question and gesturing to whomever is behind me. “What could you possibly have in common with this cave man?”
“A hell of lot more than I have in common with you,” I shout back. “You have never known who I am, Mom. At least Josh knows me. And he loves me!”
“Don’t be a fool, Samantha, he loves your money!”
“That is not true,” I shout back at her.
“And I suppose you think you know him? Well, I promise you darling, you have no clue what this Neanderthal is capable of. What he’s done!”
“All right, that’s enough!” Lucas’ voice cuts through our rage as he steps between us and glares at our mother. “This is not the time or the place for this Mother! You should be ashamed of yourself. And you owe Megan a huge apology!” His words are angry and harshly spoken. And I feel immensely grateful to him for shutting her up, if only for a few moments. I am so angry right now I don’t even have tears.
Taking an unsteady breath, I venture a quick glance around the large kitchen and I see Megan and Scott and Aunt Jenny all standing in the doorway, looking horrified. And at the other side of the room, I spot Dennis and Karen and Uncle Kenny all milling around by the French doors that lead to the backyard, and Josh is standing directly behind me. He’s wearing his pissed-off look as he glares at my mother and when his eyes meet mine I can tell that he is barely holding on to his temper. Oh, no.
“I don’t understand why everyone is acting as if this is acceptable! You cannot honestly approve of this ridiculous relationship, Lucas,” Mother says, turning her wrath onto him for a moment. “I know you don’t. Tell her! Tell her what an embarrassment this is!”
Lucas shakes his head slightly at her and his hands are on his hips. He looks completely bewildered. Then he turns to me with a look of sorrow in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Pita.” His words are softly spoken and I frown at him, not really believing that he’s siding with her. “But Mom is right. This is an embarrassment. This is the most embarrassing thing that she has ever done, and I am so sorry. This is not acceptable behavior and you shouldn’t have had to suffer through it.” At his words, my tears finally come, rolling silently down my cheeks. God, I love my big brother so much right now!
“What?!” Mom begins to protest. “You cannot seriously…”
“That is enough, Mother,” Lucas hisses at her. “Not another word unless it’s an apology to Megan!” She looks as if he has slapped her in the face and then she turns on her heel and walks toward the door. Everyone steps quickly aside to allow her to pass but, she stops and looks at Meg.
“I am sorry, honey. I didn’t set out to ruin your day,” she says tearfully. She glances briefly back at me and then she is gone.
I suddenly feel Lucas’ hand on my arm and Josh’s hand on my back as they both rush to comfort me, and I turn and step into Josh’s arms. “Can you get me out of here, please?” I ask him and he nods silently.
We stay just long enough to watch Meg and Scott flee through a shower of birdseed and rose petals and into the waiting car. And as their limousine pulls away and the guests begin to disperse, I turn to hug Lucas and Karen.
“I really am sorry about the stunt Mom pulled tonight, Sam,” Lucas says softly, looking from me to Josh. “Neither one of you deserved any of that.”
“It’s not your fault, Lucas,” I tell him quietly. “Like you said … you can’t control her.”
“Still, I feel partially responsible,” he says sadly. “When I first learned about you and Josh I assured her that I would do everything I could make sure you weren’t taken advantage of. I think maybe she took that as some sort of proof that she and I shared the same opinion about Josh. I’m sorry,” he says again, looking solely Josh’s way.
Josh nods his head but, stays silent. And I can tell that he’s still really angry, his pissed-off look still firmly in place. His hands are tucked into the pockets of his suit pants so, I can’t see them. But I’d be willing to bet that they are clinched into fists right now. His silence makes me uneasy. I want to know what he’s thinking. How he’s feeling. He looks so angry. I hate it when he gets like this.
I take a deep breath and let it out very slowly. “I need to get out of here,” I say softly. “Thanks for everything, Lucas.”
“I didn’t do anything, Pita,” he responds, obviously still feeling badly about things. He hugs me tightly for a moment and then reaches to shake Josh’s hand. And I can tell from the apprehension in his eyes that he’s as worried as I am about what’s going on in Josh’s head at the moment. There’s a slight pause before Josh responds. But he takes Lucas’ offered hand as he looks him in the eye, and strangely … my uneasiness grows.
The tension is so thick it feels oppressive, like I’m being weighted down by all the barbells Josh keeps in his exercise room. Only the weights here are anger and rage and regret and fear. Still saying not a word, Josh takes me by the hand and slowly begins to lead me away.
