by Sarah Morgan
It wasn’t just because of that kiss—although admittedly it had been enough to make a girl forget how to stay upright on her own two legs—it was the way he behaved around her. He wasn’t prepared to be frozen out, and he seemed to have no issues with blurring the boundaries between business and pleasure.
Kayla opened her laptop. She wanted to work, but now her head was a mess, her concentration shot and all coherent thought tangled up with images of Jackson.
Trying to focus, she phoned the office and spoke to Stacy.
“I took a look at those activity reports—thanks for that. Any news from the Wexford Hotel Group?” She listened while Stacy updated her, calmed by the familiarity of the routine. “I need to call Howard—I’ll do that from here—and ask Melinda to send me through the timeline, proposal and business deck for the airline pitch. I’ll look at it in a quiet moment.”
“Over the holidays?”
“I’m working.”
“Not right the way through, surely. What about Christmas Day? Do yourself a favor and at least get up close and personal with that gorgeous guy. Find mistletoe if you have to.”
They hadn’t needed mistletoe.
They hadn’t needed anything except each other.
She felt color rush into her cheeks and was relieved she and Stacy weren’t in visual contact. “I would never get involved with someone I work with.”
“Kayla, you work all the time. The only guys you are ever going to meet are people you work with, so unless you plan on leading a celibate life, you’re going to have to cross your own line at some point. Brett wants you to bring back maple syrup. His wife and youngest daughter like it.”
Kayla rolled her eyes. “He can buy it at the store.”
“It’s not the same as homemade in Vermont.”
Homemade in Vermont. She thought about the gingerbread Santas and the smell of baking.
“That’s it. I’m going to use that for our campaign. Homemade in Vermont. It’s all about traditional family values. A place you can share idyllic moments with those you love. Don’t most people want that?”
“Er—you don’t want that.”
“I’m not talking about me.” Kayla felt the familiar rush of excitement that came with ideas, swiftly followed by relief that at least part of her was operating normally. “People lead busy lives. They don’t have enough time for family and they feel guilty about that, and then the holidays come round and they want something that reaffirms their values. Snow Crystal does that. It’s a perfect place for families. We’ll put together some packages. And maybe we should profile the O’Neil family. They’ve built this place, stuck by each other—it’s the sort of story people love.” Her brain working, she strode back across the cabin and scribbled notes on her pad.
“That’s great. Are you having any fun there?”
“Fun?” She thought about the snowmobile ride. She thought about the kiss. “Everything is fine. I need to go. I want to talk to Elizabeth O’Neil about cookery.”
“You don’t know anything about cookery.”
“That’s why I need to talk to someone with knowledge.”
* * *
THE AROMA OF cinnamon and spice hit her as she walked up the snowy path to the front door. From the artful twist of fairy lights in the trees to the elaborate wreath on the door, the place sparkled with Christmas cheer.
Through the door she could hear Elizabeth singing along to Christmas songs. It made her want to run a mile and then she decided she didn’t want to be a woman who could be unsettled by a few twinkly lights and someone’s cheerful rendition of “Jingle Bells.”
Nor did she want to be a woman who was unsettled by one man’s kiss, even if that kiss had been insanely good.
Trying to push that out of her head, Kayla knocked briskly on the door and was greeted by ecstatic barking. Moments later, Elizabeth opened the door and Kayla saw the puppy springing up and down like a child on a trampoline.
“That’s a warm welcome.” Kayla was relieved at least one person in the family wasn’t bearing a grudge. “I wondered if you had time for a chat? But if this is a bad time—”
“It’s a perfect time! Tyler was supposed to be bringing Jess over, but there’s no sign of either of them. Maybe they’ve gone shopping. You know how it is at Christmas.”
Yes, she knew.
That was why she’d agreed to a week here. It was just a shame it wasn’t quite turning out how she’d planned.
She stepped into the hallway, saw boxes of decorations laid ready and tinsel heaped high and backed away like a wild animal sensing danger. “I’m disturbing you.”
