I feel the shadow cross my face as I pull out into traffic and head toward the doctor's office. Josh was so upset when Leo smacked Livvie last night. I don't think I've seen him that angry in a long time. And I hate to even think it, but for a brief moment, I was frightened. The sound of his voice, and the look in his eyes … I was worried for a minute. Not that I believe for a second that he would ever raise his hand to me or the kids, but he was just so shaken and I was worried about him. And Leo looked so little and scared. But Josh saw it too. I could see it in his eyes, that moment when he realized he was scaring our little boy, and I watched him rein in his emotions as he talked to Leo. His restraint was incredible. As was his passion when we talked about it later. I know that he worries that Leo might somehow take after Danny Pierce someday. He thinks a lot about that 'nature vs. nurture' debate sometimes. It makes me sad that he worries about it so much.
I think about my boys on the entire drive to the doctor's office as I hum along with the Christmas Waltz on the radio, and once I pull into a parking space and step out of the car, I take a deep breath and let the crisp, damp air fill my lungs. The morning sickness subsides as I slowly exhale. Morning sickness. With the twins it seemed nearly constant. This time around, it hasn't been bad at all, thank goodness.
I smile to myself as I think about the fact that I will soon be a mother of three. That thought blows my mind a little bit. Especially when I think back on the night Josh and I first learned we were going to be parents. We were both so freaked out; I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a mother at all at that point. I was terrified. I think we both were. But now, Leo and Livvie are the center of my world, and Josh has become such a wonderful father. He is so patient and loving with them. And watching him set aside time each weekend to alternate daddy dates with Livvie and boy's only outings with Leo is so incredibly sweet. He puts a lot of thought into each of their outings, and I'm not sure exactly who has more fun, the kids or him.
I can't get Josh and the kids off of my mind as I walk from the parking lot into the medical building, and I think about how quickly my life changed after Josh and I met. We fell in love so fast and so deeply, it almost felt like a dream. He still makes me feel that way. Like I'm living out some impossibly romantic fantasy where the heroine ends up with the most perfect life. Yes, you're a lucky bitch, Samantha Colby Pierce! My subconscious smirks at me, but she's right. I am lucky to have the most wonderful man in the world. And I'm blessed with 2.5 beautiful, healthy children. You couldn't knock the goofy smile off my face with a blowtorch right now.
It was a small challenge at first though, learning to balance work and home. After setting up the art scholarship in Daddy's name, I really wanted to find more ways to support the artistic endeavors of other young people. Starting the foundation just seemed like the natural next step, and I wanted to be involved in every part of running it. But I also wanted to be with the twins. When they were babies, I would work from home. But now that they're in preschool four days a week, I use that time to go to the office. Josh is always going on and on about how I handle the twins and the art foundation without missing a step, but the truth is that I would never be able to if it weren't for his mother.
Olivia has been an absolute angel and an invaluable source of help where the twins are concerned. Their day at preschool only lasts for four hours, so if it weren't for her picking them up at noon I don't know what I'd do. I come home at three in the afternoon each day to find my babies happy and well cared for, and she usually has dinner started to boot! The woman is a saint. But lately I can't help feeling like I'm taking advantage of her. Megan and Karen both have a full-time nanny, even though they both only have one child. Granted, Meg is expecting her second child now, but she's employed a nanny from the beginning. Josh and I never wanted to have a nanny taking care of our children, but now that tiny human number three is on the way, perhaps we should revisit that subject. After all, relying on Olivia all the time isn't really fair to her. I sigh as I push those thoughts aside for now and step through the door of Dr. Lake's office. I'll worry about my childcare issues later. Right now, I have an ultrasound to prep for.
I sign in at the front desk and sit impatiently in the waiting area as I listen to Dolly Parton sing about hardship at Christmas. Glancing at my watch for about the hundredth time, I wonder what's keeping Josh. And I wonder briefly what had him so preoccupied when he got home from work yesterday. He said he'd had a bad day. I wonder if there's some new case that's troubling him.