“Good night,” I turn and call back to Lucas and Karen.
As we wait for the v
alet to bring the Charger, Josh is still so silent and I get the feeling he is at war with his emotions somehow. I want to say something. Anything that will bring him out of the terrifyingly dark place that he seems to have retreated to. But I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to reach him. Normally, I would begin chattering away, nervously trying to fill the awkwardness with the sound of my own voice. But for some reason, I just can’t right now. Whether it’s the guilt and the shock over what my mother has done, or it’s the fear of what maddening thoughts are plaguing Josh right now, I don’t know. But I have been rendered mute and the tension rolling off of him is hitting me in wave after wave of misery.
When the car finally arrives and we get in, he says nothing as he opens the door for me. He says not a word on the entire drive home and I can feel his anger mounting as I watch him drive. Finally, as we turn into his neighborhood, I can’t take it any longer. I have to say something.
“Josh? I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” My voice sounds so small to my ears, and my words appear to have no effect on him. He says nothing as he pulls slowly into the garage next to my car. He is silent as he opens the door and gets out. He stands waiting for me to slide out of the driver’s side door after him, and when I do, I can see the barely contained rage in his fiery eyes. He closes the car door and turns to head out of the garage, not saying a word. Oh, please talk to me!
I try again as we walk through the side door that leads into the small kitchen. “Josh, I’m sorry for the way my mother acted. What she did was so cruel. She was rude to you and hurtful to me, and I wish there was something I could do or say to make up for that, but I can’t.” He still says nothing as he takes off his jacket and tie, tossing them both onto the kitchen table, and I can see his fists clenching and his jaw tightening. Why is he still so angry? “Oh, Josh, please say something,” I quietly beg him.
“You want me to say something, Samantha? Well how about this … what the hell are you doing here slumming with me!” He shouts at me, and his deep baritone voice reverberates around me like a gale force wind. I am stunned into silence as I stare at him with wide, shocked eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry before. “Yes, your mother was mean and nasty tonight, but you know what? She was just being honest! At least she had the guts to ask the one damn question that’s on everybody’s fucking mind!”
“What are you talking about? No one is questioning why we’re together!”
“Bullshit!” He yells, getting in my face. “Your entire family wants to know what the hell you’re thinking. The only person who can’t seem to see that is you,” he shouts. I am so floored by his vehemence and by his words. I had no idea this is what was bothering him; that he feels like my whole family is against him.
“Josh, that is simply not true,” I say loudly, trying to reason with him. “Megan and Dennis and Uncle Kenny, they all really like you! None of them are looking down on you in any way. And Lucas loves you! I can tell that he genuinely respects you. Why do you think he invited you to the game tomorrow?”
“Aw, Lucas is just playing the fucking game, Sam! Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” he yells.
“Lucas wants to spend time with you,” I yell back. “To get to know you … because he knows how I feel about you!”
“Lucas is trying to protect your bank account,” he responds loudly. “He flat out said that tonight before we left. His intention is to make sure that you’re not taken advantage of by me!”
“Okay fine! So he wants to protect me in the process,” I yell with exasperation. “Where’s the problem in that?”
“There is no problem, Samantha! Not for rich girls like you,” he says as he turns and begins to walk into the living room. His words are dismissive and hurtful. And they make me want to scream. So I do.
“I am so sick of always worrying about the money with you! Why does it always have to come back to that, Josh?” I scream as I follow after him.
“Because you’re always gonna have it,” he shouts back, whirling around to face me. “And whether you like it or not, baby, it is always going to be an issue! For me and for your family!”
“Well, now it’s my turn to say bullshit,” I shout angrily, getting in his face. “The money isn’t an issue for my family, Josh, it is only an issue for you! What do you want me to do? You’re right, I have it! It’s there and it’s mine and there’s nothing I can do about it! No. You know what, maybe there is. Is that what you want? You want me to get rid of it? Would that prove to you how much I love you? Would that prove that I want to be with you and not the damn money?”
I know that I’m ranting right now but I’m on a roll and Josh is looking at me as if I’ve lost all my marbles. I ignore him and keep right on rolling.
“Because if that’s what you want, I will go straight to Lucas first thing in the morning and I will sign every bit of my Colby Coring stock over to him. I will give him every single cent of my trust fund if it will make you feel more comfortable being with me! Is that what you want me to do?”