“You’re certainly not disturbing me. It’s lovely to have company. I have biscuits in the oven and then we’ll trim the tree together.”
Kayla felt a rush of horror. She’d rather hug a moose than trim the tree. “No! I mean—I’m no good at it. I have no eye for what makes a pretty tree.”
“It will be fun. You’re so much taller than me, you can reach the top. Come through to the kitchen for a minute.” Elizabeth removed several trays of freshly baked cookies, which she quickly and efficiently transferred to a cooling rack.
Kayla tried to work out how she could escape from decorating a Christmas tree without causing offence. “Are you feeding the whole of Vermont?”
“Sometimes it feels that way. We sell them in the café, and we put them in the rooms when we have new guests arriving. I think those little touches make it feel less like a hotel and more like a home. Let’s go through to the living room. I’m waiting for Jackson to bring one more box of decorations from Alice’s attic.”
Kayla followed Elizabeth into the living room, careful not to tread on Maple, who was running happy circles around her feet.
Through the windows she could see past the trees to the lake and, beyond that, the snow-covered mountains. A log fire blazed and a large Christmas tree stood in the corner, waiting to be decorated. Kayla stared at it with an ache in her chest.
“Big tree.”
“Isn’t it a beauty? Tyler and Jackson dragged it from the forest on the sledge.”
Kayla picked out a chair angled away from the tree. Unfortunately that put her in direct line of sight of the mantelpiece with its garland of twisted ivy and delicate fairy lights. Keeping her head down, she pulled her notepad out of her bag. “Do you have time to talk about Snow Crystal?”
“I always have time to talk about Snow Crystal. Walter has taken Alice down to the village to buy more yarn, so Maple and I are on our own here.” Elizabeth carried the boxes in from the hallway and opened one of them. “I pack these away each year and then can’t remember what’s in them. Does that happen to you?”
“I— No. I rent a small apartment near Central Park. There’s barely room for me. I don’t decorate.”
“Not even a small tree? That’s terrible.” Elizabeth opened the first box. “Still, I suppose you have all those glittering New York shop windows to enjoy. Michael took me once. We saw them lighting the Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center. I’ll never forget it, although I still maintain there is nowhere I’d rather be than Snow Crystal at Christmas. You’ll never want to leave.”
She didn’t just want to leave, she wanted to leave right now.
Coming here had been a bad idea.
She’d thought she’d be able to escape, but there was no escape when the thing you were trying to escape was buried inside you.
Kayla’s head was starting to pound. What had possessed her to offer to come here at this time of year? Thanks to that lapse in judgment she now had her back to a giant Christmas tree, while facing a box full of baubles and enough fairy lights to power Sleeping Beauty’s castle.
“Is something wrong, dear?” Elizabeth’s voice was quiet. “Did Walter upset you?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Tell me about Snow Crystal,” Kayla said desperately. “Tell me what makes it special.”
Elizabeth watched her for a moment and then stood up. “Why don’t I make us so
me tea? I could talk for hours about Snow Crystal.”
Hours?
Kayla wasn’t sure she’d make it through minutes let alone hours. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
“I love the company.” Elizabeth disappeared into the kitchen and was back a few minutes later carrying a tray loaded with a teapot, two bone china mugs and a plate of homemade cinnamon stars. “In the morning I drink English breakfast tea and in the afternoon Earl Grey with lemon. They all tease me, but it’s my little British treat. That and HP Sauce and the occasional bar of Cadbury’s chocolate.”
“Do you miss England?”
“I did at first, but not anymore. As soon as I met Michael and had the children, Snow Crystal became home. And I had no family left in England, so I suppose that was another reason why it was easy to leave it behind. But I brought a few traditions with me, and tea is one of those.” The puppy barked hopefully and Elizabeth glanced at Kayla. “Is she bothering you? I can put her somewhere else.”