I'm called into an exam room, and I am undressed and lying on the exam table waiting for Dr. Lake when the door opens and Joshua finally sticks his head in.
“Hey, baby. Sorry I'm late,” he says as he steps in and makes his way to my side.
“Busy morning?”
“Yeah. You could say that.”
He smiles at me, but I can tell that he's still just as preoccupied as he was last night. And at breakfast this morning. It's not like him to keep things from me. Usually, he talks freely to me about his job and the cases they're working. Normally, when he's had a bad day or a difficult case, talking about it seems to help a little. But right now he just seems so frazzled, and it puzzles me.
He takes my hand and leans down to kiss my forehead, just as we hear the soft knock on the door. Dr. Susan Lake steps into the room and greets us, and we get underway. The procedure doesn't last long, and in no time at all we confirm that I'm sixteen weeks pregnant and that it definitely is not twins this time. This news is met with relief from both of us. And Josh smiles at me and lightly squeezes my hand when we hear the baby's healthy heartbeat.
“Do you want to know the sex?” Dr. Lake asks us, and I watch as Josh's bright smile morphs into anxiety. He looks back at me with questioning eyes.
“I'm going to leave it up to you,” I smile at him. “Your call.”
“You don't mind?” he asks softly.
“Nope. You decide.”
He looks back at the doctor. “You can tell already?”
She glances back at the monitor and then at him. “I can tell definitively,” she says. Josh hesitates for a beat and then nods his head, indicating he wants to know. “It's a boy.”
He stares at her in disbelief for a moment, as if he's not sure he heard her correctly. “It's a boy. You're sure?” he asks. Then he looks back at me and says, “Did you tell her to say that?”
I giggle at him as he smiles at me. This is the most genuine I've seen him since yesterday at breakfast, before the weird stress of last night and this morning. “No, I didn't tell her to say that! Congratulations, Daddy. You got your wish,” I say, smiling at him.
He laughs and kisses my hand. And we're both still smiling as we leave the doctor's office hand in hand. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his side as he walks me to the car.
“Well, I'm happy something put a smile on your face,” I say softly as he opens the driver's side door for me.
He sighs as he looks down at me, and he gently caresses my face. “I'm sorry, Sam. I know that I've been quiet and moody since yesterday, but it's nothing for you to worry about. It's just work.”
“Okay,” I say, letting him off the hook. “I'm glad you got your wish.”
He laughs slightly, and I can tell he's relieved. “I got my wish the day you said 'yes,' baby. I love you so much,” he says as he kisses me. “Come on. In you go, back to work.”
I turn and climb into the car, still wearing my goofy, so-in-love-with-my-husband smile as I fasten my seatbelt.
“I'll see you at home. You drive safe,” he instructs as he closes my door. As I back out of my parking space I see him walk over to the unmarked police cruiser, and I blow him a kiss as I pass by. And as I drive back to my office I can't help the growing sense of excitement I feel, knowing that I'm carrying a boy. Somehow knowing his sex makes it more real, and I can stop calling him 'peanut' or 'the baby' and start thinking of a real name. That thought makes me smile.
But my excitement isn't just abou
t little what's his name. It's the holidays in general. I've always loved this time of year. Christmas was something that Daddy always did really well, going to great lengths to manufacture a perfect Norman Rockwell setting for Lucas and me. It was his favorite holiday, and when he first passed away, this was a really difficult time of year for me. Suddenly what used to be a time of great celebration and joy had become full of such sadness and gloom. But all that changed again when Joshua stepped into my life. When we celebrated our first Christmas together, we had been married for about a month, and I was three months pregnant with the twins. It was such a romantic, magical time…
*
I watch the slowly twinkling Christmas tree lights as I sit in Josh's arms, and he softly kisses my neck. I smile looking up into his impossibly blue eyes, and he gently runs a hand over my growing baby bump as he holds my gaze.