“No!” He shouts at me. “Of course not! I don’t want to cause you any pain, Samantha. Ever! You think I want to come between you and your family? I don’t want that! I don’t want to be the source of contention between you and Lucas. Or between you and your mother! I don’t want you to have to choose, Sam.”
“No one said anything about me choosing.”
“You just did,” he shouts, looking at me incredulously. “Me or the damn money! Me or your family.”
I feel so confused right now and it’s difficult to understand where he’s going with all this. I say nothing and shake my head in frustration as I take a deep, unsteady breath. Things have been going so well between us. How did we get here? Your mother. Oh, yes. This is all her fault. Probably exactly what she intended to come from her little performance this evening.
“But I don’t know why the fuck I’m surprised that it’s come to this,” Josh continues to shout at me. “I don’t know what the hell you’re still doing here anyway. You should have been long gone by now. Your mother is right! Someone like you should never be with a fucked up monster like me!”
“Monster? Why would you say something so ugly about yourself?” I am stunned. “Where is all this coming from, Josh? What is really going on? What did my mother say to you the other night? Does this have anything to do with what you wanted to talk to me about on the dance floor?”
“I’m just calling it like it is, Samantha,” he yells, and I note that his hands are balled into tight fists as he prowls around the small room, looking like a caged animal as he shouts at me. “Don’t try to act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! And yes, you mother claims to know all about it. Everything I haven’t told you. I’m sure your brother probably has all the gory details too. That’s why he feels like he needs to protect you from me!”
Everything he hasn’t told me? What? That’s it; I can’t take this anymore. I don’t know how my mother’s bad behavior has made him think of Danny Pierce but I’m sick of him always comparing himself to his father. Always using that as an excuse not to get close to me. Is that what this is? Fear of us getting closer? Is he trying to push me away?
“Just because your father was a mean, cruel, violent man, does not mean that you are too, Josh,” I yell at him. “I have no doubt in my mind or in my heart that you would never lay a hand on me in anger. Look at us! We have been arguing for half an hour and you haven’t hit me! And I know with certainty that you never would. Why don’t you have that same certainty about yourself?” I shout.
“Because I killed the son of a bitch!”
It is a forceful, bitter yell, and it echoes throughout the small house as all the air leaves my lungs and then … there is stillness.
What?
I can’t have heard him correctly. I know that he didn’t just say that … did he? Suddenly, the silence is shattered by a deep, mournful, agonized sob and Josh falls to the floor on his hands and knees. I sta
nd frozen, watching in stunned silence as he crawls across the floor and sits with his back to the side of the couch and buries his face in his hands, weeping like a child.
Oh, my God! “Joshua!” It is a heartbroken whisper, and I am on the floor in an instant, sitting in front of him in my pretty maid of honor dress and heels. Tentatively, I touch his leg as I try to talk to him. “Josh, please talk to me,” I beg him quietly. Oh, please don’t clam up now! “What do you mean you killed him?”
“I mean I killed him,” he answers, his words garbled by his sobs. “He was beating her,” he manages to choke out. “She had begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t stop. He just kept hitting her and hitting her. Until she finally couldn’t speak anymore. She couldn’t even scream. He was killing her.”
He is overcome then, his body wracked by sobs, and he’s unable to speak again for several minutes. Oh. My. God. I knew that he had witnessed his father’s violence against his mother often when he was growing up, and that he had seen unspeakable things but … I never expected this. I think I feel nauseous. Timidly, I reach up and caress his arm, wanting desperately to comfort him but not knowing how. Finally, he composes himself enough to continue.
“I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t. I went after him. I had to make him stop,” he says, looking at me with wild eyes that I’m not sure are actually seeing me. “I pulled him off of her and punched him as hard as I could,” he whispers harshly. “And then I kept hitting him. We fought and fought … out of the bedroom and into the hallway. But he was so much stronger than me. He picked me up and threw me up against the wall, and it hurt so bad. But, he was heading back into the bedroom after her. I couldn’t let him get to her! I couldn’t.” His voice is a panicked, urgent sob, as if he’s reliving it all over again as he grasps at my arms, and my heart aches for him. “I got up and I ran to the hall closet and I grabbed the baseball bat. Then I just started to swing, with all of my might! And I hit him over and over and over. Finally he managed to grab the bat, trying to pull it away from me. And I just let go.”
Pierced: Pierced Trilogy Boxed Set Page 65