“No. Don’t do that.” Keen to make a good impression this time, Kayla reached down and gave Maple a hesitant pat. The puppy’s fur was soft and springy under her fingers. “She’s pretty. And so friendly.”
“Did you have a dog when you were growing up?”
“No.” Kayla felt the pressure build in her chest. “No pets. Did you breed her?”
“Jackson found her in the forest when he was out on one of the trails this summer.” Elizabeth set the tray down on the low coffee table. “Someone had left her tied to a tree. Can you believe that?” Her mouth thinned. “She was skin and bones.”
“That’s terrible.” Shocked, Kayla stroked Maple gently. “So you kept her?”
“There was no way we’d let her go to the pound, so we gave her a home. But it hasn’t been easy. She’s a miniature poodle and we have two Siberian huskies, Ash and Luna, and they play rough. Maple gets in the middle of that.”
“I haven’t met your other dogs.”
“They’re living with Tyler at the moment. It’s good for Jess to have them around.” Elizabeth picked up the teapot and glanced up. “Maple was a bit overexcited last night. I’m worried she ruined your shoes.”
Kayla thought about the combined destructive power of paws and snow. “It was my fault for wearing unsuitable shoes.”
“They were the prettiest shoes any of us had seen around here for a while.” Elizabeth poured tea into the two china cups. “Now what do you want to know about Snow Crystal?” She was kind, warm and accepting, and Kayla felt a rush of guilt.
“I want to apologize for last night.”
“If anyone needs to apologize, it’s Walter.”
“No. I talked about things that didn’t interest you and didn’t seem relevant and—well, I was rude.” And it bothered her. Both the loss of control and the fact she’d offended them.
“You weren’t rude.” Elizabeth spooned sugar into her cup. “You were overwhelmed, and who can blame you. I remember the first time I met the O’Neils. It was like being buried by an avalanche. There were twelve of them sitting in the kitchen the night Michael brought me home. Twelve, not counting animals, all talking at once and not one of them stopping to listen to another, although somehow they seemed to manage to hear what was said anyway. I just wasn’t used to it. I’m guessing you’re not used to it, either. You’re used to order and shiny meeting rooms and suited executives. We’re nothing like your usual clients—I’m sure of that.”
Kayla thought of Jackson. Thought of those strong hands controlling the snowmobile through the deep snow. She thought about his powerful shoulders and the warmth of his mouth as he’d kissed her.
No, he was nothing like her usual clients.
Her heart thumped against her ribs, and she glanced around the living room, trying to distract herself.
The afternoon sun slanted through the large windows, bouncing light off photo frames. Deep sofas piled with cushions in earth tones faced each other across a large cream rug. It was a room that had seen a family grow. A room with a thousand stories to tell. The slight scuff on the leg of a chair where an active boy had smashed into it, the rug slightly worn by eager feet. It was a family room, comfortable and comforting. Except that it didn’t comfort her.
Kayla felt the ache build inside her. “You came here to cook?”
“It was meant to be just for the winter season.” Elizabeth sipped her tea. “I’d finished a course in Paris. Learned to make so many fancy dishes. Michael always said the day he tasted my braised lamb shanks, he was lost.” Smiling, she put the cup down. “He ate his way through the menu so he could have an excuse to talk to me. By the time he reached the last dessert we were in love. We were engaged after two weeks and I did all the cooking for our wedding.”
“Two weeks?” Kayla blinked. “That’s fast.”
“I’ve never understood people who have long engagements. If you know, why wait? And I knew. Michael and I connected straightaway. Losing him was a shocking blow.” Her eyes misted, and Kayla sat there feeling awkward and inadequate.
She knew nothing about the type of love Elizabeth had felt for her husband, but she knew how it felt to have your life irrevocably altered.
“It must be difficult for you, learning to live without him.”
“I miss him every minute of every day. I don’t talk about it much because I know Jackson worries about me, and he has enough to worry about.” She picked up her cup again, as poised and elegant as if she was indulging in tea at the Ritz in London. “But I’m glad to be living here. I feel close to Michael and it’s the same for Walter and Alice, of course. I have no idea how it would feel to have to leave this place—” Her eyes shone a little too brightly and Kayla sat still, staring hard into her tea because she knew.