“Just think,” he whispers as he smiles at me. “Next Christmas Eve, we'll be putting these two to bed early so that we can assemble toys!”
The light in his eyes is so animated and playful that I can't help but giggle, and he laughs with me. “I hadn't thought of that,” I say softly. And I feel physically unable to wipe the smile off my face. I don't ever remember being this happy before in my entire life. “Wow. Daddy,” I whisper as I lightly poke my finger to his chest and he laughs again, warm and deep, as his arms tighten around me. I love that sound!
“Yeah, that's pretty shocking, huh?” he says. “What about you? Mama!” He smiles at me and I shake my head in amused disbelief. His hand moves from my tummy to my face with a soft caress and his eyes lock onto mine. “Thank you, Samantha,” he whispers.
His voice is so earnest and his gaze is so intense that it takes me by surprise. “What for?” I softly ask.
He hesitates a moment before he answers. “For choosing to love me. For giving me a family.”
“Joshua.” The word is a whispered prayer on my lips before he kisses me, and we make love on the couch in front of the Christmas tree.
*
That is one of my favorite Christmas memories, and my goofy smile only gets bigger as it runs through my head. That was such a wonderful time in our lives when our marriage was new and we were so in love. Like you're not still ridiculously, nauseatingly in love? I roll my eyes at my subconscious, but she's right. And I stroll into the foundation's offices with the slyest of grins on my face.
I get right to work, making up for the lost time this morning. I have so much to do, and with the holiday fast approaching, I'm quickly running out of time. The foundation is planning a New Years Eve gala that will showcase the works of several promising young artists while also helping to raise funds for the local battered women's shelter. This is only the second year for the event, and I'm hoping to turn it into an annual bash. I want it to become one of the can't-miss, social events of the holiday season for Seattle's most prominent art patrons. This year's theme is a black and white ball, and it's being held in the beautiful and spacious Lola Thorne Gallery.
I glance down at my watch and realize that I have just enough time to grab my notes from my desk and to go through my messages before it's time to leave for a scheduled meeting with Lola and the event planner we're working with for the event. Lucky for me the art foundation offices are just half a block away from Lola's Gallery, in easy walking distance. Not at all why I chose this building, but I can't argue that it has made planning this gala a whole lot easier.
There's nothing pressing in my small pile of messages so I am out the door again in minutes. I make the short walk to the gallery and greet Lola with a warm hug. We jump right in and work steadily, going over all the tiny decorating details of the party, and Sasha, the event planner, walks Lola and I through her interpretation of my concept. I've envisioned an elegant affair with tasteful and sophisticated holiday décor, delicious food, and beautiful musical interludes provided by several of the students who are benefiting from the foundation's many art and music programs. It's going to be a grand affair for all of them, and I get more excited with each passing day.
After that meeting ends, Lola and I make our way to a small café across the street for a quick lunch. We chat about the foundation and how things are going at her gallery, and before I know it, it's time to get back to work. I spend the rest of the afternoon in a meeting with our financial director and the program's coordinator going over the foundation's plans for the coming year. And when I finally get back to my office and take a seat at my desk, I am exhausted! Why does pregnancy seem to zap all your energy? Right now, I want nothing more than to go home, kiss my babies, and collapse on the couch for a nice long nap. But I know that won't happen, because when I do get home and kiss my babies, they'll want to play and tell me all about their day. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Then I'll finish up the dinner that I know Olivia has already started preparing as I try and persuade her to stay and join us. Whether she'll agree to eat with us or not is really the only variable.
I smile at the notion that I know exactly how this day is going to play out because that knowledge comforts me. I love the quiet little life that Josh and I have created for ourselves. It may not be typical in the sense that we don't have any of the money worries and financial struggles that a lot of young couples our age do, but we don't live extravagantly either, much to my mother's chagrin. It's simple and it's genuine and it suits us.