She knew how it felt to lose a home.
She knew how it felt to be forced to move from somewhere safe and familiar. To have your roots wrenched from the ground so violently that only the scars remained.
And suddenly she understood why Jackson had come home. A man like him, with strong family values, would do that no matter what the cost to his own dreams and ambitions. It was about so much more than saving an ailing family business. It was about saving the memories for his mother and grandparents. Saving the jobs of people he’d known all his life. Saving the home he grew up in and the place he loved.
“I can help.” She was surprised by how badly she wanted to. Surprised to discover the desire to help had nothing to do with personal ambition. “You need more people through your doors, sleeping in your beds and eating in the restaurant. More people need to know about Snow Crystal. That’s what I do. I can put together a campaign that raises the profile of the resort.”
“That’s why Jackson brought you here, and I’ve never questioned his judgment.”
“Why did he leave? Why not just stay and run Snow Crystal right from the start?” She told herself that information on Jackson O’Neil was necessary for her job. It wasn’t because she had a personal interest and it definitely wasn’t because of the kiss.
“Michael would have liked him to stay, but Walter didn’t want him here. They clashed over it. Jackson found himself in the middle of that for a while, and then he went off to college and found his own path.” Elizabeth set a pretty china plate in front of Kayla. “It was the right thing to do. If he’d stayed here he never would have found out how high he could fly. And he flew high, as I always knew he would.”
Kayla heard the pride in her voice and wondered how it felt to be on the receiving end of that sort of love.
She’d given up telling either of her parents about her promotions and successes. Given up hoping they might be interested in anything she did.
“His father wanted him to stay?”
“Yes, but I think that was probably for selfish reasons,” Elizabeth admitted quietly. “Michael didn’t enjoy running this place. And Jackson was right to go. If he’d stayed, his wings would have been clipped by his father and his grandfather a
nd those wings would have torn in the struggling.”
The vivid imagery made Kayla wince. “Ouch.”
“Eventually he might have resented them for holding him back, for standing in the way of him proving himself. He didn’t want something that someone else had created. He wanted to create something himself. He needed that.” Elizabeth passed Kayla a cookie. “They’re my cinnamon stars. At Christmas we package them up in pretty packages tied with bows. Try one.”
Kayla obliged, wondering if cooking was how Elizabeth filled the loneliness.
“Walter doesn’t agree with the changes Jackson has made?”
“Walter doesn’t understand why we would spend money when we’re losing it.” Elizabeth picked up a box of decorations. “I suppose I don’t understand that, either. But I trust Jackson. I need to sort through these decorations. Some of them need tender loving care. Some just won’t survive another year. Could you look through this one?” She pushed a box toward Kayla, who took it with all the enthusiasm of someone being passed a box of tarantulas.
It was just a few Christmas decorations. She could sort a few Christmas decorations without having a breakdown, surely?
Elizabeth smiled. “Why don’t you start hanging those.”
Kayla’s mouth felt dry. “You want me to hang them?”
“Of course. If you’re here with us over the holidays, the least we can do is let you share in our Christmas. I expect you have your own Christmas rituals. All families do.”
Kayla gripped the box. “We had a few.”
Put your stocking by the fire, Kayla. Let’s see what surprise Santa brings you.
There was a hollow, empty feeling in her stomach. She recognized the feeling because she’d lived with it for such a long time.
Loneliness could be felt at any time, of course, but there was something exquisitely painful about the loneliness that came along with Christmas.
She lifted a decoration from the box and stared at it.
A moment later it was gently removed from her hand.
“You don’t like this time of year, do you, dear?”
It embarrassed and frustrated her that she still felt this way. That she hadn’t been able to put the past behind her and find the same joy in the holiday season that so many others did. “I find it difficult.”