I'm still smiling as I gather my things to leave for the day, and my office phone rings. I pick up the receiver with one hand as I'm tucking a file folder into my messenger bag with the other.
“Samantha Colby Pierce,” I say politely. But I hear no one on the other end of the line. “Hello?”
I don't hear a voice, but what I do hear instantly fills me with fear. Music. Creepy, mechanical music, like from a music box, and I shiver as my skin crawls from the base of my spine all the way up to the back of my neck, and an image of a flaming heart tattoo flashes in my mind's eye. I am so startled that I drop the receiver. It hits my desk with a loud clanking thud, and I am paralyzed for a few moments as I stare at it.
This can't be happening. This isn't real. This is not happening! My heart is pounding and I'm unable to speak, or even yell. My brain is too stunned for tears as I quickly push my chair away from my desk with my hands. As I do, I realize that they're shaking. No! This is not happening. This is some mistake, it has to be! With frantic, still trembling hands, I reach for my cellphone on the edge of my desk and hit the speed dial. As always whenever I call him, he answers on the first ring.
“Hi, baby.” His voice is deep and soft and welcoming. I can hear his smile over the phone. And as shaken as I am right now, I'm instantly soothed by his seeming presence.
“Josh?”
“What's wrong, Sam?” he asks, and I can hear the concern in his voice. I don't know how he's able to discern my state of mind from just one uttered word, but he does. It's one of the things that has always fascinated me about him. How he always seems to know when I'm upset or scared or worried, usually without a word from me. Like he has some direct line to my emotions.
“I don't know,” I begin, feeling silly now for having called. I feel even sillier when the office phone begins to beep incessantly, indicating the line is dead and the receiver needs to be hung up.
“What's that noise?” Josh asks.
“It's the phone,” I reply, and I can hear the unshed tears in my voice. “Josh … something just happened. I think …”
“Sam?”
“I think I just got a call from … Timothy Echols.” The fear washes over me anew at the mention of his name.
“What? You got a call from the prison?”
“No, it wasn't from the prison,” I say loudly, trying to explain and growing very flustered. “I mean … I don't know where the call came from but …”
“Baby, calm down for a minute,” Josh says. “Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”
I do as he asks and inhale deeply, allowing the air to fill my lungs bef
ore exhaling slowly. “The phone rang just a few minutes ago. And when I answered it, there was no one there. Just music. Just creepy mechanical music. The same music …”
“Samantha,” Josh's voice is calm and even, but I can tell he's finding it hard to believe me. “Baby, are you sure about what you're saying?”
“Yes, I'm sure! I know what I heard, Josh,” I practically yell.
“Okay, okay. Calm down,” he says soothingly. “I'm assuming you're still at your office, is anyone there with you or has everyone gone for the day?”
“No, Brenda and Tom are still here.”
“Okay. I'm sending Conner over right now to take a statement from you. And I will be there as soon as I can, alright?”
“Alright,” I whisper, feeling anxious.
“Hey,” he says softly, sensing my uneasiness. “I'm across town at a crime scene, but I am leaving right now. I'll be there soon, baby,” he assures me.
“Okay,” I say softly, my anxiety growing by the second. We hang up and I sit at my desk, wringing my hands for a while. Unable to stand the wait, I get up and begin pacing the room like a caged animal as my eyes dart over the artwork on my walls and the pattern on my floor. I hear that music again in my head and it makes me shudder. I have to get out of here.
Walking quickly, I leave my office and make a bee line for the small but well-appointed break room and busy myself making a cup of lavender tea. And as I go about the ritual of heating water in the electric kettle I'm dismayed to find that my hands are still shaking. I try to ignore it as I continue on my task, placing the tea bag into the cup and pouring in the water. I place a stirrer into the cup and hold it in both hands as I inhale the delicate, soothing aroma. I'm carefully carrying my tea back to my office when I'm met with Dave Conner and his new partner standing at my door.
Pierced: Pierced Trilogy Boxed Set Page